Yahoo! Answers
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Yahoo! Answers is a service for those too fucking stupid to search Google or memorize answers with SuperMemo. Y!A is ranked the second biggest idiot breeding ground on the internet, only losing to AOL and MySpace, which are tied. It is surmised that the Yahoo! Answers idiots cannot operate search engines of any kind because they certainly don't search the fucking Answers archives before posting, but in fact the truth is even worse: Yahoo! automatically searches its archives and displays a list of questions you are duplicating as you type your question, and yet people will still ask again and again, despite a list of links to the exact same question staring them in the face each time. In fact, Yahoo! Answers users are sometimes too stupid to even ask a valid question. This has led some to believe that Yahoo! Answers users are either retards of the highest caliber, or perhaps merely doing it for the lulz. Yahoo! Answers is easily trolled because its user base consists of gullible 13 year olds.
Questions that have been asked (literally) at least one hundred times on Yahoo Answers include:
- Has Judas Rabbi raped your dog yet?
- My cat is sick, what do I do?
- My dog is sick, what do I do?
- I'm sick, what the fuck is wrong with me?
- Should I ask this boy/girl/republican/pelican out?
- My boyfriend/girlfriend/republican/pelican is cheating on me, what do I do?
- I'm cheating on my boyfriend/girlfriend/republican/pelican, am I a dirty whore?
- I have a problem with my router? (Note that this is not a question.)
- I had unprotected sex, could I be pregnate?
- My girlfriend hasn't had period since she got pregnant? do you think the baby is drinkin the blood???
- any1 wnat to be my freind?
- WERE CAN I GEt a FREE NINTENDO WII???????//
- HELP!?
- I have a question...?
- MY MOM FUCKING HATES ME WHAT SHOULD I DO!!!!!!!?????????????????????????
- BUT WHO WAS PHONE?
- How is babby formed?
- What are the points for?
- Can someone please help me with thes math questions please?
- Am i gay!?!?!?!!!
- Im a 13 year old boy and my nipples look kinda weird. and they have some scabs on them. could i have breast cancer?
- Can i get into some1s privat myspace?
- How do i get in to a myspace page thats private?
- Rate my pic plz!!!!!
- Did Ron Kovic really get his nutsack blown off?Then how did he have ta buttsecks in dat one movie?
- HELP ME GET IN TO A PRIVAT MYSPACE?
- Why are non-Christians/atheists in the Religion & Spirituality section?
- I think my water broke help!?
- When you see a homeless person begging for money with a can,what do you do?
- My bf an i had sex w/o a condom, he has std btw. now it hurts wen i pee n i have a purple bumb on my vagena. could i have an std?
- I think im bi?
- If God didn't want us to eat animals, why did he make them out of food?
Due to brilliant programming by the Answers team, all topics have a question mark added to them automatically, in case the asker forgets to put one in themselves? Instead of being completely pointless and confusing, this ensures that all posts fall within the "Question" theme?
[edit] Myspace
Yahoo Answers tend to appeal to Myspace users. Nobody knows why this is, but the "Computers and Internet" section is constantly flooded with "omg need myspace help plz". Sometimes it's not even about help with Myspace, but about "hey ne1 want a hawt freind 4 there myspace???/"
[edit] Enter the lulz
Because yahoo answers houses over 9000 christians it is a prime source of lulz. Follow these three steps to produce maximum lulz.
Making lulzy implications within an innocent question can be used to increase the lulz potential even further. See examples for correct usage
Yahoo Answers along with Yahoo is in fact totally owned by the braindead Geezus brigade of dumbfuckistan. Pointing out to people who ask questions about why its so orgasmic to be under the wing of the lamb of God that lambs don't have wings, results in you being banned. Luckily yahoo profiles are easy to make and one can carry on with the honourable pursuit of trolling christians.
Post in the pets section for epic lulz. Post about dogfighting or sex with animals like its not offensive. Simple questions about minorities will usually result in dozens of successfully trolled individuals For lulz of the "Oh shit dude, you can't say that shit" variety, try bashing the troops overseas. Stirring up a shitstorm in the Mental Health section can't be classified as trolling due to the fact that it may drive potentially mentally unstable teens into making the appropriate decision.
[edit] Example Questions
"My dog won't stop barking!?" At first I just kept feeding him to shut him up, but that doesn't work anymore. I tried hitting him with a broom handle, and now he's really aggressive, even more than before. He's only 9 months old, so I don't want to put him to sleep. Are golden retrievers usually this bad?
"When will Allah finally kill the Crusaders?! My Muslim brothers! How long must we wait before Allah kills the Christian invaders in Iraq? So far he has given us the souls of 4,000 Americans, but we must pray to Allah for more!! Alahu Akbar!"
"Is it wrong to hate the troops?" Why is everyone obligated to support a bunch of murderers hired by the government? THEY VOLUNTEERED TO GO KILL INNOCENT IRAQIS!!!! And now they're all like "we don't believe in this war anymore" Did the WW2 vets cry and bitch? No!! They did their job, and did it better than these camel fucking douches did.
"My daughter is dating a negro!! What do I do?!?! My daughter came home the other day with a negroid, and my husband and I thought she was just tutoring him (blacks only have a graduation rate of 48%!!) When I went upstairs to check on her, she was holding that negro's hand!! I smacked her so hard she fell and hit her head on her desk. What do I do?! She's 13 and I can't kick her out, but I'm worried that I won't be able to keep from hurting her!!! I always swore to my grandfather that I would keep our Aryan blood pure, and now this!! What do I do?!
"Can I get AIDS from swimming in a pool with black people? I was at the pool today, and a black family got in. I immediately got out and checked inside of my shoe to see if they stole my wallet or phone. A few minutes later, my eyes got all red and watery. Did they give me the AIDS?" (This question, when not removed in 5 seconds like it usually is, results in massive flames that can be seen from space at night)
"Why do black act so stupid? Why are black people so stupid"
"Why is it wrong to rape woman?"
"Hi, I have been thinking about masturbating to my sisters used underpants but am unsure if she has any STD's; I dont want to ask her for obvious reasons but I also dont want to risk getting them off her. Is there any way I can discreetly check the panties for diseases?"
"Could god create a stone so heavy he himself couldnt lift it?"
"Recently I have been developing feelings for animals; bunnies in particular. I have a pet bunny called fudgems and sometimes when I look into his eyes its almost as if hes looking back at me with the same feelings. I know these feelings are unholy but I cant manage to rid myself of them; I dont want to get rid of the bunny because hes one of my only friends in this world but I fear if I dont I might end up doing something I'll regret; please help me before its too late."
"why do Catholics believe that they eat jesus during communion?"
"is there name for the STD where there are black spikes coming out of you shaft about 5 inches long that seeminize them selves"
"Can you get an STD from the mere action of unprotected sex, even if both people do not have an STD? Or do you need to have sex with someone with an STD to get it yourself?"
"Is it really incest if a step daughter and step father have sex? they arent directly related but is it still considered incest?"
"why is it that many black people often call each other "******" and its ok, but if a white person calls a black person a ******, its racist? but white people can't say it otherwise its bad, now that sounds racist to me."
"If I use anit-freeze to collect stray animals, can I still eat them or will I be poisoned too?"
"why do black people like fried chicken so much?"
"Help!! i just ran over a mexican immigrant...? and i cant decide on weather to have subway or rubios for lunch"
"This is hilarious? since as long as i can remember i've been a full blown atheist, i dont need god or religion or w/e in my life. i live with my grandma, who is super christian, and she reads the bible every day. over the last month ive been playing a prank on her, i take the pages from her bible and use them as toilet paper. it looks so much smaller and she always makes me put my hand on it when she asks me if ive been ripping pages out, i say i haven't . im not scared of hell caus it doesn't exist. anyway my question is i'm goig to have to tell her eventually, how should i do it to get the best reaction out of her? i dont really know how those crazy catholic midns work help would be appreciated thanks"
Why are white people so racist to blacks?Why do they take advantage of them? Like all the white people behind the rappers in the companies,they never give enough money to the rappers who do ALL the work.They are greedy scum.Or Colonel Sanders taking advantage of black people with the delicious chicken from KFC,you can see him on the labels smirking at everybody.Did you know Colonel Sanders was a colonel in the KKK?Exactly.He's a racist.Or what about God?Why does the white God make storm clouds black?Is he saying black people are aggresive?And how come there are only WHITEboards in our schools not BLACKboards?Racism for the next generation.And is it a coincidence that the color of our **** is the same color as our skin?When are we going to stop this madness.EQUALITY FOR ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!! OBAMA 0'8!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kay so dis one time i was REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY horny so i stuck this umbrealla up my asshole then my puesssy and it felt sooooooooooo good i cummed,but i didn't cum cum I cummed BLOOOOOOD whait dide i do wroang?I
"Suing My High School? the story is that there's this one really nerdy kid in my science class who me and my friends would always make fun of. he was scrawny and stuff and always reading books and always got into these gay *** discussions with the teacher the whole class. me and my friends found this pair of dirty underwear. we peed all over it and took the kid into the locker room and smeared it all over his face. the kid didn't come to school for three days and then we found out he had transferred to some private school. anyway, me and my friends got a five day suspension for what we did. naturally, we think that this is complete bullcrap and due to the fact that this could screw up our records, we're looking into suing the school. does anybody have any experience with this or tips or whatever??"
Answers like this: You only peed on his underwear? you should have peed in his mouth, then falcon punched his nerd balls.
[edit] Heroes of Yahoo! Answers
- Yamster troll: Yahoo! Answers staff impersonator with Yahoo! hamster avatar
- Shiraz: user with Iranian name and a gay nigger rainbow avatar who annoys the libs
- ticiudorin. A Romanian. "I am from romania and I receive an web cam I don't know do put it work? What must I do with an A4TECH do see my friends."
- miergi in response to a question asking "Why insects have tendency to come near to the tubelight?": "tell me some thing..when there is a festival going on..example chirtsmas..when u see the chirstmass tree decorated in nice clicking light..or there is bigg big light that decorates something...its is like the nicest thing u ever seen..will u go near n touch it or just leave it n make like u've seen nothing?u'll probaly go n touch it caause its bright n shiny...thats the same thing goes to the insects..its is bright n prety..for them"
- jordib in reponse to a question asking "Wouldn't two majors hurt you?" in university + education: "majors in the military are not allowed to hurt civilians... so you got nothing to worry about... only if congress declared us underwar against ourselves the majors could beat you, or if you happen to be talking about majors fromanother country in war with us... i would say hire a few guards if you're really worried"
[edit] Things You Wouldn't Ask Your Boss... or Wikipedia
- "Where can i buy online used men's jockstraps?" - o-kaaaay......
[edit] How to Play
Yahoo Answers works on a "point" system, where the more points you accumulate the more special yahoo abilities you access. This essentially making it an MMO, where most people grind question so that they can level up. You gain points from answering questions and voting for the best answer, lose them by asking questions and deleting your own answer. There are three main professions that a Yahoo! Answers player can choose from.
- Grinder - people who only answer questions to use up their daily limit, so that they can level-up the fastest. Typically, this means answering questions with inane comments such as "maybe" or "I don't know". These posts make up the majority of most answer threads.
- Spammer - someone who copy-pastes gigantic 20-paragraph identical responses on all questions of a similar topic, usually relating to how great Mormonism/Christianity/Atheism/Scientology/Eugorinalism is, without any real relevance to the question. Almost universally ignored.
- Troller - Here either to tell you how stupid you are when you ask a question, or to ask a stupid question in order to waste your time and piss you off. The only real use of answers, other than to produce tons of links to your website.
Other strategies:
- Gamer/exploiter - Unlike the "grinder", the exploiter differentiates between effectiveness and efficiency. Someone who archives answers to the most frequently asked questions (mFAQ) in a note-taking computer program in order to cut and paste the answers as soon as they appear on a category feed. The gamer/exploiter type tries to optimize the best-answer quotient. He's efficient in the Yahoo! Answers imaginary world, but a complete and total idiot when it comes to efficiency in IRL situations, since he wastes so much time on Yahoo! Answers doing repetitive work for the "Web 2.0" plantation, with no compensation whatsoever.
- Yahoo! Answers Team sycophant - This is someone who is brain-washed by "Web 2.0" utopianism, praises the Yahoo! Answers Team, the Yahoo! Answers service, or the "Web 2.0" mentality in general, uses Yahoo! Answers and "Web 2.0" vocabulary according to protocol, and thinks that the Internet runs on software, not hardware or money. A typical comment by such a user is he's addicted to Yahoo! Answers, that Yahoo! Answers is the best thing since sliced bread, yada, yada… As the good sycophant he is, he reports all lulzy posts as inappropriate. He's "politically correct" (does not tolerate anti-Jewish, racially aware or nationalistic comments) and antilulzy. Like the gamer/exploiter, a complete and utter moron who likes to be exploited by the owners of the "Web 2.0" plantation.
Last Resort:
- Multi-accounts - Due to the brokenness of the Yahoo! Answers system, some players choose to level-up fast. This method can be performed by:
- 1. Creating multiple accounts, using 10 Minute Mail.
- 2. Posting a generic question with one of the accounts.
- 3. Answering the question on your main account.
- 4. Wait 3 days.
- 5. Vote your main accounts answer as Best Answer on your other accounts.
- 6. PROFIT!!!!!!!!!!
[edit] Distorted View Sabatoges Yahoo Answers
For graet justice and 4 the lulz The Distorted View Podcast has its users post fake questions and answers on yahoo answers for super lulz.
[edit] Answers categories ripe for trolling
- Social Science > Psychology
- Health > Mental Health
- Computers & Internet > Internet > Wikipedia
- Society & Culture > Cultures & Groups > Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgendered
- Social Science > Gender & Women's Studies
- Food & Drink > Vegetarian & Vegan
- Society & Culture > Religion & Spirituality
[edit] How to troll specific categories
| Category | Demographic | Weaknesses | How to proceed |
|---|---|---|---|
| Computers & Internet > Internet > Wikipedia | Wikipedia fans | Wikipedia cultism | Anything slightly critical of the Wikimedia Foundation or Bomis gets on their nerves. |
| Food & Drink > Vegetarian & Vegan | "New Age" idiots | ignorance of biology and metabolism | Attack their biology-illiteracy and New-Agism. |
| Health > Mental Health | psychiatristicists, psychologisticists, suicidal people, biology-illiterates | psychiatry's epistemological foundations (immaterialism, mentalism, society-nature dualism, mind-body dualism, "nature"-"nurture" dualism, psychism), physical weaknesses (suicidal tendencies, dependency on antidepressants, neuroleptics, self-"diagnosis") | You troll it by insinuating that psychiatry's foundations are wrong. If someone "asks" that he's about to commit suicide, kindly tell him to just do so, for the lulz. |
| Politics & Government > Politics | U.S. residents who pretend to know about politics | U.S.-centrism, 2/5 socialistic, 2/5 liberal, 1/5 pseudoconservative | Talk about non-U.S. politics. Expose pseudoconservatism. Attack Western religion (Christianity + Judaism), "egalitarianism", "democracy", abortionism and "sex ed" advocates. Say that Jews did 9/11. |
| Social Science > Gender & Women's Studies | fans of the social sciences, tea-party "ladies" | resentment againts ex-boyfriends, childlessness | Just approach it with the thing that annoys social-scienticists the most: the natural sciences. Tell the fucking feminists how resentful they are and what a bunch of losers they are. |
| Social Science > Psychology | immaterialists, psychologisticists, attention seekers, dream "interpreters" | aversion against sociobiology, behavioral biology, biology in general, and the natural sciences (materialism), ignorance of how sleep works | The solution is to troll the fuck out of them by saying things that are even slightly materialistic, even slightly natural-scientistic, even slightly biologistic, which is just enough to get on social-science fans' nerves. |
| Society & Culture > Cultures & Groups > Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgendered | homos, feminists, leftists | cultism, isolation from the rest of people | Just say anything slightly critical of feminism, the social sciences, leftist political tendencies in general, and you win. |
| Society & Culture > Religion & Spirituality | immaterialists, vitalists, mind-body dualists, metaphysicists | discussion framed by ideas of "God"/"mind"/"soul"/"spirit"/"psyche" | Charge your lasers with materialism. Atheists here can get easily attacked too because most of them are spiritualists and psychologisticists. |
| Society & Culture > Cultures & Groups > General Cultures and Groups | anti racist, niggers, and white nationalists | political correctness to the extreme | The key is to make any type of racists and start posting. Anything from good ol nigger haters to nigger lovers will bring the lulz. |
| Politics & Government > Elections | McCain supporters, Bush apologists, teenage right wingers | Denial of the truth, refusal to understand the opinions of regular people or experts | All you need to do is post mainstream views or sympathize with someone who is not a spoiled, white, upper-middle class 13 year old boy. |
[edit] Gallery
 South Ossetia and Russia troll Georgia |
 Your doin it rong!!!!111 |
 God touched me inappropriately!!!!111 |
 A typical reply to these types of questions. |
 another |
 A civilian friend for a troll!!!!!!!!!!11qQq2@w |
 The proper way of trolling the adolescent section on Yahoo! Answers. |
 And this. |
 Aaand this. |
 This one too. |
 Questions like these tend to annoy the key demographic of Y!Answers. |
 This too. |
 wat? |
 wat. |
 It's only normal if you live in Alabama, kid. |
|
 I can haz incests? |
 Azns don't have souls? |
 Paki-Mexi halfbreed |
 Every now and then, you do stumble upon a correct answer. |
 Sounds hot. |
 win |
 Stupid user is given great advice. |
 Is this illigal? |
 Score one for the Polish |
 Sex Abuse Counseling |
||
 do u think the baby is drinkin the blood???? |
 Pretty much. |
 lolwut |
|
 This man should not be punished. |
 How i make babby girl? |
 God was with you the hold time. |
 I'm in Highschool. My GF and I made chastity vows, and she's PREGANENT! How is this possible? |
 HALF VIRGIN! |
 |
 My Mother make me sleep in my own bodily wastes. |
 A troll rewards an unsuspecting civillian |
 Ask a stupid question, get fucked. |
 Nobody lieks shitty beads, amirite? |
 Somebody needs to get raped. |
 Hooters n Hookers |
 Epic fucking win(cest) with this one. |
 Taco Bell sells sexy tacos. |
[edit] External Links
- This way be the best trolling on the web
- BugMeNot's page of y!answers accounts.
- An accurate depiction of Yahoo! Answers users.
 to this topic for græt justice.
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Yahoo! Answers is part of a series on Trolls. |
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 Yahoo! Answers is part of a series on Web 2.0 | Web 2.0 • Social networking • Social networking sites • Blogging • Blogosphere • PHP • Podcasting • Wikiing • Ajax • Ruby on Rails • Internet Humanitarianism • X is not your personal army • User-generated content • ITunes Store
Web 2.0 Sites People of Web 2.0 |
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