South Africa
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
South Africa is located somewhere in Dark Africa. It is full of AIDS, rape, fail and the most ignorant and bigoted cunts in the world. South Africa is the one place you do not want to be (Next to Zimbabwe).
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[edit] People
This thriving democracy gains attention for being the country with the world's highest crime and AIDS infection rates, along with the most corrupt government since at least 100 years ago. SA has 11 official languages, 10 of which are archaic and completely redundant. The only non-English word you need to know is 'Eish', which is Souf Effrikan for OH NOES!!! It is also the only African country with white people, but this is only because they are too poor to afford a plane ticket to Australia or New Zealand. The only things South Africa is good for are the mining of diamonds and gold and for 'redistributing' everything from the whities.
A survey published in March 2004 shows that South Africans spend more time at funerals than they do having their hair cut, shopping or having braais.[1]
[edit] History
The History of South Africa is comprised mostly of tl;dr and, occasionally, lulz.
The country was formed in 1652 by anonymous Dutch guys and in, 1820, when the British Empire herd they found mudkips, they sent over 9000 settlers to dropkick the Dutch to bantown. These Dutchmen became known as Voortrekkers, and are today known as Afrikaners.
By 1838 the Voortrekkers had driven the bandwagon so far up the country that they were forced into a war against the Zulus. The Voortrekkers prayed to their mighty Christian God and told Him that if He helped them pwn the Zulus then they would delete all the pr0n on their harddrive.
10,000 Zulu Warriors Zerg rushed the Voortrekkers' base which was guarded by an army of 470 Voortrekkers with magical sticks that could shoot iron balls thanks to the White demon called gunpowder. 3,000 Zulus got fatally headshot and the rest ran away, only 3 Voortrekkers were wounded. This great historical event was called the Battle of Blood River.
The British ruled South Africa for at least 100 years until they realised how shitty it is, and they got back on their boats and went home. The white people who stayed behind decided to make a country where they would have pwnership of all the gold and the diamonds, and they would also not have to endure the smell of black people all day. They called this invention Apartheid.
Apartheid caused massive lulz until 1990 when it was officially declared an old meme and, therefore, an enemy of lulz. As the ruling party closed all the pools and posted their Goodbye Thread all over the world's forums, many South Africans began to panic. The whities thought that there would be a hueg civil war and everything would go to hell when the Keys to the Government were handed over to a bunch of black people. They went out and bought tons of canned food (SRSLY) and hid under their beds for years, until one day they ran out of canned food, so they went outside and completely freaked out at the masses of darkies loitering around aimlessly.
Their immediate response to this was to hastily send all their children to London, Australia, New Zealand, London, Ireland, London, London, Canada, and Dubai. Obviously, because the 1st World is full of incredibly lazy people, the South Africans got tons of jobs because they are so hard-working (i.e. desperate).
These immigrants were given a nickname, they were called Saffirs, or Saffas. This word is derived from the word kaffir, which is what white people used to call blacks in the days of Apartheid. Ironically, the word Saffa is a racial slur used today to refer to white South African immigrants. The LULZ part is that most Saffas are too dumb to realize this completely true fact of reality.
[edit] Transport
SA is well know for it's lack of it. Or at least for white people anyway. They use taxis (minibuses) that rulez the road. Taxis are well known for their lack of actual vehicle parts and are overloaded at all times, even when empty.
[edit] South Africa </3 Rape
A notable invention made in South Africa is an anti-rape device called the Rapex (do not confuse it with the heavy metal rock group). Women stick the Rapex up their vaginas and if an unwanted intruder dares to invade the fortress, the Rapex's barbs will pierce into the flesh of the penis, causing intense pain. The Rapex can then only be removed through surgery, requiring a trip to a hospital and then to bantown. It will not only be used for anti-rape but will enhance underwater swimming capabilities by doubling as an extra fin. Ms Ehlers said she was inspired after meeting a traumatised rape victim who told her, "If only I had teeth down there."[2]
The Rapex condom does indeed help to decrease the number of rape victims. By shoving painful barbs into the penis of the man trying to penetrate you, you've guaranteed you won't be raped. You have instead guaranteed that you'll be beaten until dead. Congrats!
[edit] Fun Facts
- A survey published in March 2004 shows that South Africans spend more time at funerals than they do having their hair cut, shopping or having braais.[3]
[edit] Videos
South African National Anthem
[edit] See Also
[edit] External Links
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South Africa is part of a series of topics related to Black People. ☻ |
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