Ultimate Guitar
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Ultimate-Guitar.com is a shit site where all the guitarfags of the world have the chance to ape out at each other over who is better. The site's primary function is to host user submitted "Guitar Tablature", which helps retards who can't read music play their favorite new shitfest they heard on the radio. However, the main draw to the site is a Forum known as "The Pit", named for being the Internet equivalent to the sweaty gay orgy that metal and punk fans refer to as a mosh pit. Common to all users is a hatred for Guitar Hero (WHY WOULDN'T YOU JUST PLAY A REAL GUITAR?), and a love of either crappy acoustic songs or wanky metal with the ability to play neither in public.
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The Pit
The Pit is the sphincter of Ultimate Guitar and is one of most obvious attempts to be another ebaumsworld or Something Awful or 4chan, even though they'll vehemently deny it, while simultaneously talking shit about these sites, not realizing that all of the old memes they sit and gurgle about all day actually originated on /b/. In The Pit, newfags desperately struggle to gain recognition by licking the assholes of any mod in sight. Although a standard internet forum, the language in The Pit has degraded into the same moronic squawking and memeing that can be found in other places around the web, albeit much, much more watered down and full of fail. The few members who have been on the site for longer than a week take the opportunity to break as many rules as possible before laughing at n00bs who attempt to do the same thing and get banned. UG even has pathetic attempts at 'raids', where a member will find a video of a shitty guitar player (which is ironic, because the entire forum consists of shitty guitar players), and repeat to tell them how horrible they are, all while spamming "UG FTW!" Somehow, even though it is against the rules to do this on UG, the mods are lazy and do nothing about it. They'll lay down the law only a couple of times a month, normally just to set an example to the other members who will ignore it anyways. Some mods also take their job too seriously and ban the fuck out of anyone for the smallest reason. This is completely okay though because the user broke the no spamming rule and posted something irrelevant. An example of common board discussion is as follows:
| —theguitarist |
It is also worth mentioning, that any time a meme is spotted on UG, it can safely be considered old meme, and thus, no longer funny. Prime examples of old memes spotted en masse on UG include, but are not limited to, LOL WUT, Shoop Da Whoop, and, regrettably, Caturday.
The Cancer Killing UG
Although many users are quite unaware of this, cancer is eating away at UG (mainly the pit) and can be seen in various ways, including:
- Mods abusing their power
- *Reported*
- I Cum Blood
- Mods abusing their power by creating threads about shit that nobody cares about while drunk
- Kensai
- Vauxite and his "bitchin' trainz"
- Mods abusing their power
- Searchbar jokes
- Mods abusing their power
- cool story bro
- Mods abusing their power
- RIP Dime
- 09'ers
Girls on UG
According to the Pit, there are no girls, or niggers, on UG.
Bass
This empty part of the forum is where you will see fat, annoying basement dwellers like "thefitz" (DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS! He left) bitch and cry about every aspect of music and life. If you want an answer to a question about bass, your out of luck because your thread will get closed faster than you can say "omfg jako pastorius sux balz geddy lee ftw and dean roxx!"
Fassa Albrecht
On August 03, 2007, a stupid bitch named Fassa Albrecht joined the forums, and to this day she's highly regarded as a troll. But really she's just generally thick. In the past she's confused and stressed the living shit out of the mods and other regulars on the forum.
She then produced over 9000 threads, which many of them became fair debates on topics that might, just might provoke some interest, unlike all her other threads which she used as a blog and made everyone rage harder over time.
The Pear
Sometime last thursday, many users started posting the 'lol wut' pear to an extreme degree. Though funny, the mods decided to get butthurt about it and ban anyone on sight for using it. Not written in the rules, yet still bannable within seconds.
metabolicmaggot (The greatest troll that ever lived)
Sometime around last thursday, user metabolicmaggot was sent to Diamond Ranch Academy (DRA) for 10 months where buttsecks, rape, beatings, and serious business occurred. He claims that he was sent for no reason whatsoever and that his parents were very strict with him. After graduating DRA, metabolicmaggot (moar like metabolicfaggot amirite?) said that he forgave his parents for sending him to such a horrible place and that he had learned discipline and self respect there. At first, pit users thought he was trolling until metabolicfaggot posted a picture of his diploma of him successfully graduating. This left over 9000 pit monkeys enraged at how places such as DRA could get away with taking kids and beating them. But then as if that wasn't enough, at least 100 days later metabolicfaggot created a new thread saying that he might be getting sent back for another 2 months. A shit storm instantly occurred with users telling him to book it and go to another city or country instead of going back to that hell hole DRA. Users had set up groups to raise awareness of the evil DRA, offered donations, and even wrote songs for the kid. He would post every one or two days telling users about how his life on the lamb was going and how he didn't have much money and that he was starting to eat out of dumpsters. He had finally set up a mailing address after receiving enough support and was asking for at least 5 dollars in donations. Thats when the troll was detected. Carmel had closed the thread with this last note attached to it: "Do NOT send money to people you "know" off the internet. Oh and just in case anyone was wondering, he's been posting from the same location throughout this thread." Yep, turns out he was in the same place the entire time.
After users had found out this was the work of some epic trolling and a scam to get money, this is what they had to say:
| —some user |
| —obvious butthurt user who got trolled |
| —some user |
| —another obvious butthurt user |
| —some user |
Union Jake
Long ago, their lived a user titled Union Jake. Said user decided to create a thread in the pit titled "I feel dirty,should i?". Turns out Union Jake had a union jack off party with 3 other room mates after being disappointed with watching The Prestige. After making this thread, epic lulz ensued at Union Jake's expense, until Carmel_l decided to close the thread for quote on quote "spamming". Said thread can be found here.
Zagioh
Every now and then, someone on UG will find a video on Youtube that is so full of fail that they will post a new thread about it. Well, that's where 'Zagioh' comes in. In the video, some 10 year old retard goes on about his yugioh collection and how he could beat anyone he wants to. At least 100 UG'rs then commented on the video with saying 'UG FTW' and telling him that their pokemon cards could beat his shitty deck, and epic lulz ensued. A few hours later, Zagioh decided to get butthurt and remove the video, but someone had saved it before it was removed, and it can be seen here.
Tabs
All of the tabs on this site are wrong, since it's all user generated content. Even if they managed to get the notes right, decent fingering technique is rarely observed. While it is possible to learn songs using these, you will waste more time wading through the 14 different versions of every song and patch-working them together then you would if you just listened to the song 3 times through and figured it out for your damn self. This issue will never be resolved as the only contributers to sites like this are horribly vapid teenagers or other layabout basement dwellers who never learned to read or play music properly.
WITH TABS, SOMEDAY YOU CAN BE AS GOOD AS THIS KID:
FotB
The FotB or Forum of the Banned is a sub-forum of UG where banned n00bs and trolls go to complain about being banned. Here, mods ignore threads titled things like "I am not a racsit" or "y u do dis?". Though it is meant to be a ban-appeal board, no one is ever actually unbanned. This is because all the mods are douchebags suffering from extreme cases of unwarranted self-importance, therefore, all that happens here is that the mods abuse their powers and gang up on newfags so they can lol at them while having a circle jerk. Non-banned members are not allowed access to the FotB, because it is the only remotely funny thing on the site.
Whatever
In December of 2007, the UGer Page/Rhoads created a group on UG called Whatever. Whatever has had regular members (known as Whateverens), its own memes, and lots of stories.
The Whateverens
- Page/Rhoads -(commonly referred to as P/R) is the founder and admin of Whatever. He is a complete faggot who lives in Michigan. He doesn't listen to any good music. He refuses to listen to any music that came out after 1979, unless it's metal. He once made a complete epic fail statement when he said that Slayer kicked ass an punk was a disgrace to music. In his argument, he said "Dude, listen to Slayer's "Undisputed Attitude". Its so intense. A great work by them." (Note: Undisputed Attitude is a punk covers album by Slayer.) At first all the Whateverens thought he was trolling, but he turned out to be serious. At the time, all of Whatever's hatred was aimed at Smacky, then after Smacky it went to Drome, but after it kinda came off Drome a shitstorm of P/R flaming started for statements like that he made 2 months ago. Today, P/R never posts in Whatever because he knows everyone there hates him. They hate him so much that Smacky made a group Whatever 2.0 (which no longer exists) because P/R said he was going to delete Whatever and everyone was like DO IT FAGGOT but he pussed out. irl he is a male prostitute who only sells his service to nigger men and he makes over 9000 million dollars an hour from it because he sucks nigger dick so great.
- Godsmack311 -(commonly referred to as "Smacky" or "Smack") is the real owner of Whatever. He was one of the originals in Whatever, and he coined the term Whateveren. He got permad from the forums because he made fun of Casey Calvert dying. Despite being loved at first, he started talking about how much he loves Hitler and hate niggers. Everyone in Whatever hated this so they started flaming him like crazy. He is the most flamed person in the history of Whatever. He got flamed so much he was like FUCK YOU GUYS and left and everyone was like YAY HES GONE but this soon changed. (irl Smacky's at the time girlfriend broke off with him for a black kid. irl he also suffers from avoidant personality disorder.). Then some faggot Drome (see below) came in and started failing every post because he was a total newfag. Smacky came back as a complete liberal shit anti-racist communist because everyone in Whatever told him to come and help them flame Drome. Today, he is the most loved person in Whatever, and his political stance in Paultard.
- dio_dude -Smacky but from Australia and without all the political shit. Also one of the originals. Was the first one to point out to everyone that Drome was a complete newfag. Also won the game when he tricked Drome into e-mailing him his UG password and then hacking his account (even though smacky did most of it). He was recently perma'd from the forums.
- Drome371/Delta3Xray -(known as Drome) Almost as big of a faggot as P/R. He came in, sucked up to P/R in everyone of his posts, and tried his best to fit in even though he was a complete faggot. He's also a Mormon. I'm not making that up. He really is. He was even a Mitt Romney supporter. He doesn't know any music other than Metallica. That's the only thing P/R is cooler than someone at, music taste and knowledge with Drome. He was originally Drome371, but then dio_dude totally fucking owned when he got Drome's password. Then Smacky posted his log-in information on /b/, which led to Drome371 being perma'd. Drome made a multi "Delta3Xray" and then the mods understood he was hacked so that shit multi isn't banned. Whatever has recently learned to accept Drome, even though he's still a massive faggot.
- mr freezy -From England. One of the originals. Like Smacky, he suffers from avoidant personality disorder irl. Him and Smacky often battle to see who's life is shittier.
- Freezy: bawwwwww my girlfriend left me for another kid bawwww
- Smacky: bawwww just be happy hes not black bawwwwww
- Freezy: bawwwwww stfu I have it worse bawwwwwwww
- Smacky: bawwwwwww no I do bawwwwwwww
Freezy is also openly bisexual and is a former huge pothead. He also recently turned into an emo who listens to Good Charlotte and Bring Me The Horizon and hates Pink Floyd.
- Le_meow117 -(called "Meowth") A canadian 12 year old who just does what everyone else is doing. "Hey guys, I hate Smacky. O wait, now I hate Drome olololololol." Not one of the originals.
- Wojtus -Meowth but doesn't hate anybody and is an original.
A Sample of Whatever's memes
- The song Low by Flo Rida and T-Pain.
- olololololol
- Dream Theater
- The song Guilty of Being White by Minor Threat.
- THE BEST/FRANTICK]
Original UG Memes
Believe it or not, The Pit has actually created their own little memes, which consist of saying "I Cum Blood" whenever a thread concerning music is involved and "Faster Tom Runn!!" when a user is in deep shit. Other memes include Herman Ri, tits on a whale, dimebuckers in a tele, gameboy soundcard in a pickup, "it's a stereo amp...", whammy without a whammy bar, crushing overdrive, searchbar jokes, "k koo", a douche bag with carrot top hair playing bass, circle jerk jake and ITS SHRED TIME! More faggotry is sure to come..
See Also
External Links
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Ultimate Guitar is part of a series on Music |
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