Raptor Jesus

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Raptor Jesus is a 4chan meme consisting of a raptor's head crudely photoshopped onto any picture of Jesus. Some variations show him with raptor forearms as well, but this matters very little. The meme rose to fame when it became the 900,000th picture posted to /b/, only to have the moderators replace it with a much funnier image - a manga of a man with a donut on his genitals. Raptor Jesus never achieved the status of Happy Negro or Pedobear amongst the unsavories of /b/, but His "disciples" keep the faith alive in the ~~Raptor Jesus Wiki~~ BALEETED. Or at least they did until it got pwnt.

Raptor Jesus is the only true savior. When our lord rises again during The Velocirapture, heretics (which include [but not limited too] Jews, Christians, Muslims and atheists) and worshipers of TyrannoSatan (which include promoters of buttsecks and furrys) shall be cast underfoot and disemboweled by his holy talons.

The Prayer of Raptor Jesus

Our Raptor,
Whose art is /h/entai,
shopped be Thy face;
Thy donations cum,
Thy posts be done
in /b/ as it is in /h/eaven.
Give us this day our daily Bridget
and forgive us our trolling
as we forgive those who troll against us,
and lead us not into faggotry,
but deliver us from /fur/ries
In the name of the Longcat, the Raptor, and the Holy Server,
Amen.

Raptor Grace: To be said at every meal, snack, and piece of gum

Bless us, O Raptor Lord,
and these, your gifts,
which we are about to receive
from thy merciful talons.
Through the bounty of Raptor Christ, 
our Cretaceous Lord. 
Amen.

THE CREEEEEEEEEEEEED OF RAPTOR JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESUS

Followers of Raptor Jesus are easily identifiable because their eyes burn with the fervor of the righteous. They live by the following simple beliefs and most likely have one or more of these statements tattooed on their cocks:

Love Raptor Jesus or die.
Raptor Jesus is the savior of all mankind, and will deliver thee to carnivorous enlightenment. (Many have enormous hemipenes)
Believe in the Lord Raptor Jesus, or have your genitals removed
Raptor Jesus will rise again!
Raptor Jesus went extinct for your sins!
Raptor Jesus loves your kids!
The divine trinity of Raptor Jesus shelters us from the coming Velocirapture!
Raptor Jesus is my messiyuh!
Raptor Jesus owns The Hoffinator (Moar like ROFLnator ~~amirite~~ No)?

The Raptor Jesus Chant

Presumably sang to that goddamn song that plays on all those fucking infomercials for Christian Rock CDs that come on at all hours of the day and night.

Our God's a Jurassic God.
He reigns from 4chan above.
With wisdom, power and lulz.
Our God's a Jurassic God.

Second Coming and "The VelociRapture"

The second coming of Raptor Jesus actually occurred last Thursday. Many were expecting a massive Earth shattering event to announce His presence but instead He arrived on United Airlines Flight 47 to Dulles. He has not yet rendered judgment on the sinners of the world but instead is sitting in His basement eating Ramen, contemplating the fate of the world, and spinning a dreidel.

Parthenogenesis and the Messiah

Raptor Jesus in his disco pants.

Was Jesus a girl, then?

When dumbfucks ask stupid ass questions like the one above.

The female human has two X chromosomes and therefore can give birth ONLY to females via parthenogenesis. In Varanus sp. (the Komodo dragon and relatives), parthenogenesis can produce only males. This is compelling proof that Jesus was, in fact, a monitor lizard.

Videos

Reach out and touch faith.

The Chronicles of Raptor Jesus

Christ can be radical too:

Christ for Sega CD:

Gallery

Raptor Jesus is Lord

Classic Raptor Jesus	As good as a Raptor Jesus pic gets.	Raptor Jesus is a shrewd businessman.	Raptor Jesus is greeted by a follower as he arrives at Dulles last Thursday.
A CHALLENGER APPEARS	Don't fuck with the Raptor Jesus.	Raptor Jesus expects you to visit every day, even if it's physically impossible.	The first incarnation of Raptor Jesus.
So sad when that happens...	Radical Christ...

Mel Gibson is a Raptor Jesus fanboi.	He went extinct for our sins.	Where indeed...
	His only son.	Nigras like to hang pictures of Raptor Jesus on the walls of their shacks.	TOW got vandalized...




Truly divine wisdom.

	Raptor Jesus's arch nemesis, TyrannoSatan.	Raptor Pieta	The Bible tells me so.
Raptor Jesus is not without enemies.	Inspired spin-off B-movies such as The Last Temptation of Christ and The Passion.	He lieks with dill & Dijon Mustard.	Mudkips?
The children are safe now.	Raptor Jesus in his disco pants.
The powah of Raptor Jesus overwhelms some Guild Wars Christfags.	Dedication