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[[Image:penis_aardvark.jpg|thumb|[[User:Blu Aardvark|Common example]] of a closet furry.]]
For some sick reason, [[furries]] generally accept their ''mildly'' perverted urges to fuck 40 year old [[basement dweller]]s in fox suits; that's an accepted fact. But what do you get when the furry in question doesn't want his [[acne]]-afflicted [[faggot]] [[D&D]] playing friends to know?

==What is a Closet Furry?==
[[Image:KrystalPowerIsYours.png|left|90px]]
A '''closet furry''' is, quite simply, a [[furfag]] who is ashamed — and rightly so — of being a sick [[cunt]]. He'll hide in his dark, fecal-smelling basement, fapping to [[Fchan]] and rolling in his own excrement like a common cur. Chances are that they also [[cut]], and are consequently an [[emo]] faggot contemplating their next anthro [[MCR|Waycest]] fanfic.  They will, when accused of being a furry, with all sincerity [[denial|deny]] their [[bestiality|sexuality]] but will promptly download — and fap to — infamous bestiality videos such as [[Mr. Hands]].
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==Common Traits of Closet Furries==
[[Image:Simply ghastly.gif|thumb|Closet furries also include those who [[User:Simply_Ghastly|name their Internet pseudonym after a Pokémon]].]]
[[Image:Foxbunny.jpg|thumb|[[Lie|Not furries]].]]
If any of these conditions are met, the individual in question is a fucking [[furfag]], and should be [[castrate]]d and skinned alive.
*If their [[dog]]/[[cat]]/[[plushie]]/[[mudkip]] has an [[asshole]] the size of a small city
*If they have [[WikiFur]] in their browser history
*If the individual in question has some sort of [[fursuit|unexplainable wardrobe malfunction]]
*If they send you self-contradicting [[MySpace]] messages:
[[Image:furry_confession.JPG|center|frame|Another trait of closet furries; [[User:Simply_Ghastly|Simply_Ghastly]] discussing his [[furry|furfaggotry]] with [[Bullshit|a friend]]]]


===The Cat Excuse===
A common fursona ploy is using a cat in their name. There, people can say that they're furries to their [[yiff]]-mate(s), but then claim they're just fans of [[lolcat]]s to others. For example, [[Wikipedia:User:SmokeyTheCat|SmokeyTheCat]] on [[TOW]] is known as the biggest [[furfag]] ever. SmokeyTheCat, however, has no relation at all to [[SchmuckyTheCat]], who is not a furry.

===The Freudian Slip===
Some closet furries reveal themselves through Freudian slips. [[Blu Aardvark]], for example, had an uncontrollable urge to say his [[fursona]] "aardvark" all the time.

==What to do if [[You]] are a Closet Furry==
#[[DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING]]
#[[DO IT FAGGOT|Kill yourself]]

==Suspected Closet Furries==
[[Image:How_much_a_furry.jpg|thumb|right|This graph determines if someone with a cat persona is a closet fur.]]
*[[User:Bigblackspook|Bigblackspook]]
*[[Blu Aardvark]] — ''not a furry?''
*[[btard]]s
*[http://gov.idaho.gov Butch Otter]
*[[Chris-chan]] — the evidence is there
*[[Danedinodance]] — ''come on guize, totally not a furry''
*[[Degen]]
*[[GreenRaeper]] — ''officially denies being a furry''
*[[Hitler]]
*[[Jeremy Bernal]] -- claims to just be doing it to make money as well
*[[Lucky Coyote]] — ''"I'm just doing this to make money! I'm not a furry at all!"''
*[[Marukomuru]]
*[[User:Meowy|Meowy]]
*[[User:Miltopia|Miltopia]]
*[[Nazi]]s
*[[Metal Gear Solid|Otacon]] — ''We really know the [[weaboo|otaku]] obsession is just a mask at his closed furfagness''
*[[User:RoyalShitbrick|RoyalShitbrick]]
*[[Sheneequa]] — ''idling in [[wikifur]] [[irc]]''
*[[User:Simply_Ghastly|Simply_Ghastly]] — ''is most definitely NOT a furry; he only draws furotica and [[LOL WUT|faps to it in a NON-SEXUAL MANNER]]''
*[[SpleeNfat]] — ''In spite of claiming his opposition to be furfags, he's also defended his own furfag friends''
*[[Stalin]]
*[[W]]

{{furfaggotry}}

[[Category:Faggotry]][[Category:Furries]]