Zimbabwe
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| This country needs a serious clean up Somebody should do something about it. |
Rhodesia used to be a prosperous country built from scratch by British entrepreneurs. Then after Hitler, Britain went all emo fag and turned its back on her former colonies, leaving them alone to fence off the negrae. In less than 30 years, thanks to an international conspiracy, this once wealthiest of lands was overcome by nigracommies, raped, and renamed Zimbabwe, portmanteau of the Zulu words Zimba (BIG) and bwah! (Hunger). If you were born in Zimbabwe, then god hates you, but at least your cock will be more Zimba than that of an Asian.
Contents |
The Leader
Zimbabwe exists in a parallel universe to our own, where Hitler is alive, black, and a commie. And his name is Robert Mugabe, not Hitler. Unlike dear Adolf, Uncle Bob has done nothing but run his country into the ground for the past twenty seven years. He also liberated it from the British butthurt British rednecks, but no one cares except all the niggers left starving under their dear leader's heavy boot. Mugabe frequently gives speeches about how he does not like Tony Blair, W or Mudkips. Mugabe is a great troll and has provided ruination on his country to the point where it will be trolled to death. Some argue that Mugabe is such a huge troll because of syphilis in the brain.
IRL Trolling
Recently Mugabe IRL trolled every opposition party in his country. Mugabe and his buddies traveled the length of Zimbabwe in their "million-dollar-moblies" (that run off the smiles of AIDS orphans) pwning every major political leader that is not Uncle Bob. The most notable troll is that of Morgan Tsvangirai, who so far has been able to "NO U!" all of Mugabe's previous troll attempts. But now reports confirm that Tsvangirai has indeed surrendered to the Bob Mugabe Partyvan.
| —Mugabe, regarding the epic troll. |
Ian Douglas Smith
Smith was the former Prime Minister of Rhodesia who said "fuck you" to England and the world while he and the whites took control. He also had the ability to predict the future.[1]
| —The black majority. |
History
Last Thursday, the English discovered Zimbabwe, told everyone to "STFU!" and decided to call it Rhodesia. This claiming of the country to be their own was the best thing to happen to Zimbabwe and it prospered as "the breadbasket of Africa" [2], a major exporter and the inventor of the Time Cube even though the local populace benefited little from this. Eventually the local populace were butthurt at being a successful African country and so screamed "NO U!" in a series of bloody resistance battles. The English were pwn and now Mugabe rules his country. Did I say rule? I meant lead rape, because that is what communist and fascists niggers do, lead into epic fail in the ass.
baby fuck
News reports are always telling how 1-year olds are regularly raped in Zimbabwe because people there believing deflowering a virgin cures AIDS. And like the USA, kids (with the exception of Chris-chan) lose their virginities earlier and earlier so you gotta get em real young to have them still be a virgin. However, all babies born in Zimbabwe are AIDS babies so instead of curing AIDS, the opposite happens.
Economy
None. Zimbabwe's exports were once food. They had so much fucking food they could export to the rest of Africa. But then Uncle Bob started seizing white-owned farms and giving them to the 'people' (his best friends and generals) and everyone knows black people can't do anything, especially farm and feed themselves. So now they are all starving like Ethiopia. Now the only thing Zimbabwe exports to other countries is refugees. That's right - things are so horrific in Zimbabwe that the population is actually fleeing INTO South Africa. Zimbabwe's inflation rate is also over 9,000% (srsly: 231,000,000+%, according to BBC News last Thursday), so if you want to buy bread I hope you have a wheelbarrow handy (wheelbarrows are the currency in Zimbabwe, since they ran out of money). If you want to do a fun economic experiment, make some batshit insane whites hand your farm over to Zimbabweans and watch it completely turn to AIDS and dust three seconds later because nigras fail at economics. Of course, liberals will accuse you of being a colonialist pig for not respecting African emotions. But was we all know, Africa has no emotions besides of AIDS and nigras have no souls.
On recent years however the black market (redundancy) flourished with a surplus production of Jenkem, currently being exported to Civilization to make the sauce in White Castle burgers.
Operation Murambatsvina
The Zimbabwe government recently pwned many townships in order to get rid of the country's black market for selling food-stuffs and other essentials to live. Since there is no black market for FOOD in Zimbabwe, this means Zimbabwe "normal" food must literally be shit and AIDS. Living is strictly prohibited in Zimbabwe, and any attempt to do so is punishable by death.
President Mugabe claims the campaign is meant to get rid of structures that have sprouted around urban centers and are seen as a haven for illegal traders in foreign currency and scarce food items. In normal terms, this means President Mugabe wants no structures in his country, nor food because his country is to good for food from white people. Damn Nigger president.
Politics
President Mugabe IS politics. There is no win for anyone besides Mugabe.
Ark of the Covenant
In my Zimbabwe? It's more likely than you think! A tribe called the Lemba lives in southern Zimbabwe, and are totally Jews (for srsly). They had the Ark, but ditched it in a cave when it got a little burned. Now it's in a museum in Zimbabwe. Mugabe is most likely talking to God through it, and punishing the nigras according to God's plan.
Cholera
There is no cholera in Zimbabwe. At all. None. Saying there might be some would be as outrageous and pointless there might be gays in Iran.
Fun facts
- If you are white and are in Zimbabwe, you will be raped by war veterans [3].
- If you are black and in Zimbabwe, you will be pwned by the government [4].
- Zimbabweans used electricity before they discovered that a candle is fine too.
- It is assumed the band ZZTop lives at the uppermost region of Zimbabwe after the Jews got jealous of their look. Bad joke? Nevermiiiiiinnnd!
- Robert Mugabe is the only dictator in the world ever.
- Proof that everything is better in a white world.
- Troll your liberal friends by saying that Robert Mugabe is a hero for overthrowing the evil racist whites in Zimbabwe. Guaranteed to cause drama because the libtards will either call you a fascist for supporting him, or will admit that things really were better under Smith.
Things Worth More than a Zimbabwe Dollar
With Zimbabwe's current economic state, many surprising items are now worth more than a Zimbabwe dollar. Some examples are:
- Just about everything besides Your Mom
Gallery
 Common food item found at a local market in Zimbabwe. |
 Air travel in Zimbabwe. |
 The price of beer in Zimbabwe. |
 Mugabe's last election campaign. |
 Road travel in Zimbabwe. |
 |
 Whoever made this is |
 The Unilateral Declaration of Independence as it happened. |
 I'M RICH BITCH |
 One Hundred Trillion Dollars. |
Links
|
Zimbabwe is part of a series of topics related to Black People. ☻ |
|
