Richard Dawkins
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Dick Dwakins was born Kid Elvin Diddler but later changed when he became a Godless atheist. This guy is pure win. He is the man neck-bearded atheist pricks aspire to be, and is a tea-drinking Brit as well as a typical Englishman [1] born in Nairobi, Afrika, who reconverted to Anglicanism. and has been married three times and has a daughter, Juliet, from his second wife, Eve Barham, who died of kanser. He is now married to a somewhat famous British movie actress, Lalla Ward (that chick from Doctor Who who slept with Tom Baker), whom he doesn't talk much about, despite having written an article against sexual jealousy and in favor of promiscuity on the website of the Washington Compost. In fact, he has had lahts of secks with Ward, but he is so sexually jealous that he has never uploaded a video of his sex acts to YouPorn.
In doing this, Dawkins has made sure that you get depicted as an idiot who doesn't read biology textbooks, and who, two centuries after the birth of modern geology and evolutionary biology, doesn't have a clue about evolution.
Dwakins is now considered a B-list celebrity who invented the meme meme and became an hero to hippy fanboys for telling the religious that they were all ignorant 'tards. Dwakins' militant attitude, monotone emotionless visage, and relentless self-promotion cause some people to view him as the Osama bin Laden of atheism, but these people are butthurt because his English accent makes his voice hypnotic.
Contents |
Early life
Controversy
| —2nd accurate quote! (@2:21) |
Thanks to his books - Dawkins has been stirring up a shitstorm both OL and IRL. Previous edits of this article were written by butthurt fundies who made VenomFangX look rational. Dawkins himself however is far lulzier than any theories in his books.
What caused the vast majority of his fanbase to start screaming and crying was evidence that Dwakins had been having an affair.
A certain fanboy accidentally broke a true story, naively thinking that his idol is above sex. However, once he wrote his blog he mysteriously received a not insubstantial amount of gifts for his Habbo on the condition that he STFU. Many Bothan spies died while tracing back the source of these goods, which turned out to be the Richard Dwakins Foundation itself. Certain members of Dawkin's PR team, knowing the real situation decided that rather than being true to Dawkin's belief that sex is good, it would be better for his image if they just kept the whole thing on the down low.
Despite having been bribed into silence, the fanboy writes:
"Let it be known that I still hold Richard Dwakins in the highest of regards and do not believe a word that the RRS said about him, and I hold the Rational Response Squad in the greatest contempt and my removal of these posts had nothing to do with those pan troglodytic boobs (quite literally in the case of one of the higher-ups)."
Ironically most atheists laugh at Christians who say having an affair is a sin and have them anyway. Now after saying affairs are alright they piss themselves in horror when they find out Dawkins cheated on his wife. But we all know its awwwwright, amirite?
Dwakins is also known for being non-theistic while also at the same time believe in little green men. What do you mean they are not mutually exclusive? Shut up!
- Read the entire article here
- Dawkins writes an article on how to have an affair. No tips on how to avoid being caught though.
- Sometimes the talk pages are funnier
Conspiracy Theory
Conspiracy theorists argue that Dawkins is just a closet Jew trying to marketeer atheism, for the purpose of spreading hate and mindfuckery among the bourgeois. Apparently, he's too slick for a genuine atheist. Unlike atheists of the Rational Response Squad, Dawkins exhibits mediocre emotional instability, as opposed to high emotional instability. And unlike serious atheists, he hasn't yet mutated into a pedo, or gone on a shooting rampage.
Religion
Dawkins claims that all religion is STUPID AND EVIL. God is a delusion, Christianity is just as dumb as Scientology, angels = Mooninites, et cetera. For this he is oft-labeled a Fundamentalist atheist and IRL troll. Nonetheless, his books are insanely successful, and his lectures are well-attended by smarmy 13-year old boys. Religious people, whom he calls "faith-heads," seem to be obsessed with putting him in intellectual checkmate, but it always winds up with both players just beating each other about the head with the chessboard. Dawkins produced a Michael Moore-style "documentary" called "[Religion:] The Root of all Evil?" Butthurt theologian Alister McGrath wrote two whole books, "Dawkins' God" and "The Dawkins Delusion," devoted to tearing him down; Dawkins is now working on "Alister McGrath: a Rapist?" and "Your Mom: a Dirty Whore?" in the tradition of respectful scholarly discourse.
Dwakins and his buddy Daniel Dennett don't like the term "atheist", because "atheism is just the disgruntled noises people make in the face of religious dogmatism." They prefer to use a positive and affirming term:
Fanbois
90% of militant atheists on the net are raving Dwakins fanboys. Clear evidence for this can be seen in his entry on Urban Dictionary (lulz are in the rejected definitions). To troll them, try politely suggesting Dwakins is maybe a little too forceful in his ideological crusade - instant rants and butthurts will follow. The other 10% hate Dwakins as much as any xtian because he is not killing enough xtians/because they want to seem cool.
WTF????
Simply to confuse all those stupid sheeple, Richard Dwakins has recently announced he is in fact a Christian.
The main reason for the sudden revelation is because if there aren't any Christians to LOL at, most of his atheist fanbois would stop sucking his dick.
Future Plans
Richard Dwakins plans to be the next L. Ron Hubbard of the atheist movement. The word "belief" will be outlawed and the only things that people can think about without being emotionally abused or physically attacked are that things Ayn Rand says are the ultimate truth, and cannot be questioned. Ever. This is called "Free Thought." He does not plan on being gang banged by demon niggers while burning in Hell, which is ironic because that's exactly what is going to happen.
Culture
Dwakins invented a new way of looking at culture. His genius could pave the way for a new understanding of social phenomena! Trip on this bitches: have you ever thought of different cultural trends as being sort of like viruses? Like how if someone gets excited about a movie and then everyone is sort of "infected" by the "craze?" You have? Oh, well there went my argument.
Anyway, Dwakins' amazing new theory is based on his idea of "just take a biological framework and slap it onto whatever the fuck you want." He calls it memetics. He also invented the word meme, which no one on the internet uses. no srsly.
Biology
In the early 2000s, Dwakins gave up on biology to become a troll. A local legend dictates that if you give Dwakins a raw onion and/or a statue of Gary Busey, he will give you the key to a random Ford SUV.
Musical career
Richard Dwakins is including this song on his up coming album called "Straight Outta Oxford"
Other hits on the album is "Fuck Da Christians", "La (R)Evolución", "It's Called Abiogenesis, Cockfags", "There is Only One God and That's Me", "Suck My Dick Ted Haggard - Oh, Wait", "Top Dawk", "Who Let The Dawks Out?" and "The Only Thing That's ID'ed is My Tweed".
The most famous part of the album is the end where he says "Constantly studying, locked up in the dorm because I have no friends, that's the way it goes in the University Of Oxford, boyyyyyy."
Trolling Material
After writing The God Delusion which sold 12 billion copies, Dwakins-worship upgraded from a few pimply nerds to an entire army of free thinkers. Now he is now either adored or hated, making him perfect troll fodder:
Christians
Dwakins only hates Christians - possibly because of the buggery he received as a child and is now passing on to us. He doesn't mock Jews because he's a politically correct douchebag, he doesn't mock Islam because he lives in a very tall building and he doesn't mock any other religions because nobody cares about them:
- Remind them that Dwakins calls himself a cultural Christian.
- He only became anti-religious because a priest tried to rape him (although, as TheAmazingAtheist will tell you, "a penis is the least harmful thing a priest could put into a child").
- Quote passages out of The God Delusion.
The truth is nobody wants to think of Dawkins as being religion - especially religious people.
Atheists
Trolling atheists about Dwakins is surprisingly easy because they worship him in the same manner Christians worship themselves. Remember, Dwakins needs his fanbois to suck his dick because it's too big for one man to suck:
- It's "Dwakins" not "Dawkins".
- Show them this article.
- Point out what a hypocrite he is - prove he really used to be a theist.
- Tell them they can't be free-thinkers if they all say the exact same thing he does.
- Say you'll pray for him.
- Mention any of the accurate quotes above.
- Call him as Fundamentalist as the people he hates.
- Say he's only trying to prove he's an atheist because he's actually a Christian. Because of his insecurities over his closet Anglicanism, he now makes sure that everyone in the world knows that he is "an atheist", in the style of a 4chantard:
I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST
Since Dwakins is a world-famous troll himself, he won't mind anything you say about him, but his fans will collectively shit themselves.
RichardDawkinsForum.net
All of these are from his very own forum. If you want to find any, click here.
 Many people are surprised to discover and intelligent muslim |
 You're never too old to get involved in a flame war |
 Tell her your e-penis is over 9000. And you're busy raping children. |
 Don't forget to send McGrath a Christmas card |
 Yes. They're really this stupid. |
 See link below for lulz |
 This is not something to be proud of. Really. |
True intentions
Richard Dwakins has recently announced he wants to kill religion, just in case anyone thought he wasn't as much a fundamentalist as Osama Bin Laden. After all, Osama only killed 3,000 on 9/11, but there are more than 5 billion religious. He says so somewhere in this video.
No, he doesn't.
They just blab about how some science is pointless but are fascinating nonetheless.
Dawkins & Darwin
Richard Dawkin's name happens to be an anagram for "Rah! Darwin's Dick!" (srsly). In case you have not noticed he has a raging hard-on for the world's most famous evolutionist and frequently uses his theory to prove that religion is wrong and science is truth.
One of the most famous stories about Darwin is that he converted to christianity and renounced evolution on his deathbed - which is complete bullshit, as Dwakins likes to remind everyone. Ironically however, Charles Darwin wasn't actually an atheist:
| —Darwin's letter to Asa Gray. |
Reincarnation
Richard Dwakins was born a woman and was originally named "Andrea Dworkins ", a thinly disguised anagram. "Dworkins" achieved notoriety by claiming that "men was responsible for all rape" and that "all religion perpetrate the patriarchal oppression of wimmin".
Some argue the real reason that Dwakins hates God is because since he was a raging fat ugly lesbian in a previous life - God decided to reincarnate him as an actual human being.
Luckily for Dwakins it still looks like that thing between his legs is no larger than a clitoris.
External Links
- His very own forum. Humble as always.
- His forum account.
- A thread entitled "Criticisms of Atheism TL;DR
- An interview with someone suggesting he sounds elitist. Dwakins agrees.
- Another interview on a religious website. Proof that evolution is true as the two apes start hurling shit at each other.
See Also
| Richard Dawkins
| Science Theory
Albert Einstein • Balloon Boy • Bill Nye • Theoretical physics • God • Existence • Evolution • Global Warming • Look Around You • Memes • Richard Dawkins • Computer Science III • Large Hadron Collider • Apophis • How is babby formed? • The Comprehensive Theory of Lulz • Schrödinger's cat • Zero Division Proven by Science Tree Hugging • Cubic Time • God hates fags • JEWS DID WTC • No girls on the internet • Raelism • Scientology • Trepanation • Alternative Medicine Science in Action Drugs! • Sex! • Creationism! • Fire! • Uranium! • Lens flare! • Diabeetus! • Heart! • Electricity! • Thiopental Sodium! • Lead! • NASA! | 
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