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Tatu

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Pretending to be in love.

Tatu were known as pedophile bait.

WARNING! WARNING!
Tatu has the offical pedobear seal of approval.

Tatu is a Russian pop group composed of two underage whores who were forced into lesbianism by their pedo manager.

1 History
2 Underage Whores
3 The Aftermath
4 The "Straight" Era
5 The Third Album
6 Insider Said It's True

[edit] History

[PLEASE NOTE: if you are a preteen tatu forum faggot fantard, and are easily offended when your favourite pedo loli is bitched about and shat on, then gtfo now and do not read.]

Tatu, more known as ТаТу (That's actually Cyrillic to your left) are two exquisite little tarts named Лена (Lena) and Юлиа (Julia). Known for kissing each other during performances of the song "All the Things She Said" (Я Сошла С Ума). Their album, 200 по встречной, gives me a raging hard on when I hear them scream НАС НЕ ДОГОНЯТ!

There is a prevalent theory that Tatu are actually escaped experiments from Bjork's robotic lesbian factory. Death camps of Siberia are another possible place.

[edit] Underage Whores

By pretending to be in love they earned millions of dollars across the globe from stupid 16 year old girls who thought they were 'totally brave for coming out like that' and many an 80 year old Chinese man in panties.The girls in Tatu are about as lesbian as Furries are sane, logical thinking people. That said, even with their new image as "man-eating heterosexuals" they still manage to come off as gayer than Skittles, probably to maintain that 80 year old Chinese man/14-year-old girl fanbase.

[edit] The Aftermath

Now that they are no longer underage nobody gives a shit about them. It was later revealed that Julia got pregnant twice when she was supposedly a lesbian but her abusively lulzy ex-manager forced her to have an abortion.

Then one summer, Lena's priest told her that making out with Yulia was kind of gay. Despite being every pedophile's dream girl, Lena had no idea that sucking face with Yulia, grabbing her breasts, and having sex with her in hotel rooms was in the least bit gay. Determined to beat the gay disease, Lena started singing with the ugliest, most mannish woman she could find so she would never want pussy again. Rina Rok had a steamy affair with Ivan Shapovalov, who was disgusted to learn that Rina was not only an adult, but also a man. When she tried to apologize to Yulia, Lena found that her old girlfriend was not only pregnant, but bald as well. Lena had to either stay with the tranny who slept with her manager, or get back together with her pregnant lesbian girlfriend.

Yulia then became a hooker (the legal kind this time) who would sleep with guys, then randomly remember she was gay and shoot them in the head. After making an extremely gay album and popping out a kid, Yulia got knocked up a second time and did a photoshoot for sick Maxim-reading perverts who like to see pregnant gay girls take it all off.

To add further pwnage to Julia's miserable life she is not able to sing anymore (not that she could anyway) because her sick fuck ex-manager made her deep throat too much and it destroyed her throat. Her contract was so terrible that she couldn't receive medical care and she now has a huge ugly scar on her neck because of it.

[edit] The "Straight" Era

Nowadays Julia prefers a different kind of pussy .

After deciding that God wasn't too happy about Lena getting hot Yulia action every night, they decided to change their image to pseudo-psychological bullshitry. Their "concept album" known as "Dangerous and Moving" trails the experience of two NOT lesbians whining about their long dramatic breakup...and the moral disability of everyone around them. Currently, they are working on some movie with Mischa Barton in it. Mischa Barton is best known for being on a diet that allows her to only gain weight in her feet. This movie is bound to be extremely gay, and not in the good way.

[edit] The Third Album

Not content with annoying the world with their outdated and full of fail music, TaTy are releasing a third album called 'Waste Managment' and 'Upravleniye Otbrosami' (the name is in direct correlation with the fact Interscope Music INC and Universal Music International cancelled TaTy's contract because of the unwanted attractions of Pedobear,oh, and they're a shit band). The new english album will be the soundtrack to the film You & I (see 'The Straight Era' above)and will contain songs about Little People, Snow, Abortion and Electricity, all of which are illegal in Russia, thus giving them more contoversy. For this Album, Lena Katina an Julia Volkover stripped their duds and went naked in their video for Beliy Plashik (White Robe), where as Lena was HAWT and much fapping occured, Yulia was pregnant, thus only attracting the attention of weirdo's and pervs.

Their second single is 220, a song about suicide and death, but don't worry kids, it's "t.A.T.u's most colourful video to date and something quite special!". In the video, our favourite russian whores dance around in their duds and hats to music that sounds like a dentist drill going though your Urethra. The whores also attempt to dance in this video, by doing so, they make Michael Jackson look like the shit.

But Thats Not All...

The new album was finished in late 2007 and was to be released on December 25th 2007, but managment realised their fuck up and postponed the release date till Santa's Birthday was over. Many fans on TaTy's [1] fan forum were merciful and fogave the managment, loss of lulz. So managment decided to release the album at the end of June only to postpone it again, only this time, the preteens and faggots on the forum weren't so forgiving. Criticism of the how managments ran the show ensued (and still is going on, Trolling vacancies for tatu.ru's forum avaliable!), giving Boris Rensky,Zhenya and Insider (see below) much butthurt.

To add lulz to the emo state tatu.ru is in, managment have seemingly forgot their Administration password and cannot update the site with news on the singing hags, EPIC lulz. This Iron Curtain on the TaTy news has caused many fans to go emo and die because site admin haven't told them about how Julia shat herself on the train to Moscow or when Lena was caught puking her dinner in the bushes off Red Square.

The forum is currently full of confused weeaboos and n00b trolls. Some fans have been so dramatic as to announce they are leaving the site because they are tired of the way management is fucking with them and only want them for their money, only to resurface under a new log-in name. If you decide to troll the forum, be sure to check out the "Name the t.A.T.u. stuff you own" topic, where major fapping/drama over the weeaboos huge collection of preteen fake lesbian music and posters occurs.

[edit] Insider Said It's True

[EDIT Insider is a failed troll, Insider must be shown how to troll. http://blog.tatu.ru/insider . Enlighten the invalidi, Manage his waste, do it for Domen, do it for the preteens and the faggots of the forum who have had to endure his whines and spitting his dummy (pacifyer). ]

Apparently, t.A.T.u manager, Boris Renski, decided to create a character called "Insider" in the official blog of the group, where he talks about "The true story of t.A.T.u." while attacking fans by calling them "ludi invalidi" (handicapped people) and ЖГЖП-people (Russian initials, for greedy, stupid, violent and mean) if the fans say they don't understand their songs or think that their new video is a total flop. Insider tries to butthurt people, but fails on epic proportions, causing major lulz between the disenchanted fans. He is the tatu.ru equivolent to Lolly on devianTART (god rest his soul...oh shit, he's alive?!) His complex ways of speaking is not understandable to anyone but himself and small dogs. His E-Go and self importance out weigh what information that he gives the faggot fans. All the exclusive news they receive was already discovered last Thursday by tatysite.ru and thus making Insider invalid and void.

If you begin to talk about your how you dislike anything about tatu's new songs and video, and you voice your opinion on the forum, it is most likely you'll get called these names by Insider:

Ludi Invalidi (or Handicapped People).

ЖГЖП (short for greedy, stupid, violent, mean).

Domen ( from a fan that showed his dissatisfaction about tatu's new album).

It is most likely that you'll receive these names if you say:

that you don't understand tatu's lyrics.

you think that their new video isn't as great as the rest.

you think that tatu's new album and movie will be a flop.

tatu isn't as successful as before.

According to Insider, this people are not human, and fans must give no place to them. Basically Tatu gives you full permission to summarily execute anyone who isn't a Tatu fan. So remember, if you're going to kill someone, make sure they're not a Tatu fan first, because then it will be ok.

Insiders Favourite Come Backs:

That's the endless circle of dialectics, guys: having shut some "domen" up makes you turning to that "domen" yourself.

And nobody of t.A.T.u. team wants to turn. It is better that "domens" would live and prosper, and we will be humans here. I wish you to act and think in similar manner. [ Remember, in the Motherland, opinions have YOU!]

These events triggered the severe criticism from fans whose cup ran over, and they opened fire in all directions, even far away from the plate and the concert. [Basically what the douche is sayng is, you aren't allowed to have an opinon. OBEY.]