Slipknot
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| —A Slipknot fan |
Better known as Slipcock, or Shitknot, or Skiplot, or occasionally even Slapknut is a fag-metal band from the middle of nobody cares. Originating in a mystical land known as "Iowa", Slipknotis an angsty mallcore band who are a favorite of 16 year old girls, poseur goths, indiefucks, 7-11 cashiers in their early to mid-20's and other Hot Topic drama whores. Consisting of at least 100 members (many of whom were unsuspecting victims randomly abducted off the street), Slipknot is fronted by singer Corey "Midget" Taylor, drummer Joey Jordison, and token fatass Shawn "Clown" Crahan. Their lyrics are typical angst-ridden shit covering subjects such as bleeding to death, swearing, Pseudo-Satanism, imaginary girlfriends, swearing, gouging your eyes out and also swearing. Don't forget about the whole, "We're not in it for the money, so go to Hot-Topic and buy a SlipKnoT bar stool, shot glass, hat, hoodie and T-Shirt, cause we're so not in it for the money!!!elevenone!!"
All of the band members wear distinct masks and boilersuits. A common misconception is that they wear masks to hide the semen and Santorum stains on their faces. In fact, the members of Slipknot are all personal secret agents of supervillain Al Gore and must conceal their identities when carrying out his evil plans for world domination. Plus, they're fuck ugly.
When not bitching, whining, and cursing in interviews about how "fucking brutal" they are, the band members can be found engaging in homosexual acts, raping Joseph Stalin, and beating each other to death with frozen cow heads and dead babies.
Some fans claim the band sold out with their latest release "Vol. 3: The Subliminal Verses" (their fourth album). This is false however, the band was a bunch of sellouts since the moment they made the band, of course, thats because every single kid in the town went to the mall to buy that "br00tal music" lol. in truth everyone knows that Corey Taylor listens to 'br00t4lz DEAthc0re muzak???'
Fans of Slipknot are called "maggots" (more liek faggots amirite??) because most of them are extremely fat, bad-smelling, slimy and pale-skinned, due to never going outside.
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[edit] The Members of Slipknot
There are 9 members of Shitknot, though they are labeled #0-#8 (proving the band cannot even count up its own number of members), in hopes of making them seem less like Giant Flaming Retards.
- (#0) Britney Spears
- (#1) Chocolate Longwood
- (#2) Slim Dickins
- (#3) Bill Ding
- (#4) Ripple Nipple
- (#5) Hiscock Philip
- (#6) Dick Bush
- (#7) P. Ness
- (#8) Mi Suk Cox
This list quickly reveals why the members of Shitknot wear masks: They are so embarassed by their previous Identities that they must (unsuccessfully) hide their identites, for fear of losing all their Fans.
[edit] Things that are preferable to listening to Slipknot
- Gouging your own eyes out
- Hammering rusty crooked nails into your own Penis
- Having your nipples cut off
- Being castrated
- Eating at least 100 reindeer penises
- Slitting your throat down to your stomach
- Slowly being mutilated by a dull knife, while enjoying the fresh scent of Zyklon B
- Buttsecks
- Herpes
- Holocaust
- In some severe cases listening to My Chemical Romance
- Not listening to Slipknot
- And over 9000 other things that we don't care enough about to post
- Pulmonary embolism
- Being Rubber Johnny
- Eating your own foot
- Having violent, arm-flailing seizures every time you see someone in a blue shirt
[edit] Typical Slipknot fan
The Slipcock fans are mostly frustrated rappers, 16-year-old girls, emos who think DJ is the perfect match of metal, gay men and of course, faggot nerds who think listening to them will make them cooler, anime lovers (A.K.A. otakus) who think mega-distorted guitars means talent and think Joey Jordisson is da best drumma evar. Here's a typical chat session with a fucktard fag- I mean maggot:
- Chat session in a metalheads room (notice how every metalhead shit on slipknot)
- Slipknotfan666maggotforeva:yo, everyone, what do you think about slipknot?
- Samael666:lol slipcock? man they FUCKING SUCK DICK!!
- necrosisxcannibal: u mean slipkpop rite? they suck... oh man, what kind of retard can actually think theyre metal? shit, corey taylor voice is laughable.
- Georgenecklessfisher15: not again, that crappy band... go listen to atreyu and all of those gaycore crap you love, faggot.
- Slipknotfan666maggotforeva: shut the fuck up slipknot is da best band eva heavies band and corey tayla is da best singa in da world, fuck you very much and fo fuck ya fatha, ya matha and ya dog, nigga, everyone is a fucking cock sucker filled with shit, shitheads fuck you and i will fucking rape you everyone the shit out of you, mothafuckas
- Helhammer213:whatever...
- Slipknotfan666maggotforeva left the room.
[edit] Another Shitknot fan
Some random chatroom, a guy named "xxmaggotxx666xxxtremexx" entered the room.
- xxmaggotxx666xxxtremexx:hi
- LoGiNeT: hey cock sucker
- xxmaggotxx666xxxtremexx:fuck off nigga
- Goregrinderguy: hey, you actually like that shitty weeaboo band?
- xxmaggotxx666xxxtremexx: you ignorant fool, slipknot are so metal, know ya shit, nigga, they fucking heavy as hell
- Goregrinderguy: uh.... right.... but, ever heard of something called METAL?
- LoGiNeT: hahahahahahahahahaha good one
- Burzum_noble_philosopher: you got owned faggot
- xxmaggotxx666xxxtremexx: slipknot is da most meta band eva!
- Goregrinderguy: yeah, just like 50 cent and maroon 5
- xxmaggotxx666xxxtremexx: death metal sucks, just senseless noise, black metal sucks too, just.. noise! slipknot sings bout rel things, your metal is just noise xD xD xD
- Goregrinderguy: well, yeah, real teenager angst ridden things i guess. Seriously, go fucking wait and bleed
- xxmaggotxx666xxxtremexx: you all suck xD slipnot rulz fuckers xD they own ya soul xD fucking fuckers go fuck your mom and dad
- LordGore&Hammerfall: oh, i think i need a hug, that was so mean and tough....
- TheUltimatedudE231222: lmfao
xxmaggotxx666xxxtremexx left the room.
(Notice how the Shitknot fans are wiggas.)
[edit] Burger King trolls Slipknot
Last Thursday, Burger King decided to make fun of Slipknot's shitty music and image by making their own version of a shitty Slipknot song. Clearly pwned, Slipknot tried to prove to their fans that they don't need welfare checks to pay for their food, and decided to sue Burger King. Burger King lulzed at them and then pwned them again in court. The song consists of guys in hen costumes singing about eating chicken fries, and the whole song probably took all of a couple minutes to throw together, and it still managed to be 9000 times better than anything Slipknot ever shat out of their recording studios, srsly.
[edit] Reactions of emos, otakus, posers and n00bs
"youre so close minded yo, slipknot ARE METAL asshole, take your brutal stuff and shove it, slipknot rulz biatch, theyre da heaviest band eva, you bash them for the dj? hello! its the new millenium, djs and rap are a must of metal, you cant even play any kind of instrument, you suck and slipknot owns ya soul, nigga, theyre so metal that they can be mixed with animes such as full metal alchemist, Naruto, and inuyasha"
this is a reaction of a well known emo/otaku youtube user, Daniuzumaki metalheads sometimes say "hey, i think seiya is the best" an otaku says "you crazy?! andromeda is da best" "okay okay, youre the otaku, you know what youre talking about, thats ok" but otakus and slipknot fans, unfortunately arent the same case. "slipknot are so goddamn metal" "metal cannot have rap djs or such stupid guitar riffs" "shut up mothafucka, you dont kno anything bout metal, yo, slipknot is da shit, same with mudvayne and korn." For pop culture, slipknot sounds heavy, and real metal sounds just like rhytmless noise, and of course, they're scared and they desperately need buttsecks. Nuff said.
An example of a butthurt slipknot fan is this:
Notice that he's just a little fucking kid, his blubber, and the heavy breathing. Talk about a BAWWWWWWWfest
Banana.
Corey Taylor needs to learn from this guy.
And this guy;
Corey Taylor really sings about complaining jews and mullet pirates arses.
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Slipknot is part of a series on Music. |
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