Philippines
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
The Republic of the Philippines, also known as Pedo Heaven or Loli Land, is a nation of some 9,001 islands located in the Pacific Ocean, not far from China. The people of the Philippines, known as Filipinos, are best known for their overseas service as cafeteria personnel, mini-mart clerks, hotel maids, and transvestite prostitutes in countries around the world. They are a type of Sea Nigger. The Philippines itself is a hotspot for sex tourism and pedophilia, as well as for a few AZN “al Qaeda” wannabes who have “taken over” some small villages on one of the islands. It is also the world’s largest exporter of large yellow-ish envelopes, known everywhere as “Manila envelopes.”
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History
The Philippine Islands(AKA Philipenis Islands) were discovered in 1592 by Spanish explorer Ferdinand Magellan, who was taking his yacht on history’s first round-the-world cruise. After dropping anchor near a scenic beach on the main island and going ashore for a look around, Magellan and his crew were surprised not to find any other humans. There were, however, great numbers of a curious and friendly ape species, which followed the explorers in their sight-seeing tour around the island. By the end of the first day, when Magellan and his men established a campsite and prepared for bed, quite a few of the female apes indicated a desire to cuddle under the covers with the men.
Naturally, these advances met with a mixed reception. In four years of hard sailing, most of the Spaniards were confirmed bachelors, and the notion of physical contact with females of any species was somewhat terrifying. Some of the men, however, still abided by the letter and spirit of Imperial Rome’s ancient motto, “Quicumque Permoveo” (“Anything that Moves”), and since the female apes looked a bit better than some of the negresses they had seen in Africa, they were willing to give these bitches a hard time. In due course, after only a few weeks gestation, the female apes gave birth to a new, hybrid species of Filipino ape-human.
Other Spanish explorers followed. In 1898, however, the United States claimed the islands, since they were at war with Spain about an entirely different topic, Cuba, on the other side of the world, and realized that claiming the Philippines would completely baffle and confuse the Spaniards. When World War 2 came along, it was Japan’s turn to invade and totally freak out the USA, first by forcing all the US soldiers to jog around the Bataan High School track 100 times in full gear (this is jokingly remembered on the History Channel as the “Bataan Death March”), and then by kicking their asses in an archery competition. The Philippines evokes bitter memories indeed for the US military, which can be considered extremely lulzy.
Not wanting to dwell on the past, the United States granted the Philippines a status somewhat like Puerto Rico in 1946.
Four hundred years of successful interbreeding with Spaniards, Chinese merchants, US military personnel and Japanese sex tourists has led to a race that is generally presentable in the human society and indeed, can be considered reasonably attractive, on a comparative scale. There are, however, quite a few characteristics of Filipino culture that remind intelligent observers of their origins.
Language
The official language of the Philippines is called Filipino, known almost anywhere as Tagalog. In reality, the Philippines has over 9000 languages and dialects. Tagalog was chosen to be the official language since it is spoken by an elite minority of river-lovers, the Taga-Ilog people. Due to the forced implementation of Tagalog as the national language, it is now the most widely spoken language after Tagrish, or Englog. Being overused, Tagalog is not kewl anymore.
The most common greeting in Tagalog is "hi-ho, bangalongabingbang;" it can be broken down like so: "hi ho, bang a long a bing bang." Make sure that you enunciate this as much as possible, as if you were to speak it in a limp-tongued, slightly-nasally fashion, it would sound like everything else does in Tagalog, from "I sure wish that I had the class and shoe collection of Imelda Marcos" to "Don't you think you guys would be safer if we sent more Marines here?"
To increase the likelihood of being raped by white people, the usage of English language as a medium of instruction has been mandatory in schools at least 100 years ago. This was also done to turn all Filipinos into call center agents. This only proves true that you need to learn English to survive.
Religion
Because Spain owned the place for so long, nearly all Filipinos are Catholic. Like all nations with a Catholic majority Christmas is the biggest holiday of the year followed by Easter wherein the natives prepare all year for the Holy Week activities, of which the most important are re-enactments of the Crucifixion. Men carry huge crosses, whip themselves to a bloody pulp, and have themselves nailed to the cross. It a delightful and picturesque spectacle for the tourists, and is all in the spirit of family entertainment.
Cuisine
Surprisingly, most Filipino cuisine is very much as it was more than 400 years ago, before they got RAPED by the white man. 97% of the Filipino diet consists of dog which is where they got their nicknames of doggo, dogeater, mans' worst friend, and dragonfuckers. In fact it is common to see ugly AS FUCK Filipino childrens chasing dogs in the streets of Manila cutting off their ballz. Another staple of the Filipino diet is balut, which is basically like eating your half born brother's fetus straight from your mother's glory hole. Balut in reality is unhatched duck or chicken eggs. Filipino's enjoy eating balut every minute of every day to sustain their life long boners.
Shady Economy
Since most Filipinos still live like in the stone age and are intellectually checkmated by let's say...a 6 year old aspie, technical advancement and industrial development are impossible. Therefore, the country has specialized in sex tourism and generally being a heaven for pedophiles (reliable sources state, that at least 150% of Filipino children are involved in sex tourism). A typical sight in the Philippines are child sex camps, where innocent men, mainly from western Europe and North America, are forced to have sex with multiple underaged girls and then made to pay for it. Although local authorities claim to be investigating this case, the victims remain fundless and stripped of their basic human dignity due to the hours-long rape perpetrated by the minors. Recently, famous internet hero and pedohater, Chris Hansen, together with a UNESCO squad visited one of these infamous camps, taking the children out of the milieu. The minors were very happy to be jobless now and starving on the streets once again. But, in the bright side, the jobless children are given yet another chance to have money and at the same time entertain horny pedo tourists. Go see unlicensed bars and you' ll see. Its pedo haven at its finest.
Distribution of videos depicting the minors raping the elderly men is forbidden, since it is UNESCO evidence, but can be still demanded here for free.
Filipinos Today
Filipinos or Filipenis, how ever you want to call them, are the human scum of the world, they like to think that they are AZN but in reality faggot Filipino boys have grown fond of the nigger culture and have become in a sense, second class niggers. It is also a known fact that Filipinos are the ugliest race in the entire earth (yes even uglier then the French) and that their men and women have the smallest PENISes and MELONS in the worldz. There are established Filipino communities especially on the west coast, where the men rape young girls and the old women kick fresh rhymes along with the boys. Also, they have dog feasts where they steal all the neighborhood dogs and have a cookout. The president of the internets Ron Paul says he wished all Filipinos would become an hero.
The Filipenis people feel at ease knowing that everyone raped them and everyone invaded their pathetic little islands that they call home. Somehow, some of them escaped their shitty rat infested islands to live in a more civilized place like California, Australia and UK, where they go there, they buy a shitty ricer, put some shitty amps and roll on the streets acting like they're some pindick faggot gangster, they live a sad and a pathetic life, which is totally lulzy just watching them try hard to get socially accepted, talk about inferiority complex. Which in turn means they end up sucking off every fucking dirty nigger they know or just becoming an hero.
The current government of the Philippines is run by a midget-president, who is known to have a large mole on his/her/its face. The government is best known for its corruption and womanizing of most of the political staff. Filipinos are dumb fucks who love voting for celebrities, even if said celebrities don't know shit about running their own lives, much less a whole country. Anyone can be a president, ex-convicts charged with raping lolicons, currently jailed politicians hecks even if they're dead.
Due to the fact that Filipinos were raped by Spanish Catholics, they have the ability to swim long distances. The are arguably better swimmers than Cubans.
Filipenis hard gangster thugs regularly hang around together at various 711 shops, personally, I've seen Filipinos get shot there, I don't regret doing it too. Funny enough, they will ALWAYS chicken out in a fight one on one, but even bashing two or three of their midget buddies at the same time, wouldn't pose a problem to any individual from the superior race.
You can identify Filipenis by the way they look. If they are short, ugly as fuck, have ugly flat noses and smell like trash(well some filipenis have better scents), that's them. Apparently, some of them even keep their perfumes in their buttholes, to keep it away from drunk, homosexual, and smelly Filipinos.
As for on teh internets (much like how monkeys were sent into space, these guys were given computers for the lulz), the pinoys can be identified by the following traits:
- never capitalising at the start of sentences. evar.
- overusing ":)" faces, especially when there is absolutely nothing to smile about. :)
- ending sentences with either "...." or "!"! ...:)
- and most disturbingly... for typing strings of manic laughter... hahahahaha! hehehehe.... :)
Everyone has raped the Filipenis and everyone living there is proud of it, including your mom. The Philippine people have had the chance to reproduce with those who invaded their little islands, but since the Philippine people are fucking ugly as shit, some of the invaders chose their hand before fucking a half midget-ape hairy monster, also known as the Philippine woman. This lead to the revolt of some of the invaders desperate troops, which opposed the hand, thus loosing their superior white genes to an inferior race. All sorts of races have interbred with the Philippine people, these include white people, beaners, chinks, japs, spaniards, nigger etc. It is also alleged by the locals, that the interbred of such races with their own will produce somewhat pretty nicer babies, but still miles behind the Japanese. A good example of this interracial breeding is former loli Vanessa Hudgens which is half Filipino and half Caucasian.
Filipino Instincts
Filipinos usually like to go batshit insane and argue with anyone who complements or insults anyone Filipino or their masters that they suck off. If you try to explain anything, even in polite form, they will take it as insults and act like little whiny-pussies even more. They often like to make fun of Viets and compare themselves to their neighboring countries. Once they feel threatened verbally, they will suck white cock for insults since their women already sucked White cock, Chinese cock, Malay cock, Spanish cock, and Japanese cock for hundreds of years resulting in the fucktarded, ugly-ass, ashamed, homosexual Filipinos we see today have to deal with today.
Hobbies of Filipinos
- Eating dogs
- Fucking dogs
- Acting like niggers
- Raping balding, middle-aged men (especially true for the minors)
- Working overseas
- Having sex while playing DOTA
Fidgets in Action
...one day the great DingDong came from outerspace to sprout the machine gun wielding trex of the 20th dimension. Not knowing the potential fight that would ensued he conquered the world with his magical fingaling to sprout the masterful demise of what they call the Anakabu
The Filipino hero has spoken
Everyone is wondering why Pacquiao always win the battle.The secret is revealed
Prisons
In Filipino prisons, not only are all the inmates gay, but they put together lavish Michael Jackson Fan Club celebrations.
Also, they were forced to do this by the warden, who also tattoos his name on the female inmates. Does it add to the lulz? Fuck yes.
Teri Hatcher on Filipinos
Clearly, Filipinos have no sense of humor, contrary to some people's opinions.
M.V. Princess of The Stars
A tragedy that induced tons of butthurt and internet drama. The videos explain them all.
How To Troll
- Tell them that they're genetically inferior.
- Explain why Filipinos are not Asian.
- Mention how ugly their women are.
- Notify them of how nerdy and stupid they are.
- Tell them Filipinos are wannabe-gangsters who suck nigger cock.
- Tell them that they are basically azns with Spanish names.
- In addition to the previous tip, tell them they look similar to Mexicans somehow.
Further glimpses
 Filipino Giant Boy |
 Everybody gets a turn |
 Satisfying and delicious balut |
 "Get rid of a baby. The mister will be happy. It's possible to do it." How delightful. |
See also
| The United States of Encyclopedia Dramatica |
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