Raptor Jesus

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Classic Raptor Jesus
Classic Raptor Jesus
As good as a Raptor Jesus pic gets
As good as a Raptor Jesus pic gets
Raptor Jesus is a shrewd businessman
Raptor Jesus is a shrewd businessman
Raptor Jesus is greeted by a follower as he arrives at Dulles last Thursday.
Raptor Jesus is greeted by a follower as he arrives at Dulles last Thursday.

Raptor Jesus is a 4chan meme consisting of a raptor's head crudely photoshopped onto any picture of Jesus. Rose to fame when it became the 900,000th picture posted to /b/, only to have the moderators replace it with a much funnier image - a manga of a man with a donut on his genitals. Raptor Jesus never achieved the status of Happy Negro or Pedobear amongst the unsavories of /b/, but His "disciples" keep the faith alive in the Rapor Jesus Wiki lol extinct. HAHAHA, DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS!!! have a highly spammed Wiki. But the new central system is at Raptor Jesus.Net

Raptor Jesus is the only true savior. When our lord rises again during Catnarok, heretics (and worshipers of TyrannoSatan) shall be cast underfoot and disemboweled by his holy talons.

Contents

[edit] The Prayer of Raptor Jesus

Our Raptor,
Who art in /h/eaven,
shopped be Thy face;
Thy donations come,
Thy posts be done
in /b/ as it is in /h/eaven.
Give us this day our daily Bridget;
and forgive us our trolling
as we forgive those who troll against us,
and lead us not into faggotry,
but deliver us from /fur/ry.
In the name of the Moot, the Raptor, and the Holy Server,
Amen.

[edit] The Creed of Raptor Jesus

Followers of Raptor Jesus are easily identifiable because thier eyes burn with the fervor of the righteous. They live by the following simple beliefs and most likely have one or more of these statements tattooed on their cocks:

  • Love Raptor Jesus or die.
  • Raptor Jesus is the savior of all mankind, and will deliver thee to carnivorous enlightenment. (Many have enormous phallii)
  • Believe in the Lord Raptor Jesus, and thou shalt be saved!
  • Raptor Jesus will rise again!
  • Raptor Jesus went extinct for your sins!
  • Raptor Jesus loves you!
  • The divine trinity of Raptor Jesus shelters us from the coming Catnarok!
  • Thus shall the Vegan know eternal torment

[edit] Second Coming and "The VelociRapture"

The second coming of Raptor Jesus actually occurred last Thursday. Many were expecting a massive Earth shattering event to announce His presence but instead He arrived on United Airlines Flight 47 to Dulles. He has not yet rendered judgment on the sinners of the world but instead is sitting in His basement eating Ramen and spinning a dreidel.

[edit] Videos


Reach out and touch faith.


The Chronicles of Raptor Jesus


[edit] Gallery

Raptor Jesus is Lord

[edit] See Also

[edit] External links


Raptor Jesus
is part of a series on
Christianity

Blessed By God
AmaleaAnne RiceBayHorseCrewGeorge W BushCHBAnn CoulterChristian Weston ChandlerThomas ChanterJack ChickDonnie DaviesDBoyWheelerFacelessMaster3003Mel GibsonJohn HageeTed HaggardItsAboutJesusJesse JacksonJesusJezuzFreek777Mark MinerChuck NorrisPilgrimJohnThe PopePurelilyRepublicansPat RobertsonAl SharptonAndy SchlaflyHal TurnerVenomFangXJuliana WetmoreReverend X

Places Blessed By God
USA

Beliefs, Events, Traditions & Other Drama
The ApocalypseThe BibleCatholicismCensorshipConservapediaCreationismChristian Boy Love ForumChristian forumsChristian Teen ForumsChristian furriesChristmasThe CrusadesChurch of FudgeEx-GaysGenocideGod hates fagsHeavenThe HolocaustHomophobiaHyldenismIntelligent DesignJESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR!Jesus is HitlerThe KKKMormonismObjectiveministriesPurity BallRaptor JesusThe RaptureSlaverySnopesTransphobiaXxxchurch

Pissing Off the Almighty
AbortionBestialityBlack metalEvolutionHomosexualityLiberalismMasturbationPornographySatanismSuicide

Heathens
AgnosticsAtheistsFagnosticsHindusKikesMuslimsPagansSatan


Raptor Jesus
is part of a series on
Religion

Deities
Trolldin * • Lolki * • GodJesusBuddhaMuhammadRaptorJesusSantaKim Il-sungXenu

Prophesies
The RaptureRagnaröflCatnarok *

Religious Holidays
ChristmasEasterMartin Luther King Day *

Religious Icons
Ted HaggardTom CruiseJohn Travolta

Fanclubs
ChristianityIslamCatholicScientologyJudaismObjectivismJedi

ArchVillians
SatanRichard DawkinsLönguncattr *

Key: * represents a Deity or Holiday of Trollianity.




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