Star Trek
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Star Trëk is a science fiction television show that went on the air at least 100 years ago. The Star Trëk fandom, known as Trëkkies, are rivaled only by Star Wars fans in terms of their ability to be basement-dwelling geeks. A debate between the two factions is devoid of lulz and is known to dry up decent drama in an inevitable shit storm of supreme nerd faggotry. This can be a useful tactic should you find yourself epically failing, as there are at least one geek of both variety for every square mile of internet. The ensuing argument should cover your back while you form a comeback macro!
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Star Trëk Throughout the Years
- Star Trëk: The Original Series - By all accounts, a terrible television show, but held up by Trëkkies to be the best evar. Best known for William Shatner (aka The Shat) as Captain James T. Kirk, piss-poor hero and rabid womanizer. And a total asswipe. And Canadian. But I repeat myself.
- Star Trëk: The Animated Series - Possibly man's greatest achievement, and the only good thing to come from this Franchise since the death of it's creator. It combined the sex appeal of The Shat-Attack and his pet African Uhura, with the award winning animation of early '70's hippies. However Trëkkies refuse to recognize what it did for America, and it is often a source of great debate. It includes a furry character.
- Star Trëk:
The Next GenerationA New Hope - Actually a halfway decent reincarnation of the Star Trëk universe. Starred Patrick Stewart (who is bald) as Captain Jean Luc Picard (also bald). Featured Boba Fett as a sad, little nigger.
Trëkkies often PMS among themselves over whether Kirk or Picard was the better captain.
- Star Trëk: Deep Sleep Nine (aka Star Trëk: Let's Watch Paint Dry For Seven Seasons) - A spinoff of The Next Generation spinoff of The Original Series and easily the most dull and pompous inbred bastard step-daughter of the series everyone wants to fuck and have babies with. Rejecting the entire Star Trëk formula for a series set on a space station, DS9 featured droning, barely distinguishable plotlines and later a four year interstellar war against the ugliest race of shapeshifters in the universe. Despite being the most effective cure for insomnia to come along in the 20th century, it was widely either masturbated to by fans (all four or five of them) or cursed by Babylon 5 fans who screamed plagiarism as far as as Paramount ripping of Babylon 5's plot for the series. Because its meager but vocal fanbase (often referred to as "Deep Space Scientologists") love it and relentlessly attempt to convert others to its supposed greatness, Paramount executives HATE HATE HATE DS9 and like to pretend it never happened. Luckily, writer Ron Moore at least ended up on Battlestar Galactica, which bore far more of a resemblance to a real television show.
- Star Trëk: Voyager (aka Star Trëk: This Sucks, Change It) - The only ship to have a woman as a captain, and they got lost. Coincidence? I think not. The show is about an affirmative action female space Commander who gets her entire crew stranded on the opposite side of the universe and constantly refuses to take help from aliens who would help them get home. Since the captain is an incompetent militant lesbian, the show originally featured as it's main T&A eyecandy Kes, a weirdo pansy alien who was so fugly, they fired her instead of the Asian guy who was supposed to be fired, until People Magazine included him in their 1997 "People who are pretty and who we'd like to fuck" issue. As the show was so full of fail that even Trëkkies were calling for the deaths of the show runners, they decided to exploit the then still popular "Börg" alien race by creating a sexy female Börg called "C3PO". Subsequently, Voyager became more focused on C3PO's ass. Her tits were relatively disappointing but we never saw them so they launched no spin-off shows. Neither her tits nor her ass was good enough for her IRL husband, who was a state representative from Illinois who was forced to resign when she divorced him. Her reason was that he took her to a sex club and wanted to fuck her while a bunch of other sick fucks people watched. srsly. The series also included a prediction of what was to come named Turvok. The above is the view taken by many Trëk purists. The show, however, was not as fail as the purists claimed. The plot was less episode contained in format, the acting was more subtle, and it started afresh in terms of other races and their designs.
- However, the equally subtle and incessant preaching contained in every second episode was srs fail.
- Some of the things the writers bitched about during Voyeur's run:
- America
- Animal testing
- Colonialism
- The justice system
- Nuclear weapons
- Nuclear winters
- In spite of all this, the show was highly prized by Hollywood's professional critics.
- The show took a different direction, different plots and different formats and presented the fanbase with them. The fanbase did not accept this, seeing as how all they cared about was masturbating to Dr. Crusher and wishing that they were able to kill thousands of Romulanfags and Cardassianfags.
- Star Trëk: Enterprise (aka Star Trëk: Sweet Fucking God, Make It STOP Already!) - The result of Scott Bakula making a "quantum leap" into a dying franchise that was trying to keep itself alive by retconning the existence of a never before mentioned Enterprise ship into the show's timeline, right before the events of The Original Series, making it a classic case of fanwankery gone terribly wrong. Many lulz were had when UPN canceled the show because not even Trëkkies were watching it. It sure didn't help that Paramount barely tried to promote it, and took off the name "Star Trëk" for two seasons to "set it apart" from the previous shows.
- Star Trëk: New Voyages - Star Trëk fan James Cawley began collecting costumes from The Original Series when he worked on Star Trëk: The Next Generation. He went on to spend over $100,000 constructing the U.S.S. Enterprise in an abandoned car dealership in New York[1]. Funding the project through his successful career as an Elvis impersonator (no really), Cawley has shot a new series of Star Trëk, modestly casting himself as Captain Kirk[2]. (Also notable for the fact that the actor playing Scottie is even less convincing than James Doohan.)
- Star Trëk: Of Gods and Men - The bastard child of actors from The Original Series and crappy fanfic. Some jerk goes eliminates Kirk from the time-line, so suddenly the Federation and the Klingons are all buddy-buddy. And everyone's an even bigger jerk than the jerk who offed Kirk.
- 2 Trëk 2 Furious: SYLAR'S SPOCK AND HE'S GOING TO EAT KIRK'S BRAIN!!!!!!: A new "reboot" of the film fucked up...sorry...directed by J.J Abrams to be released in
2008pushed back to mid-2009 due to J.J. Abrams still learning how to direct a movie. Cliched time-travel plot where Leonard "Old Dirty Jew" Nimoy enters the dimension of young, dumb, and full of cum acting, sees Eric Bana hulk out and attack The Shat and rip out his vocal chords, paving the way for "The Transformed Man". Leonard Nimoy springs into action, only to find that this time he truly is NOT Spock, Sylar is. However, Leonard "Hobbit Lover" Nimoy has the last laugh, because at least he's not the faggot Spock. Also the new Captain Kirk is a Redneck Neonazi. Kirk saves the day and fucks a slave girl with syphilis that has turned her green.
The film is Abrams' attempt to appeal to Generation Y viewers by turning the franchise into a series of Michael Bay-esque action scenes with explosions, overdone "comedy", tilted camera angles with the shakes, extreme closeups, high-speed chase scenes every 90 seconds, tits, and planets being destroyed by surprise supernovas even though IRL supernovas take millions of years to build up. Kirk is still a smug dick and still gets to bang green chicks. Someone who was butthurt about the movie resetting the entire Star Trëk storyline might say that this about the only continuity in the series. But let's be honest, Star Trëk pulled this shit all the time, even in The Original Series. There wasn't much continuity left even before this movie came out.
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Trëkkies
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Trëkkies are hard-core fans of Star Trëk, in all its various televised and movie forms. A good majority of Trëkkies are basement dwelling nerds who spend far too much time on the Internets writing fanfic and slashfic, and who frequently dress up like Star Trëk characters and attend conventions and speak Klingon to each other thinking they're leet. Most of the people consist of 40 yr. old loser-nerds who never had the chance to grow up ;-(. Interestingly, this description also fits that of the typical pedophile. In fact, Trëkkies have become, in the eyes of the old media and the NORPs, the standard of nerdiness and basement-dweller-dom.
Typical Trëkkie --- Warp Factor Love
Ways to Troll Trëkkies
- Say that Star Wars pwns Star Trëk and/or the Death Star could pwn the Enterprise in a matter of seconds. Because Trëkkies have nothing better to do (except masturbate to naked pictures of Kathryn Janeway), saying this will usually spark a totally pointless flame war that will last for years, possibly decades.
- Say that Battlestar Galactica pwns Star Trëk.
- Say The Original Series is a piece of shit. As above, this will spark a seemingly never-ending flame war.
- Ask why Professor X was in The Next Generation and why the hell he wasn't in a wheelchair.
- Point out the irrefutable evidence of a connection between Star Trëk and pedophilia (e.g. this Slashdot post).
- Tell an Enterprise fan that Trip and T'Pol is like watching a piss poor soap opera. Srsly, that works quite well, even better than flooding the shipper fansites with the pain series.
- Explain the the Federation uses a Communist economy and the "utopia" portrayed in the show is little more than a totalitarian regime.
- Claim that the Börg are ripoffs of The Cybermen.
- Refer to Worf as Teal'c.
- Demand to see Vorlons.
- Go on and on and on about how Picard's head looks like a penis.
- IRL TROLLING: Make the "Live long and prosper" hand gesture while saying "May the force be with you." Proceed to act like it was an honest mistake.
- Photoshop Börg cubes into goatse.
- Walk up to a Trëkkie and explain why Sheridan was way better than Kirk.
- Refer to the new movie "Spock" as "Sylar."
- Show up at cons dressed as elves from LOTR and say you have pointy ears- doesn't that count as Vulcan?
Fun Star Trëk Facts
- William Shatner recorded music! Not only was he known for his terrible Beatles covers during his Star Trëk days, but he recorded an album in 2004 that is masturbated on by indie fucktards frequently. And Khan kicked his ass!
- Patrick Stewart was actually a Shakespearean actor, but decided to sell out and go the Star Trëk route. He played the evil Sejanus in the BBC's version of I, Claudius....with hair! This show is actually quite watchable, since it among other things portrays the greatest IRL troll of all time, Caligula.
- Gene Roddenberry created the series. He also wrote the lyrics to the theme song and may have been a pedophile and Freemason.
- Leonard Nimoy recorded the song and video "The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins" which then spun off into the LOTR series of books.
- Wil Wheaton was never popular in the series or IRL because even the weirdest Trëkkies hated him. Oh well.
- Klingon, the language spoken by a type of furry character on the show, can actually be spoken. Geeks and nerds often have discussions with each other in Klingon IRL.
- The Börg, the resident Swedish computer nerd villains on the show are often the victims of will verb again! by such Unfunny people such as Uncyclopedians.
- Phasers are actually just barcode scanners.
| Typical episode of Star Trëk: Voyager
To Boldly Go Where No Gallery Has Gone Before
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