No one likes you
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
You know that guy who always shows up uninvited to parties? The guy who spouts off jokes he heard on network sitcoms? The guy who thinks every woman is crazy over him?
That's you, and guess what?
No one likes you
No one has ever liked you.
All those friends you had? They made fun of you behind your back. Every group of friends does this.
Contents |
[edit] Identification
| Warning!: You will likely possess the following traits, but still think you're cool. You're a douche. |
You say: "Whatever, dawg, I gotz me hella homies!" Well, do you? Here's a simple checklist to tell if, in fact, no one likes you.
- You are Al Gore
- You are on This list
- All your "top friends" on myspace are people you've never met
- People tell you that you need deodorant
- Women never give you their phone number
- You give every woman your phone number
- You spend Friday nights playing World of Warcraft and Second Life
- You pose as a woman and cyber with men
- You spend Saturday nights on /b/
- You refer to all your friends by their screennames
- You edit Wikipedia
- Your most spoken phrase is: "C'mon, I was only kidding!"
- Virginity intact
- You don't leik mudkipz
- GHB works better than roses
- You leave comments on Tom's profile
- All your "homies" stood by while you got your ass kicked at that party
- Your Dad fucked your girlfriend
- You are sXe
- You wear fur animal suits
- You are trying too hard
- People constantly tell you that No One Likes You
- You are White,black, Asian, Latino, or Other
- You beg for +o (in channnel or by sleeping with other ops, like Sparto)
- You've never read a Friends only post on LiveJournal
- Small children cry when you talk to them
- You listen to ICP
- Two words: Skid Marks
- You are b& from ED
- You are an admin on ED
- You honk at people at the drive-thru window
- Your Myspace profile has over 9000 animated sparkly GIFs
- You try to spout old memes IRL, and are suprised at the reaction
- Tori Sue Heck has drawn you as a small mammal
- You try to talk to women, but they'll always think you're a creep
- You have read the whole list
- You are this guy:
[edit] On Encyclopedia Dramatica
On ED, it is very easy to tell if no one likes you:
- Your userpage will be vandalized with goatse
- All your edits are reverted
- You are glined from ED IRC
- This has been put on your Talk Page:
NOBODY
LIKES YOU!
[edit] What to Do
Well, it's easy to say Go Kill Yourself And Then You Will Be Such An Hero, but to tell you the truth, if No One Likes You now, then everyone will be glad you died. If you care about the rest of the world and weren't so goddam selfish, then you would do yerself in. Because it would make us all very happy.
If suicide is too cliché for you, then there's several choices available to mitigate your shittiness:
- Start a Livejournal
- If you already have a Livejournal, then delete it
- Gauge your ears
- Dress like an iPod commercial
- Write shitty emo poetry
- Join A. A.
- Rent Buffy on DVD and become an wiccan
[edit] Trivia
In addition to no one liking you, no one cares about you either. You could die and people wouldn't even be moved enough to laugh, but that doesn't mean they won't pull out MSPAINT and shoop da whoop for your e-funeral.
