Torture
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Torture is a teh hawt method of obtaining intelligence from Arabs and John McCain and orgasms from Katherine Harris, as related in the moderately listenable Guns N' Roses song, "Pretty Tied Up".
Catholics get off on torture. It's all here in this pamphlet!
Torture is considered old meme by those who ascribe to the Geneva Convention and people who like their sex without all the fru-fru.
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Torture Methods
In 1993, influential black human rights activists GZA, the RZA, Ol’ Dirty Bastard, Inspectah Deck, Method Man and the Ghostface Killah published a revealing pamphlet on torture methods, reproduced below.
Yeahhh, torture motherfucker what?
I'll fuckin tie you to a fuckin bedpost with your ass cheeks spread out and shit, right? Put a hanger on a fuckin stove and let that shit sit there for like a half hour. Take it off and stick it in your ass slow like, Tssssssss!
Yeah I'll fuckin lay your nuts on a fuckin dresser. Just your nuts layin on a fuckin dresser, and bang them shits with a spiked fuckin bat; ooooohhhh, BLAOWWW!
I'll fuckin pull your fuckin tongue out your fuckin mouth and stab the shit with a rusty screwdriver, BLAOWW!
I'll fuckin hang you by your fuckin dick off a fuckin twelve-story building out this motherfucker.
I'll fuckin sew your asshole closed, and keep feedin you and feedin you, and feedin you, and feedin you.
Fact of the day
Torture, like AIDS, comes in two varieties, Bad Torture and Good Torture.
- Bad Torture, which is carried out against non-U.S. or non-white citizens, is shown in films such as Rendition, Talking Liberties, and Ghosts of Abu Ghraid.
- Good Torture, which is mainly carried out against evil teens who have had sex, is seen in film like Wolf Creek, the Saw Trilogy and the Hostel films.
Teens like to see themselves tortured on film for the lulz and because it punishes them for having governments which use torture, and thereby makes them feel as if they've paid for their sins by proxy in some obscure way. Probably. It's like having a world ruled by S and M nuns.
Fun CIA facts about "not torture"
'CIA ENHANCED INTERROGATION TECHNIQUES'[1]
- Water boarding: prisoner bound to a board with feet raised, and cellophane wrapped round his head. Water is poured onto his face and is said to produce a fear of drowning.
- Cold cell: prisoner made to stand naked in a cold, though not freezing, cell and doused with water.
- Standing: Prisoners stand for 40 hours and more, shackled to the floor.
- Belly slap: a hard slap to the stomach with an open hand. This is designed to be painful but not to cause injury.
Source: Described to ABC News by un-named CIA agents in 2005.
Torture Fan Art
Fansite[2]
