User:AlabasterPaperstacks
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Alabaster Paperstacks (Born Alabaster Reginald Moses James McPaperstacksarelliwicz), is the product of when you crossbreed a Cock-Hungry whore with bitch-tits and a bag of "Flamin' Hot Cheetos". He was born no more than 99 years ago in Colonial Antarctica.
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[edit] Early Life
Born to a retarded drunken Lebanese prostitue and the AIDS Monkey, Alabaster was a carefree child growing up in a volcano on Antarctica. When he was a child, Alabaster found that chopsticks fit perfectly in his dick-hole. With this new found information Alabaster went on to make over $9000 performing fellatio on pedos dressed up as Alvin from "Alvin and the Chipmunks". At the ripe age of 7 he ventured forth into the world on a raft he made out of his mom's wooden leg and a giant iceberg. After 5 years he finally arrived in Mexico. After realizing how much the country of Mexico smelled like shit in a frying pan he bid that fuckin' shit-hole adeiu and departed for "lands unknown". Ten minutes and a hand-job later Alabaster arrived in America, with nothing but a pocket full of dreams and a boner for fat chicks named Freida.
[edit] Why He's So Fuckin' Great
After arriving in America and raping a girl of the Korean persuasion, Alabaster knew he arrived. His first order of business in America was to shoot up heroin while getting kicked in the dick by a dwarf. After this was accomplished he set upon his new country to purchase coloring books from every dollar store in the mid-west. This goal was cut short upon his arrival to Chicago when he realized how stupid of an idea that was as there are way too many JEWS buying Kosher hotdogs in grocery stores. After settling in Chicago he set upon becoming the first native Antarctican to abolish fat teachers in the public education system. With his newfound ability to shit with his pants up he held up the President of Zimbabwe for $13 and a bag of dirt flavored jelly beans. Realizing the vast amount of riches to be had flashing his genitals to rulers of 3rd world countries, he made his first million working in a Textile Factory. After that it was smooth sailin' and compulsive fapping.
[edit] Hobbies
- Having AIDS
- Spreading AIDS to unsuspecting foreign women.
- Punching children in the mouth for the lulz.
- Angrily masturbating to pictures of his dead dog.
- Shitting himself and blaming it on you.
- Pretending to be a 16 year old girl on the internets.
[edit] Further Exploits
He has recently signed a deal with B.A Baracus of the A-Team to throw puppies off of buildings for monetary gain. The formula for said project is as such.
1. Obtain fresh puppies.
2. Find agreeable building.
3. Throw puppy off said building.
4. ????
5. Profit!!
