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From Encyclopedia Dramatica

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dumbfuck.

Will Lena's sister Gina Chen become a slut too? Well, both went to Alhambra High School...note also the family resemblance.

In theory, you gotta hand props to Harvard grad student Patrick Hamm. The 28-year-old dude saw his chance to pwn some 20-year-old Asian cunnus and took it. Unfortunately for him, Patrick disobeyed the Prime Directive of Co-ed Cunnus Sexploitation... "If'n you're gonna be a perv, don't be a fucktard about it!"

As this clusterfuck makes clangingly obvious, Patrick violated three rules for surviving the Sexploitation of Co-Ed Cunnus:

Of course, the girl Patrick decided to fuck had to be none other than Lena Chen, a sex-craved blogger whose blog focuses entirely on sex and, in particular, her sexual experiences. Prior to the Patrick Hamm Scandal, Lena Chen was best known for having her nude pics leaked to the internets (See Gallery, below.) Needless to say, Patrick was promptly booted from his swanky teaching position at Harvard University and had his ass deported back to Germany.

The Rules

Rule One: Low-Hanging Fruit is Verboten

If you're gonna nail a student, make sure she never was your student! In the old days, sexing a former student would be shrugged off. But in the age of such petting-zoos as Autoadmit, you're just asking for an online fisting.

Rule Two: Make Sure She's Worth It

If you're gonna plug some 20-year-old cunnus, make sure that cunnus doesn't belong to a fat drama queen: you're just asking to get pwned when the cunnus of your eye is a sex blogger. Before you know it, she'll be:

• posting about the time you throttled her until she let you sex her (a.k.a. "aggressive/surprise sex").
• posting a pic of the results of your splooging on her face...and adding the endearing tidbit that you "kissed her with tongue afterwards." Ew.
• posting about that time you were high together and how he scored a Fake ID for you (see scroll box below).

Use scrollbar to see the full image

You really don't want publicity like that.

Rule Three: Tough It Out

If you break the first two rules, then rest assured some petting zoo like Auto Admit is gonna find out. When they do, don't whimper like a bitch about it, claiming "outrage!".

Think about it: you fucked a loudmouth, talky, drama queen sex-blogger. Did you actually think it would remain on the q.t.? If you did, kill self and leave Harvard, because you're obviously too much of a fucktard to flourish there. Then again, he is German...

	“   He kissed me right after this (yes, with tongue), and then wiped my mouth off for me. Lots of people might think that’s gross. I think it’s fair.   „   —Lena Chen

Epilogue: Lena Chen Gets Assbooted by Harvard

Lena Chen helps a student prepare for college at MyCollegeOptions Photo Credit: Patrick Hamm

After the Patrick Clusterfuck, teh lulz continued to tumble fast and thick--just like the cum dripping from Lena Chen's lips. Little Lena was unable to suck off her profs with sufficient finesse to avert Harvard's asskicking her from the university for shitty grades.

So Lena Chen needed a job to supplement the income she received for the "services" she "rendered" Patrick. Happily, she found a dumbfuck company which had never heard of Google, a shitstain conjob called MyCollegeOptions. In addition to Lena's office talents, Lena counseled college-bound students on the importance of sucking one's way to non-sucky grades, fake IDs, and hallucinogens. Of course, the company's pisspoor wages weren't enough to cover Lena Chen's jetsetting through Europe, or even the gourmet food she habitually shovels (between bites of cock) into her massive maw. For this, Lena continued to rely on her Daddy's Platinum Card.

After an aimless year gobbling jetset food and cock, Lena threw herself at the mercy of Harvard's review board and begged them to take her back. The Dean obliged, shortly after Lena treated the campus to the most fetid gangbang in Ivy League history.

Gallery

See Also

• Patrick
• People Article
• Zoe Yang
• Other Chens

External Links

• Patrick Hamm's Harvard Biography
• Lena Chen's sex blog
• The Ch!cktionary
• Lena Chen Nude Pics
• Lena Chen Nude Pics, Part Deux!
• .rar file full of Lena pics
• Lena Chen's OTHER job
• Lena Chen SkankWatch

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