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From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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This page tells the back stories and origins to the ever growing internet meme, Jordan Glasper the Un-Patriotic Nigra.
On August 22nd, 2007, a Hell reject by the name of Jordan Glasper thought he would make a clever and amusing post on his Myspace account. His post, which unfortunately no longer exists, states the following:
Basically the density and self imploding bull shit in that quote, qualifies Jordan as an Unpatriotic Nigra. He obtained this name considering he admits to hating free speech, and claims that niggers actually did shit for this country. The meme began when fellow btards alike found this post. They took the one picture he did have, and created the poorly edited picture you see on the right.
Jordan in a Nutshell
Jordan is without a doubt the most obnoxious,loudest, putrid, prideful, and oblivious nigger you can ever meet. Seriously this guy has clogged a toilet moar times than a furfag has gotten his penis stuck in a fursuit. Jordan is so annoying, that one time Mother Nature was forced to take a massive shit in the Middle East. Plain and simple, he is loud and doesn’t know it, farts wherever and whenever, claiming it can’t be held in (He’d fart in a fucking oxygen tank for terminally ill children if he could), hocks up a loogie over every 9000 nanoseconds, and talks like he’s unstoppable and can best everyone at everything. (Even claims to be better at Fire Emblem than real RPGfags) Basically this guy thinks he is Nigger Jesus, on crackzoids. The truth is, he is extremely repulsive, and upsets the people around him. The only two shits he gives when confronted on his behavior, is the Chinese food explosions bursting out of his horrific hair infested assholes.
How it all began
It is well known that Satan manages a factory in hell that produces niggers, retards, homosexuals, furries, and Muslims. He used to be co-manager for the Heavenly Department of Righteous Creations (HDRC), until he claimed that he could beat God in Super Smash Brothers. This got him demoted to the Industrial Factory for Creating Individuals that Nobody Likes (IFCINL). In the year 1965 A.D., Satan thought he would defy the system and create white humans anyways. Eventually, like a democrat stuffing a ballad, he got caught by the chief secretary angel from the HDRC. The angel, Steve Harold’s, said that he was not permitted to create perfect individuals, and gave Satan, as well as his underlings, a big fat citation. Satan became furious and stated that it was absurd that he is only permitted to create the lowest life forms known to the animal kingdom. Satan carefully acquired a lawyer, considering there are billions of them lurking around in hell. The very well known Satan VS the Board of Creators case lasted for about two months, and was full of lulz. Satan ultimately lost and was forced to continue with the mass production of AIDS, special people, fags, furfags, and Muslims. Like a good little bitch that got pwned hard, Satan decided to occasionally warp the system, and shit on to the conveyer belts in his factory. On June 6th, 1966 A.D., Satan had a surprise birthday party thrown for him by his employees. Satan got extremely wasted along with his underlings, and they decided to create the vilest, nastiest, most AID infested thing that they could think of. He and his underlings had a jizz fest and all jizzed into an empty KFC bucket. But that wasn’t enough. They shit in it, put pieces of their bodies in it, and Kool-Aid. They even went to Hitler’s Hell shack and squeezed his teets and threw his milk in it. Being the drunken bastards that they were, they stuck this glowing concoction in the Nigger Make 9002. This is where the shit really hit the fans. What emerged was a car sized pile of shit, with thousands of self ejaculating micro dicks. Based on reports from Satan, the terrifying pile took the form of a fat greasy Negroid human in mere minutes. It is also important to note, that only 2 percent of the pile was left behind. Because Satan recklessly created this thing, he was ordered by God himself to manage it, and keep it in hell considering it didn’t qualify as “sperm worthy.” For two decades Satan let Jordan loose in hell causing mischief and wreaking social havoc (You know social problems in Hell are bad). In 1988, one of Satan’s top engineers created a machine that could convert any living organism into a simpler sperm form. After getting permission from God, and filling out paper work, Satan had the little devil that is Jordan converted into sperm, sealed, refrigerated, and sent out the next day to a random set of nigger balls. Unfortunately Jordan was too much for even the balls of a brass monkey. The semen was demonically delivered by John Craig (Also a CBUfag) to a random nigger in Las Vegas, Nevada. Shortly afterwards, the man’s balls bloated to twenty times normal size, turned orange, then were forced out of his shaft very slowly and painfully. The nigger was later found dead, with no balls, and no cock for that matter. According to urban legend, Jordan was an active sperm that found its way to the vaginal canal of Rosie O’Donnell, the only thing that could handle him. After she gave birth, she gave Jordan up for adoption somewhere in Africa. That is where Jordan raped the shit out of the Golden Girls. In the year 2007, Jordan decided to attend a college called, California Baptist University (CBU), located in Riverside. This decision was most likely to break every toilet on campus, rape every girl on campus, and just be an annoying nigger on campus.
Infesting the Campus (First Year)
The first thing you need to know about this, is that the university Jordan attends in Riverside California, is where he commits most of his rapes, toilet clogging’s, and inadvertent deaths. Jordan’s presence on the CBU campus is like a thorn lodged up your little sisters clitoris, and you have to hear her bitch about it while you drive her to the ER, because your mom is too busy sleeping with your math teacher in order to get your grades up. In Jordan’s freshmen year, he lived in the freshmen dorms, on hall 3D. This is yet another reason why that hall sucks ass. Anyways, his roommate, Jeremy the half nigger, was among the first on campus who had to deal with his smell, and ridiculous social behavior. Months Hours passed, and Jordan’s named had echoed throughout the campus. Girls thought he was filthy mcnasty, and guys wished he would drop dead in the night. Basically sitting in class with this guy, and listening to him give MASSIVE life stories and accomplishments to the teacher, shout the answers out like a little first grader, and scream at the top of his lungs during a test, is as embarrassing and knuckle biting as watching the banned episodes of Pokémon with your grandparents. The most obnoxious thing he does is when he shouts to people halfway across the school cafeteria. If he can beat the sound of a large crowd, you know it’s annoying. On top of that, he gives out relationship advice like candy. Pretty funny considering that he admits he’s been in 15 plus FAILED relationships. Half way through first year, his roommate woke up one morning to find him fapping to a picture of his girlfriend. That was pretty much the ultimate downfall for Jordan. You just don’t do that, especially when you’re in the same fucking 10X10 room as your roommate. Because the nigger couldn’t keep it in his pants, his roommate moved to a different room, and Jordan became the hall butt monkey. (I lived on 1B BTW) What’s even more disturbing, is the fact that Jordan acted like he did nothing wrong. After the first year, Jordan created a general hatred against himself. The people who actually do hang out with him on campus are most likely furries or they are hard of hearing, can’t see shit, and can’t smell. BTW he’s studying the theology major and wants to become a pastor.
A Toilets Worst Nightmare
WARNING: EXTREMELY GRAPHIC!!!
Jordan is notorious for keeping plumbers in business. In fact Mario and Luigi currently have Jordan marked for their best customer. Here’s the science behind it. Because of the way Jordan was created, instead of his body being mostly water and oxygen like normal people, he is mostly shit, jizz, and annoying. When he takes a shit, not only is the processed child that he consumed coming out as shit, but actual parts of his body come out. Actual shit molecules dispatch from his skin. It’s okay for him though because there is new shit to replace the old shit. Rather than ‘’mitosis’’, this is actually known as ‘’shitosis’’. So anyways, so much shit comes out of this nigger (a lot from his mouth too) that even a powerful state of the art jet pumped public toilet has a hard time keeping it down. But there’s more to it than that. You see Jordan also spills his jizz onto his shit when he’s done. Basically when he was congealed in Hell, his own shit and jizz became new elements. Scientists have tried to collect samples, but most of them have died or been seriously injured in the process. What has been created at the very least for scientific study, are the letter symbols, Sh and Ji. (These show up on an official top secret periodic table of elements) When Jordan’s jizz meets his shit, they become a covalent compound. It is one of the most potent compounds to ever exist, and kills marine life instantly. There are a couple of theories as to why Jordan creates this toilet clogging, and fish killing compound. The first theory is that this is simply his way of marking his skin droppings, and cleansing his penis of his own self inflicting painful semen. The second theory is that he’s so much of a pompous all talker, that he even thinks fish need to pay for something. Regardless of his perplexing motives, Jordan is conqueror of toilets worldwide.
Jordan’s Enemy
It is well known that niggers generally smell bad. Jordan, being a nigger, and mostly shit, is no exception to missing showers. EVAR! Sadly enough for his second year roommates, they had to suffer at the fumes of his deadly assholes, body, and mouth. When Jordan enters a room, it is like Hitler with a flame thrower entering a Jew seminar. It’s like a conglomerate of Stephen King fanboys ending up at a Twilight convention. It’s like if you were playing Super Mario 64, and then you’re suddenly playing Superman 64. It’s like taking all of the shit that has ever been shit before, and putting it into one fixed location. It’s like FUCKING TERRIBLE! More often than not, Jordan emerged from his on campus apartment, second year, and went to hang with his future butt buddy/roommate, Jonesy. Jonesy’s four roommates (A. Fry, B. Rock, Shonie, and the Great Wart) at the time weren’t incapable of smelling things, but apparently he was. Jordan permeated a smell in the apartment that eventually made Jonesy’s roommates speak out. The mighty A. Fry and Shonie would often collaborate and make hilarious jokes pertaining to his nigger stink. Overtime, and after using up many countless brain cells, Jordan finally figured out that Jonesy’s roommates were making fun of his rancid smell. Jordan became butthurt and didn’t visit as often. Shonie once posed a brilliant and deep question for Jordan: “How often do you shower?” The response is what everyone expected.
Exactly. But everyone on campus knows this nigger is full of shit, literally. His prime excuse for not having soap or a plunger is he’s too poor. Ironically enough, he’s boasted before about how his mom is SUPER RICH, and how he could easily afford any class he wants. To wrap this up, it is believed that soap actually can bring harm to Jordan. Further test will be conducted on this matter in the name of science.
Infesting the Homosexual Bus (First Year)
At CBU is a group known as the Male Chorale. The Male Chorale is full of fanboys and faggots who kiss their leader’s ass, Judd Boneher, 24/7. The other 80 percent are in it for the lulz and scholarship. In the year 2007, first year, Jordan thought it would be funny to join the Male Chorale, and “show up” everybody. Instead, his irritating and self-righteous persona made everyone butthurt and contact the mods. Moving on, Male Chorale often tours different states, singing their vintage music, and making old women (and men) orgasm. The first problem with Jordan was how much he “stood out” in the group. He claimed to be an icon that stood out with passion. Basically, he stood out like a retard trying to eat a bag of chips at Seven-Eleven. At first people were patient with him. Some philosophers in the group like B. Rock, Vinny the Smootcher, and Judd Boneher himself, had stern talks with him. They informed him that he often got a little too passionate, even for Baptist music. I know right? He was told that he often sang in triple time, when the song didn’t demand it. He was even told that passing gas in the middle of the group, or near audience members was, AGAINST THE TOS! But being the proud stupid nigger faggot that he is, he decided to tell these great philosofags that his behavior is okay, and that he “brings charm and wit to the group.” In about two weeks, he had successfully spread his annoying fever, and had thrown his dung flavored AIDS at everyone at least six-teen times. On one particular bus trip toward Washington, the bus driver Marvin, AKA the world’s biggest nigger, posted a rule saying that NO ONE was permitted to shit on the bus. He said this considering the buses septic system wouldn’t be cleaned until after the two week tour. So as you can already see where this is going, Jordan decided to go ahead and take a shit on the bus. (Most likely for the lulz) When he emerged from the buses restroom, (Jordan’s personal pimp room at this point), anons and choir fags alike were in complete shock and utter disbelief. Jordan’s excuse is that he didn’t hear the bus driver when he announced the rule. Then again, Jordan also missed the bus and had to drive out to the first concert. (Fun Fact: He blamed Jonesy and Shonie for this) From his unnatural love for Pokémon yiff, to his booger snorting antics, Jordan caused more drama on the bus when he attempted to stick up for the great philosopher, B. Rock. In the back of the bus, was an actual cool nigga who scolded B. Rock for passing too much gas. However, it was simply a nigga who was messing around with B. Rock in the first place. But anyways, Jordan thought he’d step in and leave his righteous two cents, just like he’d been doing the whole damn tour. After all, Jordan thought he was morally superior to his peers. So nigga got pissed, and nigga got in Jordan’s face something hard. It was loud, awkward, and just plain epic. After nigga was done stripping nude and beating his chest, he forced Jordan back to the front of the bus. There was a great lapse of sound, but if everyone on the bus were telepathic, they would have heard clapping and cheering. After this uncomfortable transition, the Homosexual Bus finally arrived in Washington. While staying at a host home, Jordan managed to pull off the world record of toilet clogging. The upper middle class and honest working white family that he was staying with was naive to his toilet antics. Unfortunately for them, they let him utilize their hydro facilities. Shortly afterwards, and while the family was conducting a family bible study, Jordan darted out of the bathroom informing the family that their toilet was backing up. (Most likely with his pants down) This story spread around the Homosexual Bus faster than fanboys finding out about a Zelda movie. It became the first step in giving Jordan the boot. Somewhere in Washington, the bus driver decided to stop being a nigger for a change, and gave everyone a day of fun by dropping them off at a huge mall. When it was time to meet back up, Jordan once again was late for the curfew. The white president of Male Chorale, K. Stray, told the bus driver that Jordan had his chance, and could get someone to come pick him up. He also informed the bus driver that they were in a hurry. Being the nigger that the bus driver is, he decided to represent and give Jordan at least ten moar minutes before he would drive to the next concert destination. To no surprise at all, even after people called Jordan and told him to “hurry the fuck up,” he still didn’t show. About ten yards out, everyone beheld the sight that was the walking outhouse carrying many bags of Panda Express. Jordan made it back by the skin of his golden teeth. This was the second strike. Nearing the end of tour, Jordan raped a little girl in one of the host homes he was staying at… Just kidding, but that would have been fucking hilarious, and no one would have been surprised. Fortunately, all the choir fags got a break near the end of tour. Jordan calmed down, and realized that he was using too much nigger energy to keep up his antics. After departing, Jordan did NOT continue with Male Chorale second year. He was too busy studying to become a righteous man. Sadly there is no actual footage of these events, but you can always trust 60 plus homosexuals.
Rare Footage of his Destructive Nature
In this video, you can see that Jordan starts off by infesting a simple human pyramid with his AIDS. Firstly, you’ll see that he can’t even hold the weight of his own damn nigger body. Then you’ll notice that his AIDS spread to the innocent white male on his right, causing him to fall, thus causing a chain reaction of innocents falling victim to his nigger antics. (AIDS) This was recorded in Washington, during Male Chorale Tour. He basically took out a good number of choir fags and coolfags right there.
Trivia and Quotes
Instead of redeeming his social failures in the field of women, he completely fails there too.
He claims to have a cock that could rival an elephant. Though, scientists have proven with an atomic microscope that his cock is just as tiny as his midget roommates cock. (Third year roommate)
Oddly enough, he prefers orange chicken over fried chicken.
Says he’s the most humble guy around.
He is very passionate about Super Smash Brothers.
During the epic nigger talk down on the bus, Jonesy thought he could successfully step between two niggers and help dispute the conflict. This was basically like a terminally ill furfag walking into a troll convention.
If you don’t feel like explaining to your friends the entire story of where Jordan came from, simply tell them that he came from the bottom of John Craig’s bed. Much easier, and it’s practically the same thing.
While lurking around in the greatest apartment ever, one of Jonesy’s roommates, the Great Wart, trolled Jordan and said, I bet you suck the welfare right out of our government, like a democrat sucks the validity out of facts. Jordan quickly and blindly replied with this little gem.
Yeah, that’s pretty offensive if you ask us.
Third Year
Scientist will be keeping close observation on Jordan the Niggtard during his third year at CBU. (2009-2010) Reports will be posted after that time. In the mean time, you should check out Jordan’s family photo album and life achievements. It’s full of lulz and win.
Jordan’s Family Photo Album and Life Achievements
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Everything on this page is the truth, and even now careful observation is being conducted on the Unpatriotic Nigra.
--SecretScientist 19:19, 5 September 2009 (UTC)SecretScientist
