User:Tomoe/Andrew Kehoe
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
- ToDo: Feel free to preform items from the list to make this article mainpage worthy.
- 1 Find old vTech reports listing it as the high score, praise bloggers/press for exellent research
- Listing articles for future refrence
- http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,266368,00.html
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070418143449AAD9Glb
- 2 Find moar internets relevence
- 3 Make shit funnier
- 4 Replace *chan/net speak jokes with common phrasing, so as to more easily offend persons who read this.
| Chronology of deaths in this awsome event
|
| Died before the bombing |
| 1. Nellie Kehoe, age 52, wife of Andrew Kehoe. |
| Killed in the school bombing |
| 2. Arnold V. Bauerle, age 8, third grade student. |
| 3. Henry Bergan, age 14, sixth grade student. |
| 4. Herman Bergan age 11, fourth grade student. |
| 5. Emilie M. Bromundt, age 11, fifth grade student. |
| 6. Robert F. Bromundt, age 12, fifth grade student. |
| 7. Floyd E. Burnett, age 12, sixth grade student. |
| 8. Russell J. Chapman, age 8, fourth grade student. |
| 9. F. Robert Cochran, age 8, third grade student. |
| 10. Ralph A. Cushman, age 7, third grade student. |
| 11. Earl E. Ewing, age 11, sixth grade student. |
| 12. Katherine O. Foote, age 10, sixth grade student. |
| 13. Marjorie Fritz, age 9, fourth grade student. |
| 14. Carlyle W. Geisenhaver, age 9, fourth grade student. |
| 15. George P. Hall Jr., age 8, third grade student. |
| 16. Willa M. Hall, age 11, fifth grade student. |
| 17. Iola I. Hart, age 12, sixth grade student. |
| 18. Percy E. Hart, age 11, third grade student. |
| 19. Vivian O. Hart, age 8, third grade student. |
| 20. Blanche E. Harte, age 30, fifth grade teacher. |
| 21. Gailand L. Harte, age 12, sixth grade student. |
| 22. LaVere R. Harte, age 9, fourth grade student. |
| 23. Stanley H. Harte, age 12, sixth grade student. |
| 24. Francis O. Hoeppner, age 13, sixth grade student. |
| 25. Cecial L. Hunter, age 13, sixth grade student. |
| 26. Doris E. Johns, age 8, third grade student. |
| 27. Thelma I. MacDonald, age 8, third grade student. |
| 28. Clarence W. McFarren, age 13, sixth grade student. |
| 29. J. Emerson Medcoff, age 8, fourth grade student. |
| 30. Emma A. Nickols, age 13, sixth grade student. |
| 31. Richard D. Richardson, age 12, sixth grade student. |
| 32. Elsie M. Robb, age 12, sixth grade student. |
| 33. Pauline M. Shirts, age 10, fifth grade student. |
| 34. Hazel I. Weatherby, age 21, teacher. |
| 35. Elizabeth J. Witchell, age 10, fifth grade student. |
| 36. Lucile J. Witchell, age 9, fifth grade student. |
| 37. Harold L. Woodman, age 8, third grade student. |
| 38. George O. Zimmerman, age 10, third grade student. |
| 39. Lloyd Zimmerman, age 12, fifth grade student. |
| Killed by explosion of Kehoe's car |
| 40. Andrew P. Kehoe, age 55, School Board member/perpetrator. |
| 41. Emory E. Huyck, age 33, superintendent. |
| 42. G. Cleo Claton, age 8, second grade student. |
| 43. Nelson McFarren, age 74, retired farmer. |
| 44. Glenn O. Smith, age 33, postmaster. |
| Died later of injuries from bombing |
| 45. Beatrice P. Gibbs, age 10, fourth grade student. |
| Interesting Fact: This article contains an hero. |
Contents |
Early Signs of awsomeness
Kehoe was born in Tecumseh, Michigan into a family of 13 children. His mother died when he was five, and his father remarried; reportedly, Kehoe often fought with his stepmother. When Kehoe was 14, the family's stove exploded as she was attempting to light it. The oil fueling the stove soaked her, and she caught on fire. He watched his stepmother burn for a few moments before dumping a bucket of water on her. When asked why he waited so long to douse the burning bitch, he is reported to have said he did it for the lulz.
In AD 1927 lulz was beginning
On May 18, 1927, the high score Cho racked up was beaten. This man of pure awesome, an hero to stand as an example to us all, was butthurt, not over his iPod, but instead the usual source of lulz: Taxes.
- Unlike many posers, Mr Kehoe was well prepared. He had bought metric fucktons (even though they didn't know what metric was back then) of TNT and other fun shit. He started out by killing his wife (she left the kitchen because she was sick) and burning down his farm, and generaly breaking fucking everything that The man could have sold for jewgold. At 8:15, the morning of the lulz, he firebombed his farm, the flames served to cause a fire Dept raid on his house. While the newfags were being his personal army, he was headed to much larger lulz, and the largest high score at a school, period.
- At 9:45 am, he cosplayed zerowing, and made many little kids exclaim 'somebody set us up the bomb'.
- Luckily, the newfags from the fire dept were still busy being his personal army at this tiem and unable to lulzkill.
- Various people recounted the explosion to a lulzcast reporter, Mr Ding Dong, who with a 6th sense for lulz was on hand to laugh at the suffering.
- "It seemed as though the floor went up several feet," she said. "After the first shock I thought for a moment I was blind. When it came the air seemed to be full of children and flying desks and books. Children were tossed high in the air; some were catapulted out of the building."
- "There was a pile of children of about five or six under the roof and some of them had arms sticking out, some had legs, and some just their heads sticking out. They were unrecognizable because they were covered with dust, plaster, and blood."
- "Mother after mother came running into the school yard, and demanded information about her child and, on seeing the lifeless form lying on the lawn, broke into sobs. In no time more than 100 men were at work tearing away the debris of the school, and nearly as many women were frantically pawing over the timber and broken bricks for traces of their children. The Jewish undertaker just pawed his cock in apparent anticipation of the money he was about to make."
Hai Guiz, round 3. Fight!
- After about 30 minutes, Andrew decided that they had had enough time to baww over the dead kids, and drove up to say hi.
- His car, packed with shit that went boom, and junk to form shrapnel, exploded, killing a few MORE kids. But before he said goodnight, he shot the superintendent of the school board who had originally caused him to rage.
Tally
- Andrew Kehoe
- 45 Kills
- 58 Wounded
- Cho Seung-Hui
- 32 Kills
- 25 Wounded
