Half-life

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Jean-Luc Godard, the star of Half-Life.

Gabe Newell, creator of Half-Life. Need we say more?

When Jean-Luc manages to get lupus, House often takes on the burden of covering for him, and memorizing the many lines spoken throughout the game.

Half-Life, a term used to describe a first person shooter computer game, as well as the amount of life the basement dwelling nerds who play it constantly often possess. Also, how long it'll take for that radioactive sludge to degrade into half. A first person shooter that for some reason stars film director Jean-luc Godard. The Half-Life games are universally regarded as the second best first-person shooting game ever, despite being repetitive, linear, overblown and almost as bad as Halo.

In this, the player takes control of Jean-luc, who plays a personality-free bespectacled physicist called Gordon who works in some lab in the desert. After accidentally pushing a shopping trolley into a laser beam, Gordon fucks up the lab, steals a special robotic battle suit and kills hundreds of soldiers and innocent aliens.

This appeals to video game nerds because they too are glasses-wearing, socially retarded fuck-ups and it doesn't take too big a leap of their atrophied imaginations to see themselves running around the Black Mesa laboratories getting to massacre hundreds of people without their mothers grounding them.

It also appeals to twitchy, Call of Duty-playing, college fratboy sipping amphetamine pumped mountain dew type jocks because of it's simple representation of science in the only way they have the brain capacity to understand: ultimately, pushing a fucking cart.

In the sequel, Gordon proves improbably attractive to a hot gurl, thus increasing the loser appeal of the game tenfold, in a faux-Orwellian dystopian hellscape. That is the extent of the story, which proponents of the game seem to think is deep, even if there really isn't any character development, plot, or point. Apparently "deep story" means "potentially cool setting that nobody bothered to put a real story in." The whole reason the game exists is so the designers can show off their physics engine, which was cool at least 100 years ago, but now is boring as fuck. There are also parts where you drive vehicles that are as fun as getting your face chewed off by Nancy Cartwright's clam-cunt.

Both games have an online version called Counter-Strike. Beating someone at this is the Internets version of bustin' a cap in some Opie's ass, yo.

Teh Gman

The Gman is ultimately, the koolest kid evar. He has the ability to shift through time and space, influencing every event that goes on in the mothafucking universe. He is like g0d in a way, except instead of a robe, he wears a shitty value village suit. Around 9000 years ago, had a meeting with santa himself, and when asked why he was letting that fuckwit freeman run around, he replied extravagantly, my good sir, for what other reason mankind do anything, other than to generate the life energy known as Lulz . He is rumored to be at Xenus house right now, discussing menage et toi over an intricate game of backgammon, while enjoying the finest of treats, chunks of spotted fetusdick.