World War II
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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World War II (US Title: WWII: Electric Boogaloo), pronounced "World War Aye Aye", was the much anticipated sequel to the 1914 smash hit, World War I. WWII is generally acknowledged as having superior special effects to its predecessor, perhaps due to the larger budget and extended production time, but critics argue that the plot lacked the emotion and sincerity of the original. Some have also derided Adolf Hitler's performance as the lead protagonist as being dry, predictable and unoriginal.
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Production History
Rumours of plans for a sequel to the epic World War game first started circulating in the mid-1920s, when director George Lucas stated in an interview with E3 that he "would like to re-visit the global conflict genre". The rumours intensified when the tag-line, "The War to End All Wars", was officially removed from new editions of World War, and Treyarch, the architechs of the first game, announced they would not be releasing new games until they had finished their "Lastest project". It wasn't until Adolf Hitler offered to cover most of the production costs after the Great Depression that World War II was able to be finished in time.
However, due to the Great Depression, the release of the new game was severly off scheduel, and the producers had to set the new launch date for 1939 at the 1936 Olympics. However, since the Austria-Hungarian faction had no actors for anyparts, they had to break it up and were only able to convince the Austrian portion to merge with the Germans for the start of the game.
Release
Although WWII was originally intended for a global release in late 1939, problems with organising a US distributor resulted in the initial release, on September 1, 1939, being confined to Europe. This was much to the disappointment to American players who had been promised that their faction would get to be at the start of the game unlike in WWI.
Further problems developed when the US government objected to any involvement with WWII. On the other hand, public pressure to allow a US release was strong and many citizens started distributing bootleg copies. Unfortunately, since the US had not authorized them, the American faction was unplayable to all players, which gave a severe advantage to the Germans, since it unbalanced the teams. This led to a quick defeat for the French faction.
In the end, it wasn't until a visit from Japanese diplomats on December 7, 1941 that the US government bowed to public pressure and allowed the release of WWII, albeit in a shortened version. However, there were initial complaints the US Army wasn't as advanced or as powerful as the other factions. To keep the US in the game, developers added a new feature to the faction, in which the longer the game lasted, the more supplies America could produce, which would give the Allies a supply bonus.
Plot
It all started because a cranky Australian named Adolf Hitler wouldn't permit his gay priest to get a piece of the fondling action. Coincidentally, Hitler's priest was also Jewish which insulted Hitler further. After his mom died and he had no money to mooch off of, he tried coaxing his inheritance out of his rich aunt. Upon succeeding, Hitler lived like a king for several weeks before he became a full-time bum and wandered the streets looking for the next big thing. After living in a Community-Bum House, Hitler was eventually forced to join the Bavarian army in World War I. Things really escalated when a confirmed Jew stole Hitler's adopted military doggie. After this, Hitler learned how to talk and, with his new sparkling education, realized that "YES the Jews were behind it ALL!" All of this resulted in one of the few sequels that was actually better than the first: Operation Kill All the Jews.
Immediately Hitler joined the NAZI political organization and rallied the members to burn the Jewish dog thieves and other political leftard scum.
The Rising Action: Other Countries Get Pissed
Coincidentally, in Russia, Joseph Stalin's cat had gone missing and whilst searching for his beloved vertebrate, Stalin's father beat him on the head and violated him with a vodka bottle. This made Stalin evil and he joined #politics to kill cat thieves and moochers. He overtook Soviet socialism and turned it into Communism.
In Japan and Italy their animals were missing too, so Japan rallied its empire against any objectors and so did the fascist Italian government.
Pretty soon, the entire world was taking sides. The mimes, music hall performers, Germans and scout leaders all sided with Hitler. The Austrian were joined by some other people and some nuns. If it wasn't for the nuns, it wouldn't have been the same. Or the singing. The singing was the best bit.
A Climax Approaches: HU'MERIKUHHH! FUCK YEAH!
The United States sat on its ass and ignored Hitler and the Axis powers because they thought Hitler wouldn't get them. Well, Germany took over any country that was near them (conquering France in a record ten minutes) and then forced them to eat bratwurst or die. After taking over almost all of Europe (with the exception of Britain and the gay, always fucking neutral Switzerland people), the Nazis went for Africa to destroy the root of all black people. Unfortunately, Germany decided to split up its Army because Hitler got impatient he wasn't winning fast enough and squandered his team advantage over the Allies while the US was still out.
Japan on the other hand was starting serious business with China and began overtaking them with the Furry brigades. The Chinese were no match for their impossible Shitting Dick Nipples. On the shore, they were invading islands in the Pacific Ocean, spreading the influence of their empire. Of course, this all changed when Pearl Harbor happened and the Americans got pissed off. When America entered the war, they pwned fucking everyone, their supply bonus to the Allies was the only thing that kept Britian in the fight, and stopped German U-boat operazions.
Russia was going through its communist revolution and messing with whoever they could. This changed when crazy Hitler declared war on Russia, its former ally, and Russia got pissed like a sex-depraved bear. The Russians almost got pwned, Cause the Nazis were using w4llhackz, but then Stalin saw a vital flaw in Hitler's strategy. Stalin decided to fortify his defense bonuses and waited for the Russian Winter, a seasonal attribute enhancer his faction got every winter, which drained Nazi supplys and stamina, while inspires the Russian players. Stalin was able to use the Russian Winter to launch a massive counter attack.
The Russians drank as much vodka as they could and rose up above the ashes of Stalingrad and shouted, "IN SOVIET RUSSIA, RUSSIA INVADE GERMANY!" and charged like the crazy drunken bastards that they are!
Hitler was too busy masturbating to furry pr0n to notice that Russia was kicking his ass so when his generals told him the conversation went something liek this;
General: "Herr Hitler, the Russians used a Russian reversal and now WE are getting haxed!!!
Hitler: ...
General: ?
Hitler: O RLY?
General: YA RLY
Hitler: NO WAI!!!
So then Russia charged into Nazi land, raping an pillaging as those cute little Russians do. When they got to Berlin, Stalin screamed "IMA CHARGIN MA LAZER!!!!!" and hoened teh Nazi's. When Hitler received news that the Russians were in his base, killing his d00dz, he reportedly said "nah man, forget it, yo home to Bel-air!" Then shot himself immediately after taking a cyanide capsule, effectively committing DOUBLE SUICIDE. This was the most dramatic moment in the game. Many players cried. The Russians then decided to wave their flags as they got Hammered and Sickled.
The Climax: NUKULAR LAUNCH DETECTED
For revenge on Pearl Harbor the U.S. employed Ghost's to nuke the Japanese cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Due to Clan Japan being full of noobs, they didn't have a single detector unit. GG Japan. As a result America could successfully drop a Roflbomb on Hiroshima resulting in death from much Lolz. History records that the first atomic bomb was dropped by a gay.
Later we would help them rebuild their economy, which is founded on Canon cameras and DDR machines. When the U.S. were accused of war crimes and the slaughter of hundreds of thousands of Japs, they declared "We did it for the lulz", then they all had a good laugh. Except for the Japanese generals, who forced our hand into atomically pwning their sloppy relatives, resulting in actual war crimes convictions.
As a retaliation, the Japanese invented anime, guro, yaoi and sick fucks' porn, which lead, eventually, to the unholy creation of furries. Some claim that their retaliation was too cruel and extreme, and a simple condensation would have contended.
It is a known fact today that if Pearl Harbor hadn't woken America off of its ass, we'd all be speaking German now. And we wouldn't have so many cool WWII movies. GG Hollywood.
Also during all of this something called the "Holocaust" may or may not have happened. Most people say it is a bunch of lies by the Jews, who caused 9/11.
During the war, people couldn't get proper clothing and stuff, so they had to wear clothes made of old curtains. Wearing these is another thing that gets them to sing. Eventually everyone got over themselves and discovered the internetz. Everyone was able to purchase their own nuclear arsenal from Amazon, and all was good with the world. Expect a WWIII coming to an apocalypse near you.
Analysis
A poor remake of the original World War, World War II simply repeats the same tired old formula: Germany invades Europe, an alliance of countries fight back on land, on the seas and in the air and eventually win. The only notable difference is the bigger body count and improved special effects. Granted, there are some spectacular set-pieces - the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor, the D-Day landings, the civilian rescues at Dunkirk and the visually spectacular Hiroshima/Nagasaki climax - but it's hard not to feel like it's all been done before. The game did however, receive generally positive reviews for it's bigger battlefields, fixed game mechanics, and greater veriety of cool new hax weapons.
It's interesting to note that despite the increased carnage, much of the actual death-dealing is done relatively "cleanly" with explosions and bullets accounting for the majority of the casualties rather than the rotting flesh and trench foot of World War I. It really does seem like they were trying to make this war more palatable to a younger and more squeamish audience.
The exception to this, of course, is the Holocaust, which does feature some genuinely tear-jerking moments - particularly the arrest and murder of Anne Frank - but it arises to the viewers' attention that they're cynically emphasizing civilian casualties in order to bring in the gut-wrenching emotional punch that's lacking on the battlefield this time around.
One of the biggest disappointments about this war was its political simplicity. The German leader was Adolf Hitler, a two-dimensional lunatic whose only motivations were taking over the world and the extermination of the non-Aryan race. He'd been given a few quirks from his education and his period as a full-time bum: a Chaplin-esque mustache and funny wave. There are some humorously ironic traits: he has a penchant for cowboys but he remains an unbelievable, wafer-thin bad guy. Motiveless malignity worked in Othello, but this is far from being Shakespeareian quality.
The other leaders are largely forgettable, with only Joseph Stalin and Winston Churchill standing out. The latter provides much of the war's comedy, with his humorous combination of Hand gestures and uplifting speeches, which helped the British players get through their initial ass kicking a the beginning of the game, and the former provides a great inspirational chain of jokes making fun of his pathetic faction. However, did notably provide a number of political twists and agreed to change sides to confront the US for a spin off filler, the The Cold War, that would keep the audience occupied until WWIII could be produced. However, Harry Truman's decision to use the United State's secret atomic weapons would provide for large amounts of controvery later, particularly in the Cold War.
Despite shortcomings of the game, especially the poorer acting which failed to capture the drama of WWI, the game was a signifigant improvement over it's predecessor, especially since the balancing issues were largely rectified, a feature celebrated by all players. The game also featured new ideas, such as giving factions different bonuses to encourage players to join many factions. And while acting wasn't as good as could've been hoped, the graphic cutscenes were beautifully done. The game inspired several books, movies, poems, and even it's own actual war.
- (9/10)
See Also
- Holocaust
- WWIII
- 9/11
- Apocalypse
- LiveJournal
- Fifty Hitler Post
- Normandy
- Quasidan (A Jew)
- World War I
- The Cold War
- Colonel Klink
- WWII Online
