Suburbs
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
The Suburbs, also known as "suburbia" or "the burbs", is an assembly-line built housing community that one day everyone will live in. In the outskirts of cities suburbs grow rapidly like a spreading cancer on the landscape devouring resources, farmland, and hope along the way. The suburban community consists of a specific ratio:
Per 10,000 identical houses, with identical soccer moms, who drive identical minivans and have identical kids named Jason and Jenniferrrrr, there are:
- 15 Wal-Marts
- 20 Strip Malls
- 30 Synagogues
- 50 Gas stations
- 200 DNC offices
- At least 100 7-11 outlets
- Over 9000 fast food restaurants
- And a partri~dge in a pear tre~e!
Spoiled Shits
All families from the suburbs are fairly rich folks and have at least two SUVs per child they have, as well as both parents who work. Suburbs create many problems starting with the children who are spoiled beyond all belief with the massive amount of income generated by both parents. Since the parents put their jobs and plans for that new Hummer that needs to fill the eighth empty garage spot first, the children are left at home with the T.V on to act as a babysitter. With the combination of watching such mindfucking garbage as MTV as well as having unmoderated access to the internets, the kids will turn into some of the worst scum of society.
The boys will turn into dumbass wiggers who can't speak a word coherent English, and the girls will turn into slutty dressing prostatots who pull all sorts of stupid shit thanks to sites like Livejournal, MySpace and DeviantART. All this violently stupid behavior goes unpunished because society now believes that discipline and a good spanking is child abuse, so drugging them with Ritalin for the hyper, and Paxil for the emo is the more "humane" solution. Suburbs are only second to the Deep South in terms of inbreeding. There is no medication for that though and instead it is accepted as another liberal alternative lifestyle based in the tenets peace and love.
Destruction of Society
Due to such long ways out of the communities and lack of proper transit everyone must have a car, making suburbs are the biggest cause of traffic in cities, pollution, and SUV rollover fatalities. Another problem is since everyone eats fast food, everyone will eventually become fat and have diabeetus. One day which is estimated in about a few years, society will come crashing down when the spoiled little fucktards who lived on their parents dime for all their lives, will have to get work to support themselves and their should-have-been-aborted offspring when their parents die. The parents were the last generation without the instant gratification of the internets which actually made them able to focus and gain their successful careers instead of ignoring schoolwork to check the latest message they got on Facebook.
Further apocalypse will result from all the CO2 emissions from SUVs causing global warming to melt the ice caps and flood the Earth. With these waters combining with trillion tons of garbage created by fast food outlets; the streets will flow with filth and cause global AIDS. We can only hope the Ruskies nuke all the suburbs before that can happen.
