Religion

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

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HOLY SHIT GOD DOESN'T EXIST!!!1

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RELIGION: People always shove it down your throat.

Impmon and the truth about religion

Religion is a severe mental illness created roughly 6000 years ago, at the same time as the Earth. Since then, religion has been one of the biggest sources of drama, faggotry, and unwarranted self-importance in the world today, secondary only to the internet. It is responsible for such insanity as Christfags believing that beating someone half to death with a 2,000 year old book will heal them and Muslims believing that if they blow themselves up they will get 72 virgins.

Even athiests are not immune to the psychotomimetic effects of religion; the mere mention of religion is enough to send any atheist into hours of butthurt shitfits.

How to Tell If a Religion is Right For You

Are you a twisted pedo who wants to tear open an altar boy's asshole?
Do you like to murder hundreds of heathens and infidels?
Do you leik mudkipz?
Are you an ultraconservative?
Do you hate facts and science?

If you answered, "OMG! YES! R U SRS?" to these questions, then you need... Religion!

...or mudkipz.

A Summary of All Religions

ROUND 1, FIGHT!

God

VS.

Satan

Religion and Encyclopedia Dramatica

[16:44] =-= Jebus was booted from #encyclopediadramatica by lolibot (GB2/Oven)

[16:46] =-= God was booted from #encyclopediadramatica by lolibot (IDIFTL)

[16:51] =-= Muhammed was booted from #encyclopediadramatica by lolibot (pork)

[16:52] =-= bhudda was booted from #encyclopediadramatica by lolibot (No-fat-chicks)

[16:57] <lolibot> L_Ron_Hubbard is now an Assistant operator of the famous Yourbot IRC Bot.

About God

God is a controversial figure whose hobbies include self-contradiction, racism, genocide, mind control, telekinesis, voyeurism, bondage and basic pwnage. He is also referred to as 'Brahman', 'Dio', 'Allah', 'Weev', the 'Flying Spaghetti Monster' and Ayn Rand.'

Why He Is Famous

Most famous for his creation of the universe, space, time, reality and penises, he has received mixed responses since. Less known accomplishments include flooding the Earth, killing every first born son in Egypt and keeping Muhammad's hashish stock supplied.

Despite this involvement many have wondered whether God is really doing it all for the lulz, considering the inexplicable randomness with which he carries out acts of healing and smiting as well as his conspicuous absences at many major events throughout history (e.g. the Holocaust). Although millions of still-born fetuses hit the ground with a thud and millions more are ravaged by illness, it is some relief to know that his face will appear in home-made pies with alarming regularity.

Why Some Fags Don't Believe In Him

Some fags don't believe in God because he does not believe in himself, for believing in himself would prove that he exists and one cannot simply prove that God exists. These people are referred to as fagnostics.

There is also the notion that believing you have a personal relationship with a being infinitely larger than yourself makes you a crazy person. Though, this notion is only held by butthurt atheists on YouTube.

Bill122460 explains why people believe Darwin.. LuLz

God's Fan Clubs

Notice how christfags are in last place.

God has many fan clubs across the globe known as religions. These groups mainly argue among one another about God's sexual preferences and dick size, with the controversy often escalating into mutual butthurt. The two biggest religions are Christianity and Islam (Buddhism is for fags). Conflict has arisen over whether God raped Mary using his mind powers, and whether his illegitimate son is now fused with him and some randomer called the Holy Spirit in an eternal three-way gangbang. Disputes between Protestant Christians and Catholic Christians in Northern Ireland have resulted in numerous bombings, because there is some disagreement between the sexual attractiveness of the Pope. Fortunately however nobody cares about the marsh-dwelling Irish. Some hissy fits result in regrettable occurrences on a superlative scale, such as 9/11, The Crusades and the Thirty Years War.

The Jews

Moar info: Jews.

Important facts:

Jews did WTC.
Jews have huge noses
JEWS DID WTC.
Hitler pwned them 39-45
JEWS DID WTC.

Islam

Moar info: Islam.

Islam is the most recent major monotheistic religion. It was invented by a faggot named Muhammad who wrecked the shit out of his fathers' statues and was banished from his gated community. After licking a sack full of toads, he started hearing voices that told him to exploit gullible newfags and make them obey his every will.

Five Pillars of Islam

Praise Allah
Work for 7-11 or a Getty
Hate whitey... and Jewy... and Christy
Blow up fucking everything
Avoid being V& for your horrible crimes

How To Start a Religion

Welcome to the new flesh

Promise that everyone gets a load of virgin whores if they believe in your religion.
Say that those who don't believe in your religion will get the shit kicked out of them.
Campaign and speak publicly, attracting people's attention to your radically different beliefs even though you probably ripped them off from other religions.
Say that something that wasn't alright in another person's religion is alright in yours (polygamy, murder, incest, stealing, and eating meat are all good promises).
????
PROPHET!!!