Tony Blair
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Tony 'Golden Balls, Jihad-Abortionistic flip flops' Blair (not to be confused with the Blair Witch) was a famous English Premier League football player with 'The Labor Party'. He is credited with at least 100 goals over the course of his career. Tony's name is occasionally mispronounced as "Tony Bear", due to ongoing confusion in the wake of his high-profile divorce from Pedobear, whose surname he renounced in the wake of the scandal. Since his retirement from football in 1736, he has served as Fuhrer of Britain, and became a fag-enabling fool in the early 00's by allowing W unrestricted access to his anus at any desired time, claiming it contained hidden oil reserves. He has a stupid voice. He is known as Tony Bliar to pseudo-witty Daily Mail readers, who refuse to spell his name correctly due to their principles.
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Early Life
Born the son of a cockney bootblack in late Victorian London, Tony worked his way down the greasy pole before finally becoming a Lawyer. He languished in this self-imposed hell for many years, before succeeding some fat Scottish guy and landing the plumb job of 'striker', or Quarterback, for the newly-formed 'New Labor Sockpuppets' in July of 1994.
Blair is also well known in the UK as a dancer and light entertainer and was a team captain in the charades based game show 'Give Us A Clue'. His signature dance move is known as 'The Big Lionel' when he stops tap dancing and preforms a theatrical turn, grins, claps his hands and continues tap dancing. Whilst preforming this move he shouts "big Lionel!" in order to draw more attention to himself. This move has since been used a number of times in his later career, in particular during the cash for honors investigation by the Metropolitan Police to distract and confuse the police while asking him tricky questions.
Family Life
Blair is married to the lovely Cherie, with whom he has spawned three monstrous children. The eldest, Jormungandr, is a serpent of such immense size that even Goatse would wince. Fenris is a huge wolf, while their only daughter Hela is half corpse, half girl. All three regularly run amok in British cities, cementing Blair's absolute grip on power.
Relations with America
Despite being a (nominal) socialist and former Hippy, Blair has grown disturbingly close to George Bush in recent years. Some argue this is because they both love God, while others claim they are brought together by a mutual hatred of Muslims. Either way, it is a blessing to all mankind, and anyone who says otherwise hates Freedom. Tony Blair often holidays in California, being a fierce advocate of the school of thought that, in his own words: "West-side pussy be ballin', sucka." Of course, while Blair's penchant for younger women can often land him in hot water Stateside, he is an ice-cool orator, and can rely on pleas of diplomatic immunity when confronted by any allegations.
Hatred of Muslims
Blair, and the Labour Party generally, is widely loved for his hatred of Sand Niggers. Not content with telling them how to dress, he has also single-handedly Pwned several thousand of them in his time in office. Whether this hatred is merely a ploy to gain votes, or a sign of an underlying decency, is something we will never know.
Relations with God
Blair has a close, personal relationship with God, who often gives him helpful advice with matters of State.
Blair's love of God is puzzling in a country famed for its secularism where even well-known broadcasters are openly atheistic. However, it meshes well with his hatred of Muslims and British people love a good eccentric.
Relationship with George Dubya Bush
eMetaphorically, Tony is George's gimp and George himself is the whip carrier. They love rough adventures together, sometimes too much, resulting in war in the east, and attacks from the SandNiggers. It is obvious that they are extremely good friends and agree with each others plans.
Both are in it together for the Lulz
Hobbies
Tony used to sing and play guitar in a band called Ugly Rumors while at university. Apparently, they were shit.
He also loves to lie. His favorite film is "the lyin' king".
Death
In 2003, Tony Blair died suddenly. He went into hospital because of an irregular heartbeat. Apparently he had drunk lots of coffee and then done some "strenuous exercise" afterwords. Fortunately, Blair is rich and beautiful, so was able to pay for the finest Necromancers money can buy. As a result, he was back at work within a week.
Fans
Fans
