Team Fortress 2
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Team Fortress 2 is a FPS game for the PC, the Ecksbawcks 360, and The PSTriple (But really, just for the PC). The point of the game is to capture the enemy's intelligence, or control the whole map by spending several hours scout rushing control points on the map. The game relies entirely on teamwork, and having a team consisting of nothing but lone-gun Rambos who want to hog all the glory but will surely end in nothing but a shitload of fail. If you ever find yourself defending the control point and wonder "where is everyone?" then your team is pretty worthless. The game runs off the Source Engine, which means you get all the physics of Half-Life 2, and all the retarded players that come with it. To play TF2 you must also use Steam, which will take you a minimum of 3 days to get the game to go to a splash screen. Your only other option, seeing that you have to be a huge imbecile to own a PS3 or an Xbox 360, is to play on a PC
Admin Privileges
- Silencing players: Eventually, a fucktarded player will join the server, then put +voicerecord on so you can hear every mother fucking turd that flops out of that cunts mouth, or they might use hldj or hlss to play some faggotass music about lollipops or reading rainbows (no joke)! When this happens, the quickest remedy is for the admins to type "/silence (player name)" so that they can just rejoin the server and repeat the process until they're banned.
- Rock the Vote: if you ever find yourself on a shitty level, or playing 2fort for the sixteenth time, tell players to Rock the Vote. If the majority agrees that the level sucks, a vote will begin requesting players to pick what level they wish to play in. If the server is filled with fags like you who don't understand how to rock the vote, servers will end up playing the same damn level over and over again.
- Banning Players: certain commands can be given to vote for banning players from the server. Just pay fucking attention to the chat section of the screen to know how to enable the ban list and vote the annoying assholes off the server.
- Burning Players: if somebody on the server is being an idiot, douchebag, or stole the admin's kill, the admin can choose to initiate a vote to make the offender spontaneously combust. Good admins (HA HA, WOW!) use this frequently, as online gaming as a whole is full of faggots. Or if they're teenage witches.
Maps
2fort: Possibly the shittiest, and by extension the most hated, map, 2fort is a revamp of the original 2fort. The BLU and RED team fight each other to capture the intelligence from the other side, however, the game rarely goes anywhere because both teams are too lazy to sap the fucking sentries that are protecting the intelligence, and when they are, the engineers complain about it over the microphone. The best way to win this map is just put up as many sentries as possible underwater, and wait for the bitching from the other team to begin. When anyone actually does capture successfully the losing team shits bricks and switches to all Engineers to flood their base with sentry guns and sits there until time runs out. (Which is either set to unlimited or a really high fucking number. But like they have anything else to do.)
Badlands: A new, and horribly laggy map, from Valve. Overused due to being A NEW MAP FROM VALVE!. Unlike 2fort, Badlands is a 'CONTROL POINT' map, which means you have to stand at a random point for about 30 minutes as your whole team is fighting about 5 miles away, or every time you stand on the point someone on the other team bitches and you get your ass fucked. Avoid it.
Granary: Another Control Point map, however this one is more likely to be deadlocked for several hours. The best tactic is choosing to be a spy and trying to work around the only path available in stealth, which is most likely occupied by every member on the map.
Dustbowl: A 'defense' map, which means that the BLU team has to capture all the command points, and the RED team has to protect them all. This means that for the RED team to win, they have to protect their command point for about half an hour, and if the first one is captured, they have to spend another 30mins protecting the second command point.
Well: Quite possibly one of the more likable of the maps, however, it is still fail. Comes in three faggotry forms; CP, CTF, and Arena. Mostly consists of two teams battling for the middle point, and then the game slowly ends due to people camping on the rest of the points. CTF, as well, tends to be horrible, because everyone prefers to capture the intelligence, instead of protect it, and no sentries are ever made around it. But that's ok; because it's usually spies that capture the intelligence anyway, and the engineers are too busy getting their asses blown off to protect their fucking sentry. And when it does get sapped, they scream it in the air and continue to capture the intelligence, futilely.
Gravelpit: One of the most played maps; mostly consists of scout rushing sentries on the first two points, and then spy rushing the last to win. RED almost always looses, because they give up after 30 minutes and just let the BLU team take it so they can 'rtv'. This map is was awesome to cheat in. PS3 Orange Box TF2 still has this glitch and Valve hates the PS3 and refuses to patch it. Set up sentry guns under the floors for maxlulz.
Hydro: A 'Territory Control' map, which means it's a CP map, but instead of 3 different levels in one setting, This one has about 8, and the game can either go on for hours, which is as boring as fuck, or it can be over in 3 seconds because you got pwned by a fucking scout rush, in which case its even more boring. Most likely the only time a team is able to capture the point is in sudden death, which usually means one rogue player winning the point because your entire team decided to attack. This map becomes instantly rtv'd because of how shitty it can be unless the map 'begins' with Sudden Death.
Egypt: Another successful and original design by the ever-busy Valve. Egypt is a shitty community map because Gabe Newell is, as always, too busy eating Delicious Cake and sandviches. Egypt is like Dustbowl, meaning one team defends (or in team fortress 2, this is known as the entire defense team goes scout to show how Shit their unlocks are) and one team attacks (which in team fortress 2 means an unorganized zerg with no one as a Medic). Egypt is also shitty because Egypt is full of Towel Heads and culture. tl;dr Egypt is a defend/attack map meaning you'll spend your entire round sitting waiting for the other team to attack, which never happens because they are too busy defending their precious CP.
Junction: Junction is just like Gravelpit, only Valve the guy in the community who made the map, themed it indoors. TF2 fans where pleased for this change in scenery and are thanking Valve the guy in the community who made this map for his work and dedication in a game where the developers are busy making sniper achievements. This map can be summed up in 4 words: mother fucking sentry spam.
Watchtower: This map is a very nice, open spaced Arena. Enjoy being put on a shit useless team with a 13 year old boy who thinks that setting up a sentry outside of spawn is effective. This map is very green, either because Valve realized that the industrial/desert theme is fucking retarded or Gabe Newell is eating salad for once. In the middle of this shit fest is a nice, tall tower, and around the tower are scouts with the Force-A-Nature, blasting you off to your death. If you make it to the tower you'll be raped by the Pyro camping the stairs. The only safe place on this map is outside IRL. (you fat cunt)
Custom Maps: Surprisingly, the custom maps tend to be better than any of the official maps. However, 3/4 times these maps are still shit, so it's advised as well to avoid anything involving a custom map, especially a clan server custom map. Avoiding clans all together is a good idea.
Gold Rush: The newest and thereby most faulty map, Gold Rush implements a new play style where the blue team must PUSH LITTLE KART by being a dickhair close to the cart it's placed on. The more players located by the cart the quicker it will go, however if a single member of the red team gets within two hundred yards of it you're stuck making scout rush after scout rush to painfully inch it to its goal.
Turbine and Fastlane: Two community maps that Gabe Newell picked to become official maps, because he was too fucking busy eating his lunch to make his team make new ones by themselves. They suck by the way.
Mario Kart: Custom map that was created by some guy who makes ANIMATION ON THE INTERNET WHILE SCREAMING INTO HIS MICROPHONE, it could either crashes the server, makes everyone leave, or makes everyone leave because the server tells them that it crashed so you can run around as scout and look at all the billboards displaying memes of old.
Cyberpunk: Another brilliant custom map created by some fag who thought it would be cool to put flashing lights and patterns all over the place. Walking space is limited so expect Force-A-Nature spamming. Engineers sentry camp in the studio, and always have fucking Pyros backing them up, so they're constantly changing the music ( which is shitty enough ) weather you like it or not.
Harbl Hotel: The best map. Evar! A map so super awesome, you have to fucking download it off the internet, even though the game is supposed to auto-download all maps for you. This map is specially designed for internet hip people, filled with traps and different rooms to explore, and even comes with its own AIDS pool and gallary of posters featuring memes. With just as many tight Nook 'n' Crannys as Cyberpunk, expect to be spammed to death. Fucking breaks down and glitches every 11 seconds.
Steel: Yet another community map, since Valve was too lazy to make new maps themselves, most say that this is much better than Turbine and Fastlane, which is more or less true.
Lumberyard and Ravine: Two new maps that Valve actually made, but this uses a new mode called "Arena". Two teams beating the shit out of each other until they're dead. If one person is being a pussy, then the other team has to cap the center point. Boring as shit right? At least Lumberyard uses a different landscape scheme rather than DESERT DESERT DESERT DESERT DESERT AND MOAR FUCKING DESERT.
Badwater Basin: It's a payload map made by Valve, which means you have to PUSH LITTLE KART. It's much better than Goldrush, because there are over 9000 ways to go behind the attacking team, and backstab all the medics and heavies, which instantly results in 13 year old boys to scream in their microphones.
Orange Maps:Maps created by people who are too lazy to use real textures. These maps usually host sniper orgies because the designers think they are playing NES, and so make them 2-D.
Viaduct: OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME OVERTIME . (The ovahtime was a spy) [1]
Helpful Tips
- Scouts: Always go scout in sudden death. The combo of 125 hit points and having nothing but super-speed is incredibly useful when you only have one life. Press "x" and "5" repeatedly to shout "NEED A DISPENSER HERE!" If you have a mic and you're on Well (CTF) or 2fort, keep screaming "FLAG FLAG FLAG FLAG FLAG FLAG FLAG." It's very important to remember that your baseball bat can take down a sentry with ease; it's made of aluminum, so it's pretty strong. Be sure to run straight into Level 3 Sentries. With your speed, you can outrun the bullets and rockets (srsly). ALWAYS RUN AROUND SPAMMING THE SANDMAN AND FORCE-A-NATURE. NEVAR ATTACK IF THE SANDMAN MISSES.
- Soldiers: TAKE YOUR FUCKING TIME! NEVAR EVAR USE TELEPORTERS! It's much quicker and safer to simply walk through the battle. If you can see a sentry but you're so far away from it that it doesn't shoot at you, don't bother destroying it with your rockets. Surely, a spy will take care of it for you. Do not bother rocket-jumping on 2fort to quickly reach the second floor, always use the stairs. NEVAR use your rockets on Pyros, they just don't work. Just FUCKING RUN AWAY FROM THEM, it's not like they can reflect rockets or anything. If you see an enemy Spy cloak, don't shoot rockets all around you as Spies know that messing with a Soldier is the worst thing they could possibly do so always look straightforward especially in combat.
- Pyros: Be sure to be use as little subtlety as possible. Ignore any flanking routes, the best possible path is a head-on collision with the largest group of enemies you can find. Run up to heavies and heavy/medic combos with your flame thrower, which will surely end with them dying before they are able to react, but make sure you kill the Heavy first, he will die faster with the Medic beam on him. Whatever you do, do not randomly check for spies by trying to set your own team on fire, as that will only cause unwanted friendly-fire and piss everyone off. Remember to fire your Flamethrower directly in the view of any friendly Snipers, their bullets will do more damage if it passes through the flames first. The Engineers are perfectly capable of defending their sentries/dispensers from spies all by themselves, and do not require your watchful guard. For a cool achievement, continue to burn the resupply closet with your FIRE for the whole match. In addition to the Pyro getting something to reflect projectiles, he also gets an unlockable gun that is called the Flare-gun (which is similar to the cannon he had in TFC). Happy now Classicfags? Only Pyros themselves can die quickly from the Flare-gun, as it doesn't work on any other classes. His hadouken taunt is the best taunt ever.
- Demomen: It is helpful to put sticky-grenades on control points not being defended; be sure to detonate the very second one person steps onto the control point; waiting for more than one person to stand on it would simply be stupid. You are capable of setting up unlimited sticky bombs before detonation, so be sure to sprinkle them everywhere and anywhere. Always use 8 sticky bombs when trying to jump across the map. No more, no less. Be sure to hang back and never approach the front line. (Like a real nigger, if you're surrounded by whitey, RUN AWAY! O LAWDY!!) Always yell "I'M A BLACK SCOTTISH CYCLOPS NIGGA!" If none of that works, then just take out the grenade launcher and taunt the entire game so your character will keep yelling "KABOOM!" It will scare the other team away and your team will thank you because it sounds funny.
- Engineers: In the level "Well," be sure to climb to the top of the room where your final control point is, and build a level three sentry gun. This way, when someone steps on the control point, they'll be so far away from your sentry, they can cap the point without being killed from it. As a matter of fact, don't bother defending any control points except for the final one. Just stay as far away from actual combat as humanly possible, and enjoy watching your sentry kills stay at zero. Also, make sure to never create teleporters, especially when your team has to walk for 30 minutes just to get to the front line. In sudden death, BUILD TELEPORTERS FIRST!!1! Do not build the dispenser first. Remember never to help other engineers with their sentries; that metal is fucking valuable, and you only get so much of it. Although, to make even moar lulz, build exits at your team's spawn, then put the entrance in a space someone on your team will end up walking on. For major lulz points put them in between faggot engineer camper's hideout (the space they sit where their dispenser and sentry would be) major lulz is guaranteed. Just say it's to help the team out and all will be fine. Since the last update, you can update dispensers and teleporters to level 3. Make sure you ALWAYS upgrade the dispenser and the teleporter BEFORE the sentry. It's not like the first heavy will shread your base to pieces, they'll just wait gently until you finish everything.
- Heavies: TAKE YOUR FUCKING TIME! NEVAR EVAR USE TELEPORTERS! I mean, how do you know those teleporters are even safe? Seems like pretty unstable technology if you ask me. What if you get teleported to another dimension or something? Then what the fuck are you gonna do? Anyway, always call for the medic, even if you have the most hit points on the team and don't have a single scratch on you. If you have a medic healing you and step out into battle, do not even glance at your hit points, focus only on killing the enemy, pulling away to let the medic heal you quickly is a sign of cowardice. Make sure to call a Medic gay if he stops healing you to care for team members with low health, and eat your damn Sandvich. In the middle of battle make sure to eat your Sandvich if you're low on HP, as you'll be invulnerable. For massive lulz, keep eating Sandviches for the whole match.
- Medics: Resembles Egon from Ghostbusters. Once you've charged your uber, be sure to stop healing and go in with the AIDS gun blazing, as you'll be invulnerable. Don't bother using the uber with another person. It's not worth it, and your team doesn't appreciate it anyway, so fuck them. While waiting to charge your uber, be sure to heal friendly spies and engineers. While healing engineers, stand in front of them while they try to build for maximum healing. Also, in light of Valve's BRILLIANT idea to have unlockable weapons, make sure you pick this class to unlock the fifty dozen new achievements required to receive the new completely balanced weapons, even if more than half the team are medics for the same reason. Running at Sentries with your bonesaw equipped is always a viable strategy, your regenerating health makes you the best anti-sentry class in the game. PROTIP: Always use the Kritzkrieg on offense for major win. You'll still be completely invulnerable to ANYTHING even sentries.
- Snipers: Known for having the best secondary gun, make sure you only look for other snipers when playing 2fort. When you see another sniper on the balcony not looking through his scope just know that he's only not doing so as to maintain peripheral sight, as he is in no way a spy. While some may argue otherwise, the best team is with 4+ snipers. Also known as the next bitch to get an update. PROTIP: Only look for other Snipers, nothing else. It's not like the other members of the enemy team will eventually become a threat once they're a(n) point/intel away from winning.
- Spies: Disguise yourself a scout, heavy, or medic with your disguise kit, as these are the least checked for. Always run into the heat of battle before your cloak takes full effect; and don't worry about being hit by bullets while you're cloaked, as they don't do any damage. Remember to repeatedly run into the enemy when cloaked; they walk right through you. If you know you have a fellow teammate close by, do not bother sapping any sentries so they can attack it and get the point. Frontal stabs are a instant-kill and a half, always use them on Pyros, Soldiers, Heavies, and sometimes Demomen. [2] PROTIP: Don't fucking use teleporters, Valve made it so that your disguise comes off instantly after using them. Just run into the other team's territory; nobody will check you. It's not like there's anything suspicious about seeing one of your engineers come charging out of the opposing team's base at the start of the game. Also, since a recent update, ammo crates now replenish your cloak. While cloaked and being chased by an enemy, make sure you always pick up those ammo crates. There's nothing suspicious in disapearing ammo crates. Note: Valve finally released the new Meet the Spy video after the whole Steam community made OVER 9000 complaints that the Spy should have his video first. But being the cockteases they are, they tried DELETING FUCKING EVERYTHING. It's not like we found out anyway. LOLOLOLOLOLOL Oh, btw. SPOILER ALERT!
- Scout's Mom: Scout's mother is the 10th class that was hinted on the back of a cereal box in Left 4 Dead, her primary weapon is to have sex with the Spy while making the Scout cry at that and at rainbows. If you can double jump as a heavy while eating sandvitch AND earning a hat with in 20 years of gameplay, you win scouts mom.
Gentlemen
See main article Gentlemen
TF2 was also responsible in creating a lulzy exploitable meme featuring the spy with a bunch or cigarettes jammed in his mouth.
The sad fact is, not many people know that the spy is a pedophile and will fap to your mother.
To Troll A Gentlemen
Hentai ( Oh Shit, I'm sorry I meant "Erotica" ) is included.
Note the failure saying he's from 4chan. NEWFAG DETECTED!
TFC Classicfags = SSBM Tourneyfags
It is a known fact, that TFC classicfags are equal to tourneyfags.
- Classicfags whine about the removal of grenades, while tourneyfags whine about the removal of wavedashing in Brawl.
- Classicfags hate critical hits based on luck, and tourneyfags hate items. However it is more lulz that critical hits are forced to be on, items can be turned off!
- At least 100 years ago, classicfags did not like how Valve nerfed down the Solider and the Demoman by lowering their maximum ammo reserve, tourneyfags did not like how Fox got nerfed in Brawl.
Valve will probably be cock-teasing the oldfags. Tourneyfags are pissed at new cheap items in Brawl.
The only difference between classicfags and tourneyfags is that classicfags miss the civilian class, and tourneyfags don't miss Mewtwo, Young Link, Roy, or Pichu at all, because they're all FUCKING LOW-TIER!!!11shifteleven.
FORTRESS FOREVAR
Unfortunately, all TFC classicfags got together and turned Half-Life 2 into TEAM FORTRESS CLASSIC WIT MOAR SKILLZ. This came in the form of a mod called Fortress Forever [3]. They've created "Advanced Techniques" like bunny hopping/bhoping (WAVE DASHING OMGS!), conc jumping (L CANCELING ROFLMAO!), and "Trimping" (DASH DANCING OMG PLAGURISMS). FF is srs business, with a mature, elite fanbase. Despite being TEH BEST HL2 MOD EVAR, there is like 2 people online at one time, and everyone on there will yell "NUB GTFO OFF THE SERVER" if you ask them one simple question like "How do you jump conc?"
FFags haet TF2 because it's not srs business. In one certain thread on their forums [4] someone insults TF2 and calls FF better (SHOCKER!). The resulting thread is lulzy with butthurt fgts BBBAAAAAAWWWWWing about how FF has no friends.
HOW TO TROLL
- Download
HLSSHLDJ and install - Get moosik
- Get pornographic sprays, save them as .bmps, and import them into TF2.
- Enter Server
- Apply pornographic/disgusting sprays in spawnpoint after teammates have left.
- Get in the way of Snipers, the best way to do this is to be either a Spy or a Pyro. Unfortunately a new patch allows the sniper's bullets to pass through your own team.
- Heal enemy Spies and uber them to sap a sentry.
- When you're ubered, don't do anything but taunt.
- Place an entrance teleporter below another friendly engineer's sentry.
- Never stop shouting for a Medic. Ever. Even if you're a Medic.
- Say everyone on your team is a Spy.
- Stand in the spawn locker and do nothing but Taunt, After a short while, other faggots will begin to taunt with you, soon half the team will be dancing and screaming around you, with no one attemping to cap the points, or steal the intel - Bonus points if your team fails the round because of this.
- As an Engineer, build teleporters that forces people to look at Goatse.
- As a Medic, do your bonesaw taunt during battle instead of healing. Extra lulz when half your team is burning to death.
- Stand in the doorway of your spawn points keeping the door open for enemy attacks.
- As a Spy, stand on spawn points with your team while disguised as the other team. Bonus points if you call for a medic while doing such.
- On the map Well, get a Medic to follow you then stand on the railroad tracks and wait for the train to come.
- As a Medic, tell your team you refuse to heal Heavies and Scouts because you think they're Jews (also refuse to heal Demomen because they're niggers, but that's a given).
- On the same premise, say you're Egon Spengler, and that you only bust (heal) white ghosts. Listen for the 13-year-old boys who don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
- As an Engineer, steal the enemy intelligence, build a dispenser next to it, squat behind it, and refuse to move. Or better yet, just hold the intelligence throughout the whole match without dropping/capping it.
- Also as an engineer, team up with the opposite team and make it so you have tele's directly by their sentries but still keeping the pad alive.
- As a Heavy, spin your gun barrel but never fire and scream on a mic "HOW DO I FIRED GUN"
- If you happen to see a Spy Crab, and you're a Medic, focus entirely on keeping them ubered and healed up. It doesn't matter if they're on your team or not.
- See the above section on helpful tips
- As a Soldier just rocket jump directly at the other team when you have their intelligence.
- As a Engineer, build all your buildings next to/in front of another Engineers sentry. (Bonus points if you block his sentry from firing at all)
- As a Heavy, get your sandvich and crouch down while holding it, then follow people around. Works best with other Heavies doing it, but you can do it solo. Extra points for walking in front of an enemy sentry while doing it.
- //Need A Dispenser here!
//================== alias dispenser voicemenu 1 4 bind v dispenser alias dispenser "dispenser_on" alias dispenser_on "alias _dispenser !dispenser; !dispenser; alias dispenser dispenser_off" alias dispenser_off "alias _dispenser; alias dispenser dispenser_on" alias !dispenser "voicemenu 1 4; wait 2; _dispenser"
After that press v for lulz.
Spy Crabs
The Spy cemented itself as the most meme-prone class in the game with the discovery that holding out your disguise kit, looking straight up, crouching and then walking around resulted makes the Spy walk in a retarded manner not unlike a crab. Those observing this found this either extremely hilarious or extremely annoying, and suddenly it became a meme among Team Fortress 2 players. Now it is not an uncommon sight to see a couple of Spy players walking around in this manner for entire matches while onlookers point fingers and/or guns at them and laugh at and/or kill them for free points. Many a YouTube video documenting their shenanigans has been posted.
The phenomenon has also spawned a "Save the Endangered Spy Crabs" campaign, perhaps to counter the tendency for players who decide to kill Spy Crabs, or to parody the various campaigns employed by ecoterrorists to prevent the gathering of vital natural resources. Whatever the case, often medics participating in the campaign will use their ubers on the Spy Crabs to keep them alive as long as possible.
In the newest update, the Spy gained another taunt for the kit that puts the spy in the spy crab pose and he'll click his kit open and closed like a crab.
Jarate
Recently, a new weapon, Jarate, has been added to the Sniper's arsenal. The Jarate, basically a jar full of Australian piss, started out as an April Fools' joke, until Valve decided to make it an official unlockable for the Sniper. The official TF2 forums immediately got filled with over 9000 threads complaining about Jarate being gross and immature, and demanding the rolling back of that item through a petition. Rumour has it Robin Walker did it for the lulz.
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Classless Update
Last Thursday Valve launch a new update, in which they modified the Sandman and the Force-a-Nature of the Scout, making the Sandman reduces 25 30 of of the Scout's HP and making impossible to stun enemies with Übercharge ( BUT NOW STILL GET TO DOUBLE JUMP WITH IT EQUIPPED. DOESN'T THAT COUNT FOR SOMETHING? ) Many in Valve's forum BAWWWWed, and others defend the position of Valve.
Viral Faggotry
Valve decided to make different videos of classes comparing cock sizes. They decided to name them the "Meet the Team" videos. Each "Meet the Team" video takes over 9000 hours to complete. That's why butthurt fanboys get antsy whenever trolls mention Valve Time.[5] Every video is a documentary of a different class and their particular quirks. Only 7 out of the 9 classes have their own videos. One of them is about a sandvich.
| Heavy | |
| Soldier | |
| Engineer | |
| Demoman | |
| Scout | |
| Sniper | |
| Sandvich | |
| Spy |
Another popular fad on the internets is to make covers of well-known songs using nothing but the scout's "Bonk!" and "Boink!" sound effects, in a manner not unlike the utilization of PINGAS. The original Bonk Song (seen below) was of that theme that plays during NFL games. The Bonk Song became extremely popular on YouTube, and soon many other versions were made.
| Original | |
| Mortal Kombat | |
| Mario Theme | |
| Rocky Theme | |
| Dragon Force | |
| Inspector Gadget | |
| Legend of Zelda |
September 2, 2009 aka VALVe trolls its customers
Alas, a solution!
Doing absolutely nothing in order to get items--which were intended to be given to people actually playing the goddamn game--was hard work, so they all decided to download a program that idles for them. Now they no longer needed to burden their computers or their non-existent social lives with the hassle of doing nothing to get everything. VALVe caught wind of the massive faggotry and went into an eRAGE.
The FINAL Solution: KILL THE JEWS IDLERS CHEATERS lol take away their hats
VALVe was furious that people had been using a third-party application to circumvent gameplay and spoof playtime. So VALVe unleashed a cunning scheme to punish these players by taking away all of the items the players had gained from using the program. VALVe would then label them as cheaters. However, this wasn't enough and it was decided that everyone who had not been using idling program would be given a special item. The intent being to turn the community against itself.
On September 2, 2009, war was beginning.
On this day players awoke to the shit-storm that was the TF2 Steam Forums. Page after page, post after post, every single thread had turned into a nursery of babies crying that all of their items had disappeared. How dare VALVe take away the items they didn't work for! In their mind it was preposterous that items originally intended for people actually playing the game would be taken away from players who didn't actually play at all.
As of now, many of the enraged 13 year old boys have gone on an eRage posting about how they would no longer buy from VALVe. And what items caused so many people to cheat? Hats--custom hats that do nothing other than make the game characters look gayer.
RECAP: They fucking downloaded a program that connects to a server and spoofs playtime just so they could get e-hats.
The assrape continues...
To further the pain, VALVe gave every person who hadn't used the idling program a free hat and labled all of the idlers as cheaters.
The loltrain hasn't finished.[6]
Civil War
As if all of this weren't lulzy enough, it has truly split the community in two, between those who didn't cheat and got a free halo, and the whining faggots that got punished for cheating. As a result, some servers a outright banning all halo-wearers, some are banning non-halo wearers, medic's are refusing to heal halo wearers, servers reconfiguring the halo files so it has a glowing neon "FAG" sign over it, all of this over FUCKING PIXELS.
Devil Horns
Somewhere in the chaos of this all, somebody came up with the idea that everyone who was punished for cheating should be given devil horns to put on their character. What people seem to not realize is that this isn't a fucking punishment, but a reward.
HOLY SHIT! DOGS IN MY FORTRESS?
TF kiddies really fucking haet dogs... [7]
TF2WIKI.NET
Even though it looks like its asking for it and more exploitable than you, The TF2 Wiki is HEAVILY GUARDED with FUCKING SENTRYS THAT BAN YOU FOR VANDALIZING YOUR OWN USERPAGE
NOVEMBER 2ND [8]
- go to gamestop
- buy l4d2, get hat
- return l4d2
- ???
- Profit!
TF2 SHIT
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- TF2 Statistics - All you ever wanted to know about how much people play as the Sniper.
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