South Africa
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
South Africa, known as 'South AIDfrica' in Zulu and South Gayfrica in Afrikunts, is located somewhere in Dark Africa. It is full of AIDS, rape, fail and the most enlightened cunts in the world. South Africa is the one place you do not want to be (Next to Zimbabwe).
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People
This thriving democracy gains attention for being the country with the world's highest crime and AIDS infection rates, along with the most corrupt government since at least 100 years ago. SA has 11 official languages, 10 of which are archaic and completely redundant. The only non-English word you need to know is "Eish", which is Souf Effrikan for OH NOES!!! It is also the only African country with white people, but this is only because they are too poor to afford a plane ticket to Australia or New Zealand. The only things South Africa is good for are the mining of diamonds and gold and for 'redistributing' everything from the whities.
A survey published in March 2004 shows that South Africans spend more time at funerals than they do having their hair cut, shopping or having "braais".[1]
The South African farming community is renowned for its peaceful and uneventful atmosphere.
Kaffirs
South Africa is the only place that has a unique breed of niggers, commonly known as Kaffirs (say: kah-furs) these people are the closest thing to the missing link between humans and baboons on Earth, and complete fucktards, they do not show any sign of clever thought or reasoning, and can not be approached in the same way you talk to a white person in S.A. In order to communicate with these things first you need to approach the herd. If you're a white person, this can be very hard, as they oppose anything white (even toilet paper and soap). Then you must seek the alpha-male, they can be spotted by their ultra flat noses and their limp. A.K.A. their "stride". If you are accepted to communicate you may proceed. This usually involves repeating everything 5 times and using easy to understand words. If you see their eyes begin to water and they respond with "eh". you know the little bug inside their head that controls them as just fallen off the cork and landed in the water, causing massive malfunction and a system reboot. (The bug has to get onto the cork again). this means you have to start again using even smaller words and more sign language.
History
The History of South Africa is composed mostly of tl;dr and is lightly dusted with lulz.
The country was formed in 1652 by anonymous Dutch guys searching for spices. In, 1820, when the British Empire herd 'bout it, they sent over 9,000 settlers and dropkicked the Dutch straight to Bantown. These displaced Clogsmonglers became known as "Voortrekkers", and are today known as "Afrikaners".
By 1838 the Voortrekkers had driven their bandwagon so far up the country that they were forced into a war against the Zulus. The Voortrekkers prayed to their mighty Christian God and told Him that if He helped them pwn the Zulus then they would delete all the pr0n on their harddrive.
10,000 Zulu Warriors Zerged the Voortrekkers' base, defended by an army of only 470 Voortrekkers with magical fire-sticks. 3,000 Zulus got fatally headshotted. Only three Voortrekkers were wounded. This great historical event was called the Battle of Blood River, and is living proof that you can't win the game if you don't upgrade your tech tree.
The British ruled South Africa for at least 100 years before they realized that the colony was a shithole rivaling even greatest Australia. The whiteys who stayed decided to construct a country where they would have pwnership of all the gold and the diamonds and the spacebux and the governments, segregated so that they would not have to endure the rancid smell of the darkies. They called this invention "Apartheid".
Apartheid created massive drama until about 1990 when it was officially declared an old meme and an enemy of the lulz. As the ruling party closed all the pools and posted their Goodbye Thread all over the world's forums, many South Africans began to panic. Whitey thought that there would be a hueg civil war and everything would go to hell when the Keys to the Government were handed over to a bunch of black people. They purchased tonnes of canned food (SRSLY) and hid under their beds for years. Sometime Last Thursday, Whitey ran out of baked beans, poked his wee little head outside and found that his front steps had become home to a family of Nigras.
Whitey's immediate response to this was to hastily evacuate all his children to London, Australia, New Zealand, London, Ireland, London, London, Canada, and Dubai. Because the First World is full of incredibly lazy people, the hardworking nature of the white South Africans landed them great jobs on factory assembly lines.
These immigrants were given a nickname, they were called "Saffirs," or "Saffas." This word is derived from the word "kaffir," which is what white people used to call blacks in the days of Apartheid. Ironically, the word "Saffa" is a racial slur used today to refer to white South African immigrants. This is funny, since most Saffas are too dumb to understand it.
South Africa </3 Rape
| FACT ALERT: 1 in 4 South African men surveyed admit to rape |
A notable invention made in South Africa is an anti-rape device called the Rapex (do not confuse it with the heavy metal rock group). Women stick the Rapex up their vaginas and if an unwanted intruder dares to invade the fortress, the Rapex's barbs will pierce into the flesh of the penis, causing intense pain. The Rapex can then only be removed through surgery, requiring a trip to a hospital and then to Bantown. It will not only be used for anti-rape but will enhance underwater swimming capabilities by doubling as an extra fin. Ms. Ehlers said she was inspired after meeting a traumatized rape victim who told her, "If only I had teeth down there."[2]
The Rapex condom does indeed help to decrease the number of rape victims. By shoving painful barbs into the penis of the man trying to penetrate you, you've guaranteed you won't be raped. You have instead guaranteed that you'll be beaten until dead. Congrats!
Fun Facts
- A survey published in March 2004 shows that South Africans spend more time at funerals than they do having their hair cut, shopping or having "braais".[3]
Videos
South African National Anthem
Nelson Mandelas Endeavours After Office
See Also
External Links
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South Africa is part of a series of topics related to Black People. ☻ |
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