Tennessee
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Tennessee is a bible-belted shithole state located in The South and is the epicenter of cousin fucking ICP fans, inbred hicks, and other degenerates that all make up the mythical land of happiness and booze.
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[edit] The myth
In the year 1700 or at least around that time, the mutants from the south were looking for El Dorado, the land of cheap Viagra and male prostitutes. They believed that it existed between Kentucky, Virginia, and Canada. They looked and looked but only found a lot of dirt and the remains of savagely whipped slaves. From that day forth they called the land "Ten A Key" in accordance with that being the amount of money for a kilo of coke. To make it seem more mythical or possibly because somebody who wrote history was drunk off moonshine and exhausted from sleeping with their uncle they named the state Tennessee.
[edit] Regional Divisions
Instead of the land of booze and gold and country music, we ended up with a massive dirt plain with a giant forest on one end and niggers at the bottom. Although technologically primitive, the people have managed to survive since about 100 years ago.
Tennessee can be subdivided into 4 distinct areas, and 1 molten swamp of Grits & Chitins. The four regions are the Northeast, Midwest, True South, C@$Hv1ll3, and a chain of active volcanoes.
Northeast: The Northeast is a region in Tennessee that borders very closely to Virginia. In fact it boards so close that the typical Ugnaw from either State couldn't tell the difference between one another. Although typically people from this area of Tennessee are morbidly obese, have beards to their belly buttons and talk about why the NRA was the best idea in the world. Avoidance of said people is as easy as not getting lost in the woods. There are no real homes in this area as a visitor can never see them during a trip through the area, but instead holes in the ground provide a subterranean society of mole people and pot growers.
Midwest: The Midwest is the home to Godawful people such as country musicians and 16 year old girls (Miley Cyrus). In this region groups of prospectors looking for booze set up encampments in what is known as the city of Nashville. This city lack electricity and running water.
True South:
This is the border line of Tennessee and all truly southern states. The main population lives in Memphis. Its only inhabitants are rednecks who spend their time drinking and bitching about how lazy the niggers, the majority of the population there are no niggers in Tennessee because they don't like Obama, are. Elvis lived here, which resulted in his overdose and death. Outside of Memphis there exists practically nothing but trees and the random drunk fucking his goat.
That other region: This region is often difficult to explain as no sane man has ever dare set foot in this area. All records were lost once the initial inhabitants discovered Scientology.
[edit] Climate
The Climate of Tennessee is best described as average. The average temperature range of this cesspool is between 100-2500F in the summer and Absolute 0 in the winter. Mountainous and woody regions are prone to exhibit low visibility due to large amounts of marijuana smoke and methamphetamine production, and of hot and steamy sex with close family members.
[edit] Demographics
People from Tennessee are easily described and classified into 4 distinct categories.
1. Hick: Typical pro-lifer, wife beater, gun-nut, NASCAR fan and Notfourchan member. Men with beards to their knees, Guts that extend for miles, and a stench that could strip the paint off a wall. Women, often barefoot and pregnant of their grandfathers children.
2. Country Musician: Mullet and Guitar, typical talentless losers who barely qualify as musicians let alone decent people.
3. Plantation owners: Often seen in white suits mimicking Colonel Sanders. They tend to speak about nothing in great detail and will question whether you're from outer space.
4. Niggers: These specimens aren't found anywhere else in the state with the exception of Memphis. After the Great Tribal Move from Africa in the late 1700's, many niggers became lost on their way to the promised Land (Compton). A coin was flipped and the tribe decided to stay wherever their lips first drug the ground. Around 1810 the city was finally renamed Memphrica and all has been lost since.
[edit] Tennessee Today
Recently more and more people have started to believe in the existence of Tennessee. Also many of them still claim to believe in some form of God. Al Gore also claims to be from the mystery that is Tennessee, but he has also made claim to creating the internet and Dig-Dug. On a sad note Memphis, a chemical storage facility in the middle of nowhere, is still producing inbred musicians who chant on and on about sister fucking, old cars, or how their tractors had exploded and then rolled down the hill. Also, for some reason even though being in the 21st century, over 100% of Tennessee doesn't have access to internet speeds over 4kb/s.
[edit] Anything good?
The only good thing to be said about the state is that it was home to Elvis and Johnny Cash, even though they both moved there rather than being born there. However, recently, it was discovered that there are a few ED users in this tragic cesspool, whom hope to someday eliminate all the bad and turn it into an internet utopia. These users DO have internet speeds in excess of 4kb/s, some even reaching the level of 55kb/s, which gave them a free ticket to their Uncle's bedroom and a jug of moonshine.
[edit] See Also
[edit] External Links
- Tennessee's Wikipedia article Vandalize for great justice
