Rangerphile

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

THIS PAGE IS BEING WATCHED BY ENEMIES OF THE LULZ THEY GOT TIRED OF PLAYING SOLO

A Rangerphile is like a pedophile, but rather than being into children, Rangerphiles pathologically sexualize the characters from the shitty Disney cartoon series Chip n' Dale Rescue Rangers.

The show, which was not nearly as good as its contemporaries is actually something of an embarrassment in the Disney canon (which is really fucking saying something), owing to the fact that it was just so Goddam awful. Many children who watched the show can't even remember anything about it, save for the theme song that was so soul-destroying with its annoyance it drove some adults to suicide.

As for the Rangerphiles themselves: although some might classify these people as furfags, they are in fact much worse -- a truly degenerate society of nauseating fucktards that deserve every last bit of shit thrown at them.

Much like pedophiles, they currently campaign for "Rangerphile" to be a sexual orientation -- a very strange thing to note, as Rangerphiles are virulently homophobic -- another point of irony, as Chip 'n Dale sounds more than a bit like "Chippendales" (the male strippers group). Rangerphiles are, therefore, gay by proxy.

Contents 1 Why Rangerphiles Are So Pathetic 2 The Characters They Worship 3 The Acorn Cafe 3.1 Typical Rangerphile 3.2 The Culprits 3.3 Don't Ask, Don't Tell 3.4 Prayer Requests 3.5 Drama Between Forums 3.6 R.A.G.E 3.7 The Golden Acorn Awards 3.8 The Lamest Threads From the Lamest Forum 4 Rangerfags React to ED 5 Gallery of Shame 6 Gallery of ULTIMATE Shame 7 Videos 8 The Moar You Know: Rangerphile Edition 9 Rangerphile Quotes 10 THE GOD OF THE RANGERPHILES 11 Join the Party

[edit] Why Rangerphiles Are So Pathetic

Another Disney show that aired around the same time as Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers, was DuckTales, which was better animated, better written, and just an altogether better experience than the half-baked jalopy piece of shit that was Rescue Rangers. It ran for two seasons (exactly 100 episodes) and had an animated movie that was released in theaters, and is fondly remembered by many children for its catchy themesong and recognisable characters.

Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers, on the other hand, ran for barely 65 episodes before being (mercifully) canceled, pretty much summing up what almost everyone, except the Rangerphiles, thought of the show -- with its insipid writing, atrocious voice-acting, and of course the please-God-make-it-stop themesong.

The show itself -- the characters, that damn themesong -- remained largely forgotten by the public at large (i.e., people who weren't fucked in the head like the Rangerphiles are), and would have thankfully remained that way, had not the evil of the Rangerphile pseudo-religion been spawned from a gigantic, puss-filled, maggoty pile of fail.

Although many things have been subjected to the terror of The 34th Rule, Rangerphiles have mercilessly raped a mediocre-at-best children's show and turned it into a nightmarish pile of indescribable horror with their astoundingly bad "fan art" and "fanfiction".

[edit] The Characters They Worship

• Chip: The leader of the Rescue Rangers. Likes to cosplay as Indiana Jones. A gigantic bitch. Most Rangerphiles want to be fucked by him.

• Dale: The other guy. Likes to cosplay as Quagmire from Family Guy. Some Rangerphiles want to fuck him...but not many.

• Gadget Hackwrench: Polymath mechanic, inventor, and pilot who is featured in all kinds of endlessly clever sexual situations designed, drawn, and passionately wished for by the prototypical Rangerphile, Ray Jones.

• Monterrey Jack: Australian fat-ass prone to having seizures and spontaneous orgasm when he smells cheese. Only the original character that Ray Jones hideously spawned, "Jalapena", will fuck him.

• Zipper: A tiny green fly who no one likes, sucks as a character, and serves no purpose other than comic relief from what little comedy the show had.

• Tammy: Only featured in one episode. Jailbait squirrel who prefigures prominently in a wide variety of Rangerphile masturbatory fantasies.

• Foxglove: Also featured in only one episode. A stupid and repulsively ugly bat who, despite her ugliness, is still well-beloved by the Rangerphile community.

[edit] The Acorn Cafe

Rangerphiles huddle together in a filthy warren called the Acorn Cafe, which is probably the most loathsome forum you can find.

Everyone there has no life. Before you even make your first post, they will start a thread welcoming you because they are so repulsive that they hope that someone, anyone, will accept them and their furfaggotry.

They will tell you about their hopes, dreams, fursona, and how much they want to fuck Gadget or Chip. It is so damn pathetic that these people lurk around this lame forum so much that they notice a new member signing in and leap at the chance to welcome them and rant about themselves, all before the n00b even makes the first post. Should a female decide to join the party, she'll soon get a very warm welcome.

[edit] Typical Rangerphile

• Is a furry.
• Loves to Roleplay.
• Is Christian.
• Wants to fuck Gadget.
• Prized possession is a nasty old Ranger plush toy from 1992 (usually Gadget).
• Is ugly as sin.
• As the result of above, they marry other AcornCafe.com members or are basement dwellers.
• Is FULL of fetish....scat, urethral, etc. They nearly put Anonymous to shame.
• Is a master fan-artist.
• Hates gays to compensate for their attraction to Chip.
• Is not just a fan, is obsessed.
• Is far too old to be doing this.
• Loves to put Rule /34/ to shame by inventing new fetishes such as melting lesbians. Yes, you read that right.

[edit] The Culprits

• Ray Jones: Mod and KING. Loves Gadget, FOR REAL.

• Dr. Indy: Mod. Has a Ph.D. -- how Smarts he iz! He is also a writer.

• Jeff Parkes: Mod. Ginger. Nuff said.

• Racebest: Furry. Has no life.

• Framwinkle: Mod. Hates fags.

• RangerReady23: Believed to have a sexual obsession with Jesus Christ.

• bw1979: Otherwise known as B Walmer. Sick fuck with a melting fetish.

• Soda: Banned for being a fag.

• Midnight Man: Major toolbag and shitty fanfiction writer.

• Sinclair: Wants to rid the Internets of Gadget erotica while secretly fapping to it in his fecal-filled closet.

• Andy a.k.a. MOnty: a.k.a. dead, lol.

• KurtmanJP: Aspie who gets beat by his 11-year-old sister.

• SolidusRaccoon: a.k.a. Cobra Reviewer, Freeper who instigated the gay-bashing war (see "Rangerphile Quotes" below) that produced the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.

[edit] Don't Ask, Don't Tell

If there is anything that the Rangerphiles hate more than anonymous, its homosexuality. Claiming that they want to keep everything G-rated, the mods banned anything having to do with the subject, including Rule 34, fapfiction, and any discussions unless it had anything to do with burning in hell for faggotry. Much lulz ensued when one Rangerphile came out of the closet and asked for buttsecks. The mods shit themselves and immediately banned him, claiming that they wanted to prevent any flaming. What a coincidence since they in fact hate flamers. On another occasion, one of the mods outed himself as a homophobe without even realizing it. Major butthurt ensued:

“	"The rule against homosexual discussion also stems from past arguments on the subject, which became quite heated. It's obvious that opinions on the matter are strong on both sides. However, the Cafe still holds to a certain moral standard that believes that homosexuality is wrong, and therefore it isn't tolerated in stories, art, or general discussion. That's why the topic is banned, because it's such a sensitive and divisive issue to many people, and there are those who would try to use any excuse they could to force it upon everyone else."	„
—Framwinkle

Further evidence was found on his blog. He starts out with the typical excuse as to why homosexuality isn't allowed at the Acorn Cafe:

“	"Why can't these people just get it through their heads that it's not an acceptable topic there, and leave it at that? Why do they insist on trying to shove it in our faces? I don't care what they talk about elsewhere, and there are places where that sort of thing is not only acceptable, but encouraged. But if they're going to be at the Cafe, they're going to have to live by certain guidelines. It's supposed to be a family friendly place. Not that we would agree on the definition of family, either. Sigh."	„
—Framwinkle

But then he goes into a rant that would make Fred Phelps want to become a Rangerphile:

“	"One thing they like to point to is a story someone wrote about the issue, in which an overbearing Hitler-ite squirrel tries to banish strawberry cakes from a celebration. Basically, it tries to equate homosexuality as being no different than a different flavor of cake, which makes perfect sense if you don't believe that there's anything wrong with homosexuality. After all, that's just a different kind of sex, right? How absurd. Following that line of reasoning, murder could be just another form of sport hunting. Where do you draw the line? But the line is drawn. Not by man, who only has his reason, and could thereby justify anything. The line is drawn by God, through the scriptures, as well as through our conscience. It's this that people can't stand, because to accept that something is wrong they have to accept God, and that brings about a bunch of other things that are also wrong. No, it's much easier to believe that the world is just a big gray area. Homosexuality is a very destructive lifestyle, both physically and spiritually. It's like asking, "Should we go back and adapt to slavery?" Who in their right mind would agree to it? The things listed were improvements to society, for the most part. That's not to say that they can't have their disadvantages, but over all they're good things. What has to be understood and accepted is that homosexuality is not a good thing. I don't doubt that our society will adapt to homosexuality and homosexual marriage. But it's not going to help us become a better people."	„
—Framwinkle

This is all very ironic since Rangerphiles themselves want to fuck Chip.

[edit] Prayer Requests

One of the most common topics at the Acorn Cafe is the prayer request. There are currently over 9000 prayer requests at the Acorn Cafe. A Rangerphile, who desires the cock of Jesus, will create one of these topics for attention. The resulting thread is a large circle jerk of fail and Gadget rape. A typical prayer request is both lulzy and insignificant:

“	"I ask because my mother has to report in for a colonoscopy, tomorrow. It's a thoroughly unpleasant experience from what I know of it, and she's more than a little upset over having to have it done."	„
—RangerReady23

Other Rangerphiles will proceed to pray because they have no life. Since Jesus hates Rangerphiles and never answers them, they are left butthurt and confused.

[edit] Drama Between Forums

The Ranger(pedo)philes frequently claim to be the only forum full of furfags obsessed with the Rescue Rangers. When another site, Chip 'n' Dale Online, was created and claimed sole fapping rights, not to mention had an extensive section about the pre-Ranger Chip and Dale cartoons which are actually good, much drama ensued. The Rangerphiles bawwwed and immediately hid their Gadget porn. Lulz was had when they found out that a user at Chip 'n' Dale Online was a known /b/tard. The Rangerphiles completely shit themselves. They accused Chip 'n' Dale Online of being full of "channers." When Ray Jones announced that he was going to stop drawing Rule 34, there was a major eruption of butthurt. Now without Gadget pron, the Rangerphiles blamed Chip 'n' Dale Online and continued to believe that they were a part of anonymous.

When it seemed like all the drama had finally died down, a user from Chip 'n' Dale Online edited the Acorn Cafe article on a fandom wiki, stating that the Rangerphiles were a bunch of Christ-loving homophobes who wanted to rape both Gadget and Chip in the asshole. As expected, massive amounts of butthurt followed. The Rangerphiles cried that it was an act of vandalism. Some went even as far as tracking the user's IP address so they could locate him and punish him accordingly. This failed miserably and the Rangerphiles went back to reading Cheer Up Gadget to make themselves feel better. While Chip 'n' Dale Online itself is no better than the Acorn Cafe as it claims to be, major lulz ensues whenever the site is proclaimed as being superior to the Acorn Cafe. Spamming the Acorn Cafe with pro Chip 'n' Dale Online banners will result in instant deletion. Some Rangerphiles will even go into a tirade about how the Acorn Cafe has been around for ten years, exposing themselves yet again as the obsessive sick fucks that they are.

• The Acorn Cafe has gots officials!

• Oh golly, vandalism on my Internets?!

• Chip 'n' Dale Online, filled with butthurt Rangerphiles and other furfags.

[edit] R.A.G.E

In an attempt to cover up their sick and twisted obsession over Gadget, the Rangerphiles created a group called R.A.G.E, short for Rangerphiles Against Gadget Erotica. This group is full of failure and it's page includes such retarded and lulzy statements like:

• Pornography as a whole demeans women, objectifying them.
• Gadget herself would be against her naked body being plastered all over the Internet.
• Giving Gadget the body parts of a human while her male companions are free to go pantless without scandal is an unfair double standard.
• We hate to see our caring, kind, brilliant Gadget turned into image meant solely to arouse people. She is much more than just a body.

The Rangerphiles aren't fooling anyone. They want to fap to Gadget and will willingly give Ray Jones a blumpkin for some Rule /34/.

Note: It is very lulzy when a group of people form an organization to troll themselves.

• R.A.G.E

[edit] The Golden Acorn Awards

Every year, the Rangerphiles have an awards ceremony. Because they have no talent and suck at life, they started this ceremony to make themselves feel better. The ceremony consists of roleplaying where the Rangerphiles fuck Gadget, give out awards that nobody gives a shit about, and fuck Gadget. They also fuck Chip as well. The categories consist of crappy fanfiction and shitty artwork. Every award always go to Ray Jones since he's the Rangerphile God. The ceremony always ends with anal rape and a lulzy rendition of the show's theme song. The Rangerphiles then go off and fap to Gadget. Awards include:

• Shittiest Story
• Worst Author
• Best use of Rule /34/ involving Gadget
• Lifetime faggotry Award
• Best use of Rule /34/ involving Chip
• Best Nutcase (Who's the biggest sick fuck)
• Best use of Rule /34/ involving Tammy

When a Rangerphile wins one of these prestigious awards, they will stop fapping to some Rule /34/ and will actually write out an acceptance speech. A typical acceptance speech goes something like this:

“	"Crikey. And I don't use that word often! Thanks so much, gang. These awards mean a lot to me. An awful lot. And I know this one means a lot to somebody else, too. Give a big hand for the one who really won it...Reguba, son of Reguba, squirrel warrior supreme! Take a bow, big guy! In addition to that...even though he'll probably never read about these awards, I'd like to thank the indomitable Jesus Christ. I've stuck a cross in my pooper over 9000 times for you. It's an ongoing story like no other, and it's done worlds of contributing to my own. Thank you, sir! Hurr, yiff, be a gurt and Gadget rape."	„
—RangerReady23

[edit] The Lamest Threads From the Lamest Forum

• What to do in the event of a troll invasion

• You know your obsession for Gadget gets abnormal when...

• 10th Year anniversary. Ten years. Ten FUCKING years.

• What Have You Done to Grow The Fandom?

[edit] Rangerfags React to ED

When they found out about this article, the Rangerphiles became extremely butthurt. Some threatened to sue for defamation and slander while one Rangerphile by the name of Racebest went as far as creating an account on ED just so that he could blank the article. Epic failure ensued and he went crying back to Grandpa Ray for some Gadget pron. The Rangerphiles continued to bawww before going back to fapping to Rule 34 when they realized that they're sick pedophiles regardless.

“	"I think I know what is, it's probably some punk kids in college, high school or middle school, or the kind that's on drugs or smokes and drinks that put this site together just so they can have people and things to proke fun of."	„
—B Walmer

Note: He mentioned that they're probably some punk kids in college while he uses "proke" twice in the same post.

“	"True, we could ignore them, but I don't think we should. I would almost say we should take a cue from the Church of Scientology, create bogus accounts and blank that page. Maybe this is a bit of an extreme measure to some people, but I DO NOT appreciate someone comparing us to child molesters simply because we love the Rescue Rangers!"	„
—Gay Bennett

“	"This whole site must be taken down, no matter what. They're not only flaming and utterly lying, they're also posting erotica!"	„
—Sinclair

“	"You can't fight a website like that without big money and powerful lawyers. Someday they'll provoke the wrong person, and perhaps get taken down."	„
—Framwinkle

“	"If anything, this is something to pray about."	„
—Gay Bennett

“	"I would love to smack them around for being so rude."	„
—justin82

“	"Ignore it...these are just "children" that never got attention when they were young. They'll probably die off in a few years from all the drugs they're ingesting."	„
—Racebest

“	"What other explanation could there be other than...THEY'RE CLOSET RANGERPHILES!"	„
—Racebest

“	"The only ones who both would want to shut it down and are powerful enough to do so are the Church of Scientology, and I don't want to join forces with that bunch."	„
—Midnight Man

“	"Some of these people even performed acts of physical violence against their victims and/or their family in at least one case. For the lulz."	„
—Midnight Man

In what is becoming a daily lulzfest, the Rangerphiles have "discovered" this article yet again. As usual, massive butthurt ensued:

“	"According to the disclaimer, it's a parody site, designed to poke fun at the Internet communities and memes. The one about Rangerphiles goes way beyond any kind of satire or humor. It basically accuses us of any number of truly disgusting things. Anything we can do about it?"	„
—Stainless Steel Rat

“	"Not much we can do. Their whole 'thing' is to (in their minds, comically) reduce a group to a stereotype complete with attributes ascribed purely on the basis of personal or pop-cultural biases instead of facts, and as such, they're intensely bigoted and of completely immutable mind. We cannot reach them by reason, and they're legally protected by the First Amendment, so there are no real routes by legal force, either. However... They've also never been able to harm or disrupt this community significantly, so I'm not so sure anything they do should really mean anything to us in the larger picture."	„
—Winston, who tries to be smart...

“	"So this is all I have to say to those of them who might be watching: Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!"	„
—...but ends up tarding out.

“	"Wish I'd never even seen that. Gonna puke."	„
—lane83ky

“	"I know how you feel, Lane. The first time I read that page, I felt like I'd been slimed and needed to go take a shower. Uggh! I wish there was some way to file libel or slander complaints against them. I notice that they've added my (human) picture to to the article, make fun of my name and accuse me of abusing my pet rat to death. Shows what they know (which is not much). P.S. If whoever wrote that entry about me happens to read this (and I'm sure they will), if all I've done by a being a prolific poster here is draw the ire of morons like you, then I'm proud that I've made you waste your time with a pathetic attempt to insult me. Good day, and maybe you should do yourself a favor and stick to playing with your Barbie dolls, little boy."	„
—Gay Bennet

“	"Ah, yes. Every once in a while, a Rangerphile discovers the infamous ED article. Well, as already said, we know about it, we've known about it for quite a long time, and not few of us (at least I hope they're more than just me) knows the entire back story behind the creation of this article which I won't post publicly. Just so much: The ED article and last year's attacks (I hope they haven't gone past you unnoticed, too, Stainless) have to do with each other."	„
—Midnight Man

“	"This is the typical ED-scenario: 1. anonymous ED-member writes/updates article about victim 2. anon ED-member notifies victim via via. 3. ???? 4. PROFIT!"	„
—Robert A. Iger

“	"Look at it like this: when you're featured on ED, you know you're a hardcore Rangerphile."	„
—Robert A. Iger

“	"I certainly don't like what they post there, but knowing that I, God and Gadget know the truth is enough."	„
—Sinclair

“	"Bashin furfagz: Ur doin it rong!"	„
—Midnight Man

“	"Even all bad publicity is publicity. One of the first marketing principles."	„
— Robert A. Iger, who believes that the "marketing" a bunch of furfags, a shitty cartoon, and the lamest forum on the Internets will attract more people.

“	"I want to take a shower. Not just that, but burn my fedora, shred my bomber jacket, rinse out my mouth, and sit in a sweat lodge to remove that poison from my soul. I will dress in sackcloth and ashes, praying for the souls of these poor deviant Rangerphiles, piteous as they are."	„
—AQD_Robert, basically trolling himself and the rest of the Rangerphiles.

Note: Jgoober is a Rangerphile who wants all of you to know:

“	"Before you continue to read this piece of shit article, I should like to inform that it is pure bullshit made up by some sissy prick faggot fucker who loves to shove their own cock up their ass. Its not worth one bit of your time. Now please, continue if you wish.	„

You can leave him a message or some AIDS on his user talk page here. Realizing that he had failed miserably, Jgoober made another ED account under the subtle name of Jgoober2 cause he is just so smartz. Also banned. Lulz.

[edit] Gallery of Shame

Like any obsessed fan of a bunch of rabid mice would do, Rangerphiles enjoy showing off their amazing art skills through fanart. However, because Rangerphiles are sick, twisted individuals, they feel the need to undress these small rodents and portray them acting out their sick fetishes. Truly disgusting.

Rangerphile artwork of fail

RIDE ME BITCH! by Alex, AGE:25 OMG I LUV U! by Alex, AGE:25 SWEET ANTHROPOMORPHIC TOON MOUSE BOOTIE! by Ray, Age:54 WTF?! by Morgan, AGE:25 PUTURFOOTINMAHVAG!!! Morgan, AGE:25 Poop is Kawaii ^__^ by Morgan, AGE:25 Rain? by Morgan, AGE:25 Just say no to Gadget Erotica and Ray Jones OH GOLLY! OH GOLLY! OH GOLLY! Golly, fucking human style is so much fun! bang bang, childhood memories are raped by a finger. Little does Gadget know that it's Ray Jones disguised as a giant nigger cock.

[Collapse Gallery] [Expand Gallery] 0

Maybe Ray will bite her urethra. Alex tries to outdo Ray's urethra fetish with some vore and fails miserably. The Acorn Cafe is generally noted for being one of the friendliest communities on the internets. Surprise buttsecks! Rangerphiles want to fuck underage squirrels. Alex again, only this time he's brought dongs. Happy Mother's Day! The only way he can get any attention So cold sweat is pouring from his face Gadget sexing up a bus. Fucking emo. Doesn't look like a ghost to me. Raep time for a rangerphile. Raep time for Ray Jones. Part two. Tend your eyes! No you're not. Conjuring up some form of fail. A typical rangerphile comic - no one can tell what the fuck is going on. Lolwut? Bondage. Scandalous!

[edit] Gallery of ULTIMATE Shame

Add pixplzkthnx to Rangerphile Plz to be adding some pix now kthnx. Consult the image selection process for help, or just google up some pix. Plz remove this notice once there are plenty of pix.

This is Framwinkle. He wants to fuck them both.	Yep. This evidence seems to support that claim.	Mormon Rangerphile wedding. (Left to right: celebrated homophobe Framwinkle, Stacey, age 14, and Indy, a generic furfag). Stacey and Framwinkle met on The Acorn Cafe and were engaged right after their first meeting.	This is Jeff Parkes. He's a fucking ginger.
RangerReady23, A fat fuck with a fedora.	Campisi, whose audition for Brokeback Mountain was an epic fail.	Tamira and Squeak, two epically pathetic Rangerphiles who fell in "love" on the Acorn Cafe.	Like many wanted criminals, Midnight Man has no picture to go by -- but at least we have totally super cool avatar!
CrashBurn, the definitive example of a typical Rangerphile. Notice how dirty and grimy the Gadget doll is compared to the others. Hmm...	Gay Bennett and his pet rodent, who later died in mysterious circumstances.	bock's car, who competes with Ray Jones for the title of senile old fuck with a Gadget obsession.	The actions of Severe Weather Eddie after this photo caused the theme park to add a new policy about groping costumed employees.
ksharbaugh, a strong argument for birth control.	Chairman Kaga, a fat fuck who maintains the website. Constantly begs for money and loves Gadget pron almost as much as fast food.	Enduring Man Child. Senile, Ultra-Orthodox Jew with a Foxglove obsession.	Neal_Wolf. "Letting my Rangerphile flag fly full force."
Sinclair with Crashburn's semen-encrusted Gadget doll. The original filename for this was 'Best_day_of_my_life.jpg', I shit you not.

[edit] Videos

Did you know that Rangerphiles make music videos too?

[edit] The Moar You Know: Rangerphile Edition

DID YOU KNOW...

• That Talk like Gadget Day is August 7th?

• That June 12th is Gadget's Day?

• That WildIrishRose is a self-proclaimed Dr. Indy Fan?

• That the Rangerphiles are FULLY PREPARED to defend themselves in the event of a possible troll invasion because of these flawless instructions? [1]

• That Sweet Foxy Pie is a Rangerphile euphemism for sweet anthropomorphic toon bat pussy?

• That no one has donated money to the Co$ Acorn Cafe since MAY 2008??????!?!?

[edit] Rangerphile Quotes

• Rejoice! For today it's Gadget's Day! Praise Our Lady of the Workshop! [2]

• Speaking of starships, let me quote something from DS9.

• it is difficult to grasp the concept of being "too much of a Gadgetphile."

• Golly!

• We are generally noted for being one of the friendliest communities on the internet. [3]

[edit] THE GOD OF THE RANGERPHILES

Ray Jones

[edit] Join the Party

The Acorn Cafe

Rangerphile Listing, too many of them.