Our pal Rick Astley is up for the MTV Europe award for BEST ACT EVAR! You can help by voting here, digging this and signing this petition.

Pseudocide

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Jump to: navigation, search
Image:Cowbell_small.jpg This article needs moar lulz.
You can help by adding moar lulz.

Pseudocide n. ('sü-(")dO"sId) is a directly related to suicide. From the Greek prefix pseudo-, meaning false and the English suffix -cide, meaning something pertaining to the act of killing. The layman's definition of pseudocide is a false threat of suicide. Pseudocide relates to suicide, in that, it is the direct product of emo-erectus individuals belonging to online communities posting blogs, discussion forum posts and comments declaring the absolute need to off themselves in any fashion coinciding with suicide. Suicide and pseudocide differ by definition, in that, suicide means an individual attempts (or commits) the act of killing themselves (see an hero) with pseudocide the individual threatens suicide but does not actually follow through; the individual does not even try. The individual committing pseudocide, in general is an attention whore. They are looking to get compassion, empathy or big frilly pink hugs but only succeeds in bringing the lulz.

There is no such thing as threatening pseudocide: pseudocide in itself is an action. Anyone threatening suicide is in turn committing pseudocide. Only acting upon the premonition will result in changing categories from pseudocide to suicide.

This is a pseudocide but pulling the trigger moves you from the pseudocide category into the suicide category; you have succeeded in becoming an hero. Congratulations.
This is a pseudocide but pulling the trigger moves you from the pseudocide category into the suicide category; you have succeeded in becoming an hero. Congratulations.

[edit] How to Commit Pseudocide

Pseudocide in itself is not physical. Pseudocide is a verbal, written or even non-verbal action. To fully enhance your cybergalactic adventure the best way to commit pseudocide is to create a new thread within a discussion forum with over 1,000 members, create a new post in your blog or online journal or to phone a friend. If you have company at the time of your pseudocide commitment you may choose to tell those around you verbally but the best lulz are resulted from committing pseudocide via the internet.

Remember, folks: Down the road, not across the street! Do something right for once in your life!
Remember, folks: Down the road, not across the street! Do something right for once in your life!
You may commit pseudocide with full intention of committing suicide but the inability to follow through will leave you left in the pseudocide category. This author suggests that you at least swallow some pills [preferably more than 20 as anything less is child's play] or cut yourself in order to move from pseudocide to attempted suicide. If you change your mind after committing pseudocide you may choose to take a few too many sleeping pills or a derivative of some kind of pain killer (read: Advil.) This will in turn make your attempt real and move you into the attempted suicide category. Although your inability to follow through will still bring lulz to many, being stuck in the pseudocide category will eventually bring much more pain and suffering.

[edit] The History of Pseudocide

This is a real conversation with Juztice Moon. Juztice Moon is the person that first contributed the word pseudocide to an eating disorder community where several members have committed pseudocide. Juztice may have been drunk at the time of this interview so I apologize in advance for any retardedness that may follow.

  • Interviewer* How did you come up with the term pseudocide?
  • Juztice Moon* Well, I was out at the bar playing darts one night and chatting on AIM with a friend on my cell phone. We were talking about the outburst of suicide threats recently that had resulted in nothing. I don't remember exactly what was said but I remember mentioning the word pseudocide and the rest is history. The word has become part of the vocabulary of many of my friends and I on AIM and occasionally on the forum.
  • Interviewer* Was pseudocide called anything else prior to being 'pseudocide'
  • Juztice Moon* No. Not really. I had really quick thoughts in my head that night and I remember quazicide briefly moving through my thought process but pseudocide just made more sense. I think the fact that it sounds so similar was a big part of it. Many people can't tell the difference when you say pseudocide or suicide - unless you enunciate, which I am unable to do when I have been drinking.
  • Interviewer* So the word pseudocide was used on AIM prior to it's arrival at the forum?
  • Juztice Moon* That is correct. In fact, that was the night when one of our fellow forum members had committed pseudocide. Aforementioned person said that they will not be making a meet that was coming up during their committed pseudocide rampage. After I was told about that I also coined the following: I WIL NAWT MAEK MEET. I WIL B DED. After that almost anytime anyone sends me a message on AIM one of the first questions they have for me is WIL U MAEK TEH MEET? To which I reply NO, I WIL B DED. It really is a very monumental part of the history of my friends and I. It will never be forgotten. Now that this page is being made there is absolutely no way that it will be forgotten. brb need moar beerz
  • Juztice Moon* Ok I'm back.
  • Interviewer* Welcome back. What was it that made this night different from other times that people had committed (what we now know as) pseudocide on the forum?
  • Juztice Moon* Well, I think a lot of it was because I was drinking. I like the prefixes pseudo- and quazi- and it just kind of came to me. My head is more clear when I've been drinking and the other times when people have committed pseudocide I might have not been in the right frame of mind. PS. I'm listening to Nirvana right now. Just so you know.
  • Interviewer* So I herd you liek mudkip
  • Juztice Moon* Oh, I love mudkip. I have to bounce my next rent check to get mudkip feetie pajamas.
  • Interviewer* Fuckin' A
  • Juztice Moon* So I take it you are not a fan of mudkip?
  • Interviewer* I LIEK MUDKIP
  • Juztice Moon* Plz explain your Fuckin' A, plz
  • Interviewer* I don't feel the need to have to explain myself
  • Juztice Moon* I said plz.
  • Interviewer* Are you older than 18?
  • Juztice Moon* mentally or physically?
  • Interviewer* I just want to know. The last time I thought someone was 18, Chris Hansen came out and owned me
  • Juztice Moon* you mean he PWND u
  • Interviewer* YES

[edit] See Also

Retrieved from "http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Pseudocide"
Personal tools