Philadelphia
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
The city of Failidelphia is better known as Fagadelphia because of a well-known, overrated film about faggots. It is located near New Jersey, in southeastern Pennsylvania. The city is a vast wasteland of niggers, ghettos and the Philadelphia Parking Authority. It has been said that native Philadelphians like to refer to their city as "Filthadelphia" in reference to their trash-ridden backyards, AIDS-infested public water and the disgusting baby diapers that are strewn throughout the city. Their assessment is correct, as Philadelphia is as clean as a truckstop bathroom.
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History
Philadelphia holds the title of "Original Capital of the United States", as it wasn't until the early 1800s that Washington, DC took that title. Many famous and pointless objects are located in Philadelphia, such as:
- The Liberty Bell - A giant, broken bronze bell
- Declaration of Independence - The original copy switches between Washington, DC and Philadelphia depending on the day
- Philadelphia Flyers - Synonymous with fail
- The Rocky Balboa Statue - Philadelphia's only epic win, which was only in a work of fiction
Niggers + Niggers = Dead Niggers
Because Philadelphia has so many niggers bunched up in one place, the homicide rate is higher than Keith Richards after snorting his father's ashes. Of course, when niggers are forced to live in close proximity to one another, they start gang wars and kill off as many nigras as they can, so the other nigras can have more hot water to themselves. It's said that everyone who lives in Philadelphia is mentally unstable, mainly because of how shitty the city is. Philadelphia suffers from:
- Having a nigger for a mayor
- Having shitty public transportation (see below)
- Having dumbass mayors put houses on top of huge piles of shit
- Poverty levels nearly as high as San Francisco
Because everyone who lives in Philadelphia hates it, everyone tends to carry a gun around, shooting everything/one they see. Of course, Atlanta, like much of the South, is second to the number of niggers in one place. The only difference is the number of white people who keep the population in check there (PROTIP: Philadelphia is the only city to drop a bomb on its own citizens).
Severe case of the Gay
| — Frank Rizzo, lulziest mayor of Failadelphia |
On the other side of Philadelphia, there's been a severe outbreak of Fagengitus, which has infected everyone with gay and AIDS. Because of this, Philadelphia is fast approaching the title of 'Gayest City in America' (watch your back, San Francisco!). Hell, Philadelphia even designates an entire section of the city as the 'Gayborhood'. Anyone who enters this quarantine will also be infected with the gay, as well as six guys wanting to suck your cock. Philadelphia also devotes a history month to them, and makes hating gays shun worthy and almost illegal. Fred Phelps would probably come down to protest this bullshit, if he weren't guaranteed to be infected with the gay by doing so.
SEPTA
Philadelphia's public transporation system is called SEPTA, short for South Eastern Pennsylvania Transportation Authority. It was created by Joseph Stalin as an attempt to undermine the USA during the Cold War by subjecting residents to the most frustrating system of public transportation known to man, in order to force the implosion of the USA. Once he realized that noone gives a fuck about Philadelphia, he said that did it for the lulz. Since then, it has become a breeding ground for niggers (who are permitted to drive the fucking bus), as well as the easiest place to find hookers and blow, but be warned: all hookers in Philadelphia have AIDS. Each SEPTA bus also features at least 100 fat fucks who take up all the room, the stench of B.O. and crazy retards who talk to themselves during your entire trip to West Chester. Just last Thursday, SEPTA got rid of their transfer passes, because the people who own it are lazy Jews who want you to pay over 9,000 to use their shitty buses.
SEPTA is also infamous for being on strike over 9000 different times.
Failadelphia Eagles
People who live in Philadelphia tend to be stupid sports fanatics who gather in bars and masturbate whenever their football team, The Eagles, are playing. The Eagles are the biggest failures to ever exist in Football, since they "almost" win the Superbowl every year. Every single year. This is most likely caused by the fact that it's impossible for them to improve. Regardless, Philadelphians always walk around in Eagles jerseys, chanting the fight song while shoving Philadelphia cheese-steaks through their tight puffy lips. While they're doing this, the mayor is busy designating more holidays based on The Eagles, and betting Tastykakes on who can stuff their face the fastest with Tastykakes, because he enjoys the sensation of throwing them up later. Prior to important Eagles games, the team plays the Rocky theme song, which is sadly ironic because Rocky lost.
October 27, 2008 was the worst day in Eagles history. Last Thursday, the Phillies became the first team in Philadelphia history to win the Super Bowl, getting there first after 40 years of Eagles failures. Eagles management responded in the only way that they know how: by drafting more Mormon players. In fact, the only reason why the team has not yet moved to Utah is because the cheese steak industry there is not strong enough to keep Andy Reid from starving to death.
On August 13, 2009, the Eagles trolled animal rights groups by signing a two-year deal with quarterback, dogfighting enthusiast and felon Michael Vick. Lulzfests are currently underway.
Benjamin Franklin
Because Philadelphia hasn't accomplished anything since Benjamin Franklin was alive, the city tends to pimp the shit out of him, and milk him for every penny he's worth. Celebrating his birthday for an entire year instead of one day, Benjamin Franklin is one of the most overrated icons of history since Gwen Stefani was considered a music icon. One out of every 100 Philadelphians looks exactly like Ben Franklin, so the streets tend to be overrun with Ben Franklin look a-likes when anything remotely related to him comes up. Now that he's 300 years old and more highly regarded than Jesus, it's unknown whether or not Philadelphia will just move on. Some say that in 2245, Ben Franklin will rise from the dead on a giant stone tablet of the Ten Commandments and sodomize every Jew in the city, forcing them to move back to their homeland so that niggers like John Street won't ever have to admit to laundering money from the Make A Wish Foundation. Benjamin Franklin is a gay nigger from niggrousfill North Niggaria and his real name is Bojangles Von Franknig von Fagsalot. And he has sex with Top Notches father every morning.
Philadelphia Neighborhoods
- West Philadelphia: Home to a couple of guys who are up to no good (AKA niggers). Enjoy your gun violence.
- Southwest Philadelphia: Niggers. Enjoy your gun violence.
- University City: Hippies, Anarcho-punks, and Drexel University.
- Center City: Rich fucks in their condos, homeless and niggers all over the streets. Chinatown and lots of Chinks. Good place for going downtown to the Gallery Mall.
- North Philadelphia: Niggers. Enjoy your gun violence.
- South Philadelphia: Guidos.
- Northeast Philadelphia: The suburbs, in which residents pay Philadelphia taxes. Also, it's an infested breeding ground for filthy, thieving Russians and other people of Slavic descent who shower slightly more often than niggers.
In The Media
- It is the setting of the retarded sitcom on the FX network, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
- Philadelphia is the setting for the Rocky films 1 thru 39.
- Tom Hanks played a gay guy with the AIDS in Philadelphia.
See Also
| The United States of Encyclopedia Dramatica |
|---|---|
| States | Alabama | Alaska | Arizona | Arkansas | California | Colorado | Connecticut | Delaware | Florida | Georgia | Hawaii | Idaho | Illinois | Indiana | Iowa | Kansas | Kentucky | Louisiana | Maine | Maryland | Massachusetts | Michigan | Minnesota | Mississippi | Missouri | Montana | Nebraska | Nevada | New Hampshire | New Jersey | New Mexico | New York | North Carolina | North Dakota | Ohio | Oklahoma | Oregon | Pennsylvania | Rhode Island | South Carolina | South Dakota | Tennessee | Texas | Utah | Vermont | Virginia | Washington | West Virginia | Wisconsin | Wyoming |
| Not a state yet | Australia | Canada | China | Cuba | District of Columbia | Iraq | Israel | Japan | Latin America | Philippines | United Kingdom | Vietnam |
