User:Archiver/6

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shit photoshooping by Dorian Thorn

Thorn Terror Level Alert.

Dorian Thorn wants to show you his boner.

Dorian's sister

Dorian Thorn (aka Matthew Thompson from Quincy, Massachusetts) is a fake. He exposed himself on his personal sex blog on August 24, 2009. He admitted to faking lots of his pictures, as though noone could tell from such obvious horse-shit photoshopping as that bullshit on the street. He didn't even stick those corncobs up his ass. The proof is at His GAY Blog. He even faked semen! And the sister he allegedly fucked was actually his ex wife.

It all started when ~~boozecruiseee~~ posted a thread on getoffmyspace mocking Mr & Mrs Thorn's MySpace memorial page and YouTube video for dead baby, Caleb Gerard Thorn. Upon discovering this meager post of mediocrity (due to being a super internet ninja detective who got an anonymous email) Dorian suffered from mega butthurt. As no waaaambulances were around he decided to join in with the harassing under the sock-puppet account goombatree and stage an epic prank for his lulz.

getoffmyspace lolled, not knowing all the nudie threads were really posted by Dorian himself, and he was fapping mercilessly to their responses, and laughing even harder than all of getoffmyspace put together. He befriended them, gained access to their personal journals and phone numbers, and somehow even scared them IRL. Dorian, being a self-proclaimed exhibitionist, received enough cream in his pants to last at least a decade, and then proceeded to embark upon what many now say is the greatest comeback prank in the history of the internet.

However, some would disagree, holding to the opinion that Dorian is the one full of epic fail, and none of this affected getoffmyspace in the least. After all, Dorian is the one who now has to deal with the fact that his peanut butter covered dick is all over the Internet, while getoffmyspace has returned to business as usual. All that is certain is many lulz were had all around, and opinion varies wildly as to who, if anyone, really came out on top here.

THE PLAYERS

Dorian remains dignified at all times.

Dorian loves his mom a LOT.

Dorian, aka Meatpuppet, aka Goombatree aka BLT

Dorian is usually found at his mom's house where he has been known to perform fellatio on younger men. He loves the taste of delicious cock sauce and also derives pleasure from having cum all over his face and asshole. He also has been known to slather peanut butter on his cock and shove corncobs up his ass for the amusement of internet strangers.

Dorian claims to be bisexual, but really, he's just willing to screw anything as long as he can upload the pictures to xpeeps. This includes food and toys belonging to his mother. He cultivates a healthy interest in masochism and transvestites. Some photographs suggest an added interest in furries as he has photographed himself screwing stuffed toy animals.

Most importantly he is an exhibitionist: he gets off showing his ginger cock and pasty white ass on the internets to anyone he can trick into looking without vomiting.

Fun Facts:

He brags about all of this in his workplace.
He edits his own ED article.
He trolls hard.
He is a "computer science major".
He sleeps with a Transformers bedspread.
He loves pink crocs.
He has a ridiculous amount of free time on his hands.
~~He is probably fapping to this article at this very moment.~~ Definitely fapping.

These FUN FACTS were published first by DORIAN HIMSELF in an open community of thousands, so FAIR GAME!

His real name is Matthew Thompson.
His cell phone # is 857-526-5191.
If you call/text him, he will fap.

Claudia

The angle most guys know Claudia Thorn best.

Claudia Thorn

Claudia is the mother of Caleb Gerard who is currently without Internet access, and so receives much of her information secondhand when she is not busy sucking and fucking every cock she comes across until they drown her in cum. She is butthurt that she was unable to participate more directly in all this, Dorian's self-proclaimed epic-ness and mad vegetable skillz have kept her lolling all along because they are both sick fucks.

Fun Facts:

She has repulsive scarring on her face of undetermined origin, but general medical opinion is that Thorn's man milk has radioactive properties due to him being bitten by an experimental ass spider cultivated by the man, and when you're a cumbag, spillage is sadly inevitable.
Many people have told her that she "makes pink hair hot". These people are confusing the word hot, for the word BLEUGH.
She is an ~*~ internet model ~*~
She loves the cock almost as much as her boyfriend Dorian, which is why it's odd that she had hers removed.
She is annoyed that she does not have her own ED page, but she is a skanked up fucking nobody so why the balls should she?
She insisted on having more of her pics on this page, go figure.

GOMS

Hapless Getoffmyspace member gets FLAMED.

A mediocre snark community on LiveJournal also known as Getoffmyspace which has developed a fair following since its creation in 2005.

Fun Facts

The first rule of GOMS is, you do not snitch about GOMS.
The second rule of GOMS is, you do not snitch about GOMS.
After his pranking was done, Dorian was briefly a member.
GOMS, because of their epic win, was unable to deal with Dorian as a member and so he is no longer among them.
As such, Dorian is no longer bound by either the first or second rule.
Membership in GOMS is highly exclusive, requiring one to check one's soul at the door.
Opinions that go against the collective are frowned upon in GOMS.
GOMS was not pwned by Dorian Thorn.
GOMS was not mindfucked by Dorian Thorn.
GOMS did not have to close down several times and re-write their rules because of Dorian Thorn.
GOMS has been just as good after Dorian Thorn as it was before.
GOMS is telling themselves these things over and over again.

IN THE BEGINNING

LiveJournal user and member boozecruiseee starts a thread posting a link to a bad taste MySpace memorial page for a dead baby named Caleb Gerard. It includes an eerie YouTube video of father Dorian Thorn holding their now-dead baby whilst singing in the style of a homo, and doing it badly. The retards of Getoffmyspace somehow draw up the conclusion that Caleb's death was drug related, because they're all obviously qualified medical experts. Members continue to mock and LOL, as is normal practice.

Dorian Thorn receives a tip-off that Getoffmyspace is insulting the memory of his dead baby. Although a dead baby MySpace page and making fun of them are both in equally bad taste, Dorian took the nobody's-allowed-to-poke-fun-at-my-famz-but-me stance and called upon the LiveJournal Abuse Gods to hear his plea. They, of course, did not.

So the Thorns, under the belief that the death of a child warranted sympathy, began contacting a number of the young moms from the deadbaby mockpost, and Claudia even called boozecruiseee at home, somehow giving her boyfriend Dorian "Famous Internet Stalker" status among the community. This almost faded into deadlulz, as it was in the times with the community. Dorian needed a new plan. Then suddenly, he had an epiphany:

“	They fucked with my family. So, I'll fuck back. With THEIR "family". Not their real families, of course. I mean, their GOMS family.	„
—Dorian's epiphany

GOOMBATREE APPEARS

LiveJournal user themoonfell posts Dorian's xpeeps account on Getoffmyspace after a lurker called goombatree forwards her the link. Much lol is had at Dorian's bizarre noodz and serial killer stare. Dorian Thorn see this and gets a hard-on. He hatches a plan and decides to employ themoonfell, who in turn uses thumbsupmelanie's help. As Goombatree, he talks them into setting up a roleplay with him in a "master" and "mistress" situation. thumbsupmelanie sets up the name Mistress Nemi, and requests Dorian (her new cyber-slave) to take noodz. Dorian prepares noodz of himself engaging in anal sex, sucking big meaty cocks and facial cum shots. He uploads the photos to his Flickr account (xmeatpuppetx). The photos are set to 'public' but Dorian pretends to believe that they are only visible to his contacts list. He claims that if anyone else saw them he would be butthurt.

themoonfell posts all of the nudes that were sent on Getoffmyspace with a copypasta of their Yahoo chat of the roleplaying. The post was a mega win. Getoffmyspace loled even more not knowing that Dorian, as a self-proclaimed exhibitionist, is watching and fapping harder and harder with each lol comment that is posted. Dorian decides it's time to empty his load, right on the face of Getoffmyspace.

The twist, of course, is that the unknown lurker goombatree is, in fact, Dorian himself. He pretends to be a 24-year-old female from Maryland. Under the Goombatree account, he makes posts mocking himself and immediately sees the Getoffmyspace retards falling over themselves with lolz. Even though Goombatree appeared out of nowhere, none of the retards at Getoffmyspace find this strange.

Goombatree takes over from "Mistress Nemi", her mistress name would be "Mistress Goimslavi DaVinci". None of the Getoffmyspace retards find anything suspicious about a noob with a sock puppet account stepping in. Some think that Goombatree is just searching for e-fame. After pretending to roleplay with Dorian, Goombatree posts a TL;DR AIM conversation during which he takes more noodz. These include his penis covered in peanut butter, a corn of cob up his ass and GOMS written across his ass.

“	my name that you will write is GoimS, pronounced GOY-EM-ESS in case I ever want to hear you screaming it out loud and like all my slaves you will write it across your ass with a black sharpie and use your asscrack for the letter "i" so it's balanced 2 letters on each cheek the "i" of your asscrack in the middle.	„
— "Mistress DaVinci" to Dorian Thorn on AIM

It brings major LULZ and the Getoffmyspace retards rejoice at the feeling of win because he's so ~*stupid*~. Dorian is still fapping harder than ever and is about to explode.

Goombatree posts Dorian's cellphone number for the Getoffmyspace retards to text him more mistress style requests (pictures will be sent one-on-one). They do so with their personal cellphone numbers, ignoring Dorian's history of stalking and harassing some of the Getoffmyspace retards. They await the noodz and lols.

Two days later Goombatree starts a new thread informing everyone that Dorian gave her his Flickr/Yahoo password so that she can be the one to control that account. None of the Getoffmyspace retards seem to think that anything is odd by this. Goombatree then drops a bomb. By looking into Dorian's email, Goombatree discovers a secret informer emailing and warning Dorian of potential butthurt:

“	Mistress DaVinci and Mistress Nemi are from Get Off Myspace. They are scamming you and posting your naked photos on the internet so that hundreds of people can harass you. Get Off MySpace has given out your E-mail, and phone number. Also, They E-mailed your mom. My advice would be to take legal action. Call a lawyer. What is going on is illegal harassment and sexual abuse and slander and invasion of privacy and fraud. You should take legal action.	„
— Anonymous user who was previously butthurt by GOMS and should just become an hero now.

The Getoffmyspace retards start to shit bricks and aids.

THE IDIOTS FOLLOW

Goombatree then convinces everyone that Dorian is stalking her by sending her 75+ emails asking for his account back or she'll face having her head sawed off and the FBI. The Getoffmyspace retards shit even bigger bricks, things are getting SRS. Goombatree refuses to post the emails on GetoffMyspace because of sensitive information, users ask to be emailed or messaged but Goombatree refuses this also. Instead, she posts the emails within her her personal LiveJournal and requests that those interested add her as a friend. Again, the Getoffmyspace retards don't see anything weird in this and over 150 add goombatree to their friends lists allowing him to accesses personal information for potential flames.

Some people thought it was getting out of hand, thinking user Goombatree was pulling a *vendetta* on him, thus staying out of the whole thing. Goombatree was batshit insane to some and a villainous mistress of epic lawlz to others.

The community goes insane and breaks down. For security reasons (having a snitch on the loose) all members are deleted. To re-gain membership, the retards have to go through a process tighter than Caleb's preemie asshole. It happens twice and the retards are forced to take up offline hobbies. Members slowly start to be re-added.

But NOBODY fucking saw what was coming.

Dance, Puppets, Dance

After constant butt & head scratching by a small group of Getoffmyspace members who sensed that something is not quite right, they finally conclude (with the help of IP tracking) that "Goombatree" is, in fact, Dorian himself. Mod richey makes a public post announcing that they are 90% sure that goombatree is Dorian Thorn. After 2.4 minutes, Dorian Thorn replies with a link to his LiveJournal entry revealing the whole plan. Richey edits post:

“	goombatree is Dorian Thorn. ETA: And he's confirmed this is true, so we're done here.	„
— Richey

Goombatree is revealed to be Dorian Thorn. GOMS freaks.

The retards at Getoffmyspace flock to Dorian's TL;DR post where they admit defeat and proceed to suck the remainders of peanut butter from his cock. Most notably, some hot wapanese under the name of Autumn_Luna requests to be Dorian Thorn's new BFF.

Quite possibly it is the most epic post in the history of the internets in which Dorian reveals that everything you know is a lie. Many members agree that it was very much one of the best, most well-played comebacks/mindfucks in at least 100 years. As far as e-dramz goes, Dorian not only took the cake, he had everyone involved take a slice, chew it up, spit the mushy cake parts into his asshole, which he then shits out back onto their faces, like a scat bukkake full of deliciousness instead of rashy-red VD, AIDS, and searing regret. I hear he has the best IRL orgies and fingerbangs better than Chuck Norris (which can all be found in xmeatpuppetx where Dorian is once again taking requests for noodz).

Other Getoffmyspace members feel violated and question whether Dorian really did this to avenge the memory of his baby, or if he just used the community to fill his perverted fantasy of having a crowd of young females stare at his cock while screaming MOAR. In all likelihood, it was a little of both. All that is certain is that this allowed him to keep his pants filled with cream for the next decade.

TEH DRAMA FINISHED

After the drama, Dorian, apparently not done fapping, briefly became a member of Getoffmyspace, which ultimately did not last, as it was forbidden by the mods to discuss him, yet it is difficult to forget a peanut buttery penis when it is commenting just next to you. Wiser heads prevailed, and Dorian was BANNED (he maintains, whining, they could have just asked him to leave). It is now a bannable offense to mention Dorian's name in any GOMS-affiliated community, with the exception of amputee_milfs, apparently, cuz GOMS people are sneaky. But then, so is Dorian.

BUT WHO WON?

Everyone has their own opinion. Judge for yourself:

WARNING: IMAGES BELOW MIGHT MAKE YOU BLIND. AFTER VIEWING WASH EYES OUT WITH ACID THEN CONTACT YOUR LOCAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL OR JUST KILL YOURSELF.

GOMS not being pwned by Dorian's efforts.	Dorian Thorn wearing a sock on his dick.	GOMS security tightens to levels Fort Knox is envious of.	Dorian Thorn shoving an ear of corn up his own ass.
GOMS expressing mild incredulity that Goombatree is actually Dorian.	Dorian Thorn SHOVING AN EAR OF CORN UP HIS OWN ASS!	The mods finally begin to catch on.	Dorian poses for Mistress Nemi.
Goombatree declared public enemy #1.	Dorian wearing lingere with a banana in his ass.	A faithful GOMS member stands up for the persecuted Goombatree mere hours before the outing.	Dorian riding a cucumber.
The mods ban any more mention, contact, or hint of Dorian Thorn forever.	Naked troll trolls HARD.	Dorian comes back to ED under a new account, edits his page, and then tells people to stop editing his page and get over it.	Dorian Loves You.

So, who won? Let's be honest. No one got out of this one with their dignity intact. But then, the story doesn't end here. For the sequel to all this, one has to see what happened between Dorian and the Amputee Milfs.

Some notable quotes from this fantastical journey:

“	i am going to have to ask you to stop saying 'lol'	„
—Mistress Nemi

“	OMG I know, even I was getting tired of looking at my weener	„
—Dorian Thorn in response to 'oh so much peen'

“	What's a sock puppet?	„
—"Goombatree", in response to new tightened security measure at GOMS

“	And since you have my number, I assume you still have my requests?	„
—Autumn_Luna, making sure Dorian Thorn still has her number saved for future gangbangs

“	I have groupies now, for christ's sake!	„
—Dorian Thorn, reflecting on (and probably fapping to) his newfound fame

“	It took GOMS a thread in GOMS_SUX with more than 250 replies to convince themselves I didn't win. It took me only a single post in my own journalto convince the rest of the Internet I did.	„
—Dorian Thorn, still reading fanmail

“	DORIAN THORN WE LOVE YOU!	„
—sign spotted in dorm room window at Dorian's school

TESTIMONIALS:

“	Dorian and Claudia Thorn made me cum 80 times at once. My genitalia blew off in a fit, but it's okay because I have no use for it ever again.	„

“	Dorian helped me become a better person in just 1 hour. Now I'm overseas in India, helping the poor like some sort of NoxyTheresa, and he is a millionaire. I am perfectly okay with this.	„