Allan
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Allan, also known as Lupine Assassin (aka Wolf God Of Sex aka Dr. Enthusiasm aka Scorpio Wolf aka Wonderboy), is/was a middle-age jewish zoophile furfag and basement dweller with no life whatsoever who on March 1, 2009, was banned from furry after he became homeless. Previously he had gained notoriety in the "fandom" for commissioning an ungodly number of pictures, then turning around and begging for money AGAIN.
Contents |
The life-time achievements of Allan
The furry "fandom" was his entire life, literally. And now he's cast away, 37, all alone in the middle of New York City, no friends, no family, no job, no home, no skills, no money, no internet - with nothing but his laptop, $2, 7 suitcases of shit and 415 completely worthless "artworks" (all depicting his "fursona"). He has the honor of being a massive lolcow and being laughed at even by the other furries (losers, although not on the same level as Allan). But these two achievements are unlikely to help him survive in the streets.
Commissions were paid by Allan with the money he earned by begging the other furfags over the Internets while living with his mother; Allan never held a job in his life. Once his "bills" were paid by gullible furfags who throw money at his paypal address, he would delete his beggar journals and repost the commissions. According to one count, this has cost his almost equally retarded benefactors anywhere between $2,000 and $16,000.
Banned from RL and the Internets
The last known words written by Allan before he was banned from FurAffinity (where since April 2006, he had 1,377 submissions, gave 17,644 comments, and accumulated a whooping 68,947 favorites) were:
This was followed by "GO FUCK YOURSELF" in the answer to the advice he should head for the homeless shelter, after which he was b&. Allan's current status since then is unknown (he may be dead or alive, no one knows or cares). Unfortunately, the epic journal post was deleted after it received over 1,000 lulzy comments in 2 days.
lol archive Only 600 of the 1000 posts, but a good taste of the lulz that insued.
BREAKING NEWS
Allan has apparently returned to FurAffinity under the username "distraughtsuffering", and posted this journal:
He was quickly rebanned and the journal was deleted (but not before he received much love hate).
EVEN MORE BREAKING NEWS
This guy must have the worst luck in the world or needs sympathy to survive.
He must be wearing a sign that says "I AM ALLAN - STEAL STUFF FROM ME" on his back or something.
AND EVEN MORE BREAKING NEWS
Due to Allan creating the distraughtsuffering account, in a stunning turn of events, Dragoneer, around April Fools' Day, used his mighty banhammer and swung it one last time, this time at Allan's page, changing the ADMINISTRATOR NOTICE to read "User has been perma-banned from Fur Affinity", to the much chagrin of all of the Allan haters.
THIS IS NOT A TEST. THIS IS NOT AN APRIL FOOLS' JOKE.
BREAKING NEWS, PART 4
Allan creates another account "8543430", Dragoneer calls him on it, leaves him a nice shout, then uses his banhammer again and bans Allan for the third time.
It has been rumored that Allan has created a fourth account, but it hasn't been found... YET.
That is all. We now return you to your regularly scheduled program...
MAMBO NUMBER 5
Allan now has a job with the US Army! He quickly moved out of the hellhole known as the shelter and is now at an undisclosed location.
PRIVATE ALLAN, TEN-HUT!
(UPDATE 05/14/09)
According to his MySpace:
"Yep!! I will be shipping out to Ft. Benning, Georgia in a few days for Basic & Infantry Training. I'm very nervous over the whole thing, but I feel everything will be alright from here on in. WISH ME LUCK!!"
In his own words
How I started my journey down the den of iniquity.... (also see comments from the other sick fucks there)
Examples of commissions
 Furry hobo cannibal adventures. |
|||
 "You are all my family. I love you." |
 Thx for your money, guys. |
 lol |
External links
Homeless Assassin (allegedly a chat log with Allan regarding his future plans)Bawleeted.- Lupine Assassin on WikiFur
- His MySpace
- His Twitter
- His deviantART
- His AIM: funlovingwolf
 |
Allan is part of a series on Furfaggotry |
| Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage. |
