Television

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Televisions and Stuffed Animals have bred successfully.

Homosexual Television Sets

Moot knows: Television is serious, srsly.

Public Television

Finally something good on Television

The truth about television.

Television is a mind numbing device that will take all your pains and sorrows away, thirty sublime minutes at a time. Watching too much TV (lol, yeah right) can lead to incredible results such as a higher IQ, healthier and shinier hair, a moar trim physique, and of course, a much bigger penis. But teh Tele is so much more than just the cure for everything. It also keeps you in the NOW on awesome and important events; such as the weather, what's coming on teh Tele next, golf, AIDS, porn, and celebrities. What moar could you want? Amirite?

History

Televisions were originally invented as a way to watch porn without having to download it off the internet. But since computers were already so widespread the television soon devolved into a humongous orgy of advertisements and yellow journalism. Television was made even worse with the invasion of the furfags, who created the Animal Planet channel. Thanks to them, your children can now watch uncensored animal sex 24 hours a day.

Television is not to be confused with Media which is owned by the Jews. Some argue that the Jews and Gays are working together based on the uprising of faggotry programming, but this has yet to be confirmed.

Through the use of the incredible and helpful whores at MTV and Fox News, Television controls every aspect of the World's culture, and hypnotizes idiots into not worrying (except about Global Warming), and taking all your cares away.

Sometime last Thursday the greatest thing since teh Tele came out, HD Tele. This is 'High Definition' Television. It costs as much as a car (but who cares, it's worth it!), and makes things on teh Tele look moar like things in real life. If you are one of the .0001% of people who own an HD television, then congratulations on spending over nine thousand dollars. You are now an 1337 technophile.

You need MOAR television

Anyone with half a brain knows Television just plain improves ~~the quality of your life~~ your lack of friends when used properly, with other great self help products such as Twinkies, Kool-Aid, and, especially, the bong.

In time, Television will probably claw its way up to the status of a Class A drug, with the introduction of more MTV My Sweet Sixteen shows, VH1 Celebreality, The Apprentice with Donald Trump , The Colbert Report, "Above the Influence" commercials, and America's Funniest Home Videos.

Atrocities caused by television

lol wut

Interacting with Your TV

When watching Television it is important to remember that whatever you're seeing on the screen can hear and see you too, but only if you YELL AS LOUD AS POSSIBLE. Sports Fans are believed to be the first to have discovered this principle, and tend to demonstrate it while watching their favorite teams go all the way to teh Super Bowl. It is also very important to note that throwing any hard object at your television will not influence the contents displayed, although that should change with time.

After at least a hundred years of getting up off the couch to change the channel, man finally invented the remote control, which uses the power of elven magic to talk to your tv and convince it to change the channel. Thanks to this invention, Nintendo was able to come up with the idea for the Nintendo Wii.

Legal experts agree masturbation to any image on your TV can be considered pædophilial if the pixels forming that image are less than eighteen years old; preliminary analysis indicates that all underage red pixels are loli, and the others shota.