North Dakota

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

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North Dakota: A big fucking piece of nothing. Colder than Maryland. Residents usually have to build bonfires in cars to stop the antifreeze from freezing. And even then, the fire usually ends up freezing. Hell, the snow even freezes.

North Dakota proves that a state can be made entirely of fail and gun-toting rednecks and not be Alabama. Some argue that North Dakota actually is Alabama, only frozen over and without the niggers. Also, North Dakota is the most religious state in the Union, which makes life for the single fucking /b/tard in the state very hard.

Oh, and there are also Indians. The kind with the feathers, not the dots. They are known to withstand the worst of snowstorms, walking at least 100 miles in -60 degree weather.

Facts about North Dakota

This is how you troll injuns in North Suckota: Build a hockey stadium with a known Nazi Supporters name on it, with a statue their oldfag leader in front of it. (without their approval of course) Watch as lulz ensue.

• Has a population of no more than 99 people, if you include cows.
• Has a college hockey team with the nickname "Fighting Sioux." Some injun tribes try to make the white man believe they actually give a shit about this and are doing other things rather than spending their government checks on Plastic Rims, McDonalds, and Natty Ice.
• Has nothing worth visiting, if you want to see anything you may think is worth seeing in North Dakota, its probably also in some other state.
• Is really fucking cold.
• Is really fucking flat
• Dominant personality profile: the most outgoing state in the Union
• Has no trees, except for the ones that have been under water/ice for millenia.
• Is not home to Mount Rushmore
• Is not South Dakota, but equally as boring.
• Is not Canada, and is very thankful for this.
• Is colder than former planet Pluto.
• There is only 1 computer in North Dakota. It is being used by the only person in the state who knows how to use it. He has /b/ open in one tab and ED in another.
• It is required for all residents to hate South Dakotans and Niggers.
• Residents do not believe in black people because there is no such thing black people in North Dakota. They're just those strange white people painted black for television.
• Southwest Airlines does not serve North Dakota, proving it is uninhabitable.

Famous North Dakotans

• Lawrence Welk, leader of a shit band.
• That one guy who coached the Chicago Bulls back when they didn't suck and now coaches the even suckier LA Lakers.
• Ralph Engelstad, a Nazi who owned a casino, built a $100 million hockey arena to troll the injuns, and threw birthday parties for Hitler. Wait. He was from Minnesota.
• Mexican rapist Alfonso Rodriguez, who killed a pretty white girl, was partyvaned, and was given the death penalty. Oh, he was from Minnesota, too.
• Dru Sjodin, the girl Rodriguez pwned. Nope, Minnesota again.
• The Unabomber. Whoops, no, that was Montana.
• Roger Maris (who still holds the record because there is no such thing as black people)
• Danny the Tourette's Guy.

North Dakota Discovers Emos and the Internets

On Friday, February 23, 2007, WDAZ, the Grand Forks news station staffed by alcoholic University of North Dakota graduates (Fact: UND's communication program lost its accreditation in 1992), discovered emo. They immediately unleashed their research team on the internet, unearthing such unfunny websites from at least 100 years ago as the "I must be emo" YouTube video and some quizilla quiz about quitting IRL for the win. As WDAZ is made of fail and AIDS, they took this shit seriously, interviewing overweight 16 year old girls and even a sheriff's deputy.

OH SHIT ITS AN EMPIDEMIC

Sample quotes:

• "We don't understand it because we don't have that pain"
• "not what you say gothic, but close to it"
• "all black hair...it covers one eye. The point of this is they'll only see the world in half view."
• "Emo is short for emotional"
• "Some of them cut themselves and they like to wear tight clothes"
• "Emos, or emotional people, are first noticed by what they wear, but it's what they do that's dangerous."
• "There's a point system with this fashion...the emo scale is what they call it."
• "You hit the jackpot if you attempt suicide."

Cutting is also mentioned over 9000 times.

EMO IS SERIOUS BUSINESS.

Video also available here: [1]

WDAZ's website, including a one-week news archive: [2]

Lacey Crisp's profile is on the top of this page: [3]

Send Lacey an e-mail saying how much you liked her story: lcrisp@wdaz.com

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