The Jewnited States of Americunts
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
The Jewnited Estates of Americunts, also known as the United States of Mexico, Murka, Amurka, Dumfuckistan, Fatty Nation, Unwarranted Self Importance of America, and the Black States of America, is a theocracy somewhere to the south of Canada, populated by Americunts. It is composed of forty eight contiguous estates on the North American mainland, and two others usually called the "Freak States". Amurka also possesses several territories, insular areas, or Nuclear Testing Sites, scattered around the Caribbean and Pacific, which were seized or stolen from other nations last Thursday. (Which is how the Americunts originally got all their land, amirite?)
The people of America are so arrogant they arranged a meeting to have their official name on a map to be "us".
History
It is was once believed that the first Americunts were of a race of fags bred by their sister so that they might destroy themselves for the amusement of the world. However, like everything else in the world it was invented by Scotland. Most other Americunts were rejects in Europe and couldn't make it there, so they tried to start over in America, where no one knew who they were or the animals they had raped. Americans are a social group of obnoxious fucks who can be described as fat, dumb, incredibly gullible, uneducated, ignorant (no awareness so aint inhibited to behave like a fucktard), arrogant, loud, nasal accent, uncivilized, crude, stupid, inbred, plastic surgery junkies, therapy junkies, lawsuit junkies, homicide junkies, lazy, obedient to their master, commie-like subordinates, defensive, brainwashed lemmings, terrified, gun crazy wackos...such stereotypes means America merits its status as the most ridiculed weirdos on Earth. "Yanks can't solve personal issues without use of Gun, Lawyer or Therapist". Except for natives, Americunts were originally from Europe, and thus are all immigrants, but it makes them feel better about themselves trying to kick out Mexicans and other immigrants, cuz it might give them the illusion that they're flat out better. Their hobbies include stockpiling weapons, using weapons, framing others for having weapons, and creating envious rolls of fat via the storing of more food in them at one time than anyone else in the rest of the world. They typically enjoy blasting out an extra asshole onto anyone that has anything they don't (i.e., everyone.).
In approximately the year 1607, Europe decided that there were not enough white people in the world and so went and invented America. Unfortunately the schematics for making white people were lost in the great fire of London (a divine intervention for which Jesus is still on the run) and thus the body shape and accent of these new white people was never quite correct.
In the late 18th century America decided it wanted to rule the world and so the colonists (so called due to their tendency to talk utter shit) whined, begged and cried at the feet of the King of Great Britain for independence. After much deliberation the honorable King George decided he would grant the pathetic plead on the conditions that the colonists would throw a tea party in the King’s honor in his favorite city of Boston, and that General George Washington would fellate him, without question, whenever he so desired.
Since those times America has become a superpower and has collected every single pokémon (a fact made all too apparently by the dropping of Mew on Hiroshima in 1945). The Royal Family now regrets the decision to grant independence, stating that “they even have all the best pornstars now.”
A well known fact about America is the story of how they got their blocked nose sounding nasal accents. All the European fags invaded America, killing and fucking the cool azn/real American people. They decided to try and make their own language. Since the English pwned them all earlier in wars by Queen Elizabeth (the chick that couldn't get none cus she was busy killing peeps), they thought they should stick to English and make up a dumbass accent. So they all tried mixing up each European accent (Heeeeey so i herd u liek mudkips and schadenfreude just lik'a mama used to). The second part is that they're all inbred half-jews which is why they speak through their nose.
What many people don't know is that long after being founded by Vikings, America was taken over by a bunch of English religious extremists. Til today, America remains a haven for religious freaks around the world. When they are not busy eating at McDonald's, they are studying the Bible. Americans think praying is the answer to all their problems. If their sister gets raped, they pray. If a hurricane comes and wipes out half their people, they pray. What most Americans are too stupid to realise is that there is no god. Until they do figure out the truth, they'll continue to build churches on every street corner.
It is common knowledge that after the invasion of the English zealots America was invaded by many other countries around the world and thus should be showing some friggin' respect. Ironically, it are fact that the world is so fucking sick of the Americunt monstrosity it created that it desperately tries to ignore it. This is of course impossible, given that America is full of loud, ignorant and uniquely ugly assholes. Meanwhile, it remains the center of attention, promoted by the Jew media, plus the fact that's it's ALL THEIR FUCKING FAULT that the current economic crisis has even taken place (And where did the Wall Street Crash of '29 take place? Yeah, 'xactly Americunts)
America's close neighbors have never picked up a history book in their life. Like five hundred years ago, a Portugese fag named Columbus decided to find an alternative route to Asia but ultimately failed once Columbia got in his way. He thought he was in India as red people's fault for looking all the same, enslaved them, brought them back to England, and was deemed a fucking asshole and died knowing that. However the English are too butthurt to acknowledge this so their government decided to brainwash people that Columbus discovered America instead of an awesome Scottish dude. There is a 99% chance this paragraph was written by an American, proving the rest of the world right once again.
Then, at least 100 years ago, England and the Netherlands were sick and tired of their gay location (except for the Netherlands) and decided to go to America. The Netherlands were like "Oh, let's set up a community here and a Stop n' Shop there" but then England was all "OH BUT WHERE WILL WE PUT THE CHURCHES?!?! YOU WILL ALL GO TO HELL YOU HEATHENS!!". Eventually, England did what they did best and decided to brainwash most of the Dutch people into thinking America is the devil and all work and no play makes Jack a nice boy (these people would soon make the descendants of the ED users). The sensible people created a group called the Quakers, who invented oatmeal and porn, while the fucking faggots created purists.
Eventually, after years of getting pwned by England, they gave up and got their independence on July 4th, 1776 as the United Estates of America. Now back to your teenage angst. A few hundred years later, or maybe it was last Thursday after they got their independence, they started thinking they were bigshits, and tried to invade the maple-sucking canucks up north. The attempt failed brutally. The Yankees were pushed back down past their white house. And when the Canadians had drank their afternoon tea (cause of course they drink tea, since they are unfailing supporters of England), they burned down the white house and all of Washington, which resulted in the Americans being all butthurt and stopping the invasion. Sore losers. Of course now-a-days, Americans only read history books to prove to the Canadians of today that it was the British controlled Canadian army that beat them and not the Canadians. Both sides were utter phail in their conquest to victory and they both tried to claim winnar. People call this the war that nobody won and the war of poor communication. Even though USA did not win the war, most Americans today want to be Canadians. Many border guards offer fellatio to Canadians to let them in. When asked, 75% of Americans prefer to be annexed by the Canada.
America loves wars, and hasn't gone 5 years without being in one. USA frequently attacks small countries like Iraq, Afghanistan, Korea, Japan, and Vietnam and still manages to get their asses kicked by the native farmers with their terrifying rocks and pitchforks but doesn't have the balls to attack a real country. [1]
USA's historic value is one of a highly questionable nature, ja.
Experimental Weapons
Everyone knows that the Americunt special/biological/experimental/homosexual weapons division is responsible for: The Black Mesa disaster, Supermutants, Alien, Aliens, Alien³, Alien Resurrection, Supersoldiers, Homosexuality, Religion, Satan Claus, Mudkipz, Zombie Goastes, and over 9,000 other such occurrences.
Obesity
Since about 100 years ago, Dumbfuckistan has held the title of fattest nation on the planet. This title was recently stolen by Australia last Thursday. Americunts, clearly butthurt and highly jealous, decided the only rational way to counter Australia's dominance over the fatty title was to expand and export their horrid fastfoods, (i.e. McDonalds, Burger King, Krispy Kreme, etc). While Americans claim to enjoy a wide barrage of "fine" cuisine (greasy poor quality meat and lard), the rest of the world has consistently dined on healthier fair until the Americunts came along. Seeing that their revenge against the Ausfags was now successfully being implemented, Dumbfuckistan has focused their invasion of fatness upon the rest of the globe.
Culture
An important part of American "identity" involves borrowing other peoples stuff, especially off the British...
- English Language - which the Americunts butcher in their squeaky nasal accent.
- Dish - English Apple Pie, Fat Americunts love to eat
- Anthem - John Smith's British hymn, which Americunts didnt get permission to borrow.
- Flag - thieved from British east india flag
- Pastime - Baseball the English invented for girls, not for grown up poor people in pajamas
- Army recruitment - kiddie fiddler Uncle Sam "i want you", from Lord "(Kitchener) Wants YOU"
- Education - High school, (John) Harvard University (as dumbfuck Americunts don't do Education, this doesnt apply)
- Imperial units - Mile, yards.. and shit
- Building - US Capitol 1850's built by Slaves, ripped off Chris Wren's London dome
- Bill of Rights - from English Bill of Rights, as backward homicide junkies every Americunt recieves a gun at birth
- Common Law - English, Trial by Jury - Sue crazy Americunts love a good lawsuit
- National phrase Life, Liberty, Happiness nicked off Locke "Life, Liberty, Possessions"
...ad nauseum. America being drenched in "using" all British stuff among others, hence why when referring to America "there's more culture in a mouldy yogurt" with America having no identity of its own whatsoever, the British even termed 'Columbia' as a name for America. Yanks as brainwashed ignorant simple folk get told by their owners that America is the best country evar by forgetting that the rest of the world exists. While 'self praise is no praise' insecure and worthless, but it's also government method to ensure the notoriously dumb, easily manipulated yankEE populous think everything is sweet, they'll continue to work multiple low paid jobs, gettin screwed in the process.. (think Dennis Hopper in Waterworld telling the gullible retards land is close so "keep rowing"..LULZ.) To weirdo Americunts, the only country that exists outside of the United States is the one with which they're currently at war. As such, Iraq is the only country that currently exists to Americans(with the possible addition of China, as Americans are at war with the Chinese economy). Americans display their ignorance of other countries as a badge of patriotic obedience. Examples include:
- Encouraging everyone else around them to be as mind-numbingly dumbfucking retarded. Just watch ten minutes of American television to see that the most idiotic of people seem to be well off.]]
- Remaking books and films so that everything is set in America.
- Never traveling outside of North America.
- Believing that the capital of Sweden is IKEA, when in fact it is the capital of France.
- Becoming intentionally obese to avoid air travel.
- Being really shitty at geography in Trivial Pursuit.
- Thinking that everyone is bound by American (English) law.
- Believing that anyone outside of America is "weird" and still act as if it was the 19th century (eg., the people of Europe still wear powdered wigs, engage in duels and shoot people that sit next to them and occasionally don big, spiky helmets).
- In America, anyone who thinks differently, has a desire to learn different things, has a disease, or looks better than the popular person must inevitably be branded a homosexual, and can only be accepted into civilization if called "gay" over 9000 times a day. But they would quite probably be lynched anyway.
- Thinking that having a National Health Service is the equivilant to selling one's soul to the devil]] because it's a 'communist' thing to do and would cost them too much - yet 60 millions dirtpoor Yanks cant afford any medical care and rely on charities like British Stan Brock. But in reality they are going to end up bailing out the failing banks with tax payers money. So they are only capitalists when it suits the people in charge.
- Re-Writing historical events (especialy those involving war) so that America becomes the sole protaganist, notably Iconic British events in World War II: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/U-571_(film) U-571 and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Great_Escape_(film) The Great Escape
- Believing that American law is World Law, this means if they enter any other country the rules don't apply.
- American people believe that the world gives a shit, but because America hasn't actually contributed, no one gives a fuck.
- In America, you can get pills for anything! And we mean ANYTHING!!!1111!111 Have a speck of dirt in your eye? There's an OTC for that! Don't like the taste of steamed vegetables? You can pop a capsule for that! Restless Leg Syndrome? Oh yeah. Hate your mother-in-law? You bet your ass! You go to bed at night and wake up in the morning? Take 30 cc's of Shotgun Mouthwash!
- Unsurprisingly, eating (every moment of every day) in America is not only a pasttime, but it's competitive. Nothing is more exciting than some fat, sex-starved Neanderthal stuffing his fat, fucking face with burgers. And you wonder why America is globally reviled.
- Bitching about gas prices, even though it's more expensive in most of the world
Television
The average American has an erratic bond with their idiot-box. Any content-rich programme is acceptable in this moron paradise provided it has no relation to anything intellectual or sophisticated. So, expect to find that slapstick humour (some guy getting nailed in the balls or a child being hit by a car) is generally well-received by critics who certainly are not being paid off to endorse that bullshit. Srsly, watch America's Funniest Home Videos to hear and see a bunch of shit-chucking dumbfuck apes laughing stupidly as a kid falls off a bicycle and cracks their head open on a sidewalk. QUALITY ENTERTAINMENT. Or alternatively, watch any other programme with the term "America[n]" in the title (because it's a requisite to being hailed by critics and audiences to witness bad music and/or non-intellectual humour), and you'll understand why America home to the dimmest of dimwits.
Shows:
- America's Got Talent
- American Dad
- American Idol
- Dancing With The Stars
- Doctor Phil
- Doug
- Exteme Makeover
- Family Guy
- Fox News
- Friends
- Full House
- Futurama
- Hannah Montana
- House
- iCarly
- Invader Zim
- Jerry Springer
- Lost
- Maury
- Montel Williams
- Mystery Science Theater 3000'
- Pimp My Ride
- Scrubs
- Seinfeld
- South Park
- Star Trek
- The Biggest Loser
- The 1/2 Hour News Hour
- The Boondocks
- The Colbert Report
- The Cosby Show
- The Daily Show
- The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
- The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
- The OC
- The Powerpuff Girls
- The Simpsons
- The View
- The X-Files
- Tosh.0
- Transformers
- Programs involving fat southerners showing you how to make an entire Thanksgiving Dinner out of butter.
- Programs involving selling a house or interior design choices. Everyone watches this shit!
Sport
Handegg, or "football" (to weirdo Americunts), aka Gridiron, is a "sport" ONLY played by Americans because of cultural OBLIGATION having invented it, no choice. With its use of tights, body armor, under eye make up, fanny pack and helmet (and the Quarterback Snap where one of the unskilled "fairies in tights" mounts his mans "A" hole...and then shouts "hut hut" code for: "preparing to enter") it is the primary recruiting technique for young new homosexuals, as it is a required part of most young men's high school education.
Gridiron being a bizarre game descended from rugby (but without the talent) as Gridiron caters for unskilled fat non-athletes who can't play sports. With America as the ONLY nation who plays Gridiron because of cultural obligation having invented it, if Gridiron didnt suck, it would be played outside the nation it was invented where there is no cultural obligation..but no one does, because it blows. In a way it's a pity Gridiron has zero interest outside America as talentless ridiculed fatties from other countries who get marginalized and left out of playing real sports, would then have Gridiron to play.
In Gridiron everyone gets told what to do after every stop start, stop start, stop start...mind numbingly static boring play with no skill...zZZZZ. If unfortunate enough to come across some minor cable channel this garbage is shown, you will shout "MOVE FFS" every 20 seconds, then end the misery and wisely switch over...lesson learned, like putting your hand in the fire as a kid, NEVER AGAIN. There is no innovation and "no one thinks for themselves" - J.Cleese, as the coach tells the talentless fairies in tights what to do every 30 seconds.."#77 move left, #45 move right, #32 wipe your ass with your left hand"...there is no thinking involved. As an activity devoid of any skillful moments "the only creative thing are the beer commercials" - Cleese, as this crap sucks horses ass. It's a kiddies game of Bump (only its grown up weirdos in tights and body armor) and they get multiple attempts as they keep failing. A bemused Sting (like all of us) on alien activity NFL - "i dont get it, its like wrestling in crash helmets". Also the "Fat fairies in tights" have to wear pussy armor and helmets to protect their pansy asses from getting hurt, take a much needed break every 5 seconds (hunt for food). Its so boring that Cheerleaders are required, and Americunts get up during the play and go look for nachos.. its not a spectator activity, more like go there and have a "picnic". Baseball, which the English invented for small children (like hopscotch, it's not meant for adults), is played by steroid freaks in pajamas, while Basketball is overgrown niggras with the easy as fuck task of placing a ball in an open hoop, as its 60 minutes back and forth of "you score, no you score, no you score, no you score...ahhhhhhh fuck this shit"
Government
The United States is ruled by a bunch of corrupt old senators who will steal your shit if you look at them cross-ways. They meet in the United States Capitol whenever Europe starts whining about arbitrary issues they can't handle. Since everyone in America is rich off European money, including the bankrupt government, work is not necessarily a priority. Why work when you can enslave Africans, or rob Iraqis for their oil? The United States Government allows all citizens to buy, purchase, and own ANY form of firearm. Firearms can be purchased on virtually any street corner or local Wal-Mart. How else can a 15 year old walk into a school and blow away half his classmates?
The Voting Process
The election of US Governmental officials is complex, but made simple through the process of cheating. In USA, there exists 2 parties, the right wing, and the extreme right wing. The Democrats and Republicans issue candidates to be chief warlord ("president") and tribal elders ("senators"). There are also many pretend parties that support their own candidates, but that's just a sick little joke they play, because they know nobody is going to vote for them. Without these imaginary parties, Americans may actually try to question their false model of a democracy. But this is all just retarded shit made up by some Euro piece of shit.
Then the people of the United States gather for conventions, where they receive the autographs of the two real candidates and have their nude pictures taken with that guy from Babylon 5. At these conventions, people will inspect the candidates' postures, teeth, hair, and clothes. Hardcore voters may also inspect the party policies, which are usually written in vanishing ink.
A complex voting process follows:
- Voter writes down the name of the candidate he most favors as dictator.
- Voter writes down the name of the party he most prefers.
- Both names are converted to numbers using the enigma code. These numbers are jumbled at random and added together.
- Voter proceeds to name his favorite flavor of ice-cream. If his original candidate likes the same flavor, one adds 1,000 onto the previous score. If the candidate does not, one deducts 1,000 points. These values are doubled if the voter has a high perception skill. If the candidate does not eat ice cream because he is a vegan, then a Green Party member has somehow got in and a new election must be called.
- Resultant number is subsequently divided by fifteen and rounded up to one decimal point.
- A +2 die of entanglement is thrown. The outcome is multiplied by the first number of which the voter thought.
- Voter chooses a card from the deck. If it is a black card, one deducts 100. If the card is red, one adds 150. If it is a joker, repeat previous step. Threes and nines are wild - four buys another card. If the current Warlord is a Republican, all black cards are removed from deck before play.
- This final figure may be skewed by the electoral campaigns, which take the form of a gathering of color-coded, but otherwise identical monkeys flinging shit at each other.
- On voting day, voter inputs number into RepubliCom voting machine and collects fuel coupons.
- Final tallies are added together for each state, then ignored as the Electoral College decides it with a coin toss.
- ????
- PROFIT!
Economy
The United States of America has the world's 2nd largest and 2nd most technologically advanced economy in the world behind the EU. This however is not set to last, as by 2040, China will have overtaken the USA as the world's 2nd leading economy, strictly for the LULZ. In the mean time their immediate wealth is partly due to the fact that the United Kingdom, Japan, and Germany (not to mention, to varying degrees, Canadia, South Korea, Israel, Kuwait, Australia, and Rhode Island) are now America's lapdogs who are under submission due to threat of possible US invasion. This goes back to the question of "why should Americans work when they can get others to." Whenever a technological or industrial breakthrough takes place in Mexico or Germany, the US is quick to swoop in and bribe the inventors with McDonald's cheeseburgers and chicken nuggets in exchange for the intellectual property. When leaders of Mexico and Germany have protested this imperialism by the United States, US Presidents have simply said "Watch the movie 'Saving Private Ryan'", Loose Change, or "Watch the movie 'The Sands of Iwo Jima'" followed by "We can throw down again if you want to, huh? You wanna do that? That's what I thought Yoshi/Fritz, we're cowboys baby...YEEEHHHAAAA! That's how we ROLL BIOTCH!!!" Nixon resigned days later.
The United States has a yearly GDP (income) of about 15 trillion (2nd to the EU), This is larger than the 6 next richest nations combined, but it means little because the US spends roughly 33% of this money on porno, Big Macs, Budweiser; the other 66% is used on guns. The remaining 1% disappears in a puff of fairy dust. One of the United States' main claims to fame is the outspending of every other nation in military while spending nothing on welfare. It is less commonly known that USAns (the inhabitants of the United States) are also the world's foremost producers and consumers of innumerable other products, including liquid paper, noxious gas, Tupperware, disposable diapers, corn, High School Musical School Spirit Lava Lamp, SUVs and baseball.
What Americunts Call Cars
The Americunts' taste of cars is as admirable as their taste in music.
Below is a list of the basic criteria of what makes a car American:
- An engine so inefficient it takes 5.7 liters to produce 290 horsepower, like the Camaro Z28.
- A clandestine interior plastered with tan leather and wood paneling covered with so much lacquer that the act of lighting a cigarette inside would result in an immediate explosion.
- A V8 iron block engine with push rod valves, cuz that's how the future rolls! Oh, and no variable valve timing, either, cuz that's a load of bullshit and nothing is more efficient than a 7 liter engine that generates 120 horsepower at 900 RPM.
- At least 60 cupholders, so you can keep all of your drinks once you come back from a trip to McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy's, Sonic, TGI Friday's, Papa John's, Pizza Hut, Denny's, Olive Garden, Dominoes, Long John Silvers, KFC, and Golden Corral.
- Paper thin rubber tyres covering enormous, 20 inch wheels now known colloquially as "dubs."
- An overall bodylength as long as Chile.
- It must weigh at least 4000 lbs and have a suspension that feels like Jello.
- It must be able to carry at least 12 people but be owned by someone who lives alone.
- It must be less fuel efficient than NASA's current shuttle technology.
- It can only go in a straight line at 200 mph. Anything else would be too complicated.
- Must compensate for your penis, the bigger the car the more your penis is inverted into a mangina
List of Americunt cars that look or perform like shit:
- Ford Mustang - srsly? How can you have the audacity to have a trim level called "GT" when nothing you guys build weighs less than 3500 lbs and runs on dead fetuses?
- Dodge Viper - You needed an 8 liter V10 engine to lose the Le Mans? Fail.
- Ford GT - The Ford GT40 was designed in England, and you took the credit when you won the Le Mans from 1964 to 1969, and this car goes to show you can't even build sometime non-shit based on that car. Again, fail.
Trolling
Trolling fans of American cars is so easy and sure to hook you up with great lulz. Simply run a YouTube search for drag racing or NASCAR, where your sure to find all the American car fanboys. Simply typing something derogatory comments as "Ford SUCKS!!!!111" will make these lunatics fly off the track in straight lines. Expect to hear comments about you being a Communist and hating America, and then go on to say how fast it goes on a drag strip and that all Azn cars are four-bangers made of beer cans. After this, brag about the success of the Honda NSX and the Nissan Skyline to see what insane cars of comparison they come up with (ie: Viper, Mustang, Camaro).
Military
The U.S Military, which has never won a war on its own from the get go, (Frenchies say "your welcome"), is a bunch of homo fags that are too stupid to pass first grade, so they drop out and join the military, to avoid prison where they take steroids to make it look like they work out when really all they do is eat McDonald's and have anal. These retards are actually trusted with guns and bombs and which has resulted in an American invention known as "friendly fire". This event only occurs when they're around and basically consists of a fucktard shooting someone on their own side and going "sorry you had a gun and I just freaked out". Americans only have the balls to attack others when they are armed to the teeth and travel in numbers. When captured alone, they are not like Rambo, but simply get beheaded on youtube.
- [emo] drug dealer/truthfag.
America also enjoys firing at British troops, and bombing British tanks. This has gone back as far as the Second World War, as shown in a British wartime joke; "When the Germans shoot, the British duck. When the British shoot, the Germans duck. When the Americans shoot, EVERYONE ducks!". It should be noted that this joke is a good example of American ignorance. The reason friendly fire is higher among American forces is because they're retarded and badly trained. Others have argued that they are just flat-out retarded. Since America's army exploits every country, they build huge rockets to watch the pretty colors, but then they discovered that they actually kill people when a guy thought he could reach the moon on one and failed, which resulted in the modern nuclear bomb.
The bulk of former soldiers in the United States of Americunts, have banded to together over the years to form the citizens' militia; essentially a group of rednecks from Alabama, who tote obscenely large weapons at every possible juncture to compensate for the small average size of the Americunt penis.
The main problem with the United States Army seems to be the inability to aim, or co-ordinate any form of attack that doesn't consist of blindly shooting until you hit something. This is not helped by the high incest rate of America, which results in the low IQ and fleeting attention span. Training in the american army generally consists of having your head shaved and being able-bodied enough to hold a gun, whereas other more traditional armies persist with the idea that teaching people to aim is of some benefit, something america did away with some time ago.
To conclude, the main love of the average American is sodomy or incest. Due to American people being so rude, hostile, trigger-happy and lame, they fuck and finger each other every day, for_the_lulz. And all non-Americans better be happy we don't stop fucking each other or we'll get bored and nuke you get fucked up the ass with a spiked 10 inch dildo by the infinitely better trained, better equipped and non-gay countries of the world.
"Liberation"
The United States, who were one of the last Western nations to grant equal voting rights behind more civilized countries, (even the Liberia colony was created so enslaved black Americans could leave America and go there to live in freedom), has a tendency to free other countries from entities that may or may not actually be a problem - most recently:
- Freeing America from Native Americans
- Freeing Vietnam from rice farmers.
- Freeing Korea from being one country.
- Freeing Afghanistan from Terrorists (and Opium)
- Freeing Iraq from Terrorists (and Oil) while killing 1 million of them
- Freeing The Whole World!! from Milošević
- Freeing the UK from British pop music
- Freeing Bin Laden from prosecution.
- Freeing niggers to become president.
On tap:
- Freeing Syria from terrorists (and Oil)
- Freeing Iran from terrorists (and Oil)
In the works:
- Freeing Venezuela from duly elected President Hugo Chavez, or whomever the CIA decides to install after the coup (that is, once they finally get one right). (also Oil)
- Freeing the world from North Korea - a crafty ploy, as it was the US that brokered that missile technology to them through 3rd parties. A simple plan and a great excuse to go barging in. Also the fact that their very existence was spawned from the giant hairy sphincter commonly known as the USSA.
- Freeing Canada from it's oppressive oil, lumber and natural resources
America is not very good at bombing the shit out of poor Middle Eastern civilians that have about three rusty missiles from 30 years ago and a crate of AK-47s with which to defend themselves. Alot of Americans die in the lengthy process, however in their defense it is mostly through friendly fire. Fighting a country such as North Korea, which might well have weapons of mass destruction, is a little bit riskier, that's why USA lost the Korean war. As a result, America probably won't invade unless they have the support of The North Korean Government and are certain China won't nuke the shit out of them in retribution, even if they wanted to.
Many people believe New Jersey, Massachusetts and California are the US's next targets as they are all violating the US's strict "no freedom allowed" policy.
Inventions
- AOL
- AOL Instant Messenger
- Apple Inc.
- ARPAnet
- Chuck Norris
- Comedy Central
- Complete idiocy
- Corn
- Counter Strike
- Cotton Gin
- Crack cocaine
- Diabetes
- Diablo II
- Dildos
- Mecha-Dildos
- The Giant dildo of death
- Disney
- Doom
- Doom 3
- Duke Nukem 3D
- Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind
- Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
- Elmo moves on!!!
- Emo
- Enemy Combatants
- Fallout
- Fleshlights
- Furries
- Gay pr0n
- God Hates Fags
- Handegg
- Half-Life
- Halo
- High-quality crystal methamphetamine
- Hippies
- Honey Bunches of Oats
- Internets
- iPod
- Kool-Aid
- KFC
- Lots of ways to destroy itself
- Low-carb
- Manifest Destiny
- Marathon
- McDonald's
- Michael Jackson
- Mozilla Firefox
- MTV
- MySpace
- Peanut Butter
- Plastic surgery junkies
- Preemptive war
- Quake
- Rednecks
- Scientology
- Snowmobile
- Sub-prime loans
- SUVs
- Spending more money than they have thus fucking up the economy
- Starcraft
- The "Do Not Eat" warning on toxic substances.(Because Amerifags need to be told what not to eat, invented to stop the process of natural selection on Americunts)
- The Google
- Time Cube
- Tobacco smoking
- Trannies
- Trying to win the "who has the most states then the rest of the world because they are like to stfu to small nations" award
- Twilight
- Unwarranted Self Importance
- Warcraft III
- World of Warcraft
- Weeaboo
- Wiggers
- Windows operating system
- Wolfenstein
- World Trade Center
- Video games
- Xbox
- Yahoo!
- YouTube
Cities, States and Whatnot
- Alabama
- Alaska
- Arizona
- Arkansas
- California: San Diego, San Fagcisco, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Santa Rosa, Sebastopol, The OC
- Colorado
- Connecticut
- Delaware
- District of Columbia
- Florida: Miami
- Georgia: Atlanta
- Hawaii
- Idaho
- Illinois: Chicago
- Indiana
- Iowa
- Kansas
- Kentucky
- Louisiana: New Orleans
- Maine
- Maryland
- Massachusetts: Boston
- Michigan: Detroit
- Minnesota: Minneapolis
- Mississippi
- Missouri
- Montana
- Nebraska
- Nevada: Las Vegas, Reno
- New Hampshire
- New Mexico
- New Jersey
- New York: New York City
- North Carolina
- North Dakota
- Ohio: Youngstown
- Oklahoma
- Oregon
- Pennsylvania: Philadelphia
- Phillipines
- Puerto Rico
- Rhode Island
- South Carolina
- South Dakota
- Tennessee
- Texas: Austin, Dallas, Fort Worth, Houston, San Antonio
- Utah
- Vermont
- Virginia
- Washington: Seattle
- West Virginia
- Wisconsin
- Wyoming
- The rest of the freaking world (at least they think so)
Population
- Whitey
- Whitey
- Whitey
- Whitey
- Whitey
- Whitey
- Whitey
- Whitey
- Whitey
- Whitey
- Whitey
- Whitey
- Whitey
- Whitey
- Whitey
- Whitey
- Whitey
- Whitey
- Whitey
- Whitey
- Whitey
- Whitey
- Whitey
- Native Americans
- Negroes
Facts about America and Americans
- 50% of Americans don't know the sun is a Star
- 50% of Americans who read this will shit them self's
- In entry to America, your IQ drops 20 points, waistline expands 20 inches, you start speaking through nose with squeaky yankee nasal accent - its called fitting in.
- In America you can get a pizza delivered to your house faster than you can get an ambulance to your house
- In America, there are more fat people than there are people.
- In America they pollute everything and then deny that they did it and then say that pollution is good.
- In America they have drive-through ATMs with braille lettering
- In America there are handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
- In America gas prices are more expensive than third-world countries
- In America fags that are everywhere can't wait to stalk you.
- In America policemen are really little white emo boys who couldn't get laid.
- In America teens will jack off for 4 hours after learning to like getting molested by their abusive dads, only to say they're bored on Facebook.
- In America getting a man pregnant is a good thing.
- In America anyone with a Spanish name is instantly demoted to "dirty brown Mexican" or "Puerto Rican" status regardless of how cold, bland, and pasty he or she may actually be.
- In America they will bash the countries that they want to live in.
- In America eating double cheeseburgers everyday is normal. It's a cultural thing. Sure, we are fat. But so is Canada, so is Africa, so is Asia, so is Europe, so are aliens, etc. It's proven that a hamburger is no more unhealthy than sushi.
The Pinnacle of American Intellectuals
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See Also
- Americunts
- Obesity
- Diabeetus
- Heart disease
- Manifest Destiny
- Native Americans
- Paula Deen
- Senator Barack Hussein Obama
- Unwarranted self importance
- W
- White people
- Why do you hate America?
External Links
- Official website of the United States Government
- What Russia thinks of America - WARNING: High levels of mental retardation
- Good place for showing your American hate for Muslims and vice versa
- Mexicans trying to get away from the Border Patrol
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| The United States of Encyclopedia Dramatica |
|---|---|
| States | Alabama | Alaska | Arizona | Arkansas | California | Colorado | Connecticut | Delaware | Florida | Georgia | Hawaii | Idaho | Illinois | Indiana | Iowa | Kansas | Kentucky | Louisiana | Maine | Maryland | Massachusetts | Michigan | Minnesota | Mississippi | Missouri | Montana | Nebraska | Nevada | New Hampshire | New Jersey | New Mexico | New York | North Carolina | North Dakota | Ohio | Oklahoma | Oregon | Pennsylvania | Rhode Island | South Carolina | South Dakota | Tennessee | Texas | Utah | Vermont | Virginia | Washington | West Virginia | Wisconsin | Wyoming |
| Not a state yet | Australia | Canada | China | Cuba | District of Columbia | Iraq | Israel | Japan | Latin America | Philippines | United Kingdom | Vietnam |
