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Wapanese
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
The Wapanese (親日派, ヰアブ, also referred to as "Japanophiles," "weeaboo," "fucking idiots," or "you") are, much like wiggers, painfully clueless honkies trying to fill a perceived cultural void by pretending not to be white -- in this case, by humping the giant Godzilla leg of the Land of the Rising Shit in hopes of being assimilated into its culture. They also worship Ayumi Hamasaki and other famous J-pop artists, along with pocky. So badly do the Wapanese wish this that they often dedicate entire afternoons to memorizing up to five common phrases in Japanese, though later misusing them at the food court or at animu conventions. This, of course, only serves to further illustrate what flesh-bags of fail these basement dwellers really are.
Most Wapanese imagine Japan™ is a place where the trees are made of pocky, cities are made of Nintendo Wiis, and schoolgirl loli and/or slender, eyebrow-plucked boy-men are all too happy to prostrate themselves and surrender to the Wap's sickly embrace. This, however, is inconsequential, as most Wapanese will never step foot in Japan, nor gain any more mastery over its language than a crack-addled chimp with Tourette's Syndrome (that is to say, none at all), and no self respecting yellow man or woman would be caught dead handling their desiccated, sebum riddled penises.. Trapped in its native country, the average Wapanese will frequent sushi bars or the Panda Express (despite the fact that the latter is Chinese food -- silly faggot!), as well as Sanrio stores to stock up on pink, overpriced crap that, while featuring Hello Kitty, was probably made in China.
It should also be noted that all Anime fans do not believe in Christianity, and love cats because THE WORD NEKO IS SO KAWAII DESU NE~~!! ^_^
If you happen to see a Wap on the prowl, make no attempt to engage it in conversation, but curse it in silence, for it is the bane of American youth. Well, next to another "subculture" you're hopefully not aware of, which more than deserves the same treatment. But that's another story.
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Weeaboo Behavior
The average Wapanese will whine non-stop about how everyone who professes an interest in Japanese "culture" is merely a poser. They will then play their favorite overpriced "Visual Kei" CD and attempt (badly) to mouth the lyrics while snacking loudly on the last few sticks of Pocky they ordered from J-List. Weeaboo are known to constantly complain about the country in which they live in comparison to Japan. A large sweat drop will appear on their forehead, however, when confronted with the fact that they have never actually been to Japan, and that the closest contact they've had with a Japanese person in real life is watching Gackt play at an anime convention, they will be driven to tears, confronted with the fact that "Gackt" is a pretty fucking stupid name for someone to voluntarily adopt, especially since, as a Jap, he can't pronounce his own name except as Gakuto.
Appearance
In photographs, a wapanese will almost always be fat and ugly, always make the peace/victory sign with one hand while squinting and contorting their already grotesque features into a more grotesque approximation of the ^_^ smiley. Females have a compulsive need to wear at least one item of Hello Kitty clothing at all times, and truly desperate Wapanese will wear a shitload of eyeliner to make their eyes appear chinkier.
Identifying someone as Wapanese
There are many telltale signs of Wapanese, the biggest being that they will refer to one other as otaku and employ their distinctive dialect (see above). Other warning signs include:
- Being culture parasites, leeching off the history of Japan but ignoring the fact the Allied Powers won World War II for a reason. (For fun, bring up the nuclear blast in conversation should it get too boring.)
- Collecting samurai swords and posing in photos with them.
- Denying that America did a service to the world by nuking those rice-eating faggots.
- Finding "Harem Animu" funny.
- Hanging out with Asians in the arcade, playing DDR (choosing the same overplayed songs nonstop), Tekken (every weeaboo's, emo's, fag's, and button-masher's favorite fighting game) or Initial D. It's not hard to spot the odd one out there.
- Having more than three hair colors.
- INSISTING on watching their anime in Japanese with subtitles, because unlike you, they can "understand it" and can't stand dubbed voices (BAKA!)
- Listening to shitty J-Rock bands nobody has ever heard of and believing that every male in Japan™ is a hermaphroditic transvestite.
- Living in a Zen Buddhist monastery or some other Japanese religious tradition in Japan for many years
- Looking nothing like the anime characters they dress as, rather the exact opposites.
- Soliciting a Grizzly Adams-type hippy communal lifestyle,
- Stubbornly defending Japan's long history of IRL banhammering other races.
- Tending to have racist and nationalistic prejudice against any other Asian country that isn't Japan, common targets being China, Evildoer Korea, and Good Korea.
- Wanting to take in the local Asian culture festival every spring, no matter how viciously dull it is.
- Watching The Jonny show
- Username and/or 99.9% of their friends list's names ending in "u", "i" or "-chan".
- All Wapanese have at least one account on Gaia Online or any other dumb fucking Asian-themed game site and tend to discuss ethnicity, politics and religion as if they know what the fuck they're talking about.
- As most Wapanese cannot hoard enough Gaia gold to get to Japan, the yearly ComicCon in San Diego is the next best place to parade oneself around as a dumbfuck.
- For potential lulz, mention that America ironically made peace with Japan only after nuking it, and that Japanese culture has essentially been a ripoff of American culture ever since (no srsly, everyone there under the age of 50 is a basically reverse weeaboo). Step back and enjoy. For additional points, make a joke about it being odd that they didn't like Little Boy (unless they do).
- For even more lulz, mention the Rape of Nanking or the Bataan Death March and watch them deny it like Ahmedinejad does the Holocaust.
- The female Wapanese will often opt for a Lolita dress for their copious bodyfat to spill out of. Most likely will be worn with striped socks and Hot Topic $20 shoes.
- If not saving up for the Lolita dress, buying the cheaply made Hot Topic version and wearing it 24/7.
- If they're a really rich nerd, they might be carrying a little Dollfie around with them dressed up in their own meticulously hand-sewn clothing imported from New Jersey.
- Has an account on Crunchyroll, a JewTube wannabe site infested with Japanophiles and/or Koreanophiles.
- The voice in your Political Science lecture (or your Media Studies lecture, or your Economics lecture, or your homemaking course, or your Spanish class, or talking to the bus driver) saying "THAT'S INTERESTING BECAUSE IN THIS SHOW CALLED APPLESEED EX MACHINA THE JAPANESE GOVERNMENT BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH" while you die inside will come from a weeaboo, no exceptions.
- Their life dream is not only to go to Japan™, but also to break into the anime, manga or video game industry.
- Wapanese are inconsistent with their bathing, as they have no time for such concerns. They are usually too busy fondling themselves to tentacle porn, eating sushi, cheap ramen shit or buying anime figurines from the Internets.
- Wapanese insist on using chopsticks to consume everything from hamburgers to aspirin.
- Refusal to admit that the Master Race won the war for a reason.
Mating Habits
While most Wapanese maintain they will only settle for a genuine Japanese™, most invariably end up settling for another Wapanese. The pair will go about collecting their meaningless Japanese trinkets together, endlessly watching Battle Royale and Naruto and making statements like, "It's kawaii how they loved each other so much they jisatsu'd off the cliff together, desu yo ne!?"
Every once in a while, a lucky Wapanese will manage to find the Azn in self-denial, such as AtJap13, Kazakai, etc, a slope who tends to have been born in the U.S. or some non-East Asian country and suffer from low self-esteem or Ass Burger Syndrome. This matters little to the Wapanese, who is just happy to have scored some Asian poontang.
Wapanese in Denial
- Can be found religiously on 4chan. (See also: the cancer that is killing /b/)
- Has Dir en Ghey, Gazette or some other bullshit bootleg in CD player.
- Throw fits when confronted on being a Wapanese/Japanophile and then attempts to kill you with ninja weaponry.
- Attempts to counteract any of the above in the identification of Wapanese.
- Will shit themselves whenever someone around them speaks actual Japanese. Double points if the person speaking actual Japanese is white.
- Works in a high school in Japan as an ALT and thinks the Japanese staff working there gives a single fuck about them.
- Will claim not to care if they'd be put up on this page, but still secretly remove as much proof of being Wapanese as they can.
Hypocrite Wapanese
A hypocrite Wapanese is almost identical to the Wapanese in denial, though the hypocrite version tends to be more annoying. These tossers prance about claiming they hate Wapanese, but cream their kimonos when they get the opportunity to go to Japan.
- A hypocrite Wapanese living in Japan will last about two weeks before returning home, realizing that the great Hide Matsumoto is dead and no self-respecting Japanese will make sexy time with them.
- Attends anime conventions. Wouldn't deign to cosplay as anime/manga characters, but often goes to check out the J-bands.
- Blind of the fact that thinking they can be Japanese by "acting" like a Japanese person is racially insensitive.
- Has a deviantART account filled with shitty anime drawings of catgirls and lots of emo poetry.
- Learn what little Japanese they know purely from fapping to animu.
- Music interests (usually J-Pop or J-Rock) change weekly.
- Possess a tattoo in Han characters (Kanji), either "hope" (望), "prosperity" (盛) or something equally gay (同性愛).
- Probably dress in Decora, EGL, Lolita, or any annoying fashion that the Japanese use to lure in whitey's beaucoup bucks.
- Tend to be under the age of 17.
- Try and learn Japanese because they have an actual interest in the culture and language.
- Usually bisexual or gay from looking at too many pretty Japanese manboys in dresses, but it doesn't matter because they're all virgins.
The Enlightened Wapanese
A Hypocrite Wapanese who has attended college and as a result studied lot of philosophy and "theory," hence believing himself to be an [[intellectual]pseudo-intellectual]]. As per the Hypocrite Wapanese, the Enlightened Wapanese is fed up with the "main stream" of current anime, such as Bleach, Naruto and various Gundam Series. Instead, the Enlightened Wapanese goes back to the [[early manga]bullshit]] of the 1960's and 70's such as work by [[Osamu Tezuka and Leiji Matsumoto]literature]]. The Enlightened Wapanese is the animu equivalent of indie.
The following are giveaway signs of the Enlightened Wapanese:
- "I appreciate the dark [[existentialism]pseudointellectual]] of the later Tezuka novels Ode to Kirihito and Apollo's Song.
- Wearing Captain Harlock's cartoony skull as an attempt to accentuate a punk outfit.
- Princess Knight is a strong statement of questioning gender roles and traditions in the classical Disney style of art.
- Analyzing military tactics and fascist ideology in relation to the original 1979 Mobile Suit:Gundam (which is the only [[Gundam]faggot]] series he will watch.
- [["Anime characters originally were caricatures that attempted to look like normal people but after generations of later artists copying the previous ones, the characters became more and more abstracted until they had gravity-defying hair and ridiculously large eyes. This is like a snake eating its own tail, ergo anime consumes itself at a later stage"]tl;dr]]
How to troll an Enlightened Wapanese
- tell him everything Tezuka did after Astro Boy sucked.
- Make fun of his B.A. in Philosophy and Literary Theory, be sure to mention his inability to get a job other thank barista.
- ask if any of the girls at conventions can even understand him.
- tl;dr him.
Useful Wapanese phrases
Wapanese have a tendency to butcher English, mixing what few words and phrases they know in Japanese and sprinkling them all over their sentences. Expect to hear such statements as: "That dress is so kawai I wish I could ganbaru like that too, ne! Demo, I can't desu! nyoro~n :3". These commonly used words may help you identify a Weeaboo in the event their retarded, pitiless appearance aren't dead giveaways:
- "Konnichiha!" (今日は, Japanese mating call of the North American Giant Douchebag.)
- Hajimemashite ( 始めまして, "HAJIMEMASHITE! That means how are you doing~ kawaii, ne? ^__- *wink* lol")
- "Baka!" (馬鹿, Noise made when clearing throat to dislodge half-eaten sticks of Pocky, a popular snack formed in a pointless stick shape and coated with the chocolate of shattered dreams.)
- "-chan" (ちゃん, Must be appended to every name to make it sound "cute.")
- suffixes/honorifics (敬称:ちゃん、君、等, "Hey Mary-chan! How are u?!", "No Sasuke-kun, plz don't!", etc.)
- "Chibi" (ちび, Chibi dogs r adorable~ ^__^)
- "Desu!" (です, Wapanese place this at the end of every sentence, desu, regardless of its contextual inaccuracy desu. Popularized by Rozen Maiden animu. However, DESU! spam may be appropriate in the context of a raid, trolling or some other epic maneuver provided that lulz are the objective desu.)
- "Itai, or Itatata~~!!" (痛い, Heard when Wapanese hurt themselves. Signals the hearer to hurt them more.)
- "Kawaii!" (可愛い, Wapanese standard warning for, "Do not look directly at.")
- "Nani?" (何, The Japanese word for "what?" Weeaboos think it makes them cool to use this whenever someone addresses them. It is also an invitation to get socked in the fucking face.)
- "Ne!" (ね, Usually said after sentences as a sign for the listener to clock 'em. Is actually equivalent to amirite, but no Wapanese realize this as it would entail actual knowledge of the language.)
- "Sugoi!" (すごい, Phrase said when they're sure they've found their new mating partner, possibly Japanese, or Asian, but probably another failed Wap like themselves.)
- "Yo!" (よ, pronounced 'yoh', translation, basically an '!'. Usually said in conjunction with 'desu' and 'ne'. e.g. - "OMG KAWAII DESU YO NE~!1!!!!")
Statistics
- 70% make their own "Gothic Lolita" clothing, and it shows.
- 100% of Wapanese artists will flunk out of art school, if they can make it in, because the world does not want any more crackers drawing craptastic animu shit.
- Wapanese spend around 70% of their income on meaningless Japanese imported crap, much of which could be bought at Wal-Mart for far less but MUST be imported because Japanese is liek OMG so suteki ne?
- 82% of male Japanophiles have boasted on their LiveJournals that they will never "settle" for less than an authentic Japanese girlfriend. IRL they are often forced to hook up with their autistic cousin Stacey.
- At least 90% of Wapanese own bootlegs, and will risk their lives not letting that fact out. There most clever means of cover-ups are spelling out bootlegs when they need to tell the kewl kids in school for acceptance.
- In every group of Wapanese fucktards, there will be at least two people calling themselves Kitsune and two more calling themselves Usagi. lol, wapafurfags.
- 80% of the writers on Fanfiction.net are Wapanese. We're not doing the headcount, you do it.
- Only 1% of weeaboos have any money. Actually, only 1% of Wapanese have PARENTS with money (important distinction). Wapanese with money decide to get "classy" by buying Kimonos and then going to Immortal Geisha to wank about how that 'cheap' $200 p.o.s. they bought was 80% of their allowance, the other 20% was spent on Pocky.
- 100% of Wapanese have a pink Motorola razor with a dumbass trinket attached to it that has to do with anime.
- As well as 100% of that 100% with that piece of shit phone they have a fail ring tone to their favorite anime show.
- <1% of Wapanese actually know words from the Japanese language beyond the "Useful Wapanese Phrases", and <0.1% of Wapanese are actually fluent in Japanese.
The future of these freaks
Because the lifespan of these fucking dingalings only last until the end of high school for half of them, most will grow up cynical and shameful, turning to the next cultural trend used for their egos. The other half will soldier on, with only the sane 10% growing out of their phase and the insane 40% can end three ways; either dying an elderly virgin surrounded by small plastic figurines that cost hundreds of dollars each, being raped to death in prison (oh, teh irony!) or committing IRL self-pwnage after arriving at Japan and discovering that it's not full of enormously-breasted women who want to sleep with pasty, fat Caucasian lardballs. The last words of the latter Japanophiles are usually "Megatokyo lied to me..."
Kawaii Copypasta
WARNING: After reading this, you may feel the urge to commence seppuku. Please do so.
Omg hai ^___^ Im (Insert ghey wap name here)-chan and I absolutely luuuv @_____@ 4chan <3 and my fav is the anime and yaoi boards!!!!! OK so anyways, I'm going to tell you about the BEST day of my life when I met my hot husband Sasuke!! <333333333 OMFGZ HE WAS SOOOOO FREAKIN KAWAII IN PERSON!!! SUPAA KAWAII DESU NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! ^______________________________________^
When I walked onto Tokyo street =^____^= I looked up and saw SASUKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333!!!!
KONNICHIWA OMGZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ SUPAA SUPAA SUPAA KAWAII SASUKE-SAMA!!!!! I yelled n____n then he turned chibi then un-chibi!!
he looked at me [O.O;;;;;;;;;;;] and then he saw how hot I am *___* he grabbed my hand and winked ~_^ then pulled me behind a pocky shop o_o and started to kiss me!!!!!! [OMG!!! HIS TONGUE TASTED LIKE RAMEN!!! RLY!! >.> <.< >.< (^O^) (^O^) (^O^)] then I saw some baka fat bitch watching us and I could tell she was undressing him with her eyes!!!!!!! [ -_____________-;;;;; OMG I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT EITHER!!! (ò_ó) (ò_ó) (ò_ó)] so I yelled UH UH BAKA NEKO THAT'S MY MAN WHY DON'T YOU GO HOOK UP WITH NARUTO CAUSE SASUKE-SAMA LOVES ME!!! (ò_ó) then Sasuke held me close =^____^= and said he would only ever love me!!!!!!!! And guess what!!!!!! He kissed me again!!!!!!! ** \(^O^)/ then we went to his apartment and banged all night long and made 42 babies and they all became ninjas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nyaaaaa!!! (^________<) ^_________________^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
If you say ANYTHING related to that, please commit hara-kiri. Thank you.
Blasians (aka The Nigganese)
Although more tolerable than ghetto niggers, Blasians are basically niggers and waps at a crossroads, a rare breed indeed. Probably one of the worst cases of fail ever [see pictures]. This is what happens when you leave your blackfolk unattended. Somebody direct these confused people to some BET videos and a local KFC, or at least go out and buy a cotton gin...
Some Blasians say that they are mix with some sort of Asian, but when you take a look at their profile pictures, they look nothing like a half-Black half-Yellow person, like these faggots on this site[2]. Many Blacks who claim Chinese or Asian ancestry do so because they are light-skinned and despise whitey so much that they would rather claim to be part Chinese than own up to their partial Caucasian heritage which undoubtedly came about as a result of surprise sex. Most of them squint their eyes, wear wigs and photoshop their skin tone to make them appear more Asian in their pictures. This just makes them appear uglier than homemade sin.
Videos
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Gallery
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See also
- Animu - What weeaboos watch.
- BoA - They worship her.
- Comic book fans - What almost all weeaboos are but refuse to admit.
- Desu-radio
- Domo-kun
- Esperanto - When you give up learning Japanese.
- Fan dub
- User:WeabooAndrew
- Gwen Stefani
- Marty Friedman
- J-emo
- Koreaboo - Similar to a weeaboo, but obsessed with Korea instead of Japan.
- Magibon
- MissHannahMinx - Astronomical amounts of weeaboo imminent.
- Otaku
- Otaku emoticons
- Pixyteri
- Pocky - Weeaboo bait.
- Ramen - Weeaboo rations.
- Teruaki Murakami
- Wigger
- Faust & Kikyo Maaka
- Wolfaboo - A term, derived from "weeaboo", referring to overly obsessed wolf fans.
External Links
- NYAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
- Textbook example of a Weeaboo.
- Another Example
- Oh yeah, definitely a Weeaboo.
- Weeaboos shamefully on display.
- Look at this Fucking Weeaboo
- LOOK AT THIS WEEABOO
- What weeaboos live off of.
- The WEEABOO dream job, since real women will never touch them.
- Weeaboo.com
- Where the Weaboos congregate and have cyber orgies while fighting about which Jrocker belong to them
- LiveJournal: WEEABOOS UNITE!
- LiveJournal: Anti-Japanophiles, Elitist Waps.
- Japandemonium!
- Troll weeaboos by offering them cheap Japan flights on YTMND
- Yet another shameful example of weaboo attire
- Waps in their natural habitat
- Beckii Cruel
- She pretends to be Japanese singer and photographer... actually she's pure Polish and never been in Japan ->> ameblo profile. ugh.
- Weeaboo who tries to sell her costumes and mediocre photography skills
- Ultimate weeaboo land, there's even a featured group called 'Want to live in Japan'
- Hypocrite Wapanese with a pole stuck too far up her ass. Urgent trolling needed! Try asking how to use flash
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Wapanese is part of a series of topics related to Anime. ネ |
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Wapanese is part of a series on AZNS |
Those Who Will Love You Long Time
Amuria • Ayuka Narita • Biostudentgirl • Darktrap • Don Henrie • Eelgirl • Emotion Eric • Gas Mask Girl • Hard Gay • Imagec0rrupt3d • Kari Ferrel • Little Fatty • Tila Tequila • Tubgirl • The Wine Kone • Trap-kun • Yumix |
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Azn Stuff
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Places and Leaders
China • Good Korea • Japan • Kim Jong Ill • Pol Pot | |
More Dangerous Than They Look
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| Featured article February 16, 2006 | ||
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| Preceded by Stumbleupon | Wapanese | Succeeded by Tom Anderson |
| Featured article July t8, 2006 | ||
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| Preceded by MONGO | Wapanese | Succeeded by Newgrounds |

