Pikmin
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Pikmin is a TOTALLY AWESOME 2-game series about a 2 inch tall Mario clone/Hocotatian pimp who collects shit with the assistance of a variety of colorful hoes. These hoes are, incidentally, called Pikmin.
Although the main character, Olimar, only appears in two Nintendo games somehow made it into Brawl. This is a source of much chagrin amongst the Nintendo fanboys who would have much rather seen Waluigi or some other character who doesn't feature in even one game.
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The Games
Pikmin
Pikmin 1, as some call it, is a pretty cool game. The plot is basically this: Captain Olimar flies around in this dinky little plastic spaceship, until a meteor pwns him. He goes flying down onto a planet and catches on fire, where his ship bursts into pieces. So, a few hours later, Olimar wakes up, dazed and confused on the ground. He looks around, and sees that his plastic toy ship has been pwnt. So he cuts himself over it then looks around. He eventually finds a big round thing. It pops up out of the ground and shits out a seed, which then goes into the ground. Olimar dubs this round thing as the "Onion". What a creative mind!
After a few months of careful gardening skills, it finally grows enough so that Olimar can viciously rip it out of the ground like a newborn infant out of its mother's womb. He finds out that the little tardling can carry stuff. The little shit runs over, rapes a flower to death and steals a pellet from it, which it subsequently shoves up the Onion's ass. A few seconds later, the Onion shits out some more seeds to make more of them slave things. Aha! The Onion is basically a huge vagina! Awesome!
Olimar now has to collect all the pieces of his ship (which are completely intact despite having FUCKING exploded) in 30 days, using his little Pikmin as slaves. HARDCORE. If you leave them alone during the night, Bulborbs come and eat them, so jam them all in the fucking onion. If you let one of your Pikmin grow in the ground long enough, they grow flowers on their heads.
- Red Pikmin: The steroid-users. They pwn the hardest, apparently, because they're just that fucking good. They can also avoid being burned for no apparent reason.
- Blue Pikmin: The weak little bitches of the Pikmin family. They whine the most, which is why they suck physically. Unfortunately they don't drown when thrown into the water.
- Yellow Pikmin: The ugliest ones with dumbo ears that nobody likes. Apparently, they have the ability to fly.
Pikmin 2
OMG SEQUEL!
Pikmin 2. Olimar gets his ship together and goes flying back to his planet. He gets there and finds out that his fatass, douchebag boss has gone into bankruptcy, basically thoroughly screwing over Olimar. Out of shock, he drops a bottle cap he had taken home as a souvenir for his son. The nearby ship sucks it up with its mouth nozzle and values the thing to be worth at least 100 Pokos (Pikmins currency).
That dick of a boss orders Olimar and Louie to go back to the planet and collect more bottle caps to get lots of Pokos to pay off the debt. And OMFG 2 MORE KINDS OF PIKMIN!!!
- White Pikmin: The skinny, pale-skinned basement dwellers of the Pikmin family. It is roughly 100% probable that you are a white Pikmin.
- Purple (FAT) Pikmin: The fatasses of the Pikmin family. They are the darkest and thus the most niggardly niggerly - of all types of Pikmin. However, it's important to note that they can steal far more stuff than all other Pikmin on account of being so fucking fat. This distinguishes them entirely from African-Americans, who are upstanding citizens and not criminals at all.
Many people believe that the original plan was to have white and black Pikmin, but Nindendo feared bitchy niggers complaining that making the fat ones black would be racist. So like Pokemon's Jinx, the Pikmin were made purple, the next closest thing to black.
Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Olimar is universally regarded as the worst character in Brawl. Olimar uses his Pikmin to attack, because he's a poofter who isn't willing to dirty his own hands. Tourneyfags and people who are serious about this game all hate Olimar because his Pikmanz are 2 strong. Olimar throws his Pikmin at other characters, which then attach to them and viciously rape them to death. Everyone uses Olimar because of his speed and power, and his long grab that has no lag to it. The only downside is his tether recovery, which can be easily edgehogged. And each Pikmin has a special power! Red has fire, Yellow has electricity, Blue has nothing because blue Pikmin suck, Purple has power because it's a fatass, and White can rape other players the hardest. You can either suck or blow with Pikmin. Chances are that if you're a guy who rules with Olimar, as soon as you kick one of your Wi-fi buddies shitless they will either unfriend you or tell you to stop using Olimar.
Pikmin 3
Shortly after E3 2008, Shigeru Miyaoromaoto announced that Nintendo is working on a new Pikmin game. Pikmin 3 is Nintendo's only game of 2009. Hopefully, it won't be lame and chock full of shit like another game series and maybe it'll be uber kewl because it's on the Wii.
On YouTube
Pikmin before meeting Olimar. WARNING: This video contains AIDS due to faggotry.
See Also
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