Pussy-whipped
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Do you suffer debt brought on by constant expenses from your current relationship? Do you feel that your girlfriend controls every aspect of your life? If any of the aforementioned symptoms apply, you are PUSSY-WHIPPED!! Fear not, for 90% of all the regular people like you deal with these same exact problems, and solutions are apparent.
Contents |
Other Indications That You or Someone You Know May Be Pussy-whipped
- Do you spend most of your time apologizing to your girlfriend?
- Does your girlfriend fight with you in front of her friends?
- Does your girlfriend fight with you in front of your friends?
- Does your girlfriend fight with you just about anywhere so long as other people are there to witness your belittling?
- Does your girlfriend give you a guilt-trip if you want to hang out with your friends?
- If so, does she fight with you if god-forbid, you can't pick up your phone?
- If not, does she call you constantly for no real reason while you are hanging out with them?
- Does she insist on naming your pets things like "princess"?
- Does she pick out your clothes for you?
- If so, do you wear them?
- If not, does she viciously attack your appearance?
- Does your girlfriend go ape-shit on you for things that she does herself? (for instance, looking at pics of your friend's girlfriend in a slutty Halloween outfit, while she has looked at pics of other dude's cocks on her friend's cellphone)
- Does your girlfriend try to turn you against your friends?
- Does your girlfriend force you to watch Grey's Anatomy, E!, and other penis-shrinking travesties of televised entertainment?
- If you ever managed to see a movie or watch a show that you wanted to see, did she complain the whole time?
- Have you ever said "I love you" within the first few months, or without meaning it?
- Do you not hang out with your friends and then when you do hang out with them you talk about how awesome your girlfriend is?
If you answered "yes" to any of the above, there is a good change that you are, or could easily become pussy-whipped. If you believe you are in danger of being pussy-whipped by your current girlfriend, please read the following section. If you think that you may be currently pussy-whipped please skip to the "Treatment" section.
Preemptive Countermeasures
If you believe you are in danger of being pussy-whipped:
- Do NOT under ANY circumstances move in with her, this will only make it that much harder to bail-out later. When the shit goes down, you don't want to have to go back the next day to get all your stuff. This is when she'll use her vagina powers to full capacity, she'll apologize and say how she loves you and all the stuff that she never said before. Don't be fooled, this display is NOT sincere, it is a defense mechanism, a parasite can't live without a host, so she'll do all in her power to keep you ensnared.
- If you argue with a girl that is not your girlfriend, do not go out with her! If she gives you shit when you're not entitled to take it, just imagine what it'll be like when you're hooked.
- Get belligerent drunk with your friends (if you're too pussy to do this sober), use your newly acquired confidence to tell her to GTFO.
Treatment
In spite of the fact that women most likely control your expenditures, there are ways to come out on top and show the bitch her place.
- Always buy her what YOU want.
- If she gives you lip, give her the good knuckle treatment.
- Make sure you always control the phone so she doesn't call for help.
- Remove her teeth for maximum pleasure
- Let her know her place. If she even so much as thinks of wandering outside, punish her
- If she refuses to get an abortion, due to some stupid religion that was actually a delusion from Xenu's R6 implant, then give her a Falcon Punch!
- ????
- PROFIT!
Pussy-whipped People
- Boh3m3 (Current Owner: TheHill88)
- Blunty3000 (Current Owner: Katz20two)
- Hal Turner (Current Owner: His wife, though has shown resistance)
- Any male Something Awful Goon in a relationship.
