One Piece
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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[edit] THE BEST THING TO COME OUT OF JAPAN!!$$
One Piece is about pirates. Despite this, there is a significant lack of theft, pillaging, rape, wooden limbs, pirates, sodomy or mass executions, which automatically makes it shit. Instead, a roaming crew of do-gooder clichés roam the high seas whilst performing every power up short of a super-seiyan or actually crapping themselves in the attempt (predicted to be used as a FUNNEH plot twist in episode 3,005).
Predictably, each crewmate has a dream (alongside a TRAJIC PAST) which they feel they need to achieve but won't, as Oda knows a cash cow when he sees one and will stretch out the series until he dies of heart failure or is mobbed by a pissed off fanboy. As a result of this, One Piece could be perceived as a comment on the pseudo-limbo we find ourselves residing in: always wanting something just out of reach and living lives blighted with disappointment. Alternatively, it could be perceived as a money-making behemoth and easy TV which teeters on the verge of being universally slated as bullshit by having a relatively badass moment every 70 episodes or so. One Piece is immensely popular despite having some of the worst character designs in history, and will be 1/16th away from completion upon its 40,036th episode (which should coincide with its 1,002nd feature length film).
Despite all this, it is still a better animu than Naruto.
[edit] 4Kids Controversy
4Kids produced the original English dub for the One Piece anime, and managed to royally screw over the series with massive censorship and apparently random changes (including cutting the series down to half its intended length). They replaced cigarettes with lollipops, guns with water pistols, edited out blood, cleavage, and 'religious symbols' (a fucking Christmas tree), and assigned each beloved character with the most obnoxious voice actor they could find.
After at least 100 episodes of replacing bullets with 'poison suction cups' and editing out black character's faces, they realized that they had actually gotten the names of the leads wrong. The One Piece team quit and would have killed themselves out of shame if it wasn't for the fact that the entire staff was comprised of concerned mothers and racist Catholic priests. The problem of the ensuing gang of roaming, unemployed pedants and republicans was soon solved by Oda, who had them all shot upon learning of said westerners cheating him out of his precious cash.
The 4kids opening, displaying their trademark ethnic awareness and tact.
Funimation has recently bought the rights to the dub, and have brought it back to being much closer to the Japanese version, with the exception of renaming the show 'DBZ 2.0' and retaining 4kid's retarded name changes. The new dub aired on September 29th, 2007 and nothing of value was lost.
Despite its butchery by 4kids and dubious initial appeal, One Piece is a beloved staple of the animu diets of 13 year old boys, who either watch all 500 episodes or so and then won't shut up about it being awesome or will watch all 500 episodes or so and then won't shut up about it being crap. For a prime example of the latter, force yourself to read the massive character synopsis below:
[edit] The Characters
TRAJIC PASTS section moved into the main synopsis for your READEN ENJYMENT.
The Crew:
- Luffy: Think Mr Impossible from the Fantastic 4 being stuck through a blender with a 13 year old boy. Luffy is the captain of the crew. Choked down some fruit which made his whole body stretchy. The captain of the Straw Hat Pirates, Luffy comes from Pallet Town. By furiously jacking off to hentai of his own crewmates with his legs, Luffy increases his blood pressure by over 9000 times, activating "Gear 2nd". This makes his skin turn pink, and steam starts coming out of his body for no reason at all. Supposedly he defeats his enemy by shocking them with incredible speed, but it's more due to them being shocked by his incredibly tiny azn cock and unable to move. TRAJIC PAST: A man with whom he was friends with gave him a hat. ...Yeah, that's it.
- Zoro: The first mate who has a sword fetish. Besides playing with his sword Zoro is one of the few pirates in the series to have some ballz and kill people. Though of course if you watch the 4kids version during breakfast you don't get to see that action. He wished to have secks with his now-dead childhood friend, Kuina, and is now stalking her failed clone, Tashigi, in order to stick his sword in her asshole. TRAJIC PAST: His friend died before he ever got a chance to stick his sword in her, which would've been awkward because she was bigger than him.
- Nami: Kinda like Misty from pokemon except she puts out and loves money. This busty redhead is ranked the 4th most popular Anime character by her Wapanese fans in a 4kids poll. Because Nami is a woman, the only way she can fight is to pretend that she's smart and blabber off some meteorological bullshit before electrocuting someone (from a safe distance). This, of course, is useless, because half of One Piece viewers won't have the brains to understand any of it, and the other half will be too busy staring at her disproportionally large boobs. TRAJIC PAST: A bunch of fishmen took over her village and raped everyone in it. She then joined them and got raped several times herself. Oh yeah, her mom died.
- Usopp: A combination of a coward, nigger, and a jew with a penis for a nose. Though his penis looks like a nose. Seriously. Usopp holds the potential this show has back by so much, and brings it down to a whole different level of shit. He's some sort of sniper, but instead of shooting cool shit and blowing things up, he shoots tobasco sauce into people's eyes. With sling shot. Lame. TRAJIC PAST: His dad left him and never gave a shit about him. Neither does anyone else, for that matter, except for a bunch of fucking fatass kids. Oh yeah, his mom died.
- Sanji: Think Brock from Pokémon with an emo haircut, and actual eyes. Any time he sees tits he explodes (but at least he's not gay.) In the original Manga, Sanji is a chain-smoker but 4kids doesn't liek smoking. Instead in the western version we see Sanji with lollipops in his mouth instead of smokes. After thinking too much about tits without fapping, Sanji's adrenaline makes him shake his leg at a high velocity. Then it bursts into flame for no fucking reason. TRAJIC PAST: He was stuck on an island with a man who ate his own leg. After they managed to escape, the man sodomized him daily until he grew up.
- Chopper: A reverse furry. He was born a reindeer but he ate the Human-Human fruit which made him
humana freak on nature. Despite being a furry Chopper is also the ships doctor. That's right: these motherfucking snakes on a plane pirates trust a furry with their health. In an attempt to not fail so hard, Chopper can digest a "Rumble Ball" which allows him to transform into even more fucked up shapes than normal. TRAJIC PAST: Because he had a very shiny nose, all of the other reindeers used to laugh and call him names, and never let poor Chopper join in any reindeer games. They also chopped off his balls, which is why he's called "Chopper" and also why he's such a fucking weeaboo all the time. - Robin: Theoretically she could jack off 20,000 men with her Devil Fruit power, but unlike Nami, she doesn't put out, thus making her unpopular. TRAJIC PAST:
Because she ate a devil fruit, all of the other children used to laugh and call her names, and never letRobin made friends with a friendly giant, who got pwnt by a freakishly tall guy. Because she was a loli, she was allowed to live, but later became stalked by seven men (and one woman). Oh yeah, her mom died. - Franky: Some cyborg faggot. He was sent back from the future to rescue Sarah Conner - I mean Luffy. Has a tendency to do at least 100 poses without any pants on in every episode. Every single part of his body is made out of metal, except his balls which, are extremely tiny and account for how often he bursts into tears and shit. TRAJIC PAST: Like the moron he is, he tried to stop a train and got pwnt. Somehow, he managed to swim all the way back to shore and replaced his missing flesh and bones with metal.
- Brooke: Some fucking skeleton cunt who asks to look at girl's panties and makes bad puns. Apparently he's a musician and his best friend is a fucking whale. TRAJIC PAST: After ditching the whale, he and his crew got slaughtered by some other pirates, but he came back to life as a skeleton. He was all alone for many, many years, which were especially tragic due to his lack of a cock and, consequentially, inability to fap.
Other Characters
- Princess Vivi: The whimpiest, whiniest, most annoying bitch in the series. Doesn't even put out. Gets ditched by the Straw Hats in the end and replaced with another woman who didn't bitch nearly as much but still didn't put out (see below).
- Carue: A fucking duck.
- Gaimon: A nigger-in-a-box.
- Ace: Luffy's bad ass porn star older brother. Kind of a One Liner like Johnjones who originally started this shit article. He almost died, by some fatass and is now locked up like a nigger who got caught by the cops.
- Red-Haired Shanks: Luffy's childhood hero. Possibly the only cool character in the whole series as his daily activities involve drinking twice his body weight in sake. He gave Luffy a straw hat in the first episode and promised him butt sex when he returns it to him as the pirate king.
- Gold Roger: The former pirate king. Received the IRL Banhammer for being king of the ass pirates. Now everyone wants to find his treasure so they can be king of the ass pirates as well (and possibly end up getting the IRL banhammer too!)
- Buggy the Clown: Definitely the creepiest character in One Piece. Not only is a fucking evil clown, he can split his body into a million pieces and control them individually. Using this, he can separate his cock from his body and rape innocent children without even being near them.
- Arlong: A fishman who periodically raped Nami in her childhood. He has a long nose like Usopp does. However, it's less phallic because it's spiky and that would hurt like fucking hell, but more phallic because it's rock hard and unbreakable.
- Crocodile: A total ripoff of Captain hook. He has a hook for one of his arms, and he surrounds himself with banana-crocodile hybrids that eat people. He can turn himself into sand and terrorize the people of the desert, but his weakness is water. Yeah, water. So if somebody were to spit on him or piss on him or ejaculate on him, he'd be fucking dead. Luckily for him, all the niggers that live in the desert are too stupid to think of that.
- Enel: Pronounced "Enerooooo" by wapanese faggots, he can turn himself into lightning and electrocute anyone he wants. Nobody can defeat him because of his lightning ability, except Luffy, who is coincidentally made of rubber, which coincidentally nullifies all effects of lightning, and Luffy coincidentally shows up just as Enel is about to wreak havoc. Also, he has a fetish for gold.
- Conis: Jailbait blonde. Absolutely useless to everyone as she can only whine and get raped by Sanji.
- Foxy: Despite his name, he is arguably the ugliest character in One Piece. Yet another man with a phallic nose (seriously, wtf?), Foxy turns into a emo faggot whenever people make fun of him. He can slow people down (practically freeze them in time in a way much less cooler than za warudo) with his "Noro Noro Beam" for thirty seconds, which is just enough time for him to rape them.
- Rob Lucci: The main villain of the Water 7 arc, his only friend is some fucking bird. He can also turn into a leopard. He is the only One Piece villain that doesn't have a fucking retarded evil laugh.
- Gecko Moria: One of the Shichichichbukai or whatever, a group of seven pirates that have become ass-slaves of the government. He is a giant who steals other people's shadows to make zombies, half of which are utterly useless. He says he wants to be the Pirate King, but he never does anything about it except sit around in his ship all day and fap.
[edit] In a Nutshell
[edit] Yarharhar!
I wouldn't ask you to read all that without something to masturbate to at the end. As in all anime, Oda's beloved characters have been robbed of their innocence by hordes of crappy artists. Not shown: Images of the male crew members anally raping each other used in order to preserve historical accuracy.
A typical scene from the show So tight, even a Jew-nose cannot penetrate it |
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 Probably the responsibility of some fangirl due to lack of penetration. |
 Bad Shoop. |
 Aladdin crossover or something. |
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 That can't be anatomically possible. Seriously, wtf? |
 Luffy asking for it. |
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One Piece is part of a series on Anime. |
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