Transformers
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
- Not to be confused with Transformation.
Transformers is a nerd fantasy where giant, transforming robots fight a civil war throughout the universe (and according to certain fangirls, take time out to suck each other's USB cables). They have also become victims of bad fan fiction, Mary Sue, and slash fictions over the past 25 years. This epic struggle was recreated in multiple cartoon series, a comic book (or a thousand), three video games, a trilogy of action-packed movies, an ornate series of tapestries, two books-on-tape, a Gay Robot Convention, and an erotica collection. Anyone going to a Transformers forum or any other form of media will experience the biggest collection of 40 year old males and 15 year-old girls outside of a Chris Hansen pedo sting.
Contents |
Characters
- Megatron: the robot that turns into a Nazigun. In the 2007 movie, he totally pwned the black robot, ripping him in two after being asked if he wanted a piece of him, and replied
| —Megatron |
This proves the nigga must die in every action movie. No exceptions.
Megatron is also completely gay for Starscream, as supported by the following quote from the three tit-less hours of the second movie.| —Megatron, clearly having some sort of stroke |
Megatron then proceeds to rip apart every black man to have ever walked on set.
- Optimus Prime:
The main protagonist of the series who has the title of an hero only because of his patriotic red, white, and blue colors. He has become an hero in every series he's been in, making him the Transformer equivalent of Kenny from South Park (or the Robot Jesus). Fangirls insist on writing fanfiction that has Megatron ræping him at least 100 times, just like in the cartoon.
- Starscream: Decepticon fighter jet who was real kewl until the fangirls gayed him out and made him the power bottom of almost every Transformer in slashfic (particularly Megatron). In Beast Wars, he appeared in a cameo (though all he did was possess the ultimate failbot, Waspinator).
- Hound: originally from the Transformers cartoon. He's the Autobot version of the live action movie's "Devastator", but instead of being a tank, he was a sucky jeep. He was dropped from the movie since Hollywood, being full of libfags, hæts the military and views soldiers as merciless baby killers who:
- carry dick-shaped guns,
- wear helmets with devil's horns on them,
- enjoy crushing the skulls of children and,
- each have a dollar sign emblazoned on their ACU right beside that pesky Star of David.
Hound often becomes paired with Mirage and then suspiciously spends all his time off-camera (LOL).
- Soundwave: likes to say "Energon Cubes" like a real bad ass. Shoots cassette babies out of his chest named Lazerbeak, Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, and Buzzsaw.[1]
- Blaster: Autobot version of Soundwave; acts like a total wigger. No one likes him. Has cassette babies too but no one gives a shit.
- Hot Rod/Rodimus: he transforms into a van with flame decals and is the most hated Transformer evar. Ironically, Hasbro executives truly believed he would become popular after killing off Optimus Prime. Instead, millions of ten-year old brats locked themselves in their bathrooms and threatened to commit hari-kiri, thus becoming the first weeaboos ever. A crack-smoking, AIDS-ridden, Hasbro Scientologist theorized that every parent aspired to buy their children a neon orange, trailer-trash, gay mobile home, once again proving Scientologists have infiltrated all aspects of American culture. Retards in Japan think he's the shit, making him a weeaboo favorite.
- Arcee: bit-part sluttoy who could have easily surpassed Hot Rod as the most annoying and a candidate for horrible death, especially after she was revealed as a transsexual. Despite possessing the robot equivalent of an adam's apple, she remains the ultimate sexual fantasy for millions of sweaty forty-year-old virgins the world over. In fanfiction, she is typically gangbanged by every other character. Twice.
- Bumblebee: in the cartoons he was a crappy Bug that no one would want to drive. In the movie, he was a crappy muscle car that Shia LaBeouf did not want to drive. During most of the movie, Bumblebee was a cripple who could not speak, instead he improvised, using outtakes from songs/TV shows to do his whining for him.
| —Jazz |
- Unicron: the giant planet that eats other planets. Looks like a huge pokeball and was voiced by Orson Welles when he was at the bitter end of his career. As an action figure, he is far too big and expensive for mere children so buy them something else.
- Cyclonus:
Megatron'sGalvatron's prison bitch and secret resident furry (HE HAS BUNNY EARS; LOLWUT?).
- Shockwave: a cyclops asshole who runs the space bridges and is secretly moist for Megatron, much to the eternal dismay of Starscream. One of his arms is either a gun or a giant dildo. Evidence suggests it is the latter.
Kiss Players
Kiss Players is a Japanese Transformers Manga and toyline where the Transformers fuse with human girls when they kiss. Optimus Prime enjoys having his human girl rub his shift stick, it makes him moan, according to the actual story, honestly Japan. When a girl defuses with a Transformer, she is covered head to toe with Autobot,remember! your a loli fanboy cum.
Transformers Armada
Weeaboo shit that retarded white kids obsess over in hoping that watching Japanese anime will somehow make them Japanese. In the season finale, Starscream yiffs a 12 year-old girl, sending the fantards into instant orgasm.
Transformers Animated
Transformers Animated is the latest Transformers cartoon. With the use of shitty paper cutouts to depict characters, it proves Cartoon Network is too fucking cheap to hire Korean animators like all the other fascist media outlets. Features a Autobot weeaboo named Prowl, who will undoubtedly become a favorite of rabid fangirls and fanboys alike.
Transformers 2: Electric Boogaloo!
Transformers 2: ROTF (more like ROFL) is the second Transformers action movie directed by Michael Bay. With robots in blackface, über-dork Shia LeBeef, robot testes and a Decepticon robot named Alice programed for one thing and one thing only: to be a slut. Naturally, this movie is a big hit with thirteen year-old nerds and their fathers.
| —a /b/tard after watching Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen |
Famous Faggots
Like any decent fandom, Transformers has its share of pointless dramallamas. Here are some instances of better known ones.
- Optibotimus is a fat basement-dweller in his mid-thirties with delusions of grandeur who believes reviewing children's toys on youtube is serious business.
- Afterburner is a racist wannabe 733+ haxxor who secretly wants some juicy black cock.
- Azrael2002 scams fanboys out of money when she is not performing oral sex on her Transformer toys.
- Crooked a 12 year-old Final Fantasy VII attention whore known for plagiarizing other people's work on fanfiction.net. Became Net famous for writing a Mary Sue rape slash fic where she envisioned herself as a Volkswagen Bug repeatedly getting anally raped by a F15 Eagle. Rather than come up with this sick shit on her own, Crooked just ripped off another writer's story and added the robot rape. PROTIP: accuse her of plagiarism or racism to inflict lulz!
- Cyndi is the autistic fantard that took DeviantART to Internet Court for deleting her gay robot pronz and lost (thank Primus). She has now moved her crapfic to a private forum where all three of her fans can fap to it. Was last seen attempting to kidnap and rape Peter Cullen, David Kaye and Stan Bush at Botcon 2009.
- Teh Dinogrrl is teh crazy; she hears 280 (give or take) voices in her head but even worse, dinogrrl is a furry.
- smart_blonde223 aka helena1234 asks "Why so serious?"
- Kalidor is a fat suicidal emo kid who swindles his users out of money.
- Koilungfish is the leading activist for gay robot reaming, fisting, and anal sex; spawned an army of like-minded fantards.
- M. Chaos (aka kouri_shien) is a pedophile who lurks in the Transformers toy section at Walmart. Make sure to have her party vanned if you see her there or at a day-care center.
- Nicholas Morency proposes on USENET, tries to hire a hitman, and is all about the baby-rape.
- Pat Lee famous for being the stupid and incredibly homosexual Azn who ruined Transformers comics by laundering company funds which in turn forced the publisher (Dreamwave) to declare bankruptcy. This an amazing new paradox due to the fact his Azn math skills should have prevented this.
- scienceteacherSE is the kind of egomaniac who has at least one story on the front page every day in the Transformers/BW fandom on Fanfiction.net and has over 100 college degrees. PROTIP: troll her for teh lulz by being brutally honest about her fanfiction and use lots of profanity. Use caution when doing so; she is known to accuse people of being "noneducated" and then placing them on her "Banned List". As if anyone gives a shit.
- Simon Furman is the guy who writes the comics. Mr. Furman thinks he's hot shit and believes his comics in the 80's made Transformers what it is today, even though nobody knows who he is and Gobots sell for more on eBay than any of his comics. In 2007, IDW comics released "Megatron: Origin", which out-sold any Transformers-related content Simon Furman ever wrote. Simon Furman insisted on giving Transformers that old-time religion and turned the Transformers into Scientologists. Furman would later bitch on his forums about female robots in the background, something that greatly displeases him as he likes his robots gaying out with each other. He even tried to write gay robot sex into canon and called it budding. With that in mind, it's no wonder that this is his favorite website.
| —Mr. Furman after pleasing himself with some hawt robot yaoi |
- Tramp is on a jihad to prove Transformers have dicks and sex. He has stated his wish to become a truck and have hawt robot sex with Moonracer.
- Tut accuses former friend of being molested and showing off teh photos.
- When he isn't dressing like a child-hungry pedophile, Walky is well known for his oh-so-hilarious self-insertion webcomic Shitpacked, which depicts him self-inserting Hot Shot toys into his anal passage. His hilarious re-scripting of a Transformers comic strip making Hot Shot obsessed with jam was admired by all.
- Wiigii! hates Transformers, Transformers fandom, and pretty much anything that isn't Wiigii!. Troll him with TF pronz!
- AniutqaDA, also know as TheArmanda, is a retarded, talentless hack, and a suethor from Poland. She is known for tracing and recoloring lineart from Spirit, a movie done by Dreamworks. She's created over 9000 Mary-Sues. Her hobbies include writing shitty fanfiction, drawing her ugly horse-shark bastardizations and Hot Shot having hawt, robot sex with Override, or she's crying like a whiny, little bitch.
- Kokooro is a 16 year old german nazi camwhore that is addicted to Starscream. She was named by her dad after a fucking Transformer, and is obliviously not the only douchebag in her family, LULZ! She forces people to look at Transformers secks. She prefers a batshit famous pairing, once stated in one of her journals: "I slaggin' love Megatron x Starscream!"
- MannWulf is a huge douchebag from Colombia who believes that making a comic strip using copyrighted screencaps(report it for pure lulz) is completely AWWRIGHT. Apparently he's also unable to write properly without using teh FUCKING Capslock.
- Kenyastarflight is a 26-year-old, autistic, mormon tartlet hailing from Idaho, with an unhealthy lust over Thundercracker, Dinobots (particularly Swoop) and Vector Prime. Just like another fellow assburger tartlet, Cyndilovespiccolo, Kenya is notorious for producing fuckton amount of shitty art and marvellous fanfics. Unlike Cyndi, however, Kenya haets slash, so much that she even writes a separate essay on how much she thinks it's wrong. Also, like every other autistic tartlet on dA, she likes to constantly rant about her family problems in her journal, one of the most recent entries being about her mom getting into nuthouse - LULZ!!
- Plantman-exe is a weeaboo tartlet hailing from the far-away land of Mexico. To some people she's known from the drama stirred by the infamous Transformers oekaki board user, Ynnep. There, she wrote a comment on how Ynnep's drawings have no originality. Ironically, if one goes through Plantman's dA gallery he will notice that it mainly consists of shitload amount of ProwlXJazz yaoi art, the two being either drawn as OMGKAWAIIDESU kittens, Chocobos or acting uber emo and gay. How fucking original!
- A 14 year old fan boy in China drank gasoline gasoline for 5 years to obtain energy and become a "valiant fighter" like Optimus Prime.
- Miguel Cerda is a 24 yearold basement dwelling Mexican manchild who draws all of the Transformers as furries, having gay sex with eachother, or both simultaneously. He believes that all characters and people are Catholic just like him, and constantly makes references to the Transformers being Catholic and Primus being God. Personally loves Starscream and Megatron slash, and Mpregs Starscream constantly. Lulz ensues when its suggested that the idea of having sex with animals, robots, or other men might not be acceptable according to the Bible.
- Eric W. Schwartz is the creator of the crappy furry webcomic Sabrina Online featuring a pantsless skunk with a Transformers fetish. He also produces eye-raping Diseny porn which he publishs under a pseudonym, yet nobody is fooled by this lame secret identity and butthurt ensued when in return porn of his characters was drawn.
Drama Generation Techniques
FIRRIB is seriously the stupidest fucking thing to argue about out of the history of things to argue about.
Running a close second to the FIRRIB stupid is the All Hail Megatron wankfest currently playing out on the Allspark forum.
Another popular, stupid fucking thing to argue about is whether the giant Transformer, Unicron, could beat up the Death Star.
Particularly talented trolls can always attack the original Transformers cartoon, especially in a one-two punch hating on the current shitty series that's being passed off as Transformers these days.
Bring up the 'trukk not munky' debate. Almost guaranteed to create a generational schism on any message board or thread.
Ask Tramp how gay Transformers make babies.
Troll the 4chan.org /cm Transformers thread, innocently state that Wheelie/Devastator are your OTP and invoke Rule 34.
Ask if female robots are canon; then accuse anyone who says no of wanting some black cock.
Demand that a fanbrat tell you how many times she's fapped to Megatron shoving his botcock up Optimus Prime's tailpipe. Drama absolutely guaranteed.
Casually drop the word "sticky." Just trust me on this.
As a last resort, you can always threaten to rape someone at the Gay Robot Convention or kick their ass. Whatever works for you.
Currency
Gallery of Transformations
 Pepsi is the right of all sentient beings. |
 Optimus cares about black Autobots. |
 God in the eyes of transfans. |
 Legion about to rape a tramp in Kiss Players, note the shape of his tongue. |
 Autobot sperm |
 Megatron engaging in sex with Ratchet. |
 Decepticons only take PayPal. |
 WANNA' PIECE OF ME?!?! |
 Moar than meets the eye. |
 Love |
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 How a robot cock looks like - according to some stupi@$$ fangirls. A true masterpiece, made in MS Paint. |
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 CLANK, CLANG, CLANG, CLANG. Ah, the sound of robo-buttsex |
 Transformers + Furries = a whole new level of eyeburn |
 Typical fantard |
 Michael Bay's contribution to Transformers-Niggas in Disguise |
 What Soundwave and the Decepticons think of Ipods. |
 One of Kenyastarflight's recent masterpieces (Note: she's 26 years old) |
 The hottest piece of Beast Wars porn you'll ever find. |
Trivia
- The first Transformers TV show was not an anime show. Try telling that to the Azns, though.
- Jazz, the only black Transformer gets killed in a very simple way when Megatron tears his ass in half. In the 1986 animated movie, every single other Autobot that's in the 2007 movie is killed off. Bumblebee survives, but thankfully enough, he has only one line in the entire movie.
- Michael Bay was called a racist for this and when he was questioned about it, he responded by detonating an excessive amount of explosives (enough to bring a city block down WTC style) causing collateral damage to an underdeveloped minority community.
- Afterwards, no one called him a racist because no one cares about black people.
- The movie is actually a shitty two hour commercial for General Motors, Burger King, Mountain Dew, Apple, Nokia, the U.S. Airforce, and the HEX-BOX 666.
- While the second film is a shitty two hour commercial for Green Day. Honestly, every single song that you hear (besides the Linkin Krap one at the end) is from Green Day's latest album
See Also
Offsite Links
A walkthrough of some particularly ridiculous moments in Transformer fandom history
HAY REMEMBER THAT DUDE TURNED INTO A TAPE PLAYER HE RULED.
Butthurt homophobic christians against fangirls who write about having SEX with TRANSFORMERS!
Lulzy fan site on all the batshit rejects from the above mentioned message boards
TRANSFORMERS IS RUINED FOREVER!
Ugly pregnant Transformers on DeviantArt!
Someone doesn't understand the deep, meaningful relevance of TF porn.
Even more ugly pregnant Transformers on DeviantArt!
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