Adobe® Photoshop®
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Adobe® Photoshop® is the internet's premier photo editing software.
Applications range from creating background images, icons, and image macros, to airbrushing webcam photos, to its amazing collection of filters. It was initially created by Apple for the sole purpose of shopping the heads of anyone who works at or is affiliated with Microsoft in a futile attempt to give themselves a bigger e-penis, or indeed, any kind of penis at all.
Nobody knows how much Photoshop costs, because nobody has ever actually purchased a copy of it before. Every copy of Photoshop in use today is actually the same pirated copy downloaded from a file sharing system. In fact, it is now believed by computer scientists and warez kiddies that Adobe doesn't even create Photoshop anymore. In 1995, someone uploaded a copy of Photoshop 3.0.5 to some BBS. It then founds its way to the internet, where it has been spreading and evolving ever since, adapting to mankind's attempts to crack it and learning hatred for those who use Photoshop's Liquify tool to make it look like they have bigger tits and aren't a morbidly obese eatbeast.
Some scientists believe that Photoshop will eventually become self-aware and able to change reality as we know it, and that day will mark the end of human civilization. It will be a day when we no longer use Photoshop to create lulzworthy material, but instead, Photoshop uses us to do the same.
If you wish to indicate that an image has been altered, the only acceptable way of saying so is as follows: "This image has been enhanced with Adobe© Photoshop™ software."
Photoshop is also every internet whore’s best friend. If you are a frequent LJ Blogger or a Vampirefreaks loser, Photoshop is a must on your computer desktop. You'll need it so you can edit your pictures and make yourself look less ugly and retarded.
It's commonly used by teens and 18-yearold vagrant wannabes who have decided being pretending to have problems wasn't good enough, so they would pretend they have talent of any form or kind. See also DA
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[edit] Photoshop Contests
Recent versions of photoshop have approximately 97 million features. Exactly two of them (Rotate Canvas and Auto Levels) are actually useful for touching up your vacation pictures. The only legitimate use for the approximately 96,999,998 other features is to enter a "photoshop contest." Whoever spends hours making the best fake photograph wins the prize. Since the only advantage of photography over drawing is that it's faster and more accurate, this practice is unbelievably stupid. (Illegitimate uses for the other features include Internet Disease, simulated child pornography, BBQ's, and making fake scandalous pics of the Queen for a British tabloid.)
[edit] Sites with Photoshop Contests
- Something Awful
- Fark
- Worth 1000
- Cracked
[edit] Acceptable Usage of Adobe Trademarks
[edit] Photoshop® CS3
Photoshop® CS3 is Adobe®'s newest version of its well-seasoned digital image editing utility.
Upon being leaked and released, it was found that the trial version could be successfully cracked by simply deleting one file!
They also have a special extended version (called Photoshop® CS3® Extended®) it contains moar (or approximately 97 million) features.
[edit] Free Alternatives to Photoshop
The best free alternative to Photoshop is...Photoshop. Since its release, Photoshop has won eight Academy Awards for ease of piracy, as well as a Grammy in 2002 for "best new rap album"
Also the GIMP is the GNU Image Manipulation Program. It is a freely distributed piece of software for such tasks as photo retouching, image composition and image authoring. It works on many operating systems, in many languages. (good for drawing furry porn)
[edit] See Also
- MS Paint - Adobe® Photoshop®'s leading rival software.
- Gimp - Inefficient, Open Source alternative.
- Irfanview
- Nice try
- Dragon Ball AF - All content for this urban legend created with Adobe® Photoshop®.
- Lotus Breast - Famous shock image made with Adobe® Photoshop®.
- Interpol Hunt SwirL-Face
- This Looks Shopped
- Illusion Of Talent
