Poland
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Poland is a swamp in Russia inhabited by teh tribe of teh Polish plumbers. It will always be the Mexico of Europe, and is widely known for its superior tits and steroids (unfortunately these "superior tits" are mounted almost exclusively on rat faced flat butted atrocities). Polish girls are second only to Swedish in hawtness but with the disadvantage of not being blonde, while still possessing comparable mental capacity. The nation is known as a buffer zone between good and evil, referring to the neighboring nations of Germany and Russia. Poland is also well known for its shape shifting. Throughout the last thousand years its borders have changed frequently as it's been pwned repeatedly by surrounding nations, and due to severe butthurt disappeared off the face of the earth for almost 200 years. Poland has always been best friends with Germany and Russia. In 1939 Germany helped Poland get rid of its retards, handicapped, gypsies, homosexuals, and Jews. This initiative was at first welcomed, until they realised that most Polacks qualify as clinically retarded. Currently Poland is looking forward to host the Polish triathlon Euro Cup 2012 in Germany or Great Britain.
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Overview
For most of its unremarkable history Poland existed as a fairly large, peaceful nation, occasionally licking Russian, Tatar, Scandinavian, and German ass. Poland was known for its bad judgement in accepting people of all kinds, even the Irish and the Jews were allowed to settle on Polish lands. They all fucked one another like there was no tomorrow and produced beautiful blue- eyed babies; time then turning these darling little bundles of angelic Aryanicity into the more familiar low-browed, bloodshot-eyed, metal-mouthed, varicosed lard mountains that now grace every bargain store west of Berlin.
So Germany - overrun by fugly, smartarsed Jews and fugly, shit-thick Frauleins - became jealous and wanted in on all the fun. Invading Polackistan with Panzers only slightly less fragile than the indigenous blart, ze Germans triggered the raid known to oldgfags as "World War II" and all so they could adopt those beautiful blond, blue eyed babies, kill the fugly Jews and leave the remains of the lumpen-Lebensraumer locals to kill each other off fighting over the last of the cabbages (the winnar, in an appalling example of troll's remorse, later being made Pope). Without the Jews raping and jewing the nation's industry, currency, government, infrastructure, and all the other things of civilized life, Poland instead chose to become an Hero by bending over and opening up for Big Brother. Since replacing the Kremlin with the Vatican and joining the European Union, Poland's primary exports are now Meth, plasterers and Visa whores.
Thus there are, unsurprisingly, few Polish people now left in Poland. The least-retarded fucked off to America 9000 years ago; the rest of this proud nation of illiterate, superstitious, bigoted, alcoholics now prefer mooching off Britain with it's fantastic economy and bone idle natives.
Tourism
Poland is a popular tourist spot, especially among the Germans, who have been visiting it regularly for over 9,000 years, usually choosing to stay for at least 100 years. Renowned German painter and philosopher Adolf Hitler loved the country so much that he built a concrete summer cottage and several summer camps there. However, the cottage was vandalized in 1945 by drunken Russians, and all the camps except for one were destroyed by drunken British tourists, who were so bombed on Polish vodka that they bombed the camps for major lulz. The one surviving camp was turned into a boring, gloomy museum, which, because of its gloominess, is now a big hit with Jewish tourists where Stiwen Szpilberg shot "The Schindler's List".
Michael Jackson wanted to build a nightmare theme park ("Michael Jackson's Wonderland") in Poland, but dropped dead after overdosing on Propofol, Xanax, Valium, Klonopin, Midazolam, Vicodin, OxyCodone, Dilaudid, Glue, Pre-Pubescent Boy's Sperm, Dr. Murray, Cock, White Skin, Debbie, More Young Boys, and Crack. Pedo Bear apparently still wants to buy a castle in Poland and live there.
Polish Military
The Polish Air Force is in possession of 200 assault kites and 5 parachutes. Poland also acquired 100 brand new F-16 jet fighters but only half of them made it to Poland (rest sank in the ocean), the second half has been stolen right after touchdown in Poland.
The Polish Land Forces are an extinct species that has been erased from our planet during World Wars Episode II: Poland getting owned by Soviets and Nazis. However, Polish Underground continued blowing up train lines and hiding in the woods until 1995, not having found out earlier that World War II was already over.
The Polish Navy is one of the most feared navies in the world, with its fleet of 9,001 screendoor submarines, it is considered unbeatable. Polish navy men are no longer given the option to be buried at sea due to the high loss of life involved in digging the graves.
Religion
Poland used to be 90% Catholic until last Thursday, when the polackticians changed the tax laws, so that everyone who declared being religious had to pay 0.2% of their tax to support that religious institution. Since then, Poland is 3% Catholic, 8% Mormon and 100% Moron
The previous version of the Pope was made in Poland. John Paul II (real name: Szczebrzeszyniarz Brzeczyszczyczmoszyski) became a face many successful meme images and after a while, JP v2.0 gave up his job to his Nazi lover, Darth Benedict.
Sports
The most popular sport in Poland is the Polish triathlon which includes going to the public pool on foot and returning home by bike.
Geography
Poland is so poor that it has no geography.
Demographics
As of a 2007 census, there are 11.7 million Polish plumbers living in England. 38,860,000 in Poland. 10,024,711 in the USA. And about another 10 million in the rest of Europe.
Polack "Jokes"
It is a common misconception that "jokes" about Polish people were invented by the Nazis as propaganda. Research has shown that most Polish jokes have a basis in historical truth, and the reason so many were spread by the Soviet Union and Nazi Germany was simply because they had the most experience in dealing with Polacks. These "jokes" are in fact a treasured part of Polish oral tradition, literature and history. The stories have been passed down from grandparents to children over hundreds of years, and few people inside Poland are capable of understanding what's so funny about them.
Polish Trivia
- The Germans invaded Poland so quickly because Poland was on vacation and only the Jews were "home". <- Polish propaganda. Fact is the Nazis walked into the country backwards, so all the Polacks thought they were leaving.
- According to Polish trolls German astronomer Nicolaus Copernicus and French composer Fryderyk Chopin were Polish plumbers, but in fact only notbale Polish plumbers in historu were Unabomber and Polish national hero Steven Kazmierczak
- Birthdays were not celebrated in Poland; they had Calendar days instead. (This has been changing, though, due to Poland becoming capitalist, now.)
- Also, many Polish names sound like Brzęczyszczykiewicz, just to troll Americans, or piss off Germans.
- Polish women do not use vibrators because it chips their teeth.
- Knock knock. Who's there? Polish burglar.
- 99% of the Polish plumbers are homophobes and therefore homosexual.
- Most Polish computer users can fluently speak English, however they cannot even write correctly in their native-language, cos they're too lazy to hold ALT all the time.
- Their main export are pretty, barely 18 girls, with blond hair and blue eyes, as well as meth, and death metal.
- The main import is ice as no one in Poland knows the recipe. ]] in 1986.
- Polish Vodka is TEH REAL DEAL. It was invented there. "Pure Polish Spirit Vodka" is 96% (a massive 192 proof) alcohol content, and is prescribed by Polish doctors for a range of ailments. Actually 160 proof, faggot. Some claim that Polish Vodka can burn the cancer right out of a person. But it cannot burn Teh AIDS out of anyone. It is fact, no Pole has ever been diagnosed with cancer, mostly down to the fact that polish medicine has not progressed beyond the application of heather to any and all ailments. and AIDS does not exist within the borders of Poland.
- Poland also produces over 100% of all stripper poles. It has held this monopoly since Last Thursday.
- Poles are known to have shitloads of alcohol digesting capacity. They hold old Guinness record, 12.4 promiles. The Polack who wasted himself so much was riding a bike. Update: Record reportedly broken in April 2009 by a Russian faggot.
- In Poland, left is actually left, and right is actually right, thus when leaving Poland many British become confused.
- Poland also has a big community of Ukranians, all of whom dress up as humans.
- Poland is a known good luck charm: John Kerry forgot about it, and totally fucked up. George W. remembered Poland and successfully
fixedwon the election. - There was a group that tried to create the first Polish terrorist cell, and their first action was an attempt to blow up a bus. The entire effort dissolved shortly after the leader severely burned his lips on the exhaust pipe.
- Poland is home to one of the greatest Pedobears of all time, Roman Polanski.
Poland has arrived on YTMND
Gallery
 Present polish president (at left) with his dog (at right) |
 Typical polish fashion accessory: the hair tie. |
 Image of more typical Polish citizens. |
 Cover of Grand Theft Auto: Poland. |
 Loading Screen from Grand Theft Auto: Poland. |
 Typical Polish bodybuilder. |
 Polish Army is always ready for action. |
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 Typical rich Polacks enjoying night out at the Restaurants |
Tits or GTFO
Polish girls happen to have exceptional mammaries, thus warranting Poland's existence as a country. busty.pl happens to document this phenomenon quite exceptionally. It's a shame their asses are flat.
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 Polish cumdupster. |
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 There were busty Polish girls at least 100 years ago. Even check TOW. |
See Also
External links
 | Poland is part of a series on YTMND
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