Unofficial Elder Scrolls Pages
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| STOP. You have violated the law! Pay the court a fine or serve your sentence. Your stolen goods are now forfeit. |
| —UESP motto |
Unofficial Elder Scrolls Pages, often abbreviated as UESP, is an wiki that attempted to do for The Elder Scrolls what Wookieepedia did for Star Wars. Unfortunately, this resulted in flat-out phailure. It was created and run by Canadians, who also pack milk in bags. Its laughable content is released under CC-BY-SA 2.5, while its serious content is inaccessible to the public.
Contents |
History
DOS era (1E)
UESP evolved from the defunct Daggerfall FAQ (moar liek Daggerfail FAG, amirite?). The site was pretty empty due to everyone playing games on Nintendo rather than the dinosaur MS-DOS. The site's creator DaveH believed that giving the website a black background was uber-cool, so he did just that. Daggertfall FAQ suffered from competition with Oregon Trail FAQ.
Post-DOS era (2E)
After Morrowind's release, Dave realized that his tiny website could not document the 9,000+ characters introduced by the game, so he hijacked some free MediaWiki software and purchased a new domain name. He then rounded up the Internet's gaming fanbois and forced them to create at least a hundred articles a day.
Installing Arena and Daggerfall
UESP offers detailed directions for installing Arena and Daggerfall on modern computers. Unfortunately, nobody reads them and phuck up. This results in annoying and often repetitive questions on talk pages.
Namespaces
UESP is notable for its economical use of namespaces. Each game has its own namespace. This means that there are five separate articles on the same subject, and none of them link to each other. This moar often or not leads to confusion en masse. This means that that navigating through the wiki is nearly impossible.
Patrollers
Since the UESP are too lazy to watch recent changes on their own, they hired Blackwater mercenaries to patrol all revisions and censor any opposition to the wiki's cabal. Unfortunately, the Blackwater Mercs send most of their time getting drunk and raping the newcomers.
Due to pubic outcry, the administration fired the mercenaries, and hijacked another page out of Jimbo Whales book and hired volunteers to be "Patrollers". As with the volunteer patrolling on TOW, these Patrollers became obsess with their jobs and sent 24/7 patrolling edits. Due to lack of sleeping and eating, some patrollers have been found dead on their computers, not unlike that guy who played Everquest for three days.
Administration
Being a wiki about a RPG, the UESP administration love to roleplay as Knights of the Round Tables, users chosen by the hand of Dave to serve and protect. Like with all children, many of these administrators got old and tired and clicked on the Esc button. This left half of the administrators at work, while the rest remained inactive. Those that stay are generally fake editors that spent their time reverting and fixing what other users add.
Fan fiction
Due to high inflation rates, overcrowding, and a strict one-child-per-family policy, many fanfic writers left Fanfiction.net and sought refuge in UESP. As a result, UESP developed a large collection of Elder Scrolls-related fan fiction. Most UESP writers prefer the God-awful genre of fan-fiction.
Fanbois mostly write about themselves as if they would in-game characters. They generally write about how they saved the world and rape, steal, and murder people for money. Despite the stealing and murdering, fanbois expect the townspeople to treat them as heroes. Since fanbois use fan fiction to live out the lives they wish they had IRL, their characters are often Mary Sues.
Image theft
Images on UESP are generally screenshots from The Elder Scrolls. Although these screenshots are images of material copyrighted by Bethesda Softworks, the user at UESP license them under CC-BY-SA 2.5. They steal images from the games and license them under a free license, despite the fact the images should only be used for fair use purposes. UESP users uploading treat these screenshots as if they were original art, and see any attempt by other websites to use the images as art theft.
Although UESP license their images under CC-BY-SA and the fact that the images technically could be used for any Elder Scrolls site for fair use purposes, UESP is very protective over "their work" and does not allow any fan sites to use their images. UESP periodically sends its minions out to various Elder Scrolls fan sites and demand the deletion of UESP images. Coincidentally, these fan sites are competitors and alternatives to UESP, so some speculate that UESP is attempting to get a monopoly on the online Elder Scrolls community. Unfortunately, hard evidence for this motive is yet to be found.
Rogues Gallery
Administrators
- DaveH (powerword: Dave Humphrey) is UESP's founder and host. He is a Canadian pipe inspector and prevents all inappropriate uses of pipes. His apparition is to become a tube inspector. Besides The Elder Scrolls, he enjoys playing Team Fortress 2, EverQuest, and Fallout 3.
- Nephele is UESP's second-in-command and a meteorologist. His namesake is a Greek cload nymph. He is one of the few blessed with database and server access. Nephele is responsible for UESP's custom codes and extensions.
- Rpeh (powerword: Robert Peter Edward Herbert) is a former UESP administrator. He resigned in disgrace after his sockpuppet Calliope was discovered. After a short hiatus, Rpeh returned in order to fix the mistakes of another user. Fortunately, he linked to UESP Watch in order to reinforce his criticisms. Rpeh's former collegues then censored Rpeh's statements and an argument erupted. Rpeh was then blocked for a week.
- Wrye is UESP's local modder. He passed Computer Science III with high honors. He is UESP's most renowned contributors since he has a life outside of the wiki, which involved making mods and tools for gamers. Wrye enjoys roleplaying as a monkey.
- Ratwar is another UESP administrator. He openly admits to having adminitis, an offshoot of AIDS. He is known to sleep with his precious banhammer underneath his pillow.
Patrollers
- Elliot is one of UESP's recent changes patrollers. He has itchy trigger fingers and commonly reverts edits. Due to his liberal and sometimes careless use of the revert feature, he lost his patroller privileges for two weeks. He was reinstated after that two-week period ended.
Trolls and vandals
- Dagoth Ur, Mad God is one UESP's batshit insane vandal. He is presently perma-banned, but he sometimes edits anonymously or sockpuppets. He attempted to repeal his ban at least a hundred times.
- Daedryon is an UESP personal attacker who suffers from a short-fuse temper. He is prone to temper tantrums and cannot handle having his edits reverted. He also attempted to rid UESP of inactive administrators, including Ratwar. After being perma-banned, Daedryon continued to issue personal attacks on his talk page, which result in the protection of his talk page.
- Voice of Reason is a UESP troll that attempted to start a revolution. Like Daedryon, he tried to oust most of UESP's administrators. His posts stirred up the UESP community and created a large debate, and even Daedryon was impressed. Voice of Reason's plot was foiled when his sockpuppet Lawbringer was discovered.
UESP FAQ
- A bug appeared. How do I fix it?
- Guards keep casing me after I stole from a shop. What do I do?
- I want to steal, rape, and murder without penalties. What do I do?
- Where's the multiplayer?
- I want dragons. What do I do?
- I'm too stupid to save in multiple slots and I accidentally overridden my file. What do I do?
- All the NPCs hate me for murdering someone. What do I do?
Criticism
The Imperial Library used to often criticize UESP for not following the Imperial Library's version of canon. This changed for the creation of the Lore namespace, which the Imperial Library has a monopoly over.
UESP Watch
UESP Watch is a blog dedicated to bashing UESP. The blog sends most of its time complaining about UESP's administration and patrollers. Since the blog's founder has stated that he was not interested in resolving the conflict or making changes to UESP, it is unclear what UESP Watch's goals are.
How to troll UESP
UESP can be trolled like any other wiki. Like TOW, you will receive multiple warnings before getting blocked, and blocks start out with short durations and gradually become longer. UESP administrators use CheckUser liberally and are known to release IP addresses publicly. It should also be noted that proxy and TOR users are easily detected and are banned infinitely on sight. As a result, the use of sockpuppets to troll is discouraged. Even administrators are not safe. Rpeh was forced to resign in disgrace when he was caught sockpuppeteering. Obvious trolls and vandals are banned infinitely without any warning. Due to this, subtlety is recommended during trolling.
The best trolls are the ones who know what they are doing. Do research and lurk moar. Learn about The Elder Scrolls series of game; learn about MediaWiki and its syntax; learn about UESP's rules, policies, and hierarchy; learn about UESP's community and members. Play Morrowind and Oblivion if you wish. Sites such as UESP itself and the Imperial Library hold a great wealth of knowledge about the games. Lurking can be used to find out about UESP's frequent in-fighting. UESP Watch provides much information about UESP's faults and criticisms. Most importantly of all, read this fucking article – ALL OF IT.
Sample trolling methods
The following sample drama-generating trolling techniques:
- Start an argument on these Elder Scrolls game is the best (compare Morrowind to Oblivion for the greatest lulz).
- Criticize UESP or its administration.
- Ignore attempts by UESP users to have their images removed from your website.
- Bluntly criticize an UESP user's fanfic.
- Mark information in the
Lorenamespace with{{Verification needed}}. Other users would then have to confirm the information. - Report all bugs found in the game, including minor and rare ones. All bugs must be confirmed by other users.
- Write yet another method to kill Umbra in great detail.
- Add wild speculation or theories to talk pages.
- Create God-awful fanfiction.
- Ask silly questions (see the UESP FAQ section for examples).
See also
- UESP Watch
- The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind
- The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
- Imperial Library
- Dagoth Ur, Mad God
External links
- UESP – The site in question itself
- UESP Blog – Their b2evolution blog
- UESP Forums – Their phpBB forums
- UESP fan fiction – mostly Mary Sues and wannabe assassins
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