Ninjas vs. Pirates
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
An ongoing argument spurred by unfunny fags in which the question "Who would win in a fight: ninjas or pirates?" is posed. Rarely does anyone who poses said question actually care about the answer; It is in reality a feeble tactic for sounding wacky and "SO RANDOM!!!", most often resorted to annoying candy raver goth kids who even juggalos look down on. This is, of course, a retarded question, as both groups would team up and conquer the world.
Contents |
[edit] Ninjas
According to Robert Hamburger, author of The Official Ninja Webpage and the subsequent book Real Ultimate Power, the ninja are mammals that fight all the time. However, Robert failed to acknowledge the existence of non-mammalian ninjas, such as the reptilian, amphibious and avian varieties.
Ninjas usually think they are cool for swinging around swords and wearing masks on their heads while having overly dramatic fighting scenes and continuously thinking out loud.
| —Anonymous, actual quote |
CAUTION: Beware of invisable ninjas!
It is a little known fact that Ninjas can turn invisible, and that they will often rape you the moment you are alone.
An example of impending rape A.K.A surprise buttsecks is shown to the right.
You have been warned.
[edit] Gallery
 A typical ninja woman from Japan. |
 Her evil twin. |
 A typical ninja girl fom United States. |
 Western ninjas are usually fat. |
 A modern day ninja. This was taken before he started flipping out and killing people. |
 All true ninjas should know how to do this. |
 An important warning. |
 A real Ninja. Not one of those fake fucks. |
 And another. |
 How to become a ninja in 7 easy steps. |
 Conan was ninja too! |
 Ninjas are often anime experts. |
 Ninja > Emo |
 Hey, Ninja shit! Chop one of these, you fuck! |
[edit] See also
- Afro Ninja
- Ashida Kim, a famous (but very fake) ninja
- Askaninja.com
- Bad
- Day of the Ninja
- Kato
- Naruto (and Narutards)
- Ninjas vs. Pirates
- Ninjapirate
- user:Ninja, a real ninja
[edit] External links
Ninjas Vs Pirates Beware Pirates!
[edit] Pirates
Unlike the lies spread by the corrupt media, pirates are actually divine beings, incarnates of pure light. They also take on the role of toothfairies, because they work to rid the world of sadness. Bless their heart.
A pirate is a person who lives at sea and wears arrrrrrgyle socks. When they were molested in their youths, they all lost one leg and/or one hand and/or one eye, so they walk around with a wooden leg, a hook and an eye patch, screaming "ARRRRRRGH!"
Many years ago, pirates were infamous for raiding European trade ships, stealing their treasure and hiding it in their asses — hence the word "booty" — all while being ungodly drunk. Most badass pirates drank rum but dumbass wigger pirates drank grog... Who the fuck knows why. There was a time when pirates were endorsed by the kings and queens of Europe to raid merchant vessels from opposing countries, which sucks 'cause we can't do that now.
Modern pirates can most frequently be found in the vast eastern seas of Asia, toting firearms and robbing fishing boats of their musical booty. They are alerted to their prey by informants using cell phones. This is known as a "booty call" (see real world). Although they fear noone they are majorly pissed off by the gay WEB SHERIFF's who be all up in they bidness.
[edit] Ass Pirates
Another term used frequently in today's modern society is "Ass Pirate". Ass pirates differ from regular pirates in that they are gay. There is a simple test to tell a regular pirate from an ass pirate:
- Ask them what they are doing.
If they say "plundering your booty" then kill you, they are a regular pirate. If they say "plundering your booty" then giggle and say "God, I'm such a bitch!", they are an ass pirate.
[edit] Ass Ninjas
Some associate Ass Ninjas with Proctology although this may vary with the overall stealthiness of the said Ass Ninja (It is currently up for debate whether or not the ass ninja should or should not cause pain)
[edit] Web Pirates
Web Pirates are people that download songs, movies and pr0n. In other words, we are all pirates! Fucking Arr! Also, don't look on ED for info about how to pirate and shit. Although we are apparently hackers on steroids, we're 2 smart 4 u and pretend we're n00bs.
[edit] Science Pirates
A new breed of pirates that spread the message of rape and pillage while, at the same time, curing people of diseases as well as making people wonder why the hell they haven't become an hero yet. Their most well known trait is dual wielding bows of all kinds.
[edit] Pirates of the Caribbean
[edit] Gallery
 Bloodthirsty creatures |
 Note the hat and large purple dildo. |
 Teh moneyz or teh plank. |
|
 Do you really want to know? |
 A pirate keyboard |
[edit] See Also
[edit] The Fight
Since ninjas would probably have to sail out to the pirates, they would be sunk by the pirates' cannons. Some argue that ninjas could fly to the pirate ships. These same people would argue that when the pirates would shoot pistols at the ninjas, the ninjas would deflect the bullets with their swords. These same people are also retards.
If (and this is the more likely possibility) the ninjas stayed on land and let the pirates come to them, they could take them out one at a time as they came down the gangplank, or defeat one longboat-full at a time.
Another possibility is that ninjas are so obsessed with secrecy that they refuse to be seen by anyone. Due to the large amounts of attention pirates always, get approach by ninjas proves impossible, thus keeping the pirates alive. Since pirates typically have only one eye they have even less chance of spotting the ninjas than normal people. Result: NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENS.
The most lulzy thing, of course, is that the question was answered many years before it became popular, in James Clavell's Shogun and Gai-Jin.
[edit] Drama
Enthusiasts of this discussion are an ample source of drama because they are all pseudo-intellectuals who have completely forgotten that the whole thing is fucking stupid. They stay up late into the night writing theses on the socio-political and philsophical ramifications of a ninja and a pirate getting in a fight.
Those preferring the pirates are most often pretentious hipsters and disoriented discordian hippies, with the occasional Maddox fanboy or 13 year old boy who wants to anal rape Johnny Depp and who pretends he's old enough to drink rum, but who is totally unaware that it tastes remarkably similar to crap. Those on the ninja side are almost always otaku who have decayed their brains with anime, video games, J-Pop and Pocky to the point that they think they have magic powers and know karate.
Both sides hate pinjas (pirate-ninja crossbreeds) more than Hitler hated the Jews, and rightfully so, because they are pussies, and are generally blind due to having Asian eyes and having an eyepatch. They also share a common hatred of anyone who has enough of a life to realize the topic is retarded.
[edit] What to expect
[edit] Typical pro-Pirate argument
"Man, you just don't get it man, it's about like freedom, man, like sex, drugs and rock and roll, like Hendrix, man, like whoa..."
[edit] Typical pro-Ninja Argument
"jur a faggot" or "Ninjas are UBER awesome."
[edit] Video Games
For years a fiercely debated topic has been at the forefront of all gamers minds. This debate has pitted friends against friends and has even destroyed the core of some gamers families. In summer 2006 the debate and feuding is over. There is only one question that remains.... are you a Ninja or a Pirate?
This game has some potential if it works out the way it is. The creators are making this off the Torque Engine (if anyone is familiar with Tribes 2). So at least it's not another HL mod.
Ninjas Vs. Pirates video game website
Another developer named Blazing Lizard announced that they were copyrighting, trademarking and patenting the name Pirates Vs. Ninjas and were creating a game called Pirates Vs. Ninjas Dodgeball which will be released in 2008 for the XBox. Exactly what Pirates and Ninjas have to do with Dodgeball remains to be seen.
[edit] The Truth to the Matter
In reality, it's fairly easy to see which one wins. It's not about freedom, power, or evilyness, as some faggots like to say. It really all just comes down which is greater for the all mighty cock. The most popular things brought to this discussions are the animes of Naruto and One Piece, which are cartoons about Ninjas and Pirates, respectively. Taking away plot, depth, and entertainment, you are left with the characters. And all the wapanese fucks make fan art for the two either make Naruto and Sasuke have ninja man sex, Or have Robin and Nami have lady pirate sex.
So, it all comes down to it. Are you a man/lesbian who enjoys the pussy? Pirates win. You a fag? Ninjas are for you. Of course, this argument is only validated if you're an animu faggot who watches both these damn shows with interest. What, you wanted to be told that you're NOT gay? That's what pity sex and your mom are for.
[edit] External links
- Facebook Pirates Vs Ninjas ap
- Ninjas Vs. Pirates video game website
- ninjasvspirates (Ashi moto hangs out there sometimes.)
