XBox Live

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Worse Than Pink Eye

XBox Live is a program on the internets that was created by Microsoft so that XBox and XBox 360 fanboys can have some form of communication in their lives. Although, in actuality, like most similar programs and sites, this is detrimental to their IRL existance, because they're too busy OTI.

The rich Xbox Live community is flourishing with young intelligent lads to sophisticated seasoned gamers.

[edit] XBox Live Features

Like many other tubes in the never-ending network of tubes that is the internets, Xbox Live is filled with underage fanboys, who (like other fanboys) are typically 13 years old, fat, basement dwelling virgins. With that said, when you slide in Halo 2 and pop on your handy dandy ear piece and microphone, 99.98% of the other players will sound like girls that were sucking helium as practice for fellatio.

Basically all there is to do on XBox Live is play games with obsessive, annoying, pre-pubescent fanboys. They will drive you batshit insane and make you want to throw your XBox out the window. Furthermore, it isn't uncommon after playing to yearn for a day when life and death will be decided over a game of Atari Boxing and fanboys won't know what hit them because their prepubescent nails-on-chalkboard voices will be yelling, "Where's the rest of the buttons and joy sticks on the controller?"

About the only fun thing to do on XBox Live is talk a lot of shit during games. Often times people will feel the need to talk shit on someone's mom, freestyle on the mic, etc. Unfortunately, this loses its fun after about five minutes because it's way too easy to pwn the geeks that frequent the rooms.

One supercool feature of xBoks Live is choosing your 'zone'. Any normal person would choose Family or Recreation. However, if you're totally 1337 you pick Pro or (lol) Underground. Much lulz can be garnered from pwning these supergamers, as they are generally morons who can't even complete Call of Duty 4 on Veteran. It's true, I looked in their profile!!11!1

Gamerscore is the post count of the xBox Live world. The bigger your gamerscore, the better the gamer. A large e-penis is also granted. If your gamerscore is the highest you are the best gamer EVAR!! Microsoft caused severe butthurts to cheating gamerscore whores everywhere by h4x0ring their accounts and removing their gamerscore, and branding them as ~~sad fucks~~ cheaters for all to see. These dudes had been using alien technology to fool even the mighty M$ systems. However, nobody else cared.

This man's e-banana was once the largest

[edit] Wait, So I Gotta Pay Extra For This?

Yes, you have to shell out the cash (or for most players... their parent's cash) to "enjoy" this service. You're probably wondering OMG WTF, since your wallet was already raped when purchasing your system, but hey Microsoft needs cash. OMG FWD $$$ TO BILL GATES'S PAYPAL HE NEED NEW PVT ISLAND!11.

This turns gamers emo.

This is what goes on on Xbox Live.

Note: The video above is a bit of a conundrum as BEASTANDTHEHARLOT claims to be female but the overall likelihood of this being true is extremely low (because, as we all know, there are no women on teh internets).

[edit] Trolling Xblfags

Like all species of 13-year-old boy, XBox Live players are potential lolcows when handled properly. Below are some easy ways to get the most out of that wonderful little headset you are wearing:

Play an extremely hardcore porno over the microphone, particularly one with a lot of screaming, slapping, and slurping/sloshing noises. Bonus points if you have hardcore gay porn or loud CP.
Kill people on your team. People will often boot you without saying anything, but some will BAWWWWWW at you for fucking up their kill/death ratio. For moar lulz, and since this usually gets you booted pretty quickly anyway, kill a teammate who's on a really good killing streak.
If some Nigger is acting "gangsta" on there, Go on a rant and start off by saying, "Yeah you're really gangster by affording a $500 console and a $60 game and have the brain capacity to fuck with your router." They will shit brix.
Try to get players to teamkill you, and boot them when you have the chance. It's usually very easy in games such as Gaylo, since players are oblivious and aggressive most of the time.
Go on a rant about how sand niggers are ruining the world and America is going to nuke them off the face of the Earth. Especially effective in Call of Duty 4.
Although probably very futile, give as much bad reputation to as many players as possible and perhaps let them know about it. You can do it by selecting their gamercard, and choosing "Submit Player Review". Some players strive to have a perfectly positive reputation status, although most people won't give a fuck.
Ask people to help you get achievements and tell them you'll help them get any they might need in return. If they agree, and if they help get yours first, turn your 360 off after you get your achievement.
Kill people while they are AFKontroller.
Spam a shitload of game or chat invites to someone until they join you, then leave the room afterwards.
If you're lucky, your XBox Live microphone will pretty much fucking break after a few weeks of use, causing everyone you're playing with to hear static when it's plugged in.
Act like you owned the shit out of everyone in the post-game lobby when you really didn't.
Kill and steal whenever possible.
Do stupid shit in ranked team games, especially making your team lose.
Use the term internet when referring to an Xbox Live argument. This will cause people to respond with OMFG YOU IDIOT THIS IS XBOCKS LIVE NOT THE INTERNETS IT'S COMPLETLEY FUCKING DIFFERENT, completely oblivious to the the fact that XBox Live requires an internet connection.
Make a true statement that involves your mom. This will cause any player (all of whom are unfunny faggots that think mom jokes are the epitome of wit) to immediately respond with a paradoxical statement. For example: