RuneScape
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
RuneScape is a MMORPG made by Jagex that is hands-down one of the shittiest online games to exist, ever. It consistently tricks twenty year-olds and 13 year old boys into devoting their lives (not to mention, six [as of August 2008] dollars a month) to its shitty graphics Shit nobody cares about and Atari-quality music which is better described as speaker barf.
You can barely go five minutes without someone coming up to you and asking "4 monies". Then, when you say no, they do the fucking raspberry animation at you and say they "Fakked ur mom". Truly, they are kings among men. That, or some emo slut comes up to you and 'hugs' you because there's a one-word reference in your username to My Chemical Romance.
RuneScape is known as the birth-ground of /b/tards; exposure to Jagex's updates for long enough makes you a very bitter internets and IRL reject: a /b/tard. As time advances our /b/tard grows, becomes an outcast, and is ultimately banned from RuneScape. From there on the young /b/tard journeys the depths of the interwebs to reach Encyclopedia Dramatica, which (oddly enough) proves to be a far more satisfying "online based game" than ANY of the fucktarded, so-called MMORPGs available anywhere, as none of them award actual e-penis status nor the elusive feeling of power that "1337" can bestow.
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Features
- Grinding.
- Hax.
- Faggotry.
- Shitty graphics beyond belief.
- Several things even worse than World of Warcraft, EverQuest, and everything else combined.
- Belizians.
- Make a character out of three different shirt choices, two different types of pants, and four anime-style hairdos (oh, the customization!). Too bad you look like every other RuneScape-playing idiot.
- A broken chat filter that blocks anything that does and does not remotely resemble a curse word, sex term, or web site URL.
- With alchemy, you can turn shit into gold, then buy more shit.
- The ability to level up combat skills, so you can use better swords to help you level up more combat skills to use better swords.
- The ability to make you waste so much time doing the same shit over and over again under the disguise that this is "fun" you won't realize how badly this addictive shit video game has wasted your life until you look in a mirror.
- The ability to make money, so you can buy supplies to help you make money faster. See a pattern?
- A nice, friendly online community of pedophiles, who often dress up as 16-year-old girls to attract small children into their sex dens.
- You can dress like a transvestite. This is a members-only feature. And every member does it. NO EXCEPTIONS.
- The never-ending fun of farming. The reason 90% of RuneScape players pay $6 a month to play the premium version.
- Fletching, need we say more?
- The ability to make a house for your virtual character, so he can get on the Internets and play RuneScape. This is also a nice function for the older players.
- The ability to get married and have a beautiful virtual house with your lovely online fantastic wife, and getting divorced and a shitload of e-drama, just like all the other kool kids.
- The ability to make a chair and sell it for supplies to make a new chair. Epic.
- Laugh at n00bs without members accounts, saying that crappy members items are ultra 1337 endgame shit!
- Spending countless hours at the bank counting money (or in other words being a Jew)
- Laugh at n00bs with members accounts, saying that they have no lives.
- Causes emotional discomfort when being made fun of by fellow friends for playing this severely outdated, beta test 90's era java game.
- Allows you to pick up any number of noob GF's in Lumbridge. This is slowly replacing all other RuneScape activities.
- When you max out a level you can do a fancy emote that shows all of the other players around you how much of a no-life faggot you really are.
- The ability to spend every single hour of the day collecting charms to summon your own familiar, and then spend even more time trying to level up so you can summon even more l33t Pokemans.
- Report everyone that you see to become a mod!
- Use your 1337 magic skillz to prove James Randi wrong and win 1 million moneyz
RuneScape cooldudes
Similar to real life, Runescape has divided into several types of players. Judging on popular opinion, the biggest part of Runescape are RuneScape Cooldudes, which are sort of like the chans' Agedfags. These cooldudes are simply hardcore and awesome. One can become a cooldude in numerous ways - having a maximum combat level, having a skillcape, having a party hat, or have over 9000 gold.
Most of these alpha players have their accounts from the very start of RuneScape. That gives them even a higher number of power. In fact, the main point of being a cooldude is to impress other players, which are complete newfags. For example, saying BOOB without being cencored - HOW FUCKING HARDCORE IS THAT???. Only a RuneScape oldfag would know that, and i'm afraid you will never be as cool as one.
Typical RuneScape Scams
Second to Diablo II, RuneScape is the easiest game to scam players in. Saying things like "did u no jagex blocks ur pass?/ look ******" in chat used to get them every time, until the lazy developers caught on. To combat this, scammers pretend to be noobs and beg for shit, when in reality they know the game inside and out, and would do anything for free stuff. A scamming tactic that also works often is telling players to drop their items on the ground and press Alt+F4. Another good way to pwn RuneScape players is to pretend to be a Jagex mod and confiscate crap from them. Another scam was spamming the chat logs at banks saying "free armor trim ere!" A 13 year old boy would then hand over their shitty bronze(nigger colored)armor, which then you would keep, this is very lulzy as that 13 year old boy would then send you shitty insults stating they "Facked ur mom" or "U FACKER"
^^ Eventually Jagex starting agreeing with the whining 13 year old boys and decided to add a trade limit and destroy merchants, scammers, ingamemoney-for-dollurs sellers, anyone who traded stuff. Now that jagex lost 90% of there 13 year old boys they decided to aim for 9 year old boys, writing a over 9000 page tutorial about many interesting subjects including: HOW TO LOGIN! HOW TO INSTALL JAVA! and many more. Also, they included ingame tutorial for every fucking thing you can imagine.
Customer Support
Of all the RuneScape components hated by its players, Customer Support is number one. Or, more specifically, the staff that deals with blackmarks. A common practice is fishing for reports/teh modship, a player hunts around a popular area, and reports every fucking thing not suitable for a 6 year old. Naturally, this process weeds out the edgy, vulgar 13 year old gangsters that pollute Varrock, and therefore is a source of much lulz as Customer Support bans its largest demographic.
PROTIP: Abuse reports are obviously read by MysteryBot-esque machine. As are appeals of which are replied to within 10 seconds. Exploitable much?
Reasons to Not Play RuneScape
For they who haven't played this shit, here are some reasons to not even think about creating an account there:
- Fail.
- Epic fail.
- Annoying 13 year old boys.
- Attracts over 9000 basement dwellers daily.
- Not good for your health.
- Faggotry.
- Made by a Jew who sucks moar cock than a slut at an orgy, amirite?
- Try some crack instead.
- Ever more fail.
- Fail (again?)
- The whole game is made of epic fail, even the website, member players, and Jagex
- Shitload of people with Asperger's syndrome play, no seriously, go to your computer lab at school and there will be like 6 of them. No seriously, get up, and go look at your schools computer lab or library, there will be that many, at least.
- Playing this game will result in your penis size dropping at least 100 inches.
- Stupendously fucktarded swear filter blocks just about every fun or remotely entertaining word in the English language. Try to say 'Yahoo'! I fucking dare you. Ironically, you can still get wasted and even brew your own booze.
- The game is shitty enough, but when you want to access the less shittier things in it, "j00 half two b3 a Membur"(AKA being a stupid aspie who has access to their parents' credit cards)
Involvement by Jagex
On the 10th of December, 2007, Jagex announced an update that would shatter the only thing that gives meaning to the lives of thousands of high school dropouts, 13 year old boys, and Internet bullies. In a wide ranging update, it was announced that there would be some modifications, including:
- The removal of PKing;
- A "Fair Trade" system that would eliminate scamming as well as innocuous gift-giving;
- When some n00b gets owned by an enemy, they will leave their loot concealed underneath a gravestone. It will be unavailable for the vultures to take for a period of time, during which the owner of the gravestone may be able to get back in time to retrieve their trimmed armor; which won't appear to the looters anyway.
Basically, they turned RuneScape, a game for babies, into a game for fetuses.
Widespread whining by many of RuneScape's users immediately ensued. RuneScape forums ran afoul with topics titled "OMG JAGEX WTF" and "Communist propaganda or RuneScape?". It actually got so bad that the servers that hosted the forum actually overloaded and had to be shut down temporarily. Although many left in disgust, there's still a steady number of scammers, "online gf"s and guys whose "acount got haked!!!11oneoneone".
Jagex pussied out and decided that real world traders were ruining everything, so they decided to remove player killing entirely, along with gift giving. Since player killing was removed, over 9000 have decided to quit RuneScape, along with quitting IRL. However, accompanying RuneScape HD, at least 100 pretentious high-levels have returned to the game.
Ways to Player-Kill IRL
Also, yes, it's true. Just playing this game makes you want to KILL yourself. So did the RuneScape player, "FatWrecked".
| —Tony (Ashley's dad), FatWrecked YouTube channel. |
LIES! HE SUICIDED! Yes, "he."
Summoning
In an attempt to look like they care about their users, Jagex has a little thing on the site called the Knowledge Base. It contains epic information about RuneScape. It's like the manual, but useless. This causes small children to harass moar experienced players for hours on end, attempting to eat their brains and gain their knowledge. This causes the harassed to tell the fucktard to STFU & GTFO, causing butthurt, wrist-cutting, and shouts of "OMG REPORTED!". A while ago, they made a small cartoon advertising the Knowledge Base that ran on the side of the screen, which ended in someone searching the term "bulldog". Intrigued, the users who saw it copied the actions of the cartoon which brought up half-assed picture of a guy and a bulldog in a walk loop. This caused all who saw it to go batshit insane. The forums were flooded which threads of raving speculation and how dogs were finally coming to the game. Of course, they didn't come to the game soon enough, resulting in some of the most massive butthurt and epic lulz you'll ever see related to a MMORPG.
People who quit soon wished that they hadn't, because last Thursday, you could get your own bulldogs, along with other furry shit. It was the new skill; summoning! You could use it to summon a wolf, a cock, a pile of shit, jello, a turnip, a big sucking thingy, and a fucking moose!
Banished
When one goes into the lovely world of RuneScape and fucks up in a major way (such as pissing someone off and getting banned) one of the main "punishments" is to write up an essay to Fagex. According to Jagex, the point of having someone write an apology and why they should be allowed back into the game is because most people do not like writing. Of course this is the perfect time to own their tech support saying how horrible their game is and why they should become an hero. To get unbanned is quite easy that a nigger could do it. If you ever find yourself playing this shitty game and get banned and want to get unbanned write a shitty sad story that will make Fagex cry, for example:
Dear Jagex,
You have banned my account (Insert shitty name here like xXS14Y4 31FXx) for being a Cunt. I would very much like it if you unbanned my account, as I am a 23 year old disabled virgin from the waste down who weighs over 9,000 pounds, I also have down syndrome. I barely go outside as the sun hurts my skin and I have no friends at all. The only friends I have is people on Runescape. Runescape is my life and without it I will shall end mine by carving Runescape into my stomach (and of course my highest skill level.)So please unban me.
Yours Faithfully,
Your No.1 Fan (Insert shitty name here.)
And the Jews at Fagex will unban you so you can carry on playing this shitty game.
JewTube Videos
BAWWWWWWWWWWW
Cry moar.
Kid is using mommy to get his stuff back.
Best weapon in Runescape.
Official Book Release
Last Thursday the Jews at Fagex decided to reap even more cash out of the 13 year old boys who plague its game by writing a book for them to wank over. "Betrayal at Falador" is available from all good bookshops and must be a good read as one of the guys who owns Jagex and Zezima both said so.
Shame on you, Jagex. Don't you know how much money these kids already spent on your game?
See Also
External Links
- Typical fansite
- An article about Zezima.
- A place were total no-lives hang around to create "friends" since they can't get friends IRL.
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