Retard

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OH EXPLOITABLE

Female retard.

A retard is a person put on this earth for us normal people, due to their handicap being incredibly funny. A term of endearment for the mentally handicapped or stupid. It is commonly believed that retards are created by fucktarded, mouth breather sperm. Though plausible, this is the cause of furries, not retards. However, a proven, common cause of retardation is your mother getting stuck in the stink, forgetting to wipe off the tard-infested shit off your father's dick, then getting stuck in the pink thus conceiving your retarded ass (for great justice). Check science. There are some new developments that indicate that some forms of autism may be linked to early television viewing. A common tell-tale sign of being a retard is trying to use the plugs from Hot Topic to pleasure yourself, suffering from dandruff, being gay, or being a weeaboo. Alternative theories suggest that retardation is also caused by punching pregnant women in the stomach, or when a man uses a condom, as some Durex factories carry headlice and stringrays and AIDS.

Detection

How a retard draws Scooby-Doo.

How retards communicate to others of their kind.

Not retarded.

Finding retards is very simple. All you have to do is find someone who is saying retarded shit, and then you respond with "O rly?". The typical retards response will be huh?, "yes orly", or "what's orly?" Female retards will confuse O rly? for Orally and will either be offended or proceed with the perceived command.

People with Down syndrome also look a certain way. Here are some people with Down syndrome and you can see how they look. They hold their mouths open with their tongue slopping over their lower lips, and usually only know Simple English. They also have tongues with cracks in them and ears that God made when he was drunk.

Spotting a retard at a dance party can be pretty easy. [1]

The Place of the Retard

E-tards are the third strongest vegetable, just behind the onion now. (Most recent googlefight - Friday, April 25, 2008) The strongest vegetable on the Internets remains the potato, prolly something to do with Dan Quayle and spellcheck.

The easiest way to diagnose retardation is to determine if the subject habitually posts painfully old and unfunny jokes like the "Cup of STFU or, well, this one.

Proof:

Variations

This is the result of a fatal hit by the ugly truck.

Because retard is probably the default insult on the Internets, it has spawned a variety of more specialized variants:

Leftard: used by "compassionate conservatives" to describe their opposition. In this instance, "compassionate" means "still uses words like 'retarded' and 'colored' in public."
Rightard: used by Leftards as a lame response to the above, which of course is lame to begin with.
Fucktard: a more intense version of retard, with an over-all connotation of "a waste of skin".
Autistic: the same thing as a retard, but this one gets a fancier word.
Hotard: a retarded slut. Usually a blonde woman.
Mustard: a severe case of retardness, who makes as much sense as its epithet.
/b/tard: someone who frequents 4chan's /b/ board. Unlike most -tards, they wear this moniker as a badge of pride.
G-tard: a white male who pretends he's poor and from "da hood" even though he's rich and from the suburbs.
Handicapped: aka "special" aka "mentally crippled" aka "conveniently parked" aka "mental amputee"
Dee Dee Dee: A lame ass phrase coined by a fake mexican.
Chromosomal Deficient: Or Chromosomal Surplus.
Window Licker: Have been known to trip over while sitting down.

Common, but underutilized ways to refer to retards on ED include:

Mongoloid
Special Ed
Mental insufficiency
Downsie
Intellectual insufficiency
Tard
Dyslexic
Retart - a retarded DevianTARTlet
Down's Syndrome
Special
Hard of Thinking
Mouth Breather
Helmet Hero

Consider these alternatives to retard when trying to create an article that does not fail.

A retard in its natural habitat

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The Retard as a Half-Ape

1. Persons of under 40 IQ exhibit behavior not distinctly different from apes. That is, intellectually speaking, apes can do everything they can do.

2. The cutoff for retardation is an IQ of 70.

3. The cutoff for normality is an IQ of 100.

4. LOL, RETARDS ARE HALF-APES.

The #Autism Raid

On January 22nd around noonish, several members of ED complained of boredom. Djbb suggested raiding an IRC channel for parents of autistic children, and after much lulz, a suitable server+channel was found. After many memes were spouted, Chimi took it to the next level by Last Measureing the channel before everyone was b&. ED members taking part were Airdoo0 acting as Jew, chimi, a5h-x, subseven, dl, james and jb. Lol intarnets heroism http://www.itsnofashion.com/autism.txt

The logs can be found here.

Gallery of Retards

Gallery of Tards

Emo retard can't reach his wrists with knife LOL.	Sometimes,depending on behavior,they are even allowed to spawn offspring.	This retard is allowed to leave its cage on holidays.	BITCHES DONT KNOW ABOUT MY DUMBASS.
Typical retard.	Blame MTV.	When a retard tries to be straight up, yo. Nothing says pimp like Thomas the Tank Engine, while hanging out with his fellow wiggers.	Dorian Thorn is a retard who thinks he "pwns".

A stylized retard is now the official Pepsi mascot	Typical gangsteretard.	Retarded.	Some retards are also ninjas.
A tart's favorite band.	A happy tard.	An angry tard.	The ED yearbook photo. Smile you tard.
Sometimes retards will cannibalize one another to survive.	Typical Pose Of A Retard.		This is a typical OL retard being corrected by a normal person.
Example of a crazy Christian retard.			Retards who live on Tibia.
~~Some~~ \|~~Most~~ All retards aren't just stupid, but ugly.	Retards are often seen bashing their heads on giant buttons.	Iori Yagami is there to point out the Obvious.	Typical retard.
Hamtaro is a retard	Here is how a Down syndrome person looks when young.	A middle aged retard smiling	Here is how a Down syndrome person looks when old.
Can you spot the retard?	For its contagious	Down syndrome people also do disgusting sex poses.	A retard in its natural habitat harassing the local wildlife.
A retard, safely strapped down.	The special helmet protects the head during those nasty fits. And the shades lets the caretakers roll their eyes undetected. Everyone is a winner!	Hellllmmmtttt!	It's a little-known fact that retards knows fearsome Kung Fu hand-forms.
A skanky retard.	Having even more sex that you.