Arborphilia
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Arborphilia is sexual attraction to trees, often leading to sexual intercourse. This includes attraction to both gymnosperms and angiosperms. Some arborphiles are also attracted to bryophytes; however, this symptom is less frequent. Oftentimes, an arborphile will claim saplings as his or her own offspring. Arborphiles gave rise to the phrase "morning wood", and can be observed in their natural habitat of national parks during nocturnal flights of fancy. Arborphilia is among the most conclusive evidence of rule 34.
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Dendrophilia
Arborphilia is also known as dendrophilia, which some argue is the more correct term as it does not pervert the language by mixing Latin and Greek as dendrophiliacs don't like perversion. However, those who self-identify themselves as arborphiliacs believe the mixture of Latin and Greek is symbolic of their human/tree romance. The battle of terminology has been fought for eons.
Tree Huggers
Many hippies, in the guise of environmentalism, have embraced the term "tree hugger" as an empowering term just as gays reclaimed the epithet "queer". These tree huggers have even gone so far to protect their lovers that they camp in the branches of the trees while loggers with chainsaws threaten to cut it down. Ironically, these dirty vegans often eat granola because it tastes like tree bark - you'd expect these vegetable lovers to eat lots of meat instead of their dead lovers.
Famous Arborphiles
- William Wordsworth
- MONGO
- Bob Ross
- Ricochet rabbit
- Azathar
- The Nexxus
- Michael Schiavo
- Anybody from Sebastopol
Links
"This man's sex life consists only of arborphiles."
"Crazy Arborphiles fucks cry for dead trees."
