Reputation Defender
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| WARNING: This article contains SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS. You can help by minimizing the life-ruining effects. |
Reputation Defender is a lulz removing service used by lol-cows. These scam artists take your IRL money and promise they can remove internet information. What? Internet assholes of the highest order, they brag to the media that they send threatening legal letters to websites to remove material - knowing full well they have no basis. Founded by Lawlschool drop-out, delusional douchebag, and noted homosexual meth-addict Michael Fertik's Reputation Defender promises to "DESTROY" e-drama. However, this is impossible as it violates the Second Lawl of Internets Drama-Dynamics: Drama in the E-Universe is always increasing.
Reassuring empirical evidence of the Second Lawl is quickly surmised by reviewing the results of various high-profile Reputation Defender clients...
Contents |
Client Profiles
Reputation Defender's clients include LOLcows (who feel entitled to nothing but hosannas from google) or crooks (who use RD to cover news reports of their fraud). Here are some of RD's former clients ...and the ways they got milked for ca$h and greater LULZ:
"Headless" Nicole Catsouras
Backstory: The full backstory on Nicole Catsouras is ugly:
For teh LULZ, a cop leaked photos of the awesome bloody mess to teh internets. Teh pictures soon popped up fucking everywhere.
A job for R-r-r-r-r-r-r-eputation Defender-r-r-r-r-r! Dumbass CEO Michael Fertik approached the Catsouras family with an idea: he would farm out the family for interviews, thus milking the fools of free publicity. In exchange, Fertik promised to nuke the offending pictures from the 'net.
Result: EPIC FAIL. Fertik's shitty company hit the wall harder than the bitch whose family he'd swindled.
| —--Michael Fertik, CEO of Reputation Defender, after fucking up the Catsouras case |
No shit, Sherlock! Welcome to the fucking INTERNET!
The quest for moar money: Reputation Defender has set up a website asking the internet at large to help remove the fappable pics of Nikki from the face of the internets, much like Nikki's face was ripped from her body. This web site comes complete with a guestbook and a form that allows people to rat out sites that have said photos.
| —Profit man, supportnikki.org guestbook |
"Client Number 215" Ronnie Segev
Backstory: Ronnie Segev was pissed off. Priceline charged him for a ticket he didn't buy. So he called for a refund. They told him to fuck off. He called again. They told him to fuck off. So...you get the picture. 215 calls later, the company called the NYPD. Hilarity ensued.
Needless to say, such press doesn't look good on one's google search-results...
A job for R-r-r-r-r-r-r-eputation Defender-r-r-r-r-r! Methed up CEO Michael Fertik told Segev he could erase news of Segev's crime and arrest...by sending websites a letter begging them to take the hilarious shit down. Reputation Defender also tried to whitewash Segev's Wikipedia page.
| —--Michael Fertik, revealing the secret behind his company's fails |
Result: LULZ! Pretty much every website receiving the letter told Fertik to go fuck himself or to "eat a dick" One webmaster had the LULZy balls to tell Fertik to fuck himself on national television.
Oh, and poor little Ronnie? His OCD-driven blowup still appears on page 1 of his google results.
Well done, Reputation Defender!
"Sex Obsessed Cougar" Salina Rahim
| —--Michael Fertik, describing his client, Salina Rahim |
Backstory: The facts are rather boring on this one: she kicked some dude to the curb, so he set up a muy caliente MySpace profile of her, replete with streaming video and steamy blogs.
Result: Reputation Defender came to the rescue and, after milking Salina Rahim for free publicity, had MySpace remove the site. Now, Rahim can sleep soundly (before her hookup kicks her skanky ass out of bed, of course) since now she knows that NO ONE will EVER write about her on the internets again! Well done, Reputation Defender!
"Lying Bitch" Brittan Heller "Big Tittied" Heide Iravani
Backstory: Jesus, where you do start with THESE two (or three if the tits distract you)? Iravani and Heller retained Reputation Defender because of online posts they deemed damaging to their reputations. Iravani was smart enough to get into Yale, but too dumb to realize that if you wear boob-hugging outfits, people are gonna talk! Heller was upset that people had figured out she was a stupid bitch.
A job for R-r-r-r-r-r-r-eputation Defender-r-r-r-r-r! You know the drill: sleazy Michael Fertik wormed his way into Heller and Iravani's good graces with a promise: let me pimp you out to some news networks, and I'll get those dastardly bad links nuked from the web!
Result: Can you say "boomerang"? The troll community at AutoAdmit was not pleased by the attention.
The blowback was vicious. AutoAdmit trolls dug up the fact that Heide Iravani's father, Kazem Iravani, was a convicted felon for embezzlement (and a fugitive from justice, to boot). One conscientious XO member, lonelyvirgin, decided a Public Service Announcement was in order; so he emailed the entire fucking staff at Yale Law School concerning the Iravani family secret:
Use scrollbar to see the full image
As for Heller, she fared a little better. No longer does the first page of her google-result blair that she's a STUPID BITCH. Instead, the first entry of her google-result only proclaims her a LYING BITCH. Good work, Reputation Defender!
"Child Torturer" Sue Scheff
For MOAR on Sue Scheff, and Reputation Defender spammed the 'net with blogster crap to cover up Scheff's incompetence, ruining of lives, and lawsuits against her, see here or here or here or here. Have fun!
Bottom line: Michael Fertik doesn't much care whether his clients are accessories to child abuse--just so long as he can keep using his clients to milk that free publicity.
| —--Michael Fertik, rationalizing why he has no scruples about spamming google with false crap |
Well Done, Reputation Defender!
See Also
External Links
- www.ReputationDefender.com
- Slashvertisement
- BillX
- Article mentioning Reputation Defender from Reader's Digest
