Rhode Island
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Rhode Island is a small, dago-infested principality on the east coast of the United States. This sort of makes it like an Americunt version of Monaco, only instead of hookers and blow and people who are rich and beautiful, Rhode Island is filled with faggots, Child Boxing, Liberals and fail.
Contents |
People
Rhode Island is entirely run by the mafia. The National Guard and police are solely composed of fat guys named "Vinny" and "Vito" who wear leather jackets and chains, even in their uniforms. Ironically, there is no crime in Rhode Island, at least of the unorganized variety. This is because Rhode Island posts guards at its borders with Connecticut to keep out any niggers. If any niggers or faggots slip in, it is their duty to beat them into a coma.
Rhode Island's capital Providence, like Washington, DC has a boner for electing felons as Mayor. One of their mayors, Buddy Cianci, was sent to jail at least 100 years ago. After he got out of jail, he was promptly elected as Mayor only to be v& again a few years later. To make up for it, the good citizens of Providence then elected an admitted faggot in his stead.
Naturally, all of Rhode Island is composed of liberals. H.P. Lovecraft is also buried here, which means that at any given moment, you can find fat goffik chicks cutting themselves at his grave site and attempting to practice Wicca with their fat clumsy hands while nervously trying to keep an eye out for the aforementioned police.
Culture
Since Rhode Island is about the size of a trailer park, only dwarves and furries can live there comfortably. More human inhabitants crawl and run endlessly on hamster wheels and plastic tubes in the local transportation system, eventually transforming into otherkin. They use these tubes to visit brightly colored phallic monuments. Backgammon is also popular.
Rhode Islanders, dazed by the bright, shiny colors and slippery surface of the plastic tubes, are among the worst drivers in the nation. The equivalent can be seen by dangling a box of Ding Dongs over a mining shaft full of retards and homeless people.
Since the great Furmeet of 1929, democrats have declared sodomy and cunnilingus to be legal. This was probably an apology to the black people, because Rhode Island was a major port for slavery in ancient times.
Cities
Rhode Island isn't big enough to have any cities. There is a mini-mall and a convention center called Providence. Both are made out of empty Miso barrels. The red man used to own teepee in town center before white man ate his carrots.
Rhode Island is also home to Newport, which is where the rich and beautiful lived before the internet. Newport is also where the Jew cancer started spreading in Amerikkka as home to the United States's first synagogue. Undoubtedly, Jews came to Newport first because they were instinctively drawn to the concentration of money.
They also still make cigarettes there.
Woonsocket
Considered the cultural capital of Rhode Island, residents here exhibit the same social graces as Kabul, Afghanistan. All vehicles driven in town are at least 25 years old, both men and women display artistic tattoos on at least 75% of their body and cigarette smoking is an art. Millions of tourists flock to Woonsocket each year to observe the parade of motorcyclist's on their way to Dunkin Donuts. Cultural events include visits to Grossman's Bargain Outlet, lining up to purchase lottery tickets and walking to liquor stores twice daily for 12 six packs of beer. Woonsocket also has the safest and most mature drivers in America, average speeds and driver's age are 3.7 mph and 93 years old respectively.
Being as homosexual as they are, people of Woonsocket, have an unhealthy obsession with wiener hot dogs. No less then 400 wiener dispensers serve Phallic shaped meat drizzled in liquid eat shit. Every diner is filled with at least one fat woman without a bra and a cock eyed redhead.
Every citizen of Woonksocket is a product of incest.
Edumacations
Rhode Island is on the border of the oceans that once covered the hellhole of Connecticut (unfortunetly the water receded) and to the north borders the Glorious Commonwealth of Massachusetts, which many argue Rhode Island is just a county of. Like Michael Jackson's ambiguous gender, Massetuseetes has no real spelling. Just like Attleboro can also be spelled Attleborough or Fiona Apple. Massive-tit-usettes was ranked as one of the most intelligent states in all of USSR but this intelligence has not rubbed off on it's small southern county of Rhode Island unlike the AIDS that rubbed off on it from its nigger shipments. Rhode Island is the premature, deformed fetus of Massachusetts and as such is woefully lacking in the edumacations. If you would like to get some edumacations in the manic state of Rhode Island, here is a short list of schools.
- Johnson and Wales: A place where you learn to make PB and J sandwiches while learning such precious skills as hospitality. Run by hungry Jews.
- Brown University: The students here are either insanely rich WASP cocaine addicts, incredibly wealthy Jew activists who despite their privileged upbringing ironically become communists, socially inept asspiess who fap to furry porn and shota, scenester fags and everyone else. Although an Ivy League university supposedly full of intellectual dialogue, all conversations here devolve into the equivalent of a Wikipedia talk page about shit nobody cares about, which can actually result in some hilarious IRL flame wars and drama.
- Providence College: Run by the Dominicans, an order of priests who were charged with burning Jews IRL during the middle ages. The students are split down the middle between drunk jock wiggers who like to blow their shitty jungle music out of their dorm windows and religious idiots who think the pope is infallible and earnestly pray for Raptor Jesus to overthrow ZOG. The male drunkards are known to have ridiculously small penises that become erect only with the presence of clergy and the female drunkards also have small penises which become erect in the presence of little boy ass. Each 5th of July, they choose one lucky member of the college community to be fired from Providence into the bedroom of the Pope (AKA The Emperor) for sodomy and a tour of the Dark Side of The Force Studios where gay porn and furry porn are pumped out.
- RISD: Filled with pretentious scenesters who
may or may not beare faggots. However, unlike their counterparts at Brown, they spend more time on actually putting cock in the ass than engaging in typical attention whore angst about their sexuality.
- Moses Brown: A school where rich faggots send their spoiled brats. It was founded at least 100 years ago by the guy on the Quaker Oats box. Students at Moses Brown receive a well rounded edumacation in being an asshole, taking advantage of poor people, and sitting around being self absorbed. The school claims to have after school programs that are acclaimed state wide, which isn't hard to do since Rhode Island is the size and quality of my fungus infested toenail.
- Lincoln School: A school full of whores in skanky uniforms. The girls who go there are all either lesbians or take it up the ass from boys who go to Moses Brown.
Rhode Island's place in LULZ
The Station Night Club - The only interesting thing to happen there was in West Warwick. The hairband Great White, decided to play a show in a small bar and thought it was a good idea to use large fireworks on a small stage. The result: The bar burns down and 100 people die. 4 days earlier 21 nigras died in a nightclub disaster in Chicago. It shows when it comes to fatal nightclub horrors, White People are superior. Rhode Island now earned it's place at the 4th deadliest Night club Fire in the world.
Famous People
- H.P. Lovecraft
- Harry Anderson.. who the hell is that?!?
- Pod people.
- Wikipedophiles like Linuxbeak.
- James Woods
- The musical loving faggot who shit the TV Show Family Guy out of his cum filled asshole.
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