Tory

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Typical Tory Administration: Dangerous and Suicidal

Typical Tory Politician: Stupid looking and retarded

Typical Tory Gal - Tory Lane: Massive cock in her arse and also David Cameron's secret mistress.

"Vote for that Winston Churchill. Look at him, he's more drunk than a bunch of German Nazis in a beer hall!" According to him, you are ugly too.

"Vote for that Margaret Thatcher. Look at her, she's stealing milk from poor kids, beating up workers, flipping off Europe, and bombing Argentina at the same time." Oh if you're poor, your taxes just went up.

"Vote for that Kenneth Clarke. Look at him... wait, who the hell is he?!"

"Vote for that David Cameron. Look at him, he's standing next to a fucking tree and everything, for fuck's sake!" - It's the new caring and eco-friendly Tory Party.

1 Tory - The Conservative Party
2 Tory Policies
3 Tory media
4 See Also

[edit] Tory - The Conservative Party

Tories are like those crappy, rich, white pieces of shit who go to country clubs, drink martinis and pretend they understood classical English literature and had the disorganization of the Unitarians. They were rashly put together after Edmund Burke got drunk, lost a bar fight, lose his wife, and lost a bet to a Frenchmen, so he could become Prime Minister and have sex Napoleon. The Duke of Wellington, Arther "OMFG I JUST PWNED NAPOLEON!!!!HAX!!!111!one!!one!" Wellseley discovered Burke's liberal ideas and challenged him to a duel. Wellseley hired Andrew Jackson and shot Burke, and Wellseley later ruined the Tories.

Sometime during when the Germans and Italians were fucking with Europe, the Tories led by "Zionist" dISRAELi found himself against the Liberals led by Gladstone and Hillary Clinton's ancestor, Marie Antoinette IV of Dumfuckistan. For 30 years, each side had drive-by arguments where they quote the opposition and say "Well I disagree!" and escape by flooring their car, under the recommendation of Sir Peter Griffin.

They had their teeths kicked in during the Great War when Marie Antoinette IV of Dumfuckistan's son, Lloyd George, became Prime Minister. The Tories went home crying in front of a portrait of George III. When the war was over, they got ass-kicked by a newly form makeshift party called Labour (who stole from Marx and the liberals), so they had to put up a dumbass candidate named Chamberlain and later win with the sympathy votes. Winston Churchill, the other dumbass from the Great War, shed his dumbassness, and Chuck Norrised him to death for his seat. For the next few years, Churchill played thumb wrestle with Hitler, and barely won, because Hitler lost his drugs.

After the second Great War, they kept getting pwned by Labour, because Winston Churchill was a fat drunk by that time, and also threw up on another prime minister. When they came back to power, they loved stealing from the poor and stop schools giving milk to children.

When Margaret Thatcher came in, it was the closest thing to restore the good name of being a Tory, but she failed and now faggot Tories opened a Facebook group called "Everybody hates a Tory".

Now that they are out of power, they do not actually do anything except criticise the Labour government for stealing from the poor and having other policies the same as them. David Cameron is the current leader, and is restyling the party with a more centrist and environmentalist approach.

~~What a smart dumbass, first accusing Labour of stealing their platform and now Cameron is stealing back from Labour.~~ HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS! Tony Blair is a complete fucking newfag and the only reason laborfags dislike him is because he pretended to understand the joy of pwning the poor for teh lulz because he couldn't win by being just another Heathite, when in reality, he was actually raising taxes as a percentage of Britain's GDP and letting his Chancellor draft all the budgets without letting him see them before defending them on the floor of the House of Commons. David Cameron PWNS and is actually an awesome hologram of Margaret Thatcher which has been altered to make her look attractive, young and male.