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[[Image:Byebyeblargh.jpg]]
{{Banned|turning every article he touched into [[unfunny]] like some kind of retarded King Midas}}

<i>See [[moar]] at: [[BLARGH IS NOW A MEME]].</i>

Some quotes by Blargh:

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So I met this girl who worked at starbucks, and I worked up the courage to ask her on a date after a couple of conversations at the register. She was a month older than me but I didn’t really care, as she was fun to be around. So we took a walk along the beach, and we kissed in the pale moonlight. A full moon shone in the sky; it was really romantic. We started really getting into it, and she slowly unzips my jeans then reaches inside and starts kissing her way down my chest. She finally gets all the way down, looks up at me with the most seductive eyes I’ve ever seen and says, “No thanks, I had Reese’s for breakfast.”

I’m like, “No way, you had candy for breakfast?”

She replies, “Not candy! Reese’s puffs cereal!”

So she sliiiiides me a bowl. I crunch into it and WHAM! My mouth goes crazy! That smooth combo of peanut butter and chocolatey taste attacking my taste buds! She zips my pants back up and says, “And it’s part of this complete breakfast!”
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I’d say its been eight or nine years since the last time I rammed a stick of butter up my ass while jerking off and fingering my asshole. I did it because it felt really good but that’s not the point of this story. I want to tell you of the events proceeding this fateful masturbation.

I’m sitting there watching ''The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air'' and around 15 minutes go by and I feel a sticky wetness on my ass cheeks and ballsack. This is when I realized that the butter I had shoved up my asshole had melted and leaked out onto my couch and it had a very distinct putrid stench to it. It had mixed with my shit to create something far worse than shit. It was probably the worst thing I’ve smelt in all my life. It actually smelt many times worse than the time I had stuck a pickle up my asshole and forgot about until the morning after.

While standing there taking in this wonderfully putrid smell I realize that I cannot be the only one to smell this. So I walked quickly upstairs with my ass cheeks clenched, not wanting to spill a drop of my shit butter. I pull out from my sock drawer a heavy woolen sock and unload the contents of my asshole into it. I thought the smell was bad before. I now had the urge to do a barrel roll out my window to escape the horrid odor. I quickly tied the top of the sock and left my house.

As I walked down the street a brownish-yellow liquid slowly dripped from the bottom of the sock. The neighborhood kids became very curious as to what was going on, and as they approached they caught a whiff of the putrid smell emanating from the sock. This is when Joanna, my neighbor’s [[13-year-old girl|thirteen-year-old daughter]], vomited what looked like a freshly eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwich all over the street. I nearly came in my pants at that moment. I had the sickest hard on. In fact, the only thing keeping me from raping Joanna while she lay in a pool of her own vomit was my sock full of shit butter. I knew I had something to do and I was damn sure going to do it. I kept walking.

I finally made it to my local grocery store. An epic journey it had been. Every asshole in the vicinity could smell the putrid odor but nobody knew where it came from. I can still hear them in my mind.

“What the fuck is that smell?”

“This smell is so bad, I think I am going to kill myself with a hammer,” one man said.

I even saw a fellow depraved maniac in the corner of my eye. I could tell because he had the same smile that I did. He was laughing with the same glee. I’m sure he’s raped a severely mentally challenged child in his lifetime. I know I have.

That’s when I saw him. The old nigger who sat in front of ShopRite, saying hello to every asshole strolling by. I fucking hated this man. I couldn’t tell you why. I just hated him. He could smell my shit butter. I could tell because he was gasping for air. I quickly approached him, thinking, “This will be the greatest day of my life. Nothing could stop me now.” This is when I felt a sudden burst. I realized later that I had shot a load off in my pants right at that moment.

I was at arms length from the nigger now. I clenched the sock tight with both hands and swung it at the nigger’s face with all my might. I hit him in the cheek with such force that the brownish liquid had sprayed out all over his face. He immediately threw up. I sat back laughing as he washed out his eyes with bottled water. He asked “Why?,” and I responded by dumping the rest of the sock’s contents on his head. Truly, I did it for the lulz.

While everybody was distracted, I walked into ShopRite and quickly shoved as many apples as I could up my ass. It was four. I left ShopRite with the most satisfaction I have ever felt in my life. I remember thinking, “Wow, I’m such a great person; I get four free apples, and I get to go home and jerk off to CP.”

When I think back on that day, I can always remember how sweet those apples tasted. Nothing sweeter.






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